My Mind Was Frozen In Your Love

Immediately, he pulled away from her, smoothing her sweater down to cover her waist, dragging his hands over his head in frustration. Lizzie sat up, confused, watching him regain his composure while she felt completely shattered.

Red held up his hands, palms out, stalling her. "You need to think about this...., before we go any further."

Firelight danced over her skin, creating tempting shadows that played over her face.

"What do you mean? What is there to think about? I want this; I can have this with you," she impelled.

"You don't know what this life will be like. We're only going to complicate your situation if we do.....this." Red was exasperated; at her for wanting to pursue something that was clearly such a bad idea, at himself for not wanting to stop her.

"I know that I don't want to do this without you!" she cried desperately.

"You have me-"

"You know that's not what I mean!"

He sighed, "You can't.....undo this once it's done."

"I know that. I don't want to," she was sure.

"I mean for me!"

Lizzie stared in stunned silence at his outburst. Bewilderment contorted her features, "I don't......I'm confused."

Red scrubbed his palms over his face again, annoyed that he could not express himself to her adequately. "I can't.....I'm already having enough trouble with the idea that soon I'm going to have to let you go. I am going to clear your name of the Senator's death, Lizzie, I promise you that, but you will never be able to return to the FBI. There is no getting around Tom Connolly's murder. And keeping you with me will only endanger you further. Soon, I'm going to have to give you up. And even though I've always know that was the endgame, that it was part of the plan, I am having an increasingly difficult time imagining ever being able to walk away from you."

They stared at each other for the space of two breaths before he continued.

"And I have to, Lizzie, for your safety and my sanity, because I just cannot be this close to you anymore and not be able to have you for myself!"

Another beat passed. He was grateful for her silence.

"And if we do this, if you let me have you, I will never be able to let you go," he finished quietly.

After what felt like an eternity, Lizzie spoke, quieter than he anticipated.

"Don't I get a say?"

Red exhaled loudly a breath that he didn't even realize he'd been holding. Of course she was going to be unreasonable.

"I mean," she continued, "If this is my life and you're doing all this so that I can have the life I choose, then don't I get a say in the choice I make? Because, really, if you're just going to make all the decisions for me, it's really no different than having my life dictated by the Cabal."

He hung his head, "Really, Lizzie, how do you see this playing out? We clear your name and take down the Cabal and you return to work with me by your side and in your bed and no one thinks to question it?" He lifted his face to hers, eyes blazing. "Or are you going to come on the run with me, hmm? Leave your entire life behind, for what? Some glorified Bonnie and Clyde fantasy that you have for us? Are you going to learn the secret inner-workings of my vast criminal empire, become my partner in crime? Are you going to sell your soul as well? Darken and distort yourself in the cave with me so that neither one of us has any hope of ever finding the sun again? Will you take away my only chance at redemption?"

He looked stricken, his features so perverted with grief that her heart broke for him. She was his light. She would help him find his way back to it.

She reached out a hand to touch his face. He shied away from her, flinching, but she was not deterred. She leaned across the expanse of floor he'd put between them and gently, laid her palm against his cheek. "No," she said simply, in answer to his questions.

Lizzie rose from the floor; he watched her go. She circled the room, blowing out candles one by one.

Red's eyes followed her path around the room as she blew out each and every candle, save the one that would lead her down the hall to her own bedroom. She would leave him here in the dark, taking the last of her light from his world, as he deserved. He was terrified. A part of him was triumphant that he had convinced her this should not happen, they should not happen. But most of him was dying inside at the knowledge that she was about to leave.

When all but the last candle was extinguished, Red looked down at the floor. He could not bear to watch her walk away from him holding the his last figurative and literal hope of light.

He startled when her stocking feet came into view in front of him. He looked up to see her holding out her hand to him.

"We won't do.....this tonight," she conceded. "You're right, my life is never going to be the same again. I can't take back what I did to Connolly and I wouldn't, not if it meant saving you. We do need to talk and we need to make decisions, but we'll make them together. Like it or not, Red, I think we're in this for the long haul."

He stared up at her, disbelieving. She wasn't going to leave.

"Come on," she told him simply. "We'll take it slow. Let's try cuddling instead."

Chapter 5:

Lizzie led Red by the hand to the couch and pushed him down gently, pulling a blanket from the back before settling down in the crook of his arm, tucking her legs beneath her. She rested her head on his shoulder, draping the blanket over them.

"Now what?" he sighed.

"Now, we talk," she offered.

And so, they did. For hours they talked about their options for the future. Red gave her a basic overview of his business and shared his fears that he would corrupt her further by involving her in his lifestyle. Lizzie admitted that, while she didn't necessarily want to become a full-fledged criminal, there was an aspect to his life that she found intriguing, even suggesting that they continue to pursue the Blacklisters on their own while feeding information to the FBI. They were miles away from a solution, but they were communicating and Lizzie felt that, through her honesty about her feelings about their situation, Red was finally beginning to trust her.

Over the course of their dialogue they had relaxed into each other again, Lizzie sliding further and further down on the sofa until they ended up spooning on the couch. Red was staring into the flames of the fireplace, lost in his thoughts about their conversation. Perhaps, they could find a way to make this work. He could teach her things about how to survive in his world, he would protect her. He could instruct her so well that someday when he was gone she would still be able to thrive in whatever world she built for herself. He was still uneasy with the prospect of bringing her into his criminal empire, but he agreed with her ideas about hunting Blacklisters outside the authority of the FBI. It would not be so different from what they had already been doing; their work had often required them to operate with autonomy. Now, they would simply be eliminating the bureaucratic red tape, accomplishing takedowns with their own resources and on their own timetable, delivering hand-wrapped criminals to the FBI task force.

She had been quiet for awhile, dozing in his arms. It was late and the fire was dying when Red decided to carry her to bed.

Red pressed a kiss to her temple and began untangling himself from her limbs.

"Where are you going?" she queried sleepily.

"I need to bring in more wood from outside. The fire will be dying soon and the electricity likely won't be restored until morning," he drew the blanket down their legs, looking across the room for his snow boots.

"No! Don't go out in the storm again," she stopped him with a hand on his arm, her earlier panic returning.

"Lizzie, we won't be able to keep the fire going all night. There isn't enough wood to heat the whole house. You'll freeze in the bedroom," he reasoned.

"Please, Red, can we just sleep here?" she implored him.

"Oh, very well," he conceded, knowing he could deny her nothing.

He pulled her close to him, spooning her body with his own and drawing the blanket up over them both. He nestled his head in her hair, breathing her fresh scent, and felt her sigh against him.

"Red?" her voice was so soft it was almost a whisper against his arm beneath her head.

"Hmmmm?" he murmured in reply.

"Merry Christmas," she breathed, her voice hushed in the stillness of the night.

He gathered her closer, "Merry Christmas, Lizzie."

Soon, they had both relaxed into sleep, twined together on the couch and Red, for once, at peace with her in his arms.

Chapter 6:

Christmas morning dawned bright and clear. The storm had finally blown itself out, leaving the cabin and the surrounding woods blanketed in a fresh sheet of pristine, white snow.

Red had been awake for awhile, savoring the feel of the woman sleeping soundly in his arms. Propped on one arm, he studied her face, awash in the early morning light, dark lashes resting gently against the paleness of her cheek. The fire had died out hours ago, as predicted, judging by the chill in the air around them, but, wrapped in the warm cocoon of her embrace, he hardly noticed the cold.

Lizzie stirred beneath him, a soft sigh escaping her petal-pink lips as she snuggled closer to his warmth. His body responded predictably, the sound shooting straight to his groin. The couch was too narrow to shift away from her, so he remained where he was, his early-morning erection straining against her hip. Instinctively, she moved against him, still half-asleep, seeking him even now. A low hiss escaped his teeth as she rubbed her body against him.

He allowed his fingers to trace over her lips, bespelled by their impossibly smooth texture. He settled his fingers on her jaw and turned her face to his as he lowered his mouth to gently kiss her awake. She sighed against his lips, still not opening her eyes, and wiggled closer to him again, rubbing her hip against him sensuously.

Red was certain now that she was awake and teasing him deliberately. Grinning at her game, he released her mouth and ran his palm down her arm, caressing her flesh so lightly that it caused goosebumps to form in his wake. He outlined the hollows and ridges of her collarbone gently, learning every detail of satiny skin. He pressed a kiss into the indentation at the base of her throat, his tongue darting out to taste her.

Deftly, he slipped a hand under her tank top. Finger-tips skated over the flat plane of her stomach, skirting her ribs, coming to rest on the supple mound of her breast. He taunted her then, rolling her nipple between two fingers, pulling gently, pinching even, until he heard her breath quicken. Still, she continued their game, pretending sleep.

Red smiled knowingly, and dropped his head to her chest, tonguing her nipple through the thin, ribbed fabric of her shirt. He nipped at her playfully, trying to rouse her, but she doggedly refused to give in, though her squirming had definitely increased, he noted with satisfaction. Skimming his hand back down her body, he dipped below the waistband of her pajama pants, simultaneously sweeping the edge of her panties out of his way. His mouth continued the assault at her breast even as his fingers combed through the dense curls at the juncture of her thighs.

Faintly, he began to stroke her clit, barely touching her, not wanting to rush this, wanting her to feel every sensation. He gradually increased the pressure on her delicate organ, until he was rubbing heavy, slow, languorous circles with his thumb. He gently dipped one finger into her cleft, satisfaction spreading across his expression when he found her drenched and oh-so-ready for his penetration. Still massaging her clit, he began to plunge his finger deeper and faster into her sheath.

She gasped, yet still stubbornly refused to open her eyes.

Grinning with purpose against her breast, he added a second and then a third finger to her body as well.

Lizzie was panting now, moaning soft, wordless cries into his neck, all but the last pretense of sleep gone. Still, he wanted to see her eyes. He wanted to gaze into their bright depths as he claimed her body and cleansed his soul.

He crooked his fingers on his withdrawal, brushing against the most secret place inside her. She writhed beneath his hand, clenching her eyes tightly shut against the onslaught of sensations, the game forgotten.

He knew she was close. She only needed that final push to send her into oblivion and he gave it to her, closing his teeth over her nipple at the exact moment that he anointed her G-spot with his fingers again, sending her screaming over the edge, her eyes popping open at last. He covered her mouth with his, plunging his tongue between her lips with the same frantic energy as his fingers, drinking in her screams of pleasure as he stroked her orgasm higher and higher.

Finally, he withdrew from her and gently kissed each of her eyelids.

"You sweet, impossible girl," he spoke lovingly.

She was ready for him, her thighs parting to take him inside her, even as he shifted himself to kneel between her legs, his hands firm on her hips.

Suddenly, she gave a shriek of surprise as she found herself flipped over on the couch. He tugged her back until she was resting on all fours, her face on the armrest, her backside pressed against his erection, hands gripping her hips tightly.

"My turn," he declared triumphantly.

"Wha-" she began, turning her head to see him, only to feel his hand come swiftly down on the back of her neck, gently, but firmly, forcing her head back down.

"Red, please, I want to see you!" she cried.

"Now, now, Lizzie, that's hardly fair," he stated calmly. "I very much wanted to gaze into your eyes this morning, but you refused to cooperate," he feigned disappointment. "And now, you must accept the consequence of your impertinence," he told her matter-of-factly. Behind her back, he smiled.

He stroked his hands over her smooth back, massaging her from shoulder to hip, his hands and eyes roving over her endlessly. She was whimpering at the caresses his expert fingers delivered, all the while aware that he intended to fuck her without letting her look at him. Her pulse quickened at the thought. Dominant Red was so hot.

When he had reduced her to nothing more than a quivering mass writhing from his touch, Red parted her legs, and nudged himself between her folds. Grasping her shoulder, he thrust deeply into her, groaning her name as he sheathed himself to the hilt inside her delicious warmth.

He heard her cry out in response, her body thrusting back into him. He was so big and, god, he felt good, filling her up, stretching her so that there was no room left inside her for anything else but Red. It was like he was everywhere, all around her, completely overwhelming her senses. She was lost in him, in his scent, in the touch of his hands on her body, in the feel of him buried deep inside her.

Lizzie lowered her head onto her arms, draping herself over the armrest and raising her hips, offering herself up to him brazenly. Withdrawing all but the very tip of his shaft from her body, he paused for a moment before he sank slowly back into her. From the other end of the couch, he heard her whimper again, pushing herself back to take more of him inside her, craving the depth that only he could provide.

Taking a deep breath, he began to move, establishing a rhythm fast and deep, rolling his hip to hit every part of her. He reached around to cup her sex, rolling her clit between his fingers and spurring her towards her release. She was panting his name over and over again in time with his thrusts, the word a breathless chant, a mantra grounding her to the earth as she felt the familiar tension begin to build deep inside her core, the sensation of his rock-hard cock rigorously stroking her G-spot coupled with his fingers that eagerly exploited her most sensitive nerve urging her toward the edge. She could feel herself about to come again for the second time, when he pinched her clit between his fingertips, and stars exploded behind her eyes.

"Sweetheart, I'm going to come!" Red warned, forcefully thrusting into her from behind.

"Yes, come for me, Raymond!" she cried out, her hands digging into the fabric of the armrest for support as he came, violently, inside her with the sound of his given name ringing in his ears.

He stayed, buried inside her, panting for breath, for what seemed like an eternity, his cock pulsing with every heartbeat as their breathing slowed and the sweat cooled on their joined bodies. Finally, with a sigh, he slipped out of her and rolled onto the floor, arm around her waist, bringing her with him. She squealed her laughter as she ended up with her upper body resting on top of him, her head on his chest and his lips in her hair.

"You're a vixen," he accused, but she could feel his smile.

"I know what I want and I wanted to get my way," she teased facetiously.

"That, you did," Red chuckled goodnaturedly.

She draped an arm over his body and a wrapped one leg around his. They lay together like that, him holding her close. Her fingertips drew lazy patterns on his chest. He was thinking something; she could tell, as their companionable silence stretched on and he grew quiet.

"What is it?" she asked into his chest.

"Are you sure.....about this? About me?" he asked, swallowing nervously, his eyes staring up at the ceiling.

"Yes," she responded emphatically, raising up on one elbow to watch his response. "More than anything."

"Good," he whispered, twining his arm around her shoulder and urging her to rest against him again.

After a few moments of silence, "You said my name, my real name," he said wonderingly and she could hear that something had changed in his tone. He sounded.....wistful.

"It's who you are," she explained simply. "'Red' is your persona, the wealthy businessman who deals in crime, the secret benefactor, the mysterious playboy- and it's a cute nickname," she added, "but it isn't who you really are."

"And who am I?" he asked her honestly.

"That is something I think it will take a lifetime to learn."

"Hmmm...." he acknowledged thoughtfully.

After a few moments, she spoke again. "I do know quite a lot about who you are already, though."

"Oh?" he replied.

Lizzie took a deep breath, "I know you are cultured and sophisticated in a way that sometimes intimidates me. I know that you are a storyteller who knows how to spin a tale in a way that both distracts the listener and manages to teach a much more significant lesson at the same time. I know that you are a person who would risk his life for a child for no reason other than because not doing so would be wrong. I know you have regrets that you hold so deeply that I am afraid I'll never be able to dig them out and help you repair your heart. I know that you would do anything in the world for me. I know that now we have time for me to learn all the other things about you that I don't know." When she finished, there were tears shining in her eyes as she looked down at him.

Red took a shaky breath, blinking the moisture from his own eyes that had collected there while she was speaking, and crushed her to him. "Lizzie," he breathed. "You are my light, my only salvation," he told her. "I will give you a lifetime if that's what you want."

Lizzie pressed her lips to his in a passionate kiss. He deepened the kiss, his hands coming up to cradle her face. With a fierce, possessive growl, he rolled her onto her back. Suddenly, her stomach growled back noisily. They broke apart, laughing.

"Come on," he grinned, pulling her to her feet, "It sounds like I'd better feed you breakfast before you devour me!"