My Calm

He was gone when I came to my senses, whatever sense I had. As I sat there on the carpeted floor, I couldn't think of anything else but his hands. Was it the alcohol or the pills, I had no idea, but my body still burned. I pushed my dress further up my thighs and traced the marks I left when I scratched myself earlier. It still hurt but in the best way. My head fell back but my eyes remained on the velvet curtain that was my only shield from the real world.

Just as my fingers almost touched my panties, my thighs were already wet. My fingertips ran over my panty-covered pussy and my whole body shuddered. I couldn't wait to tease myself. The whole day was a huge tease already. I pushed my underwear to the side and ran my fingertips between my lips. Just as it touched my clit, my body quivered with pleasure.

Over and over again, I glided my fingers over my sensitive nub. The sensation rolled over me repeatedly. I never felt this good before. I imagined strong and rough hands between my thighs and green eyes watching my every reaction to his manipulation. My juices flowed freely onto my thighs and dripped onto the carpet below. I knew it was wrong to think about him but I couldn't stop myself. It felt too fucking good. I increased my speed and soon I humped my own fingers. I bit my lower lip in an effort to keep quiet but I figured the music drowned out my desperate moans and groans.

With my other hand, I pushed two fingers inside me. It surprised me to feel so hot and wet. The slightest movement of my fingers rocked my soul. My heart felt like bursting out of my chest. I still couldn't breathe. I didn't care. It felt too good.

That familiar feeling came over me too soon. It gathered inside me and burst. It exploded with so much force that I fell forward. My legs clamped together and my body contorted into a ball of twitching pleasure. I only heard the sloppy wet sounds coming from my moving fingers. I had to make my orgasm last as long as possible. My walls pumped my own fingers, coating my fingers with wetness.

Moments later I gasped for air like I forgot how to breathe the entire time. After my orgasm I felt tired but sober. I stumbled upon a private bathroom behind the many doors in the hallway and cleaned myself up as best as I could. When I emerged from the behind the curtain, I couldn't find anyone

I avoided Yurik. My neck still throbbed from his harsh treatment. I avoided the thought that I wanted it to happen again. I pushed through the drunk people and searched for anyone who I knew. I really had to find John. I wanted to cry so badly. What had I done? I fingered myself with the thought of my sister's fiancé. He didn't do anything to lead me on. I was afraid of him. I wanted him. I wanted Yurik's hands on me. His smell was my new addiction. It wasn't the pills, it was him.

"Baby girl?" I heard John and I burst out of my seems. I sobbed as he held me, trying to gather all my emotions. "What happened? Talk to me."

"Take...take me home.." I could barely speak a word between sobs. I felt ashamed. I couldn't see Nadinne. I couldn't tell her. I was her sister. I betrayed her. I couldn't live with myself. "I can't live with myself."

"It's okay baby, I'm here." I collapsed in his arms but I was too conscious to pass out. Guilt hit me like a fucking two ton train.

They're wedding was less than five days away. She was my sister. She loved me. I was her fucking maid of honour. I fucked up. I didn't have sex with him. I fantasised about him. Yeah, I did nothing wrong. I wasn't planning on going through with my fantasies. If I planned on fulfilling every single fantasy of mine, I would be more fucked up than I already was.

I watched the streetlights pass. Yes, he was there. Yurik drove the car while John held me in the backseat. "Open the windows." I said calmly at first. The car reeked of alcohol and smoke. "Open the goddamn window. No, open the fucking door. I want out. I don't want to be in this fucking car."

"It's okay, we're almost home." John said as he rubbed my leg.

"What did you take?" I heard Yurik ask from the front. "Answer me, Nala!" I felt like smacking him in the face with a hammer.

"Fuck you!" there was so much venom in my voice that I didn't recognise it. "Stop the car. I don't want to be in the car with you. Stop die kar! ASSEBLIEF!" I pleaded for his to stop the car.

My legs were numb and thousands of needles prickled my scalp. I saw the little droplets of sweat pool together on my thigh and drip down my leg. My arms were sweaty too. I couldn't understand what was happening to me but I blamed him.

"She's been on meds since she was young." John's voice trembled with emotion. "I don't know if she's still on them. They were for depression and anxiety, I think. I'm not sure." He looked down at me with eyes full of tears. "We're almost home."

"She'll be fine. Just breathe." Those words were so reassuring that it scared me that they came from Yurik. "We're here."

The car stopped and I recognised the pillars that I saw through the window. Yurik pulled me out of the car by my feat and held me. He carried my limp body inside. I noticed the chandelier in my foyer. We went upstairs. I couldn't hear John. We went to the nearest bathroom, my bathroom.

He basically kicked the door down and slid the shower door open. He held me up and looked into my eyes. He was so blurry but handsome. With the little strength I had, I held onto him. "This will hurt but we have to get you better okay?" he said.

Boiling hot water hit my back and I screamed out in pain. My body jolted forward and into his. I held on. My fingers disappeared into his blond hair and I inhaled his scent. I sighed, painfully. It took me a few minutes to realise the water was cold, there was no steam that rose around us. Strong hands held me by the waist. They travelled back and forth with soothing intentions. I heard him inhale too.

"You smell so sweet." His voice calmed me just as much as it scared me.

"Don't say that." I whimpered. "You can't do what you did and then tell me that I smell sweet."

"What if I want to do both?"

His hands moved down and cupped my ass cheeks. Instinctively, my legs wrapped around him. He pushed me against the tiled walls. It was cold, at least I knew what it felt like. He inhaled again. I sighed heavily. What were we doing? Yurik pressed his forehead against mine and inhaled again, sounding more strained than before. I bit my lip in an effort to stop myself from doing something stupid. My eyes opened to his. All my control vanished with one look.

I leaned forward and closed the gap between us. It was just a little peck and I pulled away. He kept his eyes on me. This time, he slammed his lips onto mine. Our lips locked in a passionate dance that took my body by storm. He demanded all of me, bit and suckled on my lips, invaded my mouth with his tongue. I captured it with my lips and sucked hard. An animalistic growl escaped his mouth. The vibrations tickled my lips. Hands roamed my back, ass and thighs.

I felt him grow against me. Barriers of clothes prevented any contact but the hardness that rubbed against me was very noticeable. His hips rolled and so did mine, I moaned into his mouth and he answered with a groan. I refused to breathe. Ending this would've been the end of me. My hands were in his hair, his fingers raked my naked thighs. His thrusting became more firm and forceful. He would lean back, pulling me away from the wall and shoved me against it with the full force of his pelvis. To my complete horror, I wanted to come. I felt it again. That feeling boiled inside me.

It was like he read my mind. He sped up. His hand held my head to cushion the blow. I bounced against him. My legs tightened around him. His palm clamped over my mouth to muffle the sounds that escaped my throat. Teeth bit into my neck and sucked hard. Yurik slowed and I was at length with him. "You're gonna come." I nodded as I was unable to talk. "Come with me, okay." I nodded again.

Thrusts were slow and torturous but I felt everything. I felt my walls throb and beg for him. Yurik pressed his forehead on mine. "Look at me. Know who's making you come." His voice trembled. My face contorted to the immense pleasure that crashed over me like a wild ocean wave. I looked into those eyes. He sped up again. My orgasm continued on while his took over. He bucked between my legs and slammed my body against the wall. We shook in each others arms.

I knew at that moment to that I couldn't get enough of him and this only made me want him more. I was hooked and I couldn't control myself. I had to get away from him. He let me stand and I bolted for the door just as he was about to say something. I escaped to my bedroom and locked the door behind me. I didn't see anyone in the hallway but I didn't take any time to look.

I fucked up. It was my fault. I couldn't control myself. I had almost a week with this man that I wanted and needed more than anything. What had I done?