My Nerdy Date with Myself :)

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This story deals with the subject of female masturbation. If that bothers your sensibilities whether they be moral or religious I suggest that you read something else.

This is a lighthearted story about self love :)
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I like to keep busy that's something that's in my nature. Ever since I was small I had trouble just sitting still and letting time pass, it just wasn't in me. After my daughter, Lisa, was born I took it upon myself to take extended maternity leave. I had always felt bad about going back to work very soon after my son, Justin, was born. That was a long time ago when I was just twenty 23 and trying to get established in my first year as a full time employee. I was a familiar face at the lab I worked at because I was bridged in from my time working there in university. I still felt guilty for being pregnant when they agreed to hire me. Six years later when our daughter was born I didn't have the same reservations so I decided to take my time.

I had two years of time off but I wasn't sure exactly how to spend it. I didn't put on that much weight with the pregnancy but that was still one of the things in the front of my mind. Another was being there when my son left and came home from school, I felt bad that he got so used to care givers over the years and wanted to be there. I also spent time doing my Masters when he was small so I felt like I wanted more time at home. Thirdly of course, I wanted to use the time to bond with my daughter.

The only thing that I had to fight was the boredom. I often found myself leaving the TV on with no volume as I listened to music, it gave me the mental feeling that somebody else was in the room. My daughter slept a lot and even when she was up it's not like socializing with adults. One can only baby talk so much without any replies before they start to feel isolated.

I also had my exercise, I mostly like to get out of the house to do this but since the home was now my castle I found some yoga videos on the recommendation of a friend. I didn't have too much trouble doing the stretches given that I had a background in dancing that I took very seriously growing up. In any event I didn't enjoy it all that much but it gave me something to do. To burn extra calories we bought an exercise bike and that got some serious mileage over the two years.

I stopped breast-feeding at six months so I was able to cut my calories down safely and I was able to lose the baby tummy pretty quickly. I was only 30 years old so I felt that I was able to control my body without too much strain. My hips took another shot in the widening department but I really liked how that looked, they flowed rather naturally with my butt and gave me a nice womanly look. The other result of losing the weight and switching to the bottle was that my boobs shrunk to their normal size which is somewhere between an A and a B cup. I didn't mind that really as I felt like I was flopping a bit when they got bigger. I like to have my hair long and have never had it shorter than my shoulders; my hair is brown and curls when it gets past my shoulders. My husband sometimes likes it if I straighten it but I like my little curls at the bottom.

I was wearing my glasses more in those days too. I liked to wear contracts but I admit I wore them because I felt like I got more looks from men; sort of an ego thing. Just being at home I mostly choose comfort over confidence. In the times when I would go to the store or somewhere public I would still sometimes wear my contact lens. Even if I was secluded at home most of the time I still took the care to groom carefully. My husband likes it if I shave down there but I find it uncomfortable so I compromise and keep it neat and trimmed.

The other thing that changed during my pregnancy that probably isn't as obvious to most people were my hormone levels. I was feeling horny all the time, much more than I ever did or during my first pregnancy. I was horny in the morning, the afternoon at work, the evening and I would even wake up in the middle of the night feeling horny. I would also get set off by the smallest things to the point where it was really interfering with my life. My husband didn't really see this as a cause for concern as he liked the increased libido even if he wasn't really able to keep up all the time.

I went to ask my doctor about it and she said it wasn't really cause for alarm as the hormones and my age were probably responsible. She suggested masturbation to satisfy the itch and that the symptoms would go away with time. It's not like I had never masturbated before but it wasn't a regular part of my routine or anything like that. Nevertheless I took the advice and started to masturbate more regularly.

I would even sometimes do it in bed because I didn't feel like going to the washroom. Once again my husband didn't seem to mind this development; he even wanted to watch me. I was a bit self conscious about being 8 months pregnant and watched but after enough requests I figured there was no harm. The first time I let him watch I turned on the lights and sat on our dresser that has a mirror on top of it and did my thing. He masturbated in turn which made me a little more comfortable and able to orgasm easier. I had both my legs spread on the dresser and I ended up knocking the mirror off breaking the formally expensive piece of furniture. Needless to say I was forgiven before it hit the ground behind the dresser.

Once I gave birth to our daughter the itch didn't go away. I don't know if it was the boredom of being at home or what but I still found myself getting horny during the days but now I wasn't at work so I had time to do something about it. More than a few times my yoga sessions would degenerate into masturbation on the yoga mat. I was also treating masturbation differently than I had in the past. In the past I would see it as some sort of self massage where I didn't have to orgasm each time, I would usually do it in the bath and rather infrequently. Now I was always trying to get myself off and even using objects to penetrate myself. My most common partner was the handle of my hair brush; it was ribbed so it would flick my clit as I pulled it up along my pussy. I liked to take the detachable shower head and set it to pulse on my clit.

The only thing that I had changed to my routine, other than not working, was that I was doing kegels now. My girlfriend told me that this exercise could strengthen the muscles in my vagina making me tighter during intercourse but that that was not the only benefit. She told me that doing kegels would increase the blood flow to my pleasure areas making my orgasms more intense and easier to achieve. I figured that I had nothing to lose so after a few lessons I was doing the exercise on my own on a daily basis almost. I thought that maybe this was responsible for some of my activities but really I have no idea.

I talked to my husband about it but he could hardly hide his kool-aid guy sized smile as I told him of my "problem". Really he thought the whole thing was funny and maybe he was right but I thought it was interfering with my life. My husband preferred to pick on me rather than seeing it as a real problem. My favorite was when he said while pointing at my midsection, "As long as the mailman doesn't put anything in that box you should be ok." It's not that I didn't see any humor in my issue it's just clear that my husband wasn't the best place to turn for advice on this one.

Instead I decided to bring it up with my best friend, Sharon, over dinner. On the occasion that I could get away from the house I chose to spend my time with Sharon. Since our times together were less frequent in those days we would mostly go to fancy restaurants to make the times more memorable. My husband would tease me about that too asking me how my "dates" went and the like. He didn't really like Sharon so the feeling was mutual. I don't blame him that much, a lot of spouses don't like their significant others single friends; and Sharon was a free spirit. She was also a competitor for my emotional intimacy. In fairness, I don't really care for a lot of his beer swilling friends and neither of us demands that the other gets new ones, but does land us in semi-different social circles.

It was on one of our "dates" that I brought up my little problem. For Sharon's part she more or less thought it was funny too but sensing my serious intonation she decided to talk about it with me. She of course threw the blame onto my husband but I told that he had nothing to do with it, it was happening all hours of the day. We talked about it and threw it back and forth until she suggested that I just embrace it, think about it as a sexual peak and go with the flow. I was embarrassed to have this discussion in such detail in a public place; I was constantly moving my eyes around to see where the waiter was often bringing him to our table for no reason at all.

"What do you use when you do it?"

"Keep your voice down and what do you mean? I use my fingers." I said in an embarrassed whisper.

Lowing her voice Sharon continued "No, I mean like toys. Do you have any toys?"

"No, I don't use anything, well I use my brush sometimes and I've used a few vegetables but that can get expensive." I was no laughing quite loudly and nervously.

"Well why don't you get something?"

"Like a dildo? I wouldn't even know where to get one." I was openly blushing at the suggestion.

Sharon went on to detail the location that such a device could be purchased and told me in an unashamed voice that she owned a few of them. My palms were sweaty from the topic but I decided that it was a topic worth changing. We finished our wine and said our goodbyes; by the time I returned home I was officially intrigued.

It wasn't so much what the sex toy could do that intrigued me but more just actually owning one. It felt like something that was so different for me and maybe that was just what I needed. With my first pregnancy I felt postpartum after my son was born, with my daughter this feeling was worse. With my son there was so much change happening that lots of it seemed like cause for excitement; that I was transforming into something more exciting. With my daughter I often felt the blah feeling associated with having my identity branded as a mother of two. This little naughty adventure to the adult store could at least break the monotony in my mind.

It was with this state of mind that I found myself in the parking lot of the adult super store Sharon had told me about. I was in the parking lot but my hands were firmly on the steering wheel and I wasn't getting out of the car. I felt so silly not being able to go in but I just couldn't. The adult store wasn't on some off beaten path, or through some dark alley where you could enter through a store front that pretended to be something completely different. There were no men in trench coats slyly slipping through the shadows to make their destination. Nope, that would have been too easy.

This store looked like it felt comfortable in the strip mall it was a part of. It was situated between a pawn shop and a Subway restaurant and it was the biggest kid on the block. There was no false front; the letters XXX were proudly displayed over the overtly sexual name of the store. Through the half opened curtains shopping mall dummies wore the costumes of the typical sexual fetishes known throughout word of mouth. If I was able to sneak in without a soul seeing me I would have but there were old people there, young people and even children walking around the strip mall.

There was no way I was going in. What was I thinking? I drove straight to my mom's and picked my daughter back up telling her I got what I needed to done. When I drove away my hands were still gripped to the steering wheel like it was an anchor holding me in place. While I had made my retreat in body my mind never left the parking lot.

I wanted to go through with this, I didn't even care about the toy anymore, I just wanted to step outside myself and do it. I tried again but this time in the evening a few days later. The evening proved worse than the morning as there were teenagers standing around. This made the possibility of going in impossible, I was picked on in high school and there was no way I wanted to hear the taunts of teenagers over this.

I started thinking of other ways to get the end result. I thought about asking my husband to get it for me but the problem was that I wasn't even sure what I wanted. He would probably buy the most obscene and biggest thing he could find; I wasn't doing kegels for nothing so this more or less removed him an option. I thought about asking Sharon to get it but I really didn't want her to know that our conversation had such an effect on me. If I was going to go through with this I had to go through with it myself.

When my husband told me that he had to go away for a job on the West Coast and wouldn't be back until Saturday I figured that this would give me the space I needed to do this properly. I got my mom to pick up the kids on Thursday and take Justin to school the next day. Lisa was 18 months by this time so it wasn't too much to ask my mom to look after her for a few days. When the kids were out of the house I had such a strange feeling and everything seemed so quiet, the night seemed to drag for a long time and I felt lonely.

When the morning finally came I didn't so much feel like sitting around all that much so I went to the adult store rather early. I figured that I could be the first one in or something and that the strip mall would be empty. When I got there the XXX store wasn't even open, I felt like a real dunce. I didn't want to go back home because that would have meant that I had failed, I also didn't want to feel lonely. Instead I drove around before settling on window shopping at the shopping centre. I made it back to the strip mall by mid morning and it wasn't at all empty.

I had a short conversation with myself before deciding to jump in with two feet. I got out of the car, stepped on the concrete, I phased out the faces on the way and made my way straight for the door. My concentration was only broken by the ringing of bells that I heard as the door to the smut store closed behind me. To me they sounded like an alarm that was squarely designed to put a sign over my head that I was in this store. My mind was in the car by this point and driving away but my body was taking its first steps into this strange world; I had jumped in with two feet and I was getting what I came for.

The store was not what I would have expected. It was more like a small department store than anything else; there were no red lights or men with trench coats. I hadn't thought about the staff but it was pretty clear that the clerk was a man but like I told myself before there was no turning back. The place was actually clean, had bright lights and a courteous staff.

"How can I help you miss?" The guy behind the counter said as I cautiously walked past.

I'm sure I looked out of place and a little nervous but wasn't quite ready for help quite yet and decided to pass up his initial offer. I still wanted to get my bearings and get a sense of where I was. The store from what I could tell was broken into sections. On one side there was a wall and some shelves that had different sorts of leather, lingerie and fetish costumes. In the middle were aisles that had various items, beside the aisles were stands with baskets on them, the baskets were home to various rubber items like condoms and whatnot. On the opposite side from the costumes were the video sections where racks of video were on full display. Mostly with pictures of blonde women looking sultry as can be on the covers. There were a few men in this section going through the videos paying no attention to anyone's presence including my own.

I made my way to the lingerie and costumes section as to not call too much attention to myself. There was all sorts of lingerie, mostly tacky, but some pretty sexy too. They had everything from leather with spikes to edible. The costumes looked almost like something someone might wear to a Halloween party, they had the nurse, the devil and even the school girl. I made me wonder if I could still wiggle into my kilt from high school that I still have in a box somewhere. They also had a few funny things that looked like they should only be worn for shock value, like the hard hat with a plastic penis attached.

I knew I was just wasting time but I was working up to asking the guy behind the desk where to find the dildos. I was also hoping that the men in the video section would leave but instead a few more showed up. I had been in the store for about 10 minutes so I had enough courage to ask.

"Excuse me, could you help me find something?" I asked quietly as if in an attempt to get the guy to come to my side of the store.

He didn't take the hint but that didn't stop him from answering my question. "What is it that I can help you with today miss?" His words echoed his earlier inquiry.

"I'm looking for something, my friend said that I could find it here, it this sort of thing that well, it's used to, I mean it's for a woman and......" I was more or less fumbling with my words.

"Well do you know who makes it? We have a large selection of everything erotic"

"No, I don't know who makes it." I continued in a hushed voice "I'm looking for a dildo"

It turns out that I had come to the right place and this guy seemed to be a encyclopedia of dildo information. He responded to my question as if I asked the guy at the garden centre were to find perennials. He didn't laugh at me, he didn't look at me funny or anything else. Instead he started to question me about what I was looking for in a dildo. He asked the questions in such a matter of fact way but they were personal nevertheless.

"You looking for rock hard or rubbery? What size fits you best? Skin color or something else? Smooth or veiny? Vibrating or solid?

I cut his questions off "I've never bought one of these before I really don't know"

"Not a problem ma'am, I'll get you a few to look at"

He went away for a minute or so and returned with boxes of dildos. I felt like I was in a shoe store or something except I was pretty sure I wouldn't be trying anything on. He pulled each one out and talked to me about the features, I tried to be interested but it was really hard to keep my concentration. The entire situation was making me extremely horny just talking about what I was going to use to pleasure myself with this guy I had never met, then there were the men in the store who could hear the entire sales pitch. I thought to myself that I was lucky that I had a dress on because I was getting wet and I didn't want it to show through.

He took each dildo out of the box and talked to me about what I would feel when I was fucking myself. His even voice really set me off I felt like if he took my into the back of the storeroom he could have fucked me right then and there. I sort of spaced out between those sorts of thoughts and looking at plastic molds of cocks. Some of the molds even showed the guy whose cock they used as a model.

There was so many to chose from but in the end I settled on a pick solid dildo that was 7.8 inches long and 1.6 around. It came complete with a handle and the curve was supposed to be able to hit my g-spot better to make me squirt as he so causally put it. I felt almost in a daze as he packaged my new toy and put it through the register. This 7.8 inches of latex and plastic was $119.99; hitting ones g-spot doesn't come cheap.

Leaving the store and getting to my car happened to me in one continuos motion. It seemed like things just blended together until I was in the safety of my car, I drive away careful not to make eye contact with anyone in the parking lot. The trial was over and I had my prize. My purse was lighter but there was no way I would have walked out empty handed.