My Life Ch. 01

"Just a beer for me, grab whatever you want for yourself."

Kyle was already relaxing on what was probably his usual spot. It looked a little worn around the cushions whereas the rest of the couch looked brand new. There was a spot right next to him, but it was closer than just-a-friend might sit, so I wasn't sure if he meant for me to sit there or not. But I'd gone this far, so why not. I sat down next to him and put the drinks on the glass coffee table in front of us.

I had gotten him the beer he requested but only grabbed an ice tea for myself.

"Okay, so the question was why I don't have a current girlfriend," he said as we got comfortable.

I nodded with my mouth full of pizza.

Kyle's features changed slightly as he began to speak, growing more serious than I'd seem him so far, "I've had a lot of relationships but most have ended in disaster. The last one was with a girl I really liked but things just got out of control and I'm afraid it ended up a mess just like the rest... that one really hurt."

"How long ago did it end?" I asked.

"Almost a year ago," Kyle answered.

"So it sounds like you're the common denominator in all of the disasters," I said cheekily.

Kyle shot me an odd look, "You're too smart for your own good you know, but you're more right than wrong."

I finished the last bit of my pizza and took a long drink of the ice tea before asking, "So what happens, why haven't any of them worked out?"

Kyle sat silently for a long moment in thought. I almost asked a different question to change the subject when he reached down and grabbed my foot and pulled it onto his lap and began to massage the soul. My foot almost disappeared into his huge hands but it felt brilliant and I let out a soft moan as he pushed his thumb into the arch.

"My hands need something to do while I think about what to say," he explained and rubbed.

"I'm not complaining, think as long as you want," the foot massage felt fabulous on my sore feet and almost made the fact that my barely covered crotch was completely exposed to him.

"I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I grew up on a steady diet of pornography and ideas that were completely wrong about women. I think... I think I was just very selfish mostly, only really thinking about my own wants, desires, pleasure..."

I nodded and listened.

"I've known this for a while now, but it's not such an easy thing to fix."

I thought for a moment, "My foot thinks you're doing just fine."

Kyle chuckled and continued to rub absentmindedly, "I'd like to think I've come a long ways. I'm not the person I used to be—I've learned a lot about myself. But I still have those tendencies. I just try to bury them down deep," he said a little sadly.

"What kind of tendencies?" I asked without thinking. I felt the pressure on my foot increase.

"I don't know if I'm ready to answer that one completely yet," he said and shot me a smile.

"Aww, give me a hint at least. Now you've peaked my curiosity."

Kyle put my foot into his lap and took the other into his hand. I shifted sideways onto the couch so that both my legs were on his lap, my head resting on the arm of the sofa.

"I'll give you a hint, but first you have to tell me about you and Brooklyn."

I involuntarily pulled my foot but it was held tight in Kyle's grasp, "I've never told anyone about that," I said and let myself relax back into the cushions.

"Not easy to talk about?" asked Kyle.

I shook my head.

"That's how I'm feeling."

I thought for a moment, enjoying the warm hands on my foot, "Brooklyn is more than just my friend," when Kyle didn't say anything I continued. We've literally been roommates since we were eight. We've grown up together."

"That's kind of cute, really," Kyle teased lightly.

"She's from Scotland and has the red hair and green eyes to prove it," I went on, "and her parents sometimes feel more like my real parents. They've invited me over to their house a few times on holiday. They're really the best."

"That's good. I'm happy you know some good people there."

I thought about Brooklyn for a minute and I remembered that I needed to call her soon. I'd gotten so wrapped up in seeing Kyle these last few days I had almost forgotten about her. She was going to be furious. I faintly heard Kyle talking but it seemed far off as my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

I opened my eyes and watched the ceiling fan turn lazily above my head. I didn't remember having a ceiling fan in my room. I turned my head and saw the flat screen television on the wall but it didn't make sense either. I sat up quickly, trying to remember where I was. My skin peeled away from sticky leather and I realized I'd fallen asleep on Kyle's couch. And he had let me stay here all night long... I had just slept in another man's house.

I was covered in a light fleece blanket that must have put there by Kyle. I looked around. Kyle was gone and the house was silent. I stood up and stretched, my calf and thigh muscles were still sore, but they seemed to be a little less today. A shower was what I needed, and some breakfast. I would need to get back home and feed Maximus before I headed back home, too. Poor dog, I was really neglecting him. He probably felt like I did, only worse because he was stuck in the back yard all day.

Some music would be nice, I thought, and after fumbling with the remote for a few minutes I managed to find something that wasn't too terrible. I also managed to cook a couple of eggs without making too much of a mess. Kyle's house was nearly spotless so I was sure he'd notice if I didn't pick up after myself. After a quick bite I headed back towards the loo to have a shower when a thought came to me. This was happening to me a lot lately, random thoughts and ideas just popping into my head and making me think of things I wouldn't normally think of.

A long set of stairs leading to the second floor were at the head of the hallway, so instead of using the loo by the garage, I decided to see what was upstairs.

At the top of the stairs a small hallway went to the right, but large double doors were at the left. That had to lead to Kyle's room. One was already open a crack so I pushed inward and walked inside. Wow, was all I could think when I entered his room. It was enormous and well decorated with a gigantic bed at the far wall and darkly stained nightstands to each side. I looked up wondering if there would be a mirror but only found a modern looking ceiling fan.

The bed wasn't made, which surprised me a little because he was typically so careful to keep things neat and tidy. Maybe there was hope for him yet, I laughed. At the other end of the bedroom I found the loo. It was completely open to the master bedroom except for a small room for the toilet that gave the only privacy. I stood still and listened but the house was quiet. Nobody was going to be home for hours, so I stripped of my bathing suit, opened the large glass door to the shower and stepped inside.

The warm water felt good and I couldn't help but smile at what I was doing. I was starkers in a man's bathroom just feet away from where he slept. My mind kept telling me to hurry, that he might be home at any minute, but I forced myself to take my time and enjoy the moment. I knew it was playing house really. I was again being that silly little girl, but it felt invigorating and fun.

After my shower I got home quickly and jumped into my routine and got my chores done. I fed the dog, washed my swimsuit while I straightened up my room and got ready to head to the beach again. The phone rang while I was standing naked in the kitchen.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Jillian," sounded my mum's voice in surprise. "Why did you not answer the phone last night? I was calling all evening looking for you."

Oops, I hadn't thought to look to see if anyone had called, "Sorry mum. I fell asleep early."

"No doubt you were wasting time at the beach all day."

"Well there's not a lot else to do, mum," I complained, trying not to sound bitter.

"There most certainly is, young lady. You could be revising and getting ready for fall term."

"What? You can't be serious. I've only been home for five days. I don't want to do school work." I could hear my mum taking in deep breaths and it wouldn't do any good to antagonize her anyway. "I'll go to the library today and check out some books instead of going to the beach."

"Hmm, that would be acceptable. Very well then," she paused, "Also, I called to let you know that your father's trip needed to be extended so we'll be gone another week. There's some money in the..."

I only half listened to what she was saying as I tried to bite back my stupid tears. I hadn't seen them for ten months and when I did get home they were so busy getting ready for dad's stupid business trip that they hardly noticed me.

"...we'll make plans when we get home, okay?"

I sniffed and forced myself to sound happy, "Sure mum, see you when you get home."

The phone went dead and I set it on the kitchen counter. This meant I was home alone for a week-and-a-half. A smile pulled at my lips as I thought about what this meant. I was going to be able to spend as much time as I wanted with my new friend. It was fine that my parents had other plans, sure, that was okay. They can do what they want. But now I'm going to do what I want.

I hurried and got my things together and had my feet in the sand almost an hour later. I was getting faster on the bike ride already. The waves were good and the sun was hot. I love California.

It was the middle of the afternoon and I had almost drunk all of my water so I decided that maybe the library wasn't such a bad idea. I knew I could be there in about thirty minutes on my bike so I picked up my things and made my way through the neighborhood streets until I came to the old Spanish looking building that was the La Jolla city library. I pushed my bike behind some bushes and carried my surfboard and Camelback inside. I wasn't too worried that someone would steal my bike. It was an old beach cruiser that was made for someone my size so it didn't attract a lot of attention. My surfboard however, was another matter. I wasn't going to let anyone else touch it, and that included the old hag of a librarian that was probably still working here.

We had a mutual dislike for each other and every summer I hopped that she might have died while I was at school, but she was like one of those old people who always seem to be around. She was probably some eternal bloodsucking vampire by night and a hideous mean old lady by day. The doors slid open as I approached and I went inside. I had pulled the top of my wetsuit down to my hips and the air conditioning felt good on my skin.

I walked over to the books marked fiction and started to skim the titles. I pulled an interesting book called The Bone Clocks from the shelf when I heard that familiar gravely shriek.

"You can't bring that thing in here, Miss Hunter," said a slightly hunched over elderly lady. She had thinning grey hair and skin that was pocked with healed scars and she had several large moles on her face and neck.

I didn't look up but could feel her approaching. How did she remember my name, I wondered?

"I'm not bothering anyone, Ma'am," I said, keeping my attention on my book.

"You're bothering me, young lady. You come in here every summer and track sand all over the place. This is a library, not a beach."

"Yeah, I missed you, too," I said sarcastically. "I'm almost done though. I just wanted to get a couple of books to read tonight."

"No, no. You are done now. Get out now before I call security."

I looked at her in surprise, "Are you serious? You've never thrown me out before. You usually just whinge for an hour and then leave me alone."

"Well not today. I don't have time for your antics today. If you came here like everyone else and dressed decently I wouldn't have to do this."

I took my book and picked up my board, "Fine," I mumbled as I sidestepped by her. I hated that she was an old lady and half hunched over but was still a little taller than I was. Life is so unfair.

"No, no. You cannot check out any books today. You will need to change your clothes and come back more respectfully to do that," she said as I passed her. She tried to take my book but I held onto it tightly and picked up my pace toward the front counter.

I heard her scuffle behind me but I knew she'd never be able to catch me before I got to the checkout station and left. I took my small wallet out of my backpack and found my library card, hoping it didn't have any fines on it from last summer—that would ruin my plan, and then checked out my book and made it through the front door before the ancient librarian could stop me.

Getting my bike out from behind the bushes I rode it back to Kyle's house and was happy to see that he was home.

I entered the garage and found him standing at a wooden workbench working on something I couldn't quite identify but had wires pointing in every direction.

I stepped up next to him, "What're you working on?" I asked, feeling more comfortable with only wearing my bikini.

Kyle didn't look up right away. He cut a series of wires before he put his tool down and stretched his neck by moving his head side-to-side. "It's the brain to a home security system. I thought I might try to fix it but I think I'll need to buy a new one."

He then reached over and pulled me into a one armed hug and breathed in the top of my head through his nose, "you smell like the beach—I love that smell."

I smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder. He was sitting on a stool so it made it easier to be closer to him.

"It's blazing hot outside and a little early for dinner. I was going to go for a swim. You want to come with?"

I nodded and smiled. That sounded perfect after the ride from the library. I knew he had a pool, but I hadn't gone into his backyard to see all of it.

Kyle went upstairs to change and I went into the backyard. The pool looked extremely inviting with the waterfall cascading off of a rock slide on the far side. I pulled my wetsuit off and laid it on the grass and then stepped off of the edge and into the cool water.

Kyle came out of the sliding door wearing an old pair of board shorts. He was defiantly fit and I couldn't look away until he jumped into the pool and swam up next to me.

I pushed off of the ground and floated on my back with my eyes closed, "Sorry I fell asleep on you last night."

Kyle laughed, "Don't worry about it. It was probably better that way anyway."

I wasn't sure what to say to that at the moment so I said the first thing that came to mind, "My mum called this morning. Her and dad are going to be gone another week."

Kyle moved under the waterfall and let the water crash over his shoulders, "Sorry to hear that. I know you wanted them to get home soon."

I went underwater for a moment and enjoyed the feeling of weightlessness and the surfaced, "I was," I said, wiping away the water from my eyes. "But then I realized that it's more time I can hang out with you."

Kyle looked at me for a long time. I started to feel uncomfortable in the silence, "What is it?" I asked. "Oh, am I jumping to conclusions? I'm sorry. I'm probably making a pest of myself—"

"—Jillian," Kyle interrupted and then moved next to me. "That's not it at all, believe me."

He reached out and took my upper arms into his grasp. I wasn't sure what to think, "What is it then, what's wrong?"

"I'm supposed to be the responsible one here and tell you that you should go home - that hanging out with me will only lead to problems for both of us."

"I don't understand, Kyle. Do you want me to leave?"

Kyle shook his head, "I wish I did want that. It would make this easier... No, I like it when you're here. I like it very much."

"Then what's the problem?"

Kyle released one arm and ran his hand through his wet hair, "The problem is self-control. It's harder to maintain every time you come over."

I gathered my nerve and took a step forward, "Would it be so wrong to lose a little of that control?" I asked; my voice a little shaky.

"Yes... I think so. You just don't understand, Jillian. You can't understand."

I hadn't taken a step forward but I noticed that I was now only a few inches away from Kyle. I had to look straight up to make eye contact with him. "So help me understand," I said in forced confidence.

Kyle smiled, reached down and picked me up by the waist and sat me on the side of the pool where we could be at eye level, "There, this is better," he said and moved to stand between my knees. "You are very young but very beautiful and I am beyond attracted to you, but I'm also twice your age and have had too many failed relationships to count. I just don't want to hurt you or have you change your life in anyway. You're headed in a great direction and I don't want to derail that."

That was a lot to take in and I knew I would be up late tonight trying to remember every word of it in an attempt to analyze it to death. "I know. And all that's true. But I can't stop coming over here. Coming here at the end of the day has been the best part of coming home," I had to look down because looking directly into his eyes was too intense, but I wasn't able to stop talking, "I want to experience things and live life. I feel like I'm missing out on life being shut up in that school most of the year. Just the few things I've shared with you have felt amazing. It makes my heart race and it makes me feel something I've never felt before."

Kyle smiled again and ran a hand through my hair. It sent chills down my back and made my skin goose pimple. "You see? This is what I mean. A simple touch is new to you and it excites you. It's like taking a drug for the first time in that way. You feel something amazing at first. But then you want that feeling again. Only this time it takes more of that drug to get you there. Then before you know it you're a drug addict and can't stop chasing that first high. Intimacy, love, lust and sex can be a lot like that."

I nodded. I understood that, "I get that. When Brooklyn and I first kissed I thought my heart was going to explode. But then we got used to that and we wanted more."

"And then pretty soon you're having all out sex over and over again..."

I nodded slowly and could feel a blush working its way up my neck.

"I love it when you blush and I know how that feels, but eventually you won't blush around me and that makes me a little sad."

"So what's the answer, just to stop coming over here? I don't think I like that thought."

Kyle shook his head, "I don't either," he said and then took a deep breath.

I looked up. His face was only inches away from mine. He leaned forwards and touched his lips to mine and I couldn't help but smile for a second before I kissed him back. He grabbed my lower lip between his own and pulled lightly. I leaned forward and the kiss deepened. I couldn't believe it—I was kissing my first boy, and that boy was Kyle Brooks, my oldest brother's best friend.