My Ex's Ex

Micah reached out for his phone and I returned it to him. "It keeps going on for a while. Same music, different lyrics. Anyway, I'm a little sensitive about..."

"Micah, you don't believe all this, do you?"

"Probably no more than you believe whatever she says about you. But still... it gets in your head and messes with you. So... I've been a little scarred since then, I think? Pretty insecure about my self-worth. I mean, taking this message by itself is one thing, I can shut out that kind of noise as bitter words of a woman scorned. But the months leading up to it, the day-to-day erosion of her words. It was all those subtle digs. Those demeaning nicknames..."

"Squishy," I muttered.

"The insinuations that she deserves better than you, but you could never do better than her, and you should be at her feet thanking her for whatever scraps of affection she throws. I... damn, I haven't even been in a relationship since her."

"So the idea of hooking up?"

"Just feeds the insecurity. I've had two short hook-ups since then, and both times I came away depressed. I was thinking, Damn. She had to be drunk just to look at me. Or afterwards, Of course she left in the morning. Why would she want to stick around? Of course she didn't text back. She's embarrassed that she was with me."

"So when I was drunk last night..."

"I totally wanted to take you up on it. But I knew, I just knew that afterwards I would be telling myself the same crap. That if you had been sober, you wouldn't have been interested in me. That no woman would seriously want me, especially a woman as gorgeous as you. And I just can't do that to myself anymore. So I'm sorry, but I can't take credit for respecting you or watching out for you. I was mostly just thinking of myself."

"I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"You couldn't know. And it wasn't a big deal. Once you got stuck in your shirt, it was clear where the night was headed, anyway."

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. "It was a confusing shirt!" I insisted with laughter.

Micah stood up and headed out of the room. "I'm going to take that shower now," he told me.

*******

Well, wasn't this something! Here I was, wallowing in my insecurity and self-pity, none of which Nica caused, but she sure did take advantage of it and magnify it. And all this time, I'm hanging out with a guy who just might have worse insecurities than me. Maybe. It was probably a tie.

And the funny thing was, my insecurity made me want him to want me. His insecurities made him scared to let himself do exactly that.

I took stock of our situation. I was sober. Definitely sober. I still wanted to be wanted. I had been feeling a low hum of horniness just below the surface all day. And there was an attractive man getting naked just 30 feet away from me.

Thank God he didn't lock any of the doors. I undressed in the bedroom, wincing as I caught my reflection in the full-length antique mirror. I hated having sex with the lights on. Even with the bedroom light off, there was so much natural light in the room that I couldn't hide. "God, Squishy, if you could just shave off 10 or 15 pounds, you'd be a fox!" It was Nica's hurtful words that I had come to believe. I had heard them so many times, or some variation of them. I stopped and looked in the mirror, turning to face myself. It wasn't true, I thought. I was soft and curvy, but there was nothing wrong with me. "It's not true," I whispered. Then, as if the very act of speaking made the words more powerful, I said it louder. "It's not true." I smiled. It was like the breaking of a spell. The air seemed fresher. My reflection seemed brighter. Sure, I wasn't so naive as to think I wouldn't believe those lies again. But now they were exposed. And I was on the offensive. I smiled and nodded at the image in front of me, then walked towards the bathroom door.

I carefully, quietly opened it and saw the fuzzy outline of Micah in the shower. The glass door was steamed over, but I could see him spraying under his arms. I took a deep breath, proudly pushed out my chest, and opened the door.

"Shit!" Micah shouted, jumping to the side and then slipping. He caught himself with a hand against the wall, but the water was now spraying his face. He quickly stood up and wiped his eyes. Squinting he asked, "Nadia?"

"Who else?" I asked snarkily.

"What are you...?"

"I'm sober," I declared. "And I very much want a donut."

"A what?... Oh! Oh, I get it. The metaphor. You... want to hook-up."

"At least," I said. "Like I said in point three..."

"I didn't really pay attention to point three, remember?"

"Like I said, I would be interested in seeing if there could be more, because you seem like a great guy. But I understand if you don't. But at the very least, can we try this before we leave? Because... you're not the only one with some self-image issues. And what I really, really wanted last night... And what I still want right now... is to feel wanted. Even for just a little bit. To feel like someone, anyone, guy or girl, finds me and my body worth their time. I want to be touched, and held, and... and... all that. Everything. So when you said No last night, it kinda really stung. But it's what I've come to expect, thanks to Nica. She always told me that girls would be a better option for me, since guys wouldn't really go for a girl my size."

"She said what now? She's crazy!"

"She's manipulative. And she got in my head, too. And I just want to feel like I can drive someone crazy. And I'm not hearing you say you're not interested in a little something before we part ways."

"I... I... God, Nadia, I could not want anyone more than I want you right now."

"Are you just-" I didn't get to finish my thought. Water sprayed all around us as Micah bent over and kissed me the way I had been wanting to be kissed. Kissed me in the way Nica never had. Kissed me in a way that made me tingle and soar and feel like I was the most desirable woman in the world. I had planned to grab his cock and start stroking him, but instead, I just wrapped my arms around his wet body and hugged.

After a minute, he broke our kiss and we hugged each other. Micah put his lips near my ear and spoke softly over the sound of the shower's spray. "You know," he cooed, "I bet Nica only said those things about you because she was jealous. Intimidated. You are so, so beautiful. And she just wanted to tear that down." I don't know if he could tell, but I was crying. Happiness, regret, catharsis, I didn't even know. I cried as he held me and told my I was beautiful and rubbed my naked wet skin until the water started losing it's warmth.

"Let's dry off and get in bed," he said softly.

I nodded as I suddenly shivered. Micah stepped out first and tossed a towel at me. I heard him slip on the floor and grab the sink. By the time my eyes were dry enough to look, he was stable - naked and clutching the sink for balance as he picked up another towel. His erection was proudly pointing to the ceiling, wobbling back and forth like a fleshy metronome. It was certainly not the 'puny pecker' that Nica had described in her text.

I dried off and walked confidently along the path of towels that Micah had now made on the bathroom floor. "I do not want this getting derailed into an ER trip."

"How far is the ER from here?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Forty-five minutes."

I shuddered, partly from the chill and partly from imagining what it would be like to have a serious emergency in such a remote area.

"There's an urgent care about 20 minutes away that can handle a lot of stuff," he said, as if reading my mind. "And the fire station downtown has volunteer EMTs. But still..."

And that was the conversation that led us to the bed. I slipped under the covers and Micah wrapped a towel around his waist so he could make sure the house was locked up and the lights were off. When he returned, he flipped off the lights in the room. However, the setting sun still filled the room with enough light to see clearly. I felt myself getting anxious about being looked at naked by a man. Worried about being judged and found less than desirable.

"It's not true," I said softly.

"What's that?" Micah asked, joining me under the covers.

"You really think I'm... what did you call me? Gorgeous?"

"Gorgeous. Stunning. Sexy. Beautiful. Desirable. Enticing. Perfect. Do you need more or can I please touch you?"

"Touch! Touch!" I encouraged.

I love after-shower sex. The feeling of two bodies freshly clean (although, to be honest, I had barely gotten wet and there had been almost no soap involved except when Micah hugged me and rubbed my back), chilled by the cooler air and warming up as they press against each other. It's fantastic. His hands touched me everywhere. He squeezed, he rubbed, he pressed, he kissed. His hips pressed towards me, rubbing his insistent hardness against me, but not in an insistent way. A reminder that I turned him on. The promise of something more to come. And then our lips met again. We both exhaled in contentment, air hissing out our noses until we laughed.

"I'm sorry," he said, pulling away for a moment. "But I have to ask. Is this for real? You're not just feeling sorry for me after reading the message from-"

"Say her name and I will knee you in the balls," I warned him. "And yes, I'm for real here. Don't forget - I suggested this last night, before you showed me that stuff. I'm being totally selfish and just want to screw a sexy guy that has made what could have been a miserable week into a halfway enjoyable time. And I want to know that someone like you really could be attracted to someone like me. That I'm worth your time and energy, and-"

"Energy," he chuckled. "That's a new one."

"Emotional energy!"

"Nah, too late. I think you're talking about vigorous lovemaking. So how hard I pound you tells you how worthy I think you are."

"Oh, fuck off, you're being silly," I chided him.

"I'm nervous. So I'm trying to be funny. If you're laughing with me, then maybe you'll forget to laugh at me."

I pulled my head back to look in his eyes. Was that a joke? He made an apologetic half-smile. He really was completely insecure and afraid and honestly thought I was too good for him? Damn. That almost made me feel a little more confident.

I pushed myself up onto my hands and knees and directed Micah onto his back. "You know, my last two relationships were with women. It's been..." I looked up and calculated, "just shy of five years since I was with a guy. So please allow me..." I scooted back, moving down his body, "to reacquaint myself..." I climbed in between his legs and took hold of his pulsing rod, "with the male anatomy." With a broad smile, I waited until he made eye contact, then I slooooowwwly pushed my mouth down around him.

I teased the tip at first, not going past the ridge of his crown. Micah groaned, either in appreciation or frustration (or maybe both). I used my tongued to tap at his little opening and sucked the tip like it was a nipple. Geez, I had forgotten how warm these things were!

Micah grabbed the sides of my head and hoarsely whispered, "Fuuuuuck, girl!" Releasing his tip, I began to bathe his member with my tongue, up and down in long, slow strokes, painting the whole thing with my saliva. I moved lower and for a moment took his freshly washed balls into my mouth and ran my tongue along them. "Whaaaat are you... Gah!" Micah was twitching and lightly holding the sides of my head. I felt a little rush of power over him, but also a rising warmth of appreciation that he was holding back. I'd only once been with a guy who thought that me going down on him gave him the right to grab my head and force me to go as deep as he wanted. That relationship did not last any longer than it took me to get my face out of his crotch so I could get out the door. I think I respected myself a little more back then.

Licking back up his length, which was... I'm not good at guessing lengths, but it was larger than I remembered cocks being. But I had been 19 the last time I was face to face with one, and he might have been small. Micah was promisingly thick and he was as long as a normal girl could want. When I got back to the end, I encircled him with my lips and started working my way down.

Unfortunately, I couldn't help but remember Nica at this point. If it hadn't been for her, I couldn't do what I was about to do. Nica had a fascination with using a strap-on and insisted I learn how to take it all the way down my throat. It was early in the relationship, I was insecure, I believed her lies about how lucky I was to have her, and I was scared to say no. Now I see it was all about power and control. Just the same, I had learned to slowly work my way down without panicking, keeping my gag reflex in check. With Nica I had been afraid to disappoint her. With Micah, I was excited to bring him pleasure.

Micah was maybe a slight bit thicker than I was used to but not longer. That worked out well. After a few deep inhalations through my nose, I was at his base.

"oooOOHHHH, Nadia, what the fuck! I can't... I'm not gonna...!"

I carefully pulled back up and took a deep, unhindered breath. "Think I can make you cum twice tonight?" I asked. He nodded frantically. "Then go ahead," I said confidently. "I think I can handle it."

"Oh my God," he whispered, lying back and putting his arm across his face. "You are amazing. I can't believe I almost missed this."

I rolled my eyes and started working back down his shaft. Micah's hips were twitching as I went. I heard his breath, quick and shaky. Once I had him all the way in I started making very small up and down motions, only as much as I felt like I could handle. I never went more than halfway up before pushing firmly back down. I started sucking as I went and Micah almost sat up from the shock. "I'm close. So close," he rasped, putting a hand on the top of my head.

This was the part I wasn't sure about. I knew I could hold him deep, even let him pump my face a little while if he was gentle. I was used to that. But Nica's strap-on never actually sprayed into my throat. I hoped I wouldn't embarrass myself.

And then a thought came to me, even as I was stroking him into my throat. "It's OK. Even if it's not perfect. Micah will be fine with it. He won't think less of you."

It was the happiest, healthiest thought I'd had in a while. It was the kind of thought I hadn't had during sex in... ever. It was always insecurity, fear, performance, self-criticism. What could sex be like when you weren't afraid of disappointing someone? Was this it? It was so much better! And I was still just giving!

I paused, my mouth all the way at his base, and turned my eyes enough to look at Micah. He was gazing at me in wonder. In his eyes I saw lust and acceptance all rolled into one happy ball. Though my lips were stretched out around him, I smiled as much as I could, then started a faster pumping. My hands were on his thighs, steadying myself while I used just my mouth to drive him over the edge. I heard the noise rising in his chest even as I felt the trembling in his crotch. Micah's hands held my head in place - firmly but not roughly. I allowed him that. I knew he would release me if I needed him to.

I forced my head up an inch, then back down firmly, tightening my mouth as I did so. An incoherent shout was my final warning as his body stiffened and his dick pulsed. I pushed deeper until there was no more cock to swallow. I felt the warmth in my throat and fought the urge to cough. I swallowed as best as I could, eliciting a happy cry from the head of the bed. More and more cum emptied into my gullet, some of it just shooting down my throat. My tongue rubbed up and down, coaxing a few final pulses to empty out before I lifted up. Even as I lifted, a last couple of twitches unloaded more of his cream onto my tongue. I sucked my way up his rod until it left my mouth, letting me swallow the mixture of saliva and semen that was pooling in my cheeks and threatening to escape out my nose. I wiped my mouth with a corner of the sheet and dabbed at the tears on my cheeks. They were not tears of sadness but of exertion. My body's instinctive reaction to the gift I had just given. I saw a half-empty water bottle on the nightstand and moved toward it, chugging its entire contents as quickly as possible.

"You are... a... goddess!" Micah exclaimed. "What the...? I have never in my life experienced anything like that. Like... you haven't been with a man in five years and you just pulled that off? Seriously?" I gave an embarrassed shrug, not at all willing to talk about how I had learned those skills. Not yet, at least. Micah extended his arms, inviting me to snuggle up next to him. I welcomed the invitation and pressed as much of my naked flesh up against him as I could. The skin-to-skin contact felt amazing. Nica... Nica had been less than comfortable being fully naked, even though... Shit. There she was again. Go away, bitch.

Micah, meanwhile, was rubbing up and down my arms and back, using soft, gentle strokes. "I will certainly try to return the favor," he said, "as soon as my brain returns from the stratosphere. And I kind of want to prepare you for... well... it's not going to be anything like what you just did. Oh my God, Nadia." As he spoke, his phrases were punctuated by deep breaths and my contentedly smiling face rose and fell as it rested on his chest. My gaze was fixed down his body, watching his cock, glistening with his cum and my saliva, soften and fall to the side. It still looked thick and promising.

After a few more minutes of Micah recovering, which included a half dozen more "Wows" and chuckles of disbelief, he rolled a little towards me and sought my face. His hand tilted me up to look at him and his lips brushed my forehead. "So... tell me what you would really like me to do for you right now."

I hesitated. He noticed. His voice got serious. "If you have gotten used to being embarrassed or ashamed to say what you really want, you need to cut that shit out. Tune out the broadcast. Hit the mute button. Disconnect the call. I am waiting to use my body to do whatever will make you feel good. I will not judge you or make you feel guilty or-"

"OK, OK! If you really don't mind... I want you to go down on me."

"Yessss!" he celebrated, giving a little fist pump.

"You want to-"

"Oh hell yes," he replied. "No mind games. No fooling. Dead serious. I would love to lick your beautiful pussy. Thank you." He began to scoot down between my legs, then suddenly paused. "Um, how do you want it? What's most comfortable for you?"

"Oh! Uh... not sure I have a... maybe just this? Let me lie here and you just..."

"OK," he smiled. "Fingers OK?"

"Meh," I shrugged.

"Another time, maybe," he said. It didn't register that he was already talking like this wasn't a one-time thing. And I was going along with that assumption.

I would like to give you a moment-by-moment recap of what transpired, but I cannot. I can tell you how it started, but after that I can just tell you how I felt. I was in another world for most of the time. I couldn't even tell you how long it lasted. Micah began with tender nibbles and kisses along the flaps of my entrance. Little teases that got me more and more worked up.

Then he switched to long, firm strokes with his tongue, all up and down my lips.

Then little kisses peppering my clitoral hood. Not a lot, just teasing.

Then he moved back down to my pussy and started, well, I think he was just making out with it. His tongue went inside, then slurped around the edges. He moaned and pressed forward like he couldn't get enough. And then I noticed his thumb was very, very lightly teasing around my clit. I heard Micah whisper, "Well, hello there..." and begin licking again. This time, he would circle around my clit, then go back down to tonguing my pussy. He kept working around my clit but not actually giving it any direct attention. I was used to lovers who attacked my clit mercilessly from beginning to end. I was starting to want some of that and began pushing my hips up whenever his lips or tongue got close. Micah later said my whimpering at that point was the sexiest noise he'd ever heard.