No Accounting For Chaos Ch. 04

"It doesn't matter. It is 'germane.' It's the thing completely. He's invented a kind of camera, and for the last six weeks he's been filming us having sex!" She broke down again, blowing her nose into the tissue.

"I'm so angry at him! I walked out I was so upset. I told him I didn't know if or when I'd be coming back." She was hunched over rocking she was so angry.

Patti got up and stroked her back, relaxing her a little. "You're pretty angry. Why are you angry at him?" She retook her seat across from her.

Even though she'd half expected it, it always took Marcie by surprise - wasn't the answer obvious? "Because. He. Filmed. Me. Having. Sex." She could have spit hornets.

"I got that part. But did you and he ever talk about your concerns with exhibitionism?"

"No! Of course not! I haven't gotten to know him that well! The other night was only the third time he spent any time talking about himself. He was just opening up to me. Besides, it's not the kind of thing I would lead with if I'm trying to cut down, doncha think?"

"I understand. But take a moment and breathe. Why anger? Why not sadness or disappointment or?"

"He tricked me." There, she'd said it. It had been lurking just beneath her tongue all weekend. He'd tricked her. "He led me to believe he was falling for me, and all along he was just using me for his new camera."

"I see." Patti took some notes and waited.

She stopped and blew her nose. "Well," she continued, "maybe he didn't trick me so much as deceive me." She looked up at the ceiling for a heartbeat. "Shit. He didn't deceive me. He just didn't tell me it was happening so I could have had a choice. Instead, all this work I've been doing has been for nothing."

"Okay, wait a second here. Let's re-frame it: Monty's work happens to be exactly the thing you are working hardest to avoid. For whatever reason, he happens to have this whatchamacallit running all of the time. Chalk it up to his social ineptitude for not mentioning it to you...by the way, wasn't it obvious there was a camera in the room?"

"That's the thing. It's not really a camera, it's not in the room. He can replay any scene from his house since he had the equipment installed. It's top-secret, you can't reveal this to anyone under penalty of blah blah blah." She laughed a little.

"Are you blaming yourself for this?"

"Huh? No...I don't think so. What did I say?"

"'all the work I've been doing has been for nothing.' You make it sound as if you had something to do with the fact he was recording your sex. You are not to blame for anything here except for trusting a guy to be a gentleman."

"Strange attractors," she mumbled. "Chaos theory..." As angry as she had been, she suddenly calmed down, uttering snippets Patti couldn't quite make out.

"Well that was quick. So you aren't blaming yourself anymore, you're suggesting it was...chaos theory?"

"You know Monty," she said it as shorthand. "Look at it: here's an absolutely perfect guy. We bump into each other on accident (there are no accidents)," she lowers her voice to imitate him and giggles, "then for six weeks I have the most amazing sex (except he won't ejaculate - totally weird) and as it turns out, the guy is about to become a gazillionaire (again) because he's invented a camera, a thing, whatever, that just so happens to record us having this fucking-fantastic sex, and I'm trying to get over my exhibitionism. How much more coincidental do we need here?"

Patti made some notes, concerned about her client's rationalization, but relieved she'd gotten over the anger and guilt. It was an interesting theory - if it helped her move through her anguish about her exhibitionism, perhaps that would be alright. She would monitor it.

"Shit. I treated him pretty badly." She recalled his look as she left and realized it could just as easily have been pain as disengagement. She wanted to take the day off work and run over there.

"Time's almost up." Patti looked up from her notebook. "What's the story? Going to go talk to him about your situation or keep it a secret?"

She sighed, cringing at the thought of what she'd have to say. Of what he might say. Of how awkward sex would be in his house. Of how incredibly hot sex would be in his house, now that she knew she was being watched. But that didn't mean she had to tell him...yet.

"I'm going to call him and see if we can get together tonight. I don't know if I'm ready to bare all, but at least I'm not so pissed at him. Thanks Patti. I don't know what I would have done."

"As usual, you did the work. You're doing great, Marcie. Don't be so hard on yourself about what you have and haven't accomplished so far. Next week, let's do an inventory and see how bad off you really are." She said the last with a smile, and led her out the door.