My Daughter's Search for a Mate

The scene is a quiet dinner and dance spot bar in the downtown area of a large city. It's a popular little place that caters to young singles wishing to meet a romantic match with whom they can begin a serious relationship.

My daughter Janice is seated at a table with her best friend Lenore. Across the room there is a young man who has caught her eye. He's of medium height with dark hair, a muscular build and a one inch scar on his left jaw line. He also appears to have a small piece missing from the top of his left ear. Janice has always been attracted to men who have the look of rough, tough street fighters. She mistakenly believes this chap to be that sort because of the scarred jaw and the missing piece of ear. In fact, the young man got the scar while playing hockey. He was cut with another player's skate when he fell to the ice. Simultaneously, the same player's skate severed a small piece of his ear. The young man has already arranged for cosmetic surgery to correct both problems.

Not knowing that, my daughter is immediately attracted to the stranger and begins squirming with mounting romantic tension. She shifts her chair slightly and adopts what she hopes will be perceived as an only slightly interested comportment. Then with a somewhat demure look on her face, she casts a mysterious smile in the stranger's direction.

The young man has been making his way around the local singles scene for a few months. He's never been married and now, in his late twenties, is seriously seeking a woman with whom he can settle down and raise a family. He casually finishes what remains of his mixed drink, gathers himself up and strides toward the table of my daughter and her girlfriend.

Janice watches his approach from the corner of her eye, all the while pretending to be engrossed in conversation with Lenore.

"Hi! I'm Derek!" he announces in a pleasant voice. "May I buy you ladies a drink?"

Janice and her friend look up at the young man, pretending to be slightly startled by his bold approach.

"We're not quite ready for another drink, thank you," my daughter replies, "but you can join us for a while if you'd like."

The young man takes a seat and asks politely, "Do you girls come here often?"

"Actually, this is the first time we've been here and it seems very nice," Janice replies buoyantly.

Derek smiles, apparently pleased with her evaluation of the night spot. "I've been dropping in every week or two for a few months now," he replies. "It's a cool hangout and I've made some great friends. So where are you girls from?"

"We're from Milacombe county, about 25 miles West of here," replies Janice. " What about you Derek?"

"I was raised in Ewestrot," he replies. "I've lived my entire life in this area and just love it. So what do you do Janice?"

My daughter is now looking at Derek with increasing interest. "Oh, I'm a remedial teacher with the Milacombe School board," she replies, with just a hint of career pride in her voice.

"Fantastic!" comments Derek, "That sounds like a great job Janice. It has to be very satisfying to be have a career where you're involved in the development of young minds.

"Yes. I enjoy it quite a lot," replies Janice. She's hoping that Derek is a super market bag boy, a seasonal construction worker, or better yet an unemployed rock musician. His specific occupation didn't really matter to her, so long as it could best be described as dead end. She looks at him curiously and asks, "What do you do Derek?"

"I'm a stock broker with Wobock, Strain, & Jasper Janice." Derek replies and with just a hint of pride adds, "I've been with them ever since I graduated from university. It's an interesting career and provides the sort of financial security I've always wanted."

At that exact moment, my daughter's face turns bright red and she reaches for her friend Lenore's arm to steady herself. She leans forward slightly, almost as if she's about to be sick and makes an audible retching sound.

She takes a few seconds to regain her composure and asks, "You mean you went to university Derek and you have a professional career that provides you with financial security?"

Derek, suddenly looking a little confused, replies, "Actually, I have an MBA from Princeton Janice. Because I graduated near the top of my class, I had the job with Wobock, Strain & Jasper already sewn up on the day I graduated. Right now I run the mergers and acquisitions division, but I'm confident that I'll be managing my own operation within the next 5 years."

My daughter's face has now turned from flushed to a sickly green. Her eyes begin to roll back in her head and her mood is becoming noticeably belligerent. She leans toward Derek and in a loud voice, overflowing with hostility, remarks, "So you're a success Derek? Is that what you're saying?

Then, almost immediately, her hostility is replaced by something akin to hysteria. She looks at her friend Lenore and in a voice filled with despair asks, "Why do I always get the successful educated types hitting on me when I'm out for a night of fun?"

By now, she's incapable of avoiding the tsunami of emotional turmoil that has suddenly welled up within her. In the horrifying moments that follow, her nervous stomach reacts to the devastating news delivered by Derek. She begins heaving involuntarily and finally regurgitates onto the table and floor, splattering herself, Lenore and Derek with fragments of the partly digested shrimp and pasta salad that she'd enjoyed for dinner only a few hours earlier.

Almost immediately, a hoard of waiters and maintenance staff descend on the scene with pails and towels and begin mopping up the mess. Derek is now on his feet, looking down at the repulsive mess on the front of his $1000.00 suit.

"Oh my God!" he shouts in disbelief. As the words leave his mouth, Janice's nauseated body slides helplessly from her chair and into the soupy swamp of partially digested food on the floor.

Lenore has seen this sort of ugly development before. Janice simply cannot abide romantic attention from any man who has attained a degree of career success. There's something about educated men, who have steady jobs and honorable intentions, that sickens her to the core. She quickly helps Janice back to her feet. Then, after putting Janice's arm over her shoulder for support, she grabs their handbags and prepares to depart.

Meanwhile, Derek stands there speechless, watching Janice and her friend getting ready to leave. As they make their way past him, he remarks to Lenore, in a confused and apologetic voice, "She was just fine when I came over to the table a few minutes ago. How did she get so sick so fast? Do you think she has food poisoning?"

"Absolutely not!" replies Lenore in a voice filled with contempt. "You made her sick with all of your disgusting talk about being educated, successful, and having a good job. Janice wants nothing to do with such losers. Please stay away from us if we ever see you again! We came here hoping to meet a couple of twice divorced high school drop outs with no prospects and an irresponsible approach to life and instead, you came along and ruined it all. Thanks a lot buddy!"