My Life's Playlist Ch. 08

First of all, a big thank you for all of you who have commented and voted. I can't get better if I don't know what to change. Second enormous thanks go to Pennlady for loaning me Drew. He's such a nice boy, and I'm waiting breathlessly for him to have his own story. WHB

Song 15
She doesn't know what she's done
Little one doesn't know when to stop
Love must find her
Love must find her a way

She doesn't know what he's thinking
She only knows how he behaves
Love must find him
Love must find him a way

I reckon I must be just an old softy
'Cause I still believe in love
I think the best is yet to come
'Cause where I'm from is also where I'm going
"Love Songs -- James Taylor"

I spent the rest of the weekend in recovery mode. Ted, Angie, and Theo met me for church and brunch. We kept the conversation light, with Theo filling me in on all his doings at preschool, and Ted giving me an update on the soap opera we like to call "As the Middle Schooler's Hormones Turn." Angie took it all in with a smile, but I could tell she had something she wanted to say, and when Ted took Theo to the restroom, she jumped on the opportunity to do so.

"You know that Tor continued to take Theo on outings while you were gone. He told us that even though he wasn't seeing you, he felt it wasn't fair to Theo to stop taking him out. That makes him a stand up guy in my book. I just thought you should know, before Theo said anything. I'm not sure what you did Pippa, but you need to fix this, ASAP."

"I know, and I'm working on it," I promised.

She leaned over and gave my hand a squeeze. "I think he still cares. He always asks about you when we talk."

"Thanks for the heads up. I'll keep you informed of the progress."

"Whatever else you think, you deserve to be happy."

Our conversation came to a complete halt due the arrival of Hurricane Theo. I glanced at my watch, finished my coffee, and we got ready to leave. Ted walked me to my car. He handed me a letter from James on where he'd stopped in my lessons.

"Thanks Ted, for everything. Now I'd like to do something for you and Angie. Do you guys want to go to the beach for the weekend? I'll keep Theo."

"We'd love to Pippa, but let me double check with a member of management. See you tomorrow. Same bat time."

"Same bat channel. Bye crazy man,"

Morning came, and it felt good to be back in my same routine. Scott welcomed me back with a hug and a café au lait. I have to admit that when I left the coffee shop I glanced around, half expecting (hoping?) to see Tor run by. No such luck, but it left me thinking about the last several months, and how we'd met. Riding the train it came to me, he'd carefully wooed me, now I needed to do the same. That's when I came up with my brilliant five step plan to win back a great guy in hopefully less than ten days.

Step 1 -- An apology note and a small gift.

It was a relief to see all my kids on Monday. I thanked each period for their cards and notes, and then proceeded to start our WWI unit. I think everyone was glad to see I was almost back to my normal self, or at least I was trying really hard to fake it. It was harder to deal with the well meaning expressions of sympathy the parents felt they had to impart in carline. After ten minutes of smiling and thank yous, Morgan could see I was about to lose it and came to my rescue, sending me to do duty in the main hall.

I was glad to get home, even though I knew that a month's worth of assignments needed to be graded. Before I started grading I pulled out the thumb drive and gift card I'd picked up on my way home. Downloading the information I needed onto the drive, I slipped both items into an envelope with the following note:

Dear Mr. Edvardson,

I apologize for the way our last interaction ended. My Dad loved to tease me about the fact

I could come up with a song for any occasion. I've chosen these as a playlist of sorts for the last few months. I hope you enjoy them. I'm also enclosing a gift card to PetSmart. Please purchase something for Axel, and tell him I miss him, but not as much as I miss you. I hope someday you will be able to forgive me.

Vänliga hälsningar,

Phillipa Fiona Rhys-Hall

Annie came in a few hours later, and she could tell I'd been scheming. I filled her in on my five steps, and then told her I need her help on steps one and four.

"I need you to slip this note into Tor's mailbox tonight," I pleaded.

"Jeez Pipster, you're back to passing notes. Does it say do you like me check yes or no? I think teaching 7^th graders has made you revert back to being one. What if he's there and catches me?"

"The team has an away game tonight."

"So why can't you do it?"

"Because one of his neighbors might recognize me. Please, please, please do this for me. I'll make your favorite dinners for a week," I bargained.

"You've got a deal, but I hope that my part in step four isn't nearly so cloak and dagger."

"It's not. Are you off Friday?"

"Yep, I have that day off and I don't go back on call until Saturday at 5:00 a.m."

"Great! How'd you like to go to a hockey game with Theo and me?"

"To watch your scheming little self in action, sure."

Steps 2 & 3 -- Say it with flowers-and nuts!

Tuesday afternoon found me in my favorite flower shop. They specialized in fresh cut flowers, and I usually stopped by once a week to get flowers for the house. I was greeted with a huge hug and a smacking kiss on the cheek by Rafe. He and his partner Garrett had run the shop forever, and it was another place I'd been coming to since I was a child.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you how beautiful the flowers you did for the services were, Rafe. I know Mum would have loved them. I haven't seen a bill yet, and I'm trying desperately to wrap all this estate crap by spring break. Can you resend it?"

"We haven't and we won't Pipsqueak. Your parents were great customers of ours, and I figure it's the last thing we can do for them." I could tell he was trying not to cry.

"Rafe you know I have a firm rule that no one cries alone in my presence, so don't you dare start."

"Ok Pip. So what brings you here today? We've got some really fragrant dauphine branches today. They'd not only look great, but they'd smell great too."

"Actually I need for you to send a couple of arrangements for me, along with a box of nuts and a geranium plant. All three are going to Tor Edvardson, the first arrangement needs to be delivered tomorrow, and the second on Thursday. I have his address, and if he keeps to his usual schedule he'll be home between 1:00 and 4:00 both days."

"Not a problem. What do you want in the first arrangement?"

"Bluebells, Johnny jump ups, and white violets."

"An unusual choice, Pippa. Care to explain?"

"Tor got me a book on the language of flowers, and bluebells mean humility, white violets mean let's take a chance on happiness, and Johnny jump ups mean you occupy my thoughts."

"I see. What about your second arrangement?"

"Eleven red and one yellow rose," I answered.

"Ah, the classic arrangement meaning love and passion. He must mean a lot to you."

"He does, hence the reason I'm going to have you deliver a geranium plant and a box of nuts today, since both symbolize stupidity. I've prewritten the cards, so if you could just attach them. I've written the dates on the outside of each envelope."

"Will do. Have a great rest of the day Pippa, and good luck."

I gave him a hug and left to finish my errands. Before I could leave, he called out my name. I turned and said "yes?"

"If this works, you are going to let me do the flowers for your wedding, right?"

"Yeah, whatever." I turned on my heels and left before he could see my bright red face.

I had prewritten the notes ahead of time. The first reason was I had written the notes in both Swedish and English. The first note was simple. It read:

Tor,

Jag hoppas någon gång kommer du att kunna förlåta mig för min dumhet.

(I hope someday you will be able to forgive me for my stupidity.)

Groveling för din förlåtelse,

(Groveling for your forgiveness,)

Pippa

The second read:

Tor,

En Wiseman skrev en gång för mig att blommor kan säga vad man har problem med att säga högt. Jag hoppas du kan höra vad dessa har att säga.

(A wise man once wrote me that flowers can say what one has trouble saying aloud. I hope you can hear what these have to say.)

Er evigt,

(Yours forever),

Pippa

Truthfully, the main reason for pre-writing the notes was because of what the third one contained:

Tor,

(Det finns så många saker jag missar om dig. Jag saknar ditt leende, ditt sinne för humor, ditt skratt. Jag saknar det sätt du minutiöst tömma din fickor på natten, etikettarkets allt just på sängbord. Jag saknar framför allt hur du skulle försenas i vår säng efter ett spel, ibland bara hålla mig, ibland väcka mig med din kiss och caress. Huvudsakligen, saknar jag bara dig.)

(There are so many things I miss about you. I miss your smile, your sense of humor, your laugh. I miss the way you meticulously empty your pockets at night, lining everything up precisely on the bedside table. I especially miss the way you'd slip into our bed after a game, sometimes just holding me, sometimes waking me with your kiss and caress. Mainly, I just miss you.)

Kärlek

(Love),

Din ensam liten en

(Your lonely little one)

Hey, everyone didn't need to know my exact relationship with Tor.

Step 4 -- Send a note between the second and third periods of a home game with an offer that hopefully can't be refused.

The rest of the week flew by, and I was getting back to my old groove. I won't lie and say there weren't times that I was hit again with the realization that my parents were gone. I can say I now understand firsthand what the phrase grief stricken means. You think you're fine, and then the grief just comes and smacks you in the gut. It was happening less often, but I still set up an appointment to work with a counselor.

I had gotten no response from Tor so far, but I kinda expected that. Friday came, and as expected Ted and Angie took me up on my offer. Ted and Angie both took a "mental health" day, so Annie picked me up at school and we picked up Theo from preschool.

"Are we going to the game tonight Aunt Pippa?" queried Theo. "Is Dr. Annie coming too?"

"That's where we headed now poppet. You and Dr. Annie are going to drop me off at the Verizon Center, and then you and she are going to go get dinner. I'll meet you both at our seats before the game starts."

"It's kinda early isn't it Aunt Pippa? You won't be able to get into the game yet. I know because I always want to come straight to the game after school, but Daddy told me we won't be able to get in."

"I've got an errand to run before the game starts, so it will be okay. Think about where you want to go for dinner."

"Okay."

Silence dominated the rest of the ride. Theo was concentrating on where he wanted to eat, Annie was concentrating on how to get me out of jail if my plan went haywire, and I concentrating on not throwing up. Before I knew it we were pulling into the parking garage, and parting ways.

"Good luck Pipster. Remember, there is a fine line between admirer and stalker. Try not to cross it."

"Thanks Annster. See you in a few."

I took the elevator to the section the players' entrance was on. I poked my head out to make sure that Tor was nowhere in sight. I saw his car, which meant he was already inside. Now all I had to do was wait for a player I knew to come by. Though it felt like an eternity, it was only about 10 minutes before I heard voices I recognized. Drew Stamenski, Anatoli Strelkov, and Anatoli Oborotenski, not my first choices, but they would do. Since Drew had been out with Tor and me a few times, I decided he would be the one I approached to do my favor. I screwed up my courage and stepped out of the shadows.

"Pippa, long time no see. I'm sorry about your parents," Drew said as he leaned down to give me a hug. The other two followed suit. Looking up, way up, at the three of them, I resisted the urge to break into the "Munchkin Song".

"Thanks. How have you guys been? I tried to follow the games, but it's hard to find NHL coverage in England. It's all about the football there, and I don't mean the Redskins."

"I'm fine, but what's up with Tor?" Drew replied. "He's never exactly been Mary freakin Sunshine, but now he snaps your head off if you try to talk to him about anything other than the game."

"No clue," I replied.

"Bullshit," he replied.

"Bite me, Drew."

Drew and Obie burst out laughing, but Toyla just looked confused until Obie translated it into Russian for him. The he laughed and said "I think that would just piss him off more."

"So other than wanting me to fulfill your kinky sexual desires, why the obsessed fan routine Pippa?"

"I need a favor from you, and before you say ANYTHING it is not sexual in nature!"

"Since we are both taken this sounds like a good time for us to go Toyla. As always it's been interesting to spend time with you Pippa," laughed Obie.

"Thanks Obie and back at you. Since Tor is in such a good mood, could you guys maybe not mention the fact you saw me tonight?"

"Not a problem," Toyla replied as Obie nodded his head in agreement. I wished them luck and watched them walk to the player's entrance, then turned my attention back to Drew. "So, any chance of you doing me that favor?"

"That depends. What's in it for me?"

"My undying gratitude and a big gold star."

"Not good enough try again."

"The use of my house on the Outer Banks for a weekend after the season is over?"

"You're getting warmer. How about the use of the house and you set me up with one of your single teacher friends? I promise to be a gentleman, at least for the first date."

"You drive a hard bargain, but desperate times call for desperate measures. All I need you to do is give this to Tor when you guys go to the locker room between the second and third periods."

He looked at me like I'd lost my mind, but took the envelope. "It's not a letter bomb is it?"

"No. Now, don't you need to get inside before you're late for warm-ups?"

"Damn, you're right. See you around Pippa."

"Bye Drew. Skate well and try to win."

"Always."

He went inside and I took the elevator to the level that let out on the sidewalk. I found a small coffee shop and had a cup of tea while I waited for it to be late enough to go in. I had thought long and hard about what to put in the note, and finally settled on this:

Tor,

Enclosed please find a ticket for our school's Valentine's Day dance. If you attend I promise to let you tell me exactly what you think of me, and then I'll never bother you again if that's what you want. The only thing I'll do is apologize in person for my mistake. I gave you that chance, and I'm sure you will return the favor.

Hoping,

Pippa

I really meant what I said. If he didn't ever want to see me again, then I'd let him go. I sighed, looked at my watch, finished my tea and left to go to what I hoped wouldn't be my last game.

**************

The game was, ironically, against the Maple Leafs, just like the first one I'd attended. At least this time I had a clue as to what was going on. Theo was, as always, fascinated and he explained the nuances of the game very carefully to Annie, bringing smiles to the fans around us. Annie had never been to a live game, but by the expression her face, she seemed well on her way to becoming a convert to the cult of the Capitals.

During warm ups I noticed Drew and the Anatolis occasionally glance our way and smile. They had obviously kept their promise, because Tor never looked towards our section. I, on the other hand, couldn't help but focus my attention on Tor. With his helmet and face shield on it was hard to tell, but if I had to describe his expression in one word I'd pick determined. He skated that way too, as if nothing and nobody was coming between him and the goal. Granted this was expected of all the guys who play at this level, but Tor had taken it up a notch, as if this game was the most important thing in his life. Whatever he was doing, it was definitely working, because I sat a breathless part of the crowd as he scored his first, then second goal. As the buzzer was getting ready to signal the end of the second period the puck seemed to move across the ice in slow motion and as the entire crowd watched, went through the goalies legs to score Tor's third goal of the evening. The buzzer sounded as a flurry of hats hit the ice. I vaguely heard Theo explain the hat trick tradition to Annie, but I was too involved in watching the Capitals bench empty as the players made their way to surround Tor and celebrate their way into the locker room. I caught a brief glance at his face, and his expression of joy reminded me of when I'd last seem him look like this.

New Year's Eve. I sat down with a gasp, grateful it was muffled by the sounds of celebration around me. I flashed back to that night. The two of us entwined in front of the fire, gently making love to one another. Reaching up to caress his cheek, seeing the same look I saw at the beginning of the game, but this time as if I was the most important thing in his life. Hearing him whisper his love to me first in Swedish, then in English, and seeing the same look of joy I'd seen tonight when I told him I loved him too. I decided to allow myself a minute to enjoy the memory.

I small voice interrupted my daydreams. "Aunt Pippa, I think the usher's trying to get your attention." I looked up to notice the usher who'd brought me Tor's note during the first game trying to get my attention. He had two hats in his hand, along with a note. Thanking him I took the hats and noticed the note was addressed to Theo, not me.

Theo,

I thought you and your Dad might like something to remember tonight's hat trick by.

Enjoy the rest of the game!

Your buddy,

Tor

He had signed and dated the inside of each hat. Theo was thrilled, and the people around us looked a bit envious. The buzzer sounded to signal five minutes left in the intermission and Tor was among the players who skated out to warm back up. I caught my breath as he stopped in front of our section. He nodded at Annie, smiled and waved at Theo, then turned his back and skated away. My heart sank as I realized he had purposely ignored me, not that I didn't deserve it. I just had really hoped that my plan would work. I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity for the rest of the period, then as the buzzer sounded to signify the 4 -0 shut out, I gave myself a good mental shake, took Theo's hand, and led us out of the Verizon Center into my new Torless life.

Song 16

When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
When someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way

Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day.....
"Lovely Day" -- Bill Withers and Skip Scarborough

Somehow I survived the rest of the weekend. Theo and I played endless games of Chutes and Ladders and Candyland. We watched DVD's and went to the park. Favorite stories were read, and a trip the bookstore was made to add to his growing home library. Before I knew it, Sunday was here and we met his parents for brunch after church. Ted was thrilled with his hat, and a good time had been had by all that weekend. Except for me, of course. I gave Angie and Ted the two minute summary of what had happened at the game.