My Health - 1780

I did not choose to write this story.

I feel like I was possessed by this eighteenth century woman whom made me write this. She stopped me while I was working on a series of stories which I felt was nearing its end and would not let me go back to it until I finished her story. I mean, she wouldn't even let me write a complete sentence of my story during this channeling that she was imposing on me, and she wasn't in any hurry to complete her story either. She wouldn't even let me change any of her word choices, her turn of phrasing, to make it more in tune with my normal style or to include a more graphic description of the little sexual content that she did allow me to express. She never gave me her age or even her name. She didn't even tell me if she lived in England or some other country, but she told me everything in English so it just about had to be England or the 'colonies'.

***** ***** ***** *****

I had already been suffering the discomforts of my medical condition for over three years when my husband and I married. I was of a family with a good name but lacking in land and wealth. My father thought that by marrying me off to my husband, both families would prosper, and he was right. But we were in the year 1780, not back in the dark times of years long gone by; and although my husband did gain some prestige by the connection to my family name, I feared that I would be treated more as a property than as a beloved wife.

I did not actually meet my husband until I was walked up the aisle in the cathedral and was passed off by my father's hand. Oh, all of the customs and the pomp and ceremony were truly addressed and there were several hundred people at the church and to see us off on our honeymoon trip. I had been prepared by my mother for the wedding night and told what to expect. It was still quite a shock because obviously, my mother left out some activities when she listed out what I would be expected to do.

I was extremely glad that I had also been told some things, some important things by my dressmaker. Probably the most important thing that she said to me was that I needed to remember that this man would now be my husband, and whatever he said, was what I should do. And although some things would seem very strange, eventually I would learn to love him and all that he wanted of me. As my honeymoon passed, I found her advice to be the best preparation I had gotten and I fell madly in love with my man.

My honeymoon was scheduled to last for about a month and we traveled to the estate of a friend of my husband. The estate was located in the foot hills of the mountains to the north of our own estate. My wedding night was actually delayed two days while we traveled to the estate.

We had arrived at mid-afternoon and so I had several hours for our own two maids to unpack our luggage for our stay. One of the maids was to become my personal maid and would become a dear friend over the many years that she stayed in my service. The other was merely a housemaid; she did most of the cleaning chores in the guest suite where we stayed for our honeymoon and would do the same sort of work when we returned home.

This was my wedding night and this is when I learned how inadequate my mother's explanation of my wifely duties had been. Oh, my mother had told me that my husband would take my virginity and had even taken me on several 'picnics' to the ridge that overlooked the breeding pasture for the horses on our own estate so I knew something of how things would happen. She did explain that most spouses preferred a face to face positioning while mating but failed to mention that his face would look pained when he delivered his seed.

But she never bothered to explain any of the other things that my husband might request of me for this night. She never mentioned that he might request me to use my hands or, or my mouth on his, his ... or, or that he would use his hands, even his mouth on parts of me that no one else had touched in many years! If not for a few words about cleaning up after my husband had taken my virginity from my maid, I would not have even known that I would bleed when that happened.

My husband made love to me again in the early morning and this time it did not hurt as it had when he took my virginity. But when it came time to get out of bed and go to breakfast, I found myself too sore to be able to walk down to eat. My husband sent my maid to obtain a tray with breakfast for me while he went to eat with our host and hostess which he felt he had to do. My husband made love to me again that night and from that day forward, we made love two, three, even four times a day, every day for the three weeks that he managed to avoid having to go take care of his business concerns. It was during that time that I learned to sleep nude when he was with me, so that I would be available to him if he awoke during the night. I loved to awaken to his kisses or caresses on any part of my body.

My husband was ten years older than I and our host and hostess were ten to fifteen years older than he. Therefore I did not have much of anything in common with our hostess and saw little of her except at supper on those days that she was not involved in her charity work, the management of the orphanage of the area. Because of this, we did not become close friends and so I had no one to discuss anything with at that time other than my husband. He quickly made it clear that he would not discuss woman's health issues with me by changing the subject every time I tried to say anything even remotely related to my physical difficulties. Luckily, I had at least my maid to talk to, to help me since she had some knowledge of new bride's complaints.

****

After nearly a month, my husband's business concerns demanded his attention and so he accompanied me to our estate and introduced me as the new mistress of the house. He was only able to stay a day before he had to travel to the coast to handle some business that only he could handle. My husband apparently had the schedule all made out ahead of time. When I did not come up with child in that first month of our marriage, by the end of the second month, he had me hustled off to his doctor to determine if there was something wrong with me while he had to return to his busy work schedule and was only able to visit me each weekend. The doctor examined me every day for two whole months to insure that he had his facts straight before he explained them to me. That was when I discovered that I had a medical condition and that there was a treatment for it.

Because my body was so petite, each month as it prepared itself for the implanting of my husband's seed, the parts where our child would grow expanded and became lush with the body fluids needed for a child to be born. It became so lush and expanded, that my intestines would become cramped and twisted and so my body was actually fighting against itself. I would have to have the doctor tell me all about what I needed to do to overcome it so that I could be all that my husband wanted of me.

But that proved to be something of a problem. My husband's doctor friend was a very straight laced gentleman and despite the fact that he had been examining my body daily for over two months now, he was just unable to discuss the treatment with me. After a time, I convinced him or thought that I had convinced him to at least explain to one of the nurses so that she could explain to me what needed to be done so that I could have my husband's children.

What I didn't know was that he had sent for my husband to explain gentleman to gentleman what could be done. Now after I heard what the treatment was, I can understand how the doctor was reluctant to explain to me, I was the naïve young wife of an even more straight laced gentleman and the activity was not something discussed in the salons where a dainty young wife such as myself, might be entertained.

Then my husband announced that the examinations were over and that he had the required information for treatment. I was told to pack my clothes for return to our household within the week. He did not however share with me what actions we would be taking as the treatment and I feared that something had gone wrong between the doctor and my husband. As I packed, I sent for the nurse whom the doctor had indicated as the one who would be making the explanation to me. I did not ask my husband's permission for the discussion, but he had not forbidden it either.

Now each time I had seen this nurse she had been in the company of the doctor and so I had heard her say no more than "Yes, Doctor" or "No, Doctor" or "As you wish, Doctor." Since it was tea time, I had my maid and the nurse sit and chat while we partook. I could see her actually relax as we chatted and she was a very pleasant and intelligent girl. As we sipped our tea and nibbled on some crackers, I asked her if the doctor had given her the treatment activities list for my condition. She immediately grew tense again.

She looked about the room, and seeing my trunk standing open on the floor, went over and reached in and pulled out a riding crop. She walked in front of me and got down on her knees. She pulled off her uniform and her undergarments until she wore only pantaloons. She bent over my lap and begged that if what she said to me offended me, I should punish her myself rather than tell the doctor and have her dismissed. By this time, my maid and I were exchanging horrified glances as to what she may say next.

I waited for the nurse to continue with her explanation but she just knelt and rocked to and fro over my lap. Finally I couldn't wait any longer, even though she seemed almost terrified to speak, I made her tell me the treatment steps. First she handed me the crop and then bent back over my lap, but at last she spoke.

"Ma'am, there are two possible treatments most widely used for this dis-ease. Both are based on the teachings of the old folk medicine practitioners of the area and in fact are known to country folk all over the land. The doctor has verified the safety and refined the first option and has written out the recipe as a standard for doctors to prescribe for their patients. Actually, it's a simple soup and variations can be used to try to improve the taste, but nothing has been found yet that makes it smell good, and the taste is even worse. I can provide a copy of the recipe for you."

"The soup smells bad when it is being prepared and most cooks will not allow it to be made in a pot that will ever be used for other food cooking. She won't cook it in the kitchen of the house, but may do so in the outside summer kitchen if there is one, or out in some other out building if there is not. She will not prepare it at the same time as any other food is being prepared. It has been known to cause cooks to become too ill to eat for the rest of the day. It is the bitter herbs that must be included for it to work."

"Well that doesn't sound pleasant, but also not so terrible, why were you so reluctant to tell me?"

"There's more to it yet. Some men are very put off by the odor and some women carry the odor for a day or even two after they have eaten the soup. Some women try to overcome the odor by bathing many times or by using heavy perfumes before the arrival of their husband. Sometimes this works but for some the odor is still too overbearing and offensive to the husband. I have heard it compared to the smells of the stables or the stench in the estate slaughtering house.

"And the worst part is that a woman may have to eat two servings a day for up to three days for it to work. And the last of those days would be the first of the days when a woman would be most likely to be able to become with child. The working of the soup will cause some women so much discomfort that they are unable to receive their husband during this time and so it often works against what a woman is trying to achieve."

"I see. So a woman may have to go through eating a terrible smelling and tasting soup for several days and then be too sick from eating it to be able to lay with her husband after all that effort, or he may decide that he cannot stand the odor. But if the woman can stand it, if she overcomes all of these negative things, does it allow her to become with child?"

"Yes, Ma'am, it does work or it would have been abandoned many, many years ago. Some women are able to stand up to all of this and still entice..."

"Wait! Wait, you said there are two possible treatments. I need to hear the other possible treatment so I can make a considered choice of what is best for me. Please explain what is involved in the other treatment."

She had been slowly relaxing as she described the awful steps and possible consequences of the first treatment. Now she started to tense again and I felt sure that she considered the second treatment to be even worse than the first. But I had to hear for myself and be able to make a decision; I would have my husband's children.

"Ma'am, the other treatment, the doctor will not tell to any of his nurses and never to a patient, as far as I have ever heard. I understand that if demanded by the husband of a patient, the doctor will reveal the treatment, but only to the husband. But as I said, it also is based on an old folk medicine treatment.

"Are you familiar with the nursery rhyme about the care of babies, infants and children that the country folk sing to their children even in the crib? The one that starts with the story of how to treat a baby's upset stomach by giving it just a 'spot of rum with mint for the baby's tum', and it has the story of fixing broken bones, 'bind the limb straight and true, and the child will grow to work for you'. Most people never learn even half of the complete rhyme, but the old folk medicine healers keep the whole song to teach their students the basic ideas of how many of the different illnesses are identified or treated.

"The portion that is important to you right now is a short verse and much later in the song and was probably never spoken in your home as it is considered to be rude even among the lowest of the poor. I had hope that the knowledge of this verse had been whispered to your maid, probably by an old maid who was too old to continue to serve, who would have passed the information below the stairs so it would be available to the house, but not be of the home. It is never repeated in the mixed company of men and women and this is where I fear you will beat me with the crop.

*****

"The verse goes like this:

Some women small

Though full of heart,

At fertile times

May barely fart.

But for child to catch

The flow of life,

Must sometimes be

Through a buggered wife."

*****

She quickly placed her hands on my knees and bent her head to the back of her hands apparently waiting for me to hit her with the crop. I repeated the verse in my head. Yes, the word fart is a rude word but even my father's insistence on the seclusion, the gentility of my education did not keep me from hearing that word. Surely, she did not expect a beating for the use of that word; that would be barbaric. And the first half of the verse did indeed accurately describe my condition.

So, it had to be the last line that frightened her, and I had no idea what it meant; none! She still had her head resting on the back of her hands trembling on my knees, waiting for the stroke of the crop. I placed the crop on the seat next to me and taking her cheeks in my hands, I raised her eyes to mine.

Although she may have been a few years older than me, I addressed her as though to cajole information from a small resistant toddler, "Child, I know that you are very reluctant to continue in the explanation, but I must know the full meaning and have a complete understanding of the steps of the process. I need for you to explain more fully what the verse means as this wording is unfamiliar to me. I will not punish you for giving me that which I am demanding from you. I must know!"

I think she still expected that as she spoke I may choose to punish her for what she was about to explain and she returned to that submissive position, her back exposed, ready to receive strokes from the crop. I of course meant exactly what I had said, that I would not punish her for giving me the information that I demanded. Still she remained bowed as she spoke to me.

"Ma'am, you know that most times, the husband and wife fit together as key and keyhole and with normal manipulation, a child is made and after nine months, is born to the couple. In the condition you have, the keyhole is blocked and sometimes a child cannot be made. The second part of the verse refers to the process of using the husband's key to break through the blockage and allow the normal flow to resume thus allowing the making of a child.

"The term 'buggered wife' refers to the other passage from between your legs and means allowing the husband to push into that opening and through manipulation, clearing the blockage so that normal mating is possible. The husband must put his penis into his wife's asshole and manipulate it to clear it. This clearing process, this buggering, must sometimes be done several times, maybe even on several days to be affective. And if proper preparation is not used, it can be a painful experience for the wife.

"Many ladies feel the whole procedure too dirty and disgusting to even be considered and some husbands feel that as well. Even the mention of it may make some ladies ill, and may incite some husbands to violence. If you insist, I can give you further explanation of the preparations required for this procedure."

She trembled again, I think she still felt I might grab up the crop and apply it to her as punishment for saying those words that I needed to hear. I again placed my hands on her face, raising her chin to look into her eyes. I had to make her realize that she was safe from abuse, that she would not be beaten for giving me the knowledge that I needed to improve my health and allow me to provide children to my husband.

That is when I saw it, a flicker of fear in her eyes. No longer fear of me or the crop, but fear that she had shared with me information that was not something that the doctor had shared with me, and maybe not even shared with my husband. If the doctor did not share this procedure with my husband, or knowing of it, my husband chose not to share it with me, then there should be no way that I could know about it.

I needed time to think about this and so I bade her to dress again, to repair her attire to her full nurse's uniform. I still needed her to give me more detail for the preparation for the procedure so that if my husband did share it with me, I would know how best to make sure I suffered as little pain as possible. And I wanted to have an explanation of how I knew of the procedure if he chose to share it with me.

That part came quickly to me. My husband sometimes traveled to handle his business interests, sometimes a few days, sometimes as long as a fortnight. I could twist my ankle while he was gone and to save myself the discomfort of a two day trip to the doctor's estate, I could send one of our groundskeepers to locate one of the folk healers in our area. I could say that for my permission to her to gather mushrooms, and herbs, and berries in the woods of our estate, she had provided a poultice for my ankle and that we had talked of many other things as well.

The nurse was thrilled with my idea as I related it to her as she finished dressing. We then sat back down, much more relaxed and she told me much more about the preparation required to avoid pain for the 'buggering'. Being an unmarried woman, and therefore inexperienced, the nurse told me what she had been told by the folk healers that she dealt with in the doctor's research.