My Father's Second Wife

The story started good but the last scene was much less about a father and daughter and just a sex scene. It was more akin to debauchery than a fantasy. I'm hoping the rest of the chapters have more depth and connectivity to them.

By far the best part of the 4 .

Fucking Hellhiem .

A year later and I see I’m back with the same complaints about an author who write about that which they know nothing.

This story has or had a fair amount of promise and then you get to the end of page 2 and the fuckups and grating errors begin. So I pointed out some errors over a year ago and they obviously still exist because I skipped the entire story, again, to comment. Only to find that my own comment from ages ago was the last comment on this very story.

Dude, pull the story fix the errors and resubmit it. How hard can it be? I’m not being a cunt here as you are just plain wrong, in error or fucked up, whatever it is you can fix it. Yet again a teddy is just a lingerie version of a one piece swim suit and nothing else and they definitely don’t have frilly skirts. You can’t claim artistic license either as the lingerie article is a known and defined thing just like an aeroplane. If you have an aeroplane and you say aeroplane 10 times in the story then readers have for knowledge on the matter and when you start saying it can dive to a depth of 100m below the Pacific Ocean and has a 6 inch periscope readers will call bullshit and the break in the story is striking and grates and destroys the flow.

So this proves the need for an editor no matter how good you think you are as anyone can just make a mistake. If you can’t get or don’t want an editor then a method of self editing is once part or all is written then you put the story aside and forget about it, put it right out of your mind. Then a couple of weeks or so later pick it up and read it. And I mean READ IT as in read what’s actually there and not what you think is there or what you think you remember writing, no skimming and no speed reading where you chunk the sentences and skip half the words.

This way if you’ve left it long enough then you will trip over you errors and think “What was I thinking there?” And then fix it. It’s not 100% foolproof as you do remember writing the story and you do know what you meant to say or what you were meaning to get across. Also you have a lot more of the story in your head that never made it to the page and this story insider knowledge will make some parts of the written story make sense where as a editor without this background knowledge would be lost if there was a story hole and they could point that out.

So whatever. Your a lazy fuck for not fixing your story when you know there are errors. Stories like this and incomplete stories should be deleted if the author doesn’t complete them or fix them within a reasonable time frame.

And anonymous comments should be deleted where they exist and disabled so no more can be made.

So lingerie. I know you’ve never seen it in person or even on the net and are just using words that you know nothing about.

What’s a “teddy”, do you even know? Well it’s like a one piece lace bathing suit for a woman, however it has a couple of little snaps that join the crotch together right on top of the cunt. Now lace is one material, stretchy tight Lycra is another. Either way loses of coverage maybe see through but covers tits, tummy, cunt and ass and joins in the crotch.

G strings, simple underwear that has a small front coverage, minimal crotch coverage and only a string going from the waist between the cheeks and joining at the back of the crotch.

So combining these two is stupid and not really possible, well you can physically do it but it’s like wearing two pairs of knickers. You also say the g string went over the teddy, so that means the string couldn’t go between her cheeks as the crack was completely covered. It’s like putting a T-shirt over/on top of a jumper. You could physically do it but you just don’t.

Your writing about incest, an already very implausible topic to start. So that means that everything else has to be as plausible as possible to give the story some credibility and make it flow.

So hire a hooker and ask her to bring all her lingerie and give you a show and tell. She’ll do it as she’s being paid and doesn’t have to fuck, just look sexy and educate a client.

Oh and considering that a lot of rich people think they are above the law and her dad was there I’m amazed he just didn’t let them ream your ass and pussy out, leaving a nice sheen of cum around your holes just as a lesson. Waking up sore only for your dad to tell you that your loose and sore because the owner of the pumps fisted your used cunt and used the guys cum as lube.

So when you use fine details get them right or don’t use them.

Stopped reading when it was apparent this is about a whore becoming a high class whore and reading about whores is not what I like to read. Glad others like so they can have it. 1 star