New Year's Eve

This is a flash story about a night in the hot tub with friends. It's a culmination of several real occurrences.

As with my other stories this serves a cathartic purpose in my life.

I wanted to explore one reason someone might feel an onset of jealousy.

I hope you enjoy it.

*****

"Joel, New Years Eve is coming up soon...have you thought about what you might want to do that night?" asked Heidi my lovely wife of 23 years.

"Really just being with you and taking it easy would be fantastic. The girls are both out of town so we won't be hosting anything this time. Something peaceful, but no I haven't thought about it. You?"

"Well, Sally mentioned to me yesterday that her and Matt were going to rent a place up by the lake for the weekend. They invited us to come along if you'd like to get out of town. I thought it would be fun, what do you think? We could drive up Friday and come back Monday morning?"

"You know that could be a great idea. We haven't seen them in a while and a weekend away relaxing sounds like just what I need."

"Do you want to let the kids know our schedule then so they will no how to get in touch with us?"

"Sure thing."

Sally and Matt were long time friends of ours. In fact Sally had gone to High School with Heidi and used to be best friends and still are. The two of them had lost contact with each other for a while during and after college but had reconnected a number of years later. Heidi had gone on to marry one of their mutual friends from school later in life after meeting again at one of their reunions.

I really enjoyed them both and we'd all become close friends over the years watching our children grow up together. Their son was much younger than our two daughters ages but that has more to do with them getting married years into their adult life. Sally had gone on to become a Doctor with her own family practice and Matt was now an executive at one of the major internet search engines.

Heidi and I on the other hand had been college sweethearts since our Sophomore year and had married right out of college. We moved straight out to the West Coast after graduation to start our lives and we haven't looked back since. We took life as it came with no regrets. My wife and I met in the Architecture program at school and after moving our newly wed selves out here began our movement down that path. I almost immediately changed directions taking my design aptitude to film. It was something I'd wanted to do since I was 8 years old. I figured what better location was there to try it out in?

Heidi had stayed in Architecture firms while taking some time off when our two girls were born. She was now running her own office after having branched out on her own a few years back. I both consulted with her on the business side of her venture as well as enjoying my full time position at a major local studio as visual director.

Our children had long since left the house leaving the two of us with plenty of time on our hands. We just hadn't gotten back to the point where we had emotionally connected again even though I so desperately needed it. The truth is, our marriage had been struggling for most of it.

I was finally hopeful that we could focus on the two of us again and rebuild the intimacy we'd lost so many years ago.

-

New Years Eve

We were sitting in a hot tub out by the lake conversing and telling stories, singing and playing word games. We were of course naked as I hadn't planned on swimming over the weekend. The lake water was extremely cold and I hadn't been told there was a hot tub. Matt and Sally hadn't known about the tub either so it was a pleasant surprise when we showed up and there was a soaking tub for us to use outdoors with an amazing view of the lake at night.

"Hey you two, do you want to grab some drinks and go out to the tub?" Sally asked as we made our way through our second bottle of champagne.

"We didn't bring suits! I'm not sure what I'd wear." My wife remarked casually.

"No worries, how about your birthday suits? We didn't bring any suits either. I mean we could go in our panties but that would just get uncomfortable. We're good if you both are?"

"In that case...!" I commented.

I was rather embarrassed at first but these were really close friends so it didn't really matter to much to me whether they saw me naked or not. It's not that I'm a prude or anything, just not really sexually experienced beyond what I've done with Heidi.

I was a virgin when we met in college at the young age of 19. I guess by today's standards that is a bit old to still be a virgin but I wanted to wait for the right person. The significance of that was important to me. I'd given my future wife Heidi my virginity and since we never dated anybody else after we first got together Heidi has remained my one and only lover. Life sort of moved on and I never thought about it much nor was it ever really a concern to me. Although I realize now the undercurrent of that disparity between our beliefs had always been there.

"Whoa there boy!" My wife remarked with a smile as we stood naked getting into the tub. It was clear I was excited by the flesh I was seeing.

Embarrassed I remarked, "I'm in the company of such beautiful women my body can't help but react. I hope there is no offense Sally? Matt I'm sorry if.."

"I'd be offended if you weren't excited." Sally giggled while cutting me off. Matt shot her a sly look.

"Joel, I'm certainly enjoying the view of your wife as well so no hard feelings...Oh God...such a bad joke. I knew that was bad before it left my mouth." Matt offered. Always the comedian.

"That was pretty bad." I chided and noticed that Joel was certainly sporting wood himself.

We slowly got in the tub which ended up not being very large or too small. The size of the tub kept bodies close to one another. I'd have guessed only 3 people could get in with some space left over but 4 could make it if you were OK touching each other. That wouldn't have been such an issue if we hadn't all been drinking and nude at the time.

Certainly there was quite a bit of flirting and innocent touching going on as it was already.

To the right was my wife who was reclined so that her head was near my chest. I was sitting with Sally to my left. She was situated in such a position that her legs and mine were mingling. I could only assume that the same was happening with my wife and Matt's legs. It's not that I minded. Actually it was pretty exciting. We'd become such good friends it just seemed natural to hang out like that.

Before long and after another bottle of champagne events got hotter amongst the 4 of us. There was the typical gentle caressing between spouses and at the same time some touching between friends. I guess I noticed it while I was kissing my wife and telling her how much I loved her when I felt Sally's hands rubbing up along my thigh. I didn't think too much of it beyond smiling as I'd long fantasized about Sally and this was just some clean adult fun.

I've always been a jealous person. It took me a long while to understand why although I never really believed my wife could comprehend the reasoning. Jealousy typically comes when one feels there is a threat of being replaced.

I had long suspected that Heidi and Matt had been an item in High School but she refuted that every time I brought it up. For me I guess the reason I felt that way was the manner in which they looked at each other. It was almost like there was a longing or unspoken desire flowing between them. Given the closeness of our friendship I could understand why but every once and a while it did bother me when I noticed it.

It bothered I suppose because for years of our marriage our love life had been strained or sometimes didn't exist at all. It is difficult watching your wife yearn for another man when you want so badly for her to long for you.

About the time I felt Sally's hands on my thigh I looked right to see where my wife's other hand was. It occurred to me that if Sally was doing this to me that my wife and Matt might be caressing each other as well.

Unfortunately I was right.

Heidi's hand was clearly near Matt's waist area below the water line and I couldn't tell what was going on with his hands. I decided to test it and casually put my right hand on the inside of my wife's upper left thigh. My hand had bumped into another and I was pretty sure that wasn't my wife's hand I intentionally brushed against. That hand very quickly retracted. You wouldn't know anything was going on by everyone's faces as we all kept a straight face and were locked in group conversation.

I was a bit steamed though.

The jealousy started to rise back up in me which is a really unpleasant feeling for anyone that doesn't know.

My wife remarked she needed another bottle for all of us to drink and rose up slightly out of the water while bending over the side of the tub to reach it. In doing this she was leaning over Matt. Her breasts and all of the rest of her was pushing across his chest in order for her to reach what she needed. Matt clearly had a smile on his face as he had a face full of breasts and then a view of her rear bent over at the waist right in front of his eyes. I'm sure it was all a ruse for her to rub herself on him.

I was getting a little more annoyed and I did struggle to keep my emotions in check. I mean why was I getting all worked up over simple flirting?

The situation continued to progress further as did my discomfort. I was just not successful at coming to peace with the feeling that were surfacing. For a bit it appeared that my wife had her foot in between Matt's legs and was caressing his cock.

It was at that moment when I was about to say something that it happened.

Sally and Matt exchanged an interesting look between them then Sally opened her mouth to speak. She was nervous but determined to say what she had set out to say.

"Say Joel and Heidi, we've been friends for such a long time...you know that Matt and I really cherish our time and friendship together don't you?"

"Of course! We feel the same." Heidi responded.

"Well Matt and I...we have sort of wanted to try something for quite some time now and were hoping we could talk to you about it?"

"Sure Sally, anything you need just let us know how we can help?"

"I'm glad you feel that way Joel. I was hoping you'd feel that way."

"Joel, Sally...Matt and I have been wanting to include others in our love life for a while now. We both love the both of you and feel so close and safe with you that we were hoping you might want to share some experiences with us tonight..." Sally was really nervous while she said this and couldn't look me in the eyes.

What she said kind of shocked me. As I mentioned before I haven't had much sexual experience beyond what Heidi and I did together. To be honest for a number of years our love life had been lacking...especially of late. This was mostly coming from my wife having no interest in it. She'd gone through phases like this before in our first 5 years of marriage and come to think of it she was not wanting to be intimate with me more often than not.

She just didn't want to make love to me. For the life of me I could never understand why and when I brought it up Heidi would lash out at me and start an argument. I think it was probably guilt at the time on her part.

Guilty of not being there for her husband. Guilt of letting her husband down.

Before I could comment on what Sally was offering, which was to share her body with me and her husband with Heidi, my wife enthusiastically jumped into the conversation with "You know I've been thinking a similar thing! I thought I was strange for feeling that way and have felt guilty about it for some time now. I think it's a great idea!"

To my astonishment, and without even a glance at me or conversation about the offer, my wife stood up and moved over to embrace Joel on the other side of the tub. Before I could even understand what was happening my wife was lip locked with another man in front of my eyes. At the same time, Sally remarked how wonderful this would be just as she also slid across into my arms.

How was I feeling in all of this?

Stunned. Empty. Confused. Nervous. Jealous. Excited.

But It didn't feel right to me.

Unknown to me my hands began to shake slightly. If I hadn't known better I'd have guessed I was having an onset of a panic attack. I think my discomfort with the situation was at it's breaking point and I was finally able to say something just about the time I felt Sally's hand wrap around my cock and start stroking.

I could see my wife was doing the same to Matt as she moved to straddle him.

"Wait!..No, I mean..I can't..I don't..Please no..." Was all I was able to get out.

I know for a fact my face was that of sadness. There were tears in my eyes but I don't think anyone could tell in the night air but me.

Sally had the good grace and presence of mind to know something was wrong and pulled back quickly from me. I was certain she could feel me tighten up the moment she touched me. My wife however was already rubbing herself against Matt's hips and starting to make moaning sounds while she was kissing him. All of this happened within a few seconds and it really had taken that much time for me to even understand what was happening in front of me as well as how to even respond. When I had first opened my mouth to say something there was no sound at all that would come out. A lump in my throat prevented it and by the time I could calm myself down things were far under way between Matt and Heidi.

"Wait everyone! Something's wrong! I think Joel has something he needs to say. Joel are you OK? You don't look so well?" asked Sally now in distress over my reaction.

Matt and Heidi stopped and turned to look at me. I would like to point out that at this moment Heidi hadn't yet gotten off of his lap. I had no way of knowing whether he had penetrated her yet. If he hadn't, he was just about to have.

"I'm not OK with this guys. I don't feel right. I don't seem to be able to stop my hands from shaking." It was kind of odd in that my body was trembling and I couldn't really control it.

It was at this comment that Heidi slid off of Matt and looked at me with concern.

"My God Joel. Your skin looks pale and you look sick. What's the matter? Here let me come to you." Heidi slid over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I think she'd thought I was sick physically from too much alcohol or something.

"Heidi, I can't do this. I don't want this."

"Want what Joel? What don't you want?"

"I don't want Matt touching you...please stop...I think we should leave."

The look on my wife and Matt's face was that of both distress and embarrassment.

Matt physically removed his hands from my wife and made a show of putting up his hands in the air in a sign of surrender.

After a short while I had down enough to talk again. It was clear the evening was ruined and I'm not sure if our friendship was going to survive this. Sally had a look of deep concern on her face while my wife's face was more of confusion and irritation.

"Look.." started Sally, " We didn't mean for anything like this to happen and we just thought...well I'm sorry we never intended for anyone to get hurt...how about Matt and I leave and let you two talk this out a bit?"

"No wait guys. I'm sorry."

"Joel, what?" asked my wife.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it to come out that way. I think I owe you two an explanation.."

"No explanation needed bud. We're sorry, really sorry we pushed this on you.." Matt commented looking somewhat askance.

"No really let me explain. Please."

Everyone nodded.

"Matt and Sally I want you to know you are some of our dearest friends...really. I don't want this to be awkward between us. I really don't. I'm really flattered that you both thought of us in this, I really am. It's just..."

"Then why Joel?" Heidi interrupted.

"You need to let me finish please. Can you do that? I want to explain but my emotions are all over the place and our friends deserve an explanation. Would you let me finish please without you interrupting me or cutting me off?" I asked my wife and it was clear I was annoyed.

"Sure."

"OK...let me take a breath...you two took an enormous risk tonight. Wait, I can see the look on your faces just let me finish please. You took an enormous risk at asking us to share in your love life. That took tremendous courage and really you had no way of knowing how this would turn out. You took a risk that our friendship wouldn't get altered drastically..."

'I know but.."

"Please!...let me get through this..just a few minutes. I don't have any ill will towards either of you. Sally, you are beautiful, sexy, and a great friend. I really am flattered that you though of me and I don't want my reaction to make you feel like I didn't want you. It's the opposite of that, really. This isn't about you two at all, it's between Heidi and myself. I need you to know that and I'm really sorry for ruining the evening. You invited us up here for the weekend and everything was progressing towards a certain end result so it seemed natural for you to breach the subject with us. I'm grateful you did. It puts some things out in the open between all of us that we need to talk about."

"OK bud, no hard feelings."

"Joel?" asked Sally.

"I don't want to drag all of you into a deep conversation, especially tonight..."

"Joel. They're family. If you need to talk about this then let's do this. You are clearly upset and I think it would help to get it out in the open. I don't have any secrets so if they are OK with hearing it I'm OK with you sharing whatever you feel is needed." my wife commented.

"OK, I can. It's just that some of what I have to say is going to be hard for you to hear Heidi. And you're going to feel bad about some things and I don't want to do that to you tonight in front of them..."

"Joel, the night has already taken a sobering turn. Let's get this out and talk about it."

"I agree." chimed in both Matt and Sally. I guess everyone was interested in what was going on with me.

There was a deep silence will all eyes on me expectantly.

"Alright. This goes back to the beginning of our relationship. Heidi and I have been married for 23 years...it's certainly no secret that it hasn't always been perfect between us. Actually, some years have been pretty bad with either myself or Heidi talking separation. It's also no secret between us that I was a virgin when I met Heidi."

Everyone nodded.

"Well you all knew that I was pretty closed up sexually as well around that time. Heidi however was not a virgin. In today's age that's no big deal but for me at the time it was pretty painful."

"Honey, I'm sorry I don't.." interrupted Heidi.

"I was disappointed. Not in you, but..well...it's just that I wanted that experience of someone giving me their virginity. That discovery, the newness. It never happened and I felt a bit hurt by it. Not by anything you did but by what I put myself through leading up to that first time."

"I don't understand dear."

"I had it built up in my mind that me giving you my virginity was such an important event. Such an enormous gift. It was the only thing I could give you that I could never give anybody else. Believing that at the time pretty much shows you why I put such importance to it. To me it was...is...a sacred thing between couples. I mean I've relaxed over time about it, I don't feel that way now.."

"But I don't see how that has anything to do with..." my wife cut me off again.

"Let me continue. Please. I'm trying to make sense. Our love life has had some real rough moments. I don't know if you remember but the first 5 years before our daughter was born it was actually fairly bad. I can remember one year on our anniversary being so worried about the prospect of having sex with you that night. I was reacting that way because I can very clearly remember thinking we'd only had sex once that year. Our anniversary is in September so that means for almost 9 months that year at least we hadn't made love. I was stressed and worrying about performing."