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Click hereShe didn't say anything right away. I lifted my head and looked at the alarm clock, only then realizing that something was covering it. Then it dawned on me... "I locked the door behind you. How'd you get back in?"
There was a long pause before she answered. "I was here all night," I heard her answer. I heard... SARAH answer!
- COMMENTS
ScottishTexanabout 1 year agoOnly a couple of errors that really stuck out like a sore thumb...first was when Sarah "threw" her drink onto Pepper. You used the wrong word (through). The other was Pepper's car magically appearing at Bryce's house. He drove them home from the restaurant and I'm nearly certain that he picked Pepper up at her home for the start of their date. I'll go back and reread it to be absolutely sure, but I think that there is a continuity error there somewhere. 🤔
The whole flip-flop thing when Sarah nearly drowned at the river still feels really contrived. If you had eased into it more without the sudden 180° reversal, it would have felt more realistic. You should have set up several instances where Sarah begins to mellow out before the river incident corrects her attitude. The Lumberjack contest could have been done differently by Sarah being impressed with his talent instead of enraging Bryce into the win. She could have been swayed by his sentiments for his biological mother softening her up too. You had plenty of opportunities to begin the thaw process and have Sarah's attitude change in a positive direction before she is swept away in the river currents.
From the moment that Bryce asked Sarah to go with him to the prom, I knew that they would eventually end up having sex. So I wasn't the least bit surprised by the ending. 😳 Bryce's going blow his stack, no doubt. But just for the record, step-siblings who are related solely by marriage and do not share a biological parent between them (two different fathers, two different mothers) such as Bryce and Sarah can legally marry in most states if not all of them. Texas specifically defined this in their statutes. I looked into it because I was curious about whether I could marry my stepsister or not.
I gave you top marks in spite of the little hiccups. 5/5
Anonymousalmost 5 years agoI couldn't even read the end. Sarah was such an insufferable character. Her only redeeming quality was that she didn't die?! It'd have been waaay better if she had.
Anonymousover 5 years agoThis exchange:
"How did you do that?" Letta asked me. "You were barely into that log when you split it!"
I looked at Sarah and said, "Well, I guess it's easiest to say 'you wouldn't like me when I'm angry'." She looked away and shrunk back a bit, hiding herself behind her mom.
Letta and Dad laughed.
"I'll try to remember that!" Letta said.
Is weird, knowing that the woman had been abused for god knows how long beforehand.
Anonymousover 5 years agoOkay that was memorable It goes in the 5 column. I like the pacing, the characters arcs, well done.
WokeUpOneDayalmost 7 years agoAuthorI guess I probably should have explained that she drove her mom's car to his house because she couldn't be caught having him drive her home late at night. The reasons will become apparent as the chapters roll out.
Didn't think it was necessary when I wrote it for whatever reason. Sorry about that.
