My Crush

Author's Note: All characters in this story are eighteen years or older.

*****

It happened on a Saturday. I had just woken up and sat up in the bed when the phone rang. At first, I was just going to let it ring and go take a piss, because I had to really bad, but then I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was my best friend, Sebastian. Why he was calling me in this day and age when he could've just texted me or sent me a message through Facebook or Twitter, I'll never understand, but he did and I pressed the talk button and put the receiver up to my ear.

"Hello," I said in a morning voice. The black curtains on the window blocked out most of the light, but it was bright enough to see my room. Clothes I had dumped on the floor were still in a pile in the corner, waiting for me to throw them in the washer, and all of my schoolwork and novels were thrown all over the computer desk sitting not ten feet away from the foot of my bed.

"Yo, C? Is that you?"

"Yeah, Sebastian. It's me."

"Yo, C, it's me Sebastian!"

"Yeah, Sebastian I know who it is. What's up?"

"The ceiling."

"Ha. Ha. Really funny." I looked at the clock. It read 8:32. "It's eight-thirty, why are you calling so early?"

"'Cause I just found something out that is going to make you freak!"

"What's that? That this is just a dream and I'm actually in bed sleeping right now."

"No, silly. I mean, yeah, that, too. But this is even better! Guess who I just found out is gay!"

"If you say Chaz Bono, I swear to god, I'm going to kick you in the nuts the next time I see you."

"Wait a minute! Chaz Bono's gay?"

"Sebastian." I said, shaking my head.

"All right! All right. I'll tell you. Now get ready because it's a big one."

"Sebastian, I swear to god, if you don't tell me right now, I'm hanging up and going back to sleep."

"Troy Townsend."

My heart skipped a beat. "What?"

Now, for those of you who don't know Troy Townsend: Troy Townsend was Chrystalview Parks' hottest most popular guy. Everyone liked him. Gay guys, straight guys, women, lesbian women. Everybody. Especially me. Ever since the first time I saw him ,which was in the first grade, I had the biggest crush on him, and it always bothered me that he was straight. Or that I thought he was straight. Whatever. But now Sebastian was telling me that that wasn't true and I didn't know how to respond. I just sat there, the phone pressed tightly against my ear, my mouth partially open, my heart beating rapidly, the room suddenly spinning. Sebastian asked me if I heard him and I shook myself out of my daze and realized how stupid I was. "Sebastian, that's not nice. Don't joke about that. You know I like him."

"I'm not joking, C. I'm serious. Troy is gay. I just found out from Damon and you know Damon doesn't lie."

All hope came back to me. "Are you serious? Is he sure? Does he like KNOW know? Or is it just a rumor at this point?"

"No, he know knows. He said Troy told him himself. Now, he doesn't want anyone to know just yet, so don't say that I said anything, don't even act like you know, but yeah, he's gay."

"Oh, my god," I almost screamed. "You know what this means?"

"Yeah, it means Troy can finally be my bitch.."

My voice got low. "Sebastian."

"I'm kidding, C. I'm kidding. I know what this means. It means you have a chance with him now. But you're gonna probably have to move fast, because I know Damon is a sweet guy and all, but once he finds out someone he likes is gay, he moves right in."

"Holy shit, you're right! What the hell am I gonna do? If he told Damon then that means Damon probably already made his move already."

"No, he hasn't. Trust me, Damon still hasn't done anything. He told me this morning that he thought about moving in on Troy last night, but that Troy passed out before he could."

"What? He passed out?"

"Yeah, they were at Barney's last night. They drank a ton of shit, he said, and Troy just passed out on the couch."

Suddenly an idea hit me. "Wait a minute," I said. "If they were drinking last night, what if that's the reason why Troy told Damon. Maybe he'll wake up today and not even remember saying anything last night."

"Oh," Sebastian said. "I didn't even think about that."

My heart sank. I was hoping Sebastian would have an answer for that, too, but he didn't and I felt like crying.

"But maybe it wasn't just the booze. Maybe Troy really did mean to come out to Damon."

Maybe. Or maybe not. Sebastian, if he didn't really mean to come out to Damon, then that means that I'm even more screwed, because how am I supposed to approach him about it if I'm not even supposed to know and he doesn't want anyone to know?"

"I don't know."

"Ugh," I grunted, throwing myself backwards on the bed. "Why the hell does everything have to be so fucking complicated?"

"I don't know," Sebastian said.

"Well, you better know something, because I feel like shit right now."

"Okay, then, how about: All good things will die in the end."

"That's supposed to make me feel better."

"You asked for something. You didn't say it had to make you feel better."

Although that was true, I still didn't like it.

"Anyway, so what are we gonna do about this?"

"What do you mean what are we gonna do about this?" I asked.

"I mean, what are we gonna do about Troy. How are we gonna find out if he likes you or not?"

"Oh, no," I said, knowing exactly what Sebastian was getting at. "We are not gonna do anything stupid tonight, Sebastian. I'm still reeling from the blow I took last month with that thing with the dwarf and the fish."

"Oh, come on," Sebastian said. "That wasn't that bad. He didn't mean to hurt your feelings. He was married, that's all."

"Anyway," I said. "Please, Sebastian! Please, let's just let this one go. I don't wanna be embarrassed again."

"You won't be, C. I promise. I'll give Damon another call, find out what he's doing tonight, and I'll think of something for us to do to find out everything we need to know."

"You better not embarrass me again, Sebastian. I swear. I'll cut your nuts off."

"Then what will you have to play with when I come over?"

"Balls will be balls. Whether they're attached to you or not."

"Eww! Okay. This conversation is getting weird."

I laughed. 'Yeah, it is. Let's stop talking now. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, sweetie pie. See ya."

"Bye."

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

"Bye."

"Bye."

We hung up.

My heart much calmer than before, my palms feeling a bit sweaty, my legs hanging off the bed, I threw the phone to the side and looked up at the sexy Kim Kardashian poster looking back down at me from the ceiling. Kim's tits were hanging over a bra and she had her ass sticking out and her lips puckered. It was the sexiest poster I had ever seen and she was the most beautiful woman in the world, but I couldn't even really see her right now. My eyes were looking through her, the clouds, the skies, the stars which I'm sure had faded away a couple hours ago as the sun rose, at the future, at tonight. . "Please, Gods," I said. "Let everything go well tonight. Please. Getting Troy would be the greatest thing in the world."

Then I remembered I had to take a piss.

My house wasn't that big, so you pretty much knew when someone was in a room or not, depending on what they were doing. My mom, who didn't give a shit what time it was, was in the kitchen, washing dishes and slamming them down on the counter loud enough for everyone to hear. When I walked in, she said, "Hey, Papi! Whatchoo doin' up so early?"

Thousands of times I had explained to my mother that I hated being called "Papi" or anything that you would call a male, but instead of correcting her like I usually did, I decided to let it go and just move on. Today really was not the day for an argument or a lecture.

"You didn't hear the phone?" I said.

"No, why? Did someone call?"

"No, the phone just rang, but there was no one on the other end."

"Hey, don't get smart with me, Miha! I meant, who called?"

"Sebastian."

"This early? Why didn't he just text or send you a message on Facebook or Twitter?"

I could've told her about the whole Tory thing, but I was afraid she'd get all mushy and gushy and say things like, "Awe, my little baby has a crush! How sweet!' Or: "Soon you'll be married and I can finally be an adopted grandmother!" So I just said, "I don't know. He's a weirdo, you know how he is."

"Yeah, I do. But he's a sweet weirdo. I'm so glad he's your friend. He's much better than that other asshole, what's his name again? The one from Flagster?"

"Henry, Mom."

"Yeah, Henry, that one. He was an asshole. I'm glad you stopped seeing him. He was bad news."

"Yes, he was."

I sat down at the kitchen table and realized the light in the kitchen was off. "Mom, why is the light off?"

"Because it doesn't need to be on. The bill last month came in at four hundred dollars. I'm not doing that again. We need to start being careful with what we do. Like taking long showers."

"Well, then tell that to Nicky, because he's always taking hour long showers and shit. He's gonna drain all the oceans in the world and cause a drought one day. What the hell could he be doing in there that takes an hour?"

"Well, Mama, I could tell you, but then you won't wanna eat breakfast."

I got the point. Grimacing, I said, "Eww. Okay. Nevermind. Forget I even said anything."

My mother laughed. 'Aye, Papi! You're always so shy about the normal things. You need to relax and realize that those kinds of things are okay and there's nothing wrong with them. Everyone does it. Don't you?"

"Okay, I'm outta here," I said, throwing up my hands. I started to rise.

My mother laughed again. "No, no," she said, laughing. "No, sit. I was just playing. Whatever you do in private is none of my business. Believe me."

"I would hope so. I'd hate to think you installed cameras in the bathroom."

"What about if I installed them in your room?"

"You wouldn't dare?"

"You wanna bet?"

"No."

"Good. Because you would lose, honey."

"I'm sure I would," I said, and got up and went to the fridge.

The fridge was empty, except for a bottle of milk that would expire the next day, and I closed the door. "Mom, can you make me some oatmeal?"

"Sure thing, honey. I'll make you some."

When it was all ready, my mother put the bowl of oatmeal in front of me and handed me a spoon. "Here you go, Mama! Enjoy."

"Thanks, Mom."

I took a few bites and moaned at how delicious it tasted. Now, you would probably think what was the big deal? It was just oatmeal. Well, no it wasn't. You see, my mother, when she cooks oatmeal, doesn't just make it the way your mother makes it. She adds a special ingredient to it that only her, my grandmother (on my father's side), and my father know, and it comes out better than any other oatmeal in the world. I swear.

When it was all in my tummy, I leaned back against the chair and looked at the clock on the stove. It read: 10:00. As I was eating, my mother had gone to take a shower, so I was now in the kitchen by myself, soaking in the light coming in from the window above the sink and letting my stomach digest the oatmeal calmly.

Right before I could declare to myself how beautiful this morning was, my older brother, Nicky, came in, a huge, clownish smile on his face. "Guess what I just found out."

"Oh, no," I said, sitting up. "Who told you?'

"Are you kidding me? It's allover Twitter. Troy is gay."

"Are you shitting me? It's allover Twitter?"

"Yeah, it's allover Twitter. Apparently he tweated it out to everyone this morning. I guess he decided what the hell and just let everybody know."

"Oh, no," I said, putting my face into my palms.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked.

"Now I'll never be able to tell him how I feel before somebody else does."

"Wait! What?" my brother said, sarcastic literally radiating off of his words. "You'll never be able to—what?" He burst into laughter. Oh, oh," he said, in between laughs. "This is too good to be true. You actually think..." More laughs. "You actually think he would go for you?" Even more laughs.

I looked up at him. He was already extremely tall and ugly and when he laughed he looked even more uglier, like a mutated hyena.

"Stop it, you fucking idiot. It's not funny," I said.

"Oh, yes, it is. It's very funny."

"What's going on in here?" my mother said, walking in, a towel wrapped around her head, another one around her body. "What's so funny?'

"You're daughter is,' he said.

"What's so funny about you?" she told him.

He stopped laughing.

"Ha! Ha!" I said, shaking my head at him.

"Mom, that's not cool. I may be gay, but I ain't no girl."

"Sometimes I wonder."

She and I both smiled at eachother. "Anyway, what's so funny? What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing," I said, motioning to Nicky to shut the fuck up before I smacked the shit out of him. '

"Tell me,' my mother said. "I wanna laugh, too."

"I'll tell you, Mom," Nicky said.

"It's nothing, Mom. Really." I turned to my brother. "Nicky, don't say anything."

"No, I'm gonna tell her since you think I'm so goddamn hilarious."

"No!" I screamed.

"Tell me what? What's going on? Now you're scaring me."

"It's nothing, Mom. Really. It's nothing." I got up, got ready to hit Nicky, but before I could even get close to him, he ran around the table and said, "C has a crush on a guy and he thinks he actually has a chance with him."

"Who? What guy?" my mother said.

"No one, Mom. He's lying. Don't believe anything he says." I chased my brother around the table, but he was too quick. He threw a chair in front of me and I almost crashed into it.

"Hey, hey! Both of you! Stop right now or I"ll ground the both of you!"

"You can't ground us, Mom," Nicky said. "We're adults."

"You wanna bet?" my mother said.

"No," Nicky said.

"Then sit down. Both of you."

We sat down. On opposite sides of the table. Quiet. Me, secretly hating my brother right now. He, secretly hating me. We didn't look at each other, nor at our mother, but at the table, our hands on our laps, our backs straight as logs.

"Good. Now what's this I hear about a crush?"

"Mom, he was just saying that—"

"Nicky!"

I lowered my head.

"I found out today that the guy he likes is gay."

"Okay, and what's this boy's name?"

Nicky said, "Troy—"

"Ciel!" my mom screamed.

My face got all hot. "His name's Troy, Mom."

"Troy? THEE Troy? The Townsend's son?"

My brother snickered. "I told you."

"Fuck you!" I said.

"Both of you, shut up!" our mother shouted. And we both did. My mother took a deep breath, let it out, then said, "Okay. So you have a crush on Troy?"

"Yes," I said.

"And you always thought he was straight?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"But now he's not?"

"Correct, Ma'am."

"Awe, my baby has a crush!"

My face got even hotter than before and I lowered my head. My mother came over to me and wrapped her arms around me and gave me a kiss. "That is so cute. Once he finds out I'll be getting my adopted grandchild. I'mma be so happy." She gave me another kiss.

"That's the thing, Mom. He wrote it allover Twitter and if everyone knows, I'll never get my chance to tell him."

"As if," Nicky said.

"Shut up, Nicky, and go upstairs," my mother said. "I've had enough of you."

"No, Mom, I'm sorry! I swear I'll be good."

"You're grounded two weeks, and I don't wanna hear anything else about it or it'll be three. Now go."

My brother did as he was told and my mother said, "I'm sorry, sweetie. What was it you were saying?"

"I said, I won't be able to get my chance with him if everyone knows."

"Why not?"

"Because there are tons of other guys out there who would love to get their hands on him and a lot of them are much faster than I am. By the time I see him he'll probably have a boyfriend and everything and I'll be pushed away like I don't even matter."

"Well, if he does that, then fuck him," my mother said.

"Mom, if he has a boyfriend, I'm not gonna go and—"

"No, not like that!" she said, waving away my statement, disgusted.

"Oh."

"Jesus, you talk about me saying some things." She shook her head and moved around the table and sat down in the chair Nicky was sitting in. "I mean, fuck him like forget him. Just move on. He won't be worth having if he just pushes you to the side like it's nothing."

"But, Mom, what else do you expect him to do if he gets a boyfriend? You don't want him to cheat on him do you?"

"No. But that's not what I mean. What I mean is, go speak to him about how you feel. Even if he is talking to someone. See what he says. For all you know, he may feel the same thing about you."

"He doesn't even know me that well."

"You don't know him that well, right? I mean, he could feel the exact same way for you that you feel for him." She said that last sentence in the same tone that she used when she knew something that I didn't.

"Mom, are you trying to tell me something?"

"No," she said, getting up. "What would I be trying to tell you?"

"Mom, do you know something I don't know?"

"Like what?"

"Mom, for real. if you do, tell me, please. I want to know."

"What's that?" she said, turning her head, pretending to hear somebody who wasn't there. "I'll be right there."

"Mom!" I said, but she didn't answer, as I expected. And it really annoyed me.

She got up and left.

Putting an arm on the table, I sighed. What a morning, I thought, thinking about all that had happened in such a short amount of time. Maybe tonight will be better. If Sebastian doesn't fuck anything up like he always does. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, my cell phone rang and I took it out of my jeans pocket. The caller ID read: Sebastian, and I pressed the little green answer button on bottom right corner of the screen and put it to my ear.

"Hey, Sebastian," I said.

"Hey, C! Look, before you say anything, there's something you need to know."

My fingers squeezed the phone and my heart sank. . "Oh, god. Sebastian, what did you do? I told you not to do anything."

"I know, and believe me, I really regret doing it, but it's already been done and there's nothing I can do about it."

"Hurry up and tell me what it is already! I'm dying to know."

"I hacked into Troy's Twitter account and wrote that he was gay!"

I could imagine Sebastian's skinny, rocker-looking ass standing up in the middle of his room, holding his hand out in a kind of "ta-da!" way as he spoke.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I shrieked. "You did that?"

"You already saw it?"

"Yeah—I mean, no. My brother did and he said everyone knows now."

"Yeah, well...Yeah. Everyone knows now."

"Oh, my god! Sebastian, how could you do something like that? That's horrible. What if Troy doesn't want people to know and you scared him off from ever coming out ever?"

"That's what I was talking about when I said before you say anything, there's something you need to know. As soon as I put up the Twitter post, I got a call from Damon and he said that whoever put up the Twitter post was an asshole—wink, wink—but that Troy was completely cool with it and in fact, he's gonna leave it up and just be proud of who he is."

"Wow. Are you serious?"

"No, I'm lying. Yeah, I'm serious. He's completely cool with it apparently, so you still have your chance to be with him."

The way Nicky made fun of me today came back to me and I looked down at the ground. "Sebastian, I don't know if this is gonna work out so well. I know that I really like Troy and all, but—"

"But nothing, C. It's gonna work. Trust me. Have I ever been wrong." Before I could bring up all the times he had been, not just wrong, but horrifically wrong, he added, "Besides all the times you know about."