My First (Time) Taboo Ch. 20

Ok this is not my usual chapter this time. I'm not saying it is completely with out sex, but I am going through some tough times right now and I have to be honest about everything.

I really enjoyed going to my mom's last weekend. We had a lot of fun together. On Friday we just hung out and she knew something was wrong, but didn't even ask. I did kiss her at bedtime for a while. It was sensual, but not really sexual, and I told her I wanted to sleep alone.

I'll admit that early on Saturday when I heard the shower running that I wanted to join her in there and make love with her. So I ended up masturbating as I took my own shower.

So after breakfast I had a big talk with her and she handled it really well and she completely understood how I felt. She asked me if I wanted her to stop seeing Denise and Jessica, and I told her I wasn't sure what I wanted yet, but that I knew I just wasn't happy with how things were. We both cried some and held each other a lot.

Saturday night I went over to a friend's house, but they sort of annoyed me with questions about me being a lesbian and about Jessica and whatever, just stuff I didn't want to talk about. So that did not go over well, and then when I came home my mom was watching a movie in bed and I crawled in bed with her and watched the movie, but without thinking I snuggled up to her and put my hand on her breast. She never said or tried anything, but I took my hand off after a while and laid a different way.

On Monday I told Jessica everything. We had a long talk and she was very hurt. But after a while she told me she would give up Denise and my mom in a heart beat to keep me. That really relieved me, but I still wasn't sure what I wanted, because I knew I now had feelings for Lyndsey even though I was pretty sure she didn't for me. I didn't mention anything about Lyndsey though, because I didn't want to hurt her anymore.

The two of us told Denise Monday night and she was of course hurt too. But then she asked me if I wanted her to stop seeing my mom and could it just be us three. I could tell Jessica wanted that and it bothered me. I told Denise I just needed a break from everything.

I actually tried to avoid everyone the next day. I spent most of the day with Alley (my roommate from last year) and Nikki (her roommate and the girl Jessica and I slept with). Nikki didn't come on to me at all, and I figured she might if Alley wasn't looking, but I was pleasantly surprised. And it was great to see Alley again who I just love to death. In fact Nikki actually left for a while and Alley and I just talked for the longest time. It was really nice.

That night Jessica and I snuggled some in bed, but we didn't make love. However the next morning I woke up in her arms so incredibly horny and we ended up rubbing on one another until we both orgasmed. Afterwards we talked again and I asked her if she had feelings for Denise and she admitted that she really liked her, but that it wasn't like us. I told her the same.

Later that day I saw Lyndsey and she acted really weird around me and told me she wanted to talk to me. So I went to her room she told me that Denise had come on to her and had started rubbing her breasts. It actually turned me on a little at the thought of it, but I was also somewhat disappointed. Then she said that nothing else had happened, and I asked her if they had kissed. She told me they didn't.

Then I kind of got angry for some crazy reason and asked her why she didn't tell me about her boyfriend. She shocked me by telling me she didn't want me to talk her out of it, because she had feelings for me. I told her that I thought I was falling for her. She said she was attracted to me and that she really liked me, but that I was just too complicated for her.

So I just started opening up to her and telling her everything and how I was upset with myself for what I had become, but that I enjoyed everything I had done and wouldn't take it back, but that I knew someday I wanted to just have a relationship with one girl.

She told me that she could never live that life, that no matter how much she wanted to be with me she couldn't. I didn't understand, but she told me that her family would hate her and that her sister would never forgive her and that she knew society would look down on us. I understood some, but I told her that I was handling society just fine and that her mother and father loved her and would except her for what she was, but she didn't like me saying that. Like I had told her she was a lesbian and I had no right to do it.

So as the next week went on, Jessica and I got better and better each day, and by the end of the next week it was almost like it had been before we started to experiment. Sure I still thought about what happened, but Denise was back in the role of just a friend and Jess and I were making love again, just the two of us.

Now admittedly sometimes Jessica would go off and spend time with Denise alone and I know I thought over and over about what they could be doing. But I trust Jess. Also Lyndsey and I talked a lot less, which meant that I was less tempted. I called my mom on a Thursday and asked if she cared if Jess and I came home for the weekend. She was happy we were. That same night after chatting with several of my friends on Facebook, I got to thinking if going home was a good idea or not.

Friday Jess and I actually skipped our last classes and drove home early. My mom hugged us both when we got there but it didn't seem uncomfortable. It was great. We all ate dinner together that night, but then Jess and I went out with a couple of her friends. We had so much fun. I just love her friends. They are so much more real than the ones I had in high school.

When Jessica and I got home we went to the living room and talked to my mom for a while, but after she went to bed the two of us started kissing on the couch. Soon we had our clothes off and I was sitting on her lap facing her. We kissed so much and kept rubbing each other's chests, but we really weren't doing much, but then she started sucking my breasts and I just leaned my head back and enjoyed her soft lips on my hard nipples. Then I saw my mom watching us from the balcony. I didn't jump, but I thought I would. I suddenly felt so dirty. I love being watched. I suddenly became just so horny and I wanted to put on a show for her. I was scared though that something might happen if I didn't keep my head.

I pretended not to see my mom and I just started enjoying myself. I noticed after a while that my mom was masturbating and I started getting so horny for her large breasts, but I didn't let myself do anything stupid. I ended up dropping down on the floor and licking Jessica's pussy until she climaxed. Then I fingered her so hard she kept grabbing my wrist to slow me down. I was just so horny I could barely control myself.

I ended up turning her over and licking her ass for the longest time and then fingering both her holes until she came again. Then Jessica pleased me next and wow did she ever. She fucked me with her hand so hard I was just moaning and begging for it. I kept sucking my own nipples and I was getting so horny I asked her "Do you miss the other girls?" She answered me right away and said she did. Then she asked me if I missed my mom. I told her I did, but I new I shouldn't have said it almost as soon as I did, and I hoped my mom wouldn't come down stairs.

Luckily she didn't. In fact I noticed her disappear from the balcony and for the longest time I was scared she was coming down, but after a while I realized she had left. Luckily she was stronger than me.

The next morning I woke up early as usual. Jess was sound asleep so I got up and went down stairs. My mom wasn't awake yet so I jumped on her computer in the office and chatted with some friends on Facebook and checked my e-mails and such. When I felt hands on my shoulders it scared the crap out of me. My mom was there reading over my shoulder. She made fun of me like she usually does for chatting with people on line, but her hands stayed on me and I was nervous. She massaged my shoulders and it relaxed me so much and after I signed off, I sat on the couch and we talked. My mom admitted that she had seen us last night and I admitted that I had known she was watching.

She told me, "I nearly came down when you said you missed me."

And I admitted that I probably would have made love to her, but that I was glad she didn't. Then my mom shocked me and told me she had a new girl friend and that her and Denise had spoken last night and they were done. I couldn't believe it at first. We talked about how Denise handled it and I pointed out that Denise hadn't even dropped by on Friday at all, but had just texted me that she wasn't coming home. I knew she had been thinking about it, but just assumed she wanted to give me time with my mom to still work stuff out. Now I felt bad.

My mom said she needed to end her relationship with Denise so that there wouldn't be anything hanging over OUR heads. I understood that completely, and understand it is probably for the best. Then my mom told me she was dating one of her old friends Candice. I know they dated several years ago, but I guess they never got serious.

Candice is only 34 years old so she is younger than my mom, but much closer to her age then the last couple girlfriends. She is very pretty, tall and has gorgeous curly hair. She's Latin (Mexican) or something looking and she has this amazing dark skin that is just beautiful. She also has kept in great shape. I always liked Candice and my mom has always stayed friends with her although they had only been seeing each other maybe a couple times a year while I was in High School. Still I was so happy now for my mom and really honestly for myself too. It was good for her to have someone her own age and someone not in my life. This was good.

So everything was great and we talked for a while and then she tells me she's going to jump in the shower and she leans forward to give me a kiss. I think she was just going to give me a peck on the lips, but for some reason beyond my thoughts I kissed her. I mean really kissed her. And my hand even went to her breasts, but as soon as I felt them I pulled back and she looked at me like I had kissed her for the first time.

I told her I was sorry and she said, "Me too." Then she got up and went to get into the shower. I laid there picturing her naked body in the shower and me going up stairs and licking her ass like I used too. I wanted to enjoy that again, but I was strong and instead went upstairs and cuddled in bed with Jessica. We didn't even have sex, I just held her and we talked for a while and I told her everything my mom had told me. Jessica felt so bad for Denise and we actually both cried, but I could tell Jessica still had feelings for her, and I guess I do as well.

That day we went to lunch with a couple of Jessica's other friends, one of which was Hillary (not sure if you guys remember her). She actually didn't make fun of me for my chest size, which was nice for a change. In fact she really hardly talked to me at all, which I thought was kind of rude. I didn't let it bother me too much though.

When we came home Candice was with my mom and I introduced Jessica to her and she seemed really happy for the two of us. Jessica commented later that she thought Candice was hot, and I laughed, but agreed. Candice has a great body and she is actually built very similarly to Jessica, but taller. We spent the afternoon at home with them, and I enjoyed getting to know her again. When I had a chance to be alone with my mom she asked me if I liked her, and I said, "I always have."

She just smiled and said, "Good."

When I was in High School I used to masturbate to pictures of Candice and my mom together wearing Bikinis. I think that was when I first started thinking about my mom. I would picture walking in on them having sex and Candice would see me, but my mom wouldn't and I'd watch them. Then soon my fantasies were that my mom knew I was watching, and then I was joining.

Then my mom started dating Anna and I did watch them some together. They never knew it, but I would watch them make out in the living room just like my mom had watched me that Friday night.

Saturday afternoon we went over to Jessica's house and for once Jessica's mom was actually nice to me. I was shocked. In fact we had a great time, of course her brother wasn't home so that helped a lot, ha.

We even held hands on the couch in front of them and her mom didn't say a word about it. It was Jessica's doing and I was so proud of her, and yet I was actually scared. When we left Jessica's mom actually hugged me, but it was very uncomfortable for both of us and very short.

In the car though, I said to Jessica, "I think your mom actually likes me again."

To which Jessica said, "I think she actually likes me again too," and we both laughed so hard.

Jessica and I went to a costume party later that night. I dressed up as an angel and she was a devil. We got lots of attention due to the fact that they were rather revealing, but it wasn't any sort of attention I craved. One guy even brushed against me and grabbed my ass. It really pissed me off, but he just laughed at me and acted like it was no big deal.

Anyway the party was mostly fun otherwise and on the way home Jessica flashed me and I licked her nipple at a traffic light. When we came home my mom was no where to be seen. I wondered if she was in bed with Candice. Jessica and I made love in our bedroom that night and it was amazing. She actually did a little dance for me and we kept our costumes mostly on and she fucked me with a strap-on. It was so hot. She kept calling me her "little angel".

Sunday when I woke up Jessica was already awake. I had slept so soundly and so long. She was looking at me when I opened my eyes and she smiled so cute and we kissed. It was wonderful. We had a big talk and she told me she was glad it was just the two of us, but she admitted she missed the excitement of being with others. I told her we just couldn't be with girls that we could get attached too and that it shouldn't be more than sex. She agreed.

Jessica and I showered together and I licked her ass like I use to lick my mom's. It was fun and Jessica loved it. When we were doing it I told her I use to do it to my mom all the time and that made her so horny. She already knew I had, but hearing me say it while I was licking her made her get so hot and I like turning her on.

One interesting thing that happened on Sunday was when Candice and I had a second to be alone, Candice said, "Wow you look just like your mom at your age," and she gave me this really wanting look. Now I'll admit it turned me on, but I know I should not get involved with her at all. Still it made me get a little moist as I've said before I have long fantasized about being with her.

Jessica and I went back to school fairly early and we even had a late lunch with Denise. Denise has been pretty good and I'll admit I feel a little sorry for her as she now has no one and there aren't too many prospects for her. We actually talked about that and she joked that maybe she might still get with Lyndsey.

I actually hope that does not happen. I'll be honest it would make me jealous as I know I still really like Lyndsey, but also because I don't want them to end up in a crazy relationship like I did. I still fantasize about my mom all the time, think about what she used to do to my body, lay in bed touching myself and remembering what she was like. I know I shouldn't and I hope in time I will get passed these feelings, but knowing that she will always be a part of my life.

Ok so on Monday I'm hanging with Alley in her room and she brings up that she thinks Nikki might be a lesbian and what do I think? WOW! I told Nikki I would never tell Alley about us, so I just said, "I don't think so," and asked her why. Alley didn't want to tell me at first and then she said that they had kissed before when they were drunk and that Nikki had tried to do more on several occasions.

I asked Alley if she had ever thought about having sex with a girl. She wouldn't answer me at first and so I knew she had, so I just said, that doesn't mean you are a lesbian. She just smiled at me. I wondered if she had brought this up for some reason, but nothing happened or anything. But the whole way to my room I kept wanting to go back. When I got there Jess and Denise were both there. I don't know why, but I wondered if they had done anything together. There was nothing to make me think that, no evidence, nothing in how they acted, but I just wondered if they had.

On Tuesday I had a heart to heart talk with Denise and she is taking everything pretty hard. Lost me and Jess and my mom and doesn't know why. I felt horrible and we hugged a lot and I even kissed her on the lips, but like a peck so she wouldn't get the wrong idea, however she did anyway and she tried to kiss me again. I didn't let her and neither one of us said anything, but weird afterwards. I told her she would find someone, but I honestly don't know anyone that would suit her. I feel bad.

Then there is Lyndsey. We got to talking on Thursday about Denise and Lyndsey admitted that she and her boyfriend had been fighting and she knew it was her fault, and that she just didn't feel strongly enough for him. Then she asked me how I was doing with Jessica right after which got me thinking maybe she is interested in me, but I wasn't about to go down that path again, so I just said we've been working everything out. So then she starts talking about the library and telling me how much she had loved it. I wanted her so bad and I had to find an excuse to leave. When I went back to my room Jessica and Denise were there and they looked like I had interrupted something. They both acted weird and I tried to ignore it. Denise didn't stick around long afterwards and I wasn't sure how to bring anything up with Jessica. So I just said nothing.

I decided to go home again for the weekend, needed to escape again. I wonder if I just run away from my problems sometimes.

My mom knew I was coming and the two of us just hung around on Friday. I was actually on the computer a lot and we talked some but just a relaxing night. Saturday Candice came over. My mom spent the day with her, but she was gone actually before supper. That night I talked with some girls on line and they got me so horny that I ended up doing something stupid. I took a shower and afterwards I walked into my mom's room naked. I just stood there and talked to her, but I wanted her to want me and I started feeling bad so I left after a while.

I went back to my room and got dressed for bed, but sure enough in came my mom and she laid on the bed looking at me. I was brushing my hair and it was still wet, and in the mirror I could see her butt hanging out the bottom of her nightie. I was so horny. I went over to the bed and when I sat down I put my hand on her back and started rubbing it. We just talked for so long and it was just like old times. Then she was leaning on her side and her breasts just looked so amazing in her nightie and I started flirting with her and asking her what sex was like with Candice.

My mom told me it was good, but it was very mild compared to what she was used to. The more we talked about sex, the hornier I was getting, until I found myself slipping a hand down my shorts. My mom just kept talking and I was touching myself and soon enough her hand was on my breasts, but my shirt was still on. I asked my mom if she wanted to masturbate with me and to my surprise her other hand was already doing just that.

We actually both got naked and I rubbed my clit and sucked my own nipples as she was up on her knees watching me and touching her self. I asked her to suck her own nipple and she shoved so much of her breast into her mouth and I just loved that she is so fricking huge that she can do that and I came so hard. I started fingering myself and twisting my nipples and my mom ended up orgasming soon after as she watched me.