No Going Back Ch. 37

I woke the next morning a bit confused and disoriented. It took a few moments lying in bed with my eyes closed before I was able to piece together exactly what had happened in the past twenty-four hours. Once I had it all straight in my mind, I was still unsure what to think. I was somewhat horrified to realize what I had done, yet, I felt a strange pride about the very same actions. And yes, underneath it all, I was still a little excited about the wonderful things I had experienced.

I was here, home, safe in my bed, alone, and I felt like I had taken on the world and beat it at its own game. The hundred and forty dollars on my night table didn't hurt my feelings either, although I did realize exactly what that made me. "Screw it," I thought. "I earned every dollar of it."

Then I asked myself the next obvious and important question. "Was I going to go back?" Before I could answer, the telephone next to the money began to ring. Somehow, I just knew it was going to be Ricky.

"Have I got a deal for you," he said, before I could get in a single word. "You created such a stir last night, that I got you a job where you don't even have to touch anyone. What do you think about that?"

"That's crazy," I answered. "What are you talking about?"

"The word spread quickly that there was a 'new girl' in town, and now everyone wants a chance to see what you got, and I mean only 'see.' Because I was able to verify that you got something worth seeing, I arranged a party where all you have to do is show off that hot body of yours."

"Hell, no!" I exclaimed. "Are you insane? I'm not going to strip in front of anyone. I'd never be able to show my face on the street again."

"Got that covered. Listen. You don't even have to show your face. You'll wear a mask. That's the attraction you have at the moment. No one knows who you are, they just know that you're not some fucked up little bitch trying to support her drug habit. You're a wild card, a hot middle aged lady with something to prove. That drives men wild. They'll pay anything for a look at what you got. And believe me, sister, after they see you and the stories about last night get exaggerated even further, you gonna be worth a mint. We're gonna make us some real bread. Can you do it tonight?"

I was stunned. He really was insane. Yet, would men really pay, simply to see me take off my clothes when they wouldn't even know who I was? God, that was exciting. Me, sexy enough at my age to get men off just by looking at me. It was almost irresistible. Hell, it was irresistible!

"You can really arrange that?" I asked.

"Damn straight. Pick out something sexy to wear and think about what you'll want to do in front of them. If you need help, let me know. I'll see you at 8:00 pm."

He hung up before I could say another word. He already knew me well enough to play me just right. I resented that, but I was sure I could handle this. He needed me, and I was writing my own terms. This was going to be wild.

I showed up at 8:00 as Ricky had said. He snuck me into the back and laid out the plan.

"We have this large open room upstairs. Tonight there will about 10-12 men waiting to see you. Usually there are only a couple, but like I said, word travels fast. We don't even have enough girls to service all of them at once, but it'll work out. I guarantee you a minimum of $10 each, with the possibility of additional tips. If all you do is strip, that may not amount to much, but the girls are expected to cut you in for some portion of what they get. Simple enough?"

"Well, actually," I asked, "What do I really do? This is not exactly second nature to me."

Ricky looked at me closely. I had decided to wear one of my best business suits. I figured what the men were really looking for in a woman my age was the exact opposite of the "hot young things" they normally saw. They wanted someone who looked prim, proper, inaccessible. Then, everything I gave them would seem even more . . . illicit.

Ricky's look was appreciative. "You know," he said thoughtfully, "It may even be better if you don't know what you're doing. It will probably excite them even more. Just stand up there, look uncomfortable, and do what seems to provoke the best reaction. I've already come to expect surprises from you. You'll do fine."

It was almost 8:30 by the time Ricky took me upstairs. At the door to the big room, he let me look through a small window. There were a dozen men waiting, all sitting in chairs arranged in a circle. Six bare breasted young women were wandering around, serving drinks and making conversation. In the center of the circle, Ricky had already managed to get a wooden office desk from somewhere else in the building.

With a large pair of sunglasses that covered a great deal of my face, I felt sufficiently unrecognizable. Taking a big breath, I walked into the room, strode up to the desk, and climbed up on top.

"All right, all of you, let me have your attention!" I called out. "Let's all get seated. This meeting needs to come to order. Now, then, it's time you all know how fucking sick and tired I am of the way this company is being run. You're all in deep shit and I'm about to make your life miserable. You got that?"

Ricky was looking at me with mixed confusion and admiration. Everyone, including the girls, were standing immobile, not having any idea what was coming next.

"I'm in charge here, and I expect you to shape up, or I'll fucking get rid of you. Now let's get down to business." With that, I took of the coat of my business suit and dropped it on the floor next to the desk. The blouse I had chosen was not transparent, but was sheer enough to show the clear outline of my breasts. The bra I had on was so thin, every wrinkle of my nipples was highlighted. Even through the blouse, I could tell they had the effect I wanted on the men in the room. Suddenly, I saw an acceptance of my act run through the group.

"You all look far too sure of yourselves. I have a way to solve that. Girls, these so-called executives need to show me a bit more of what they have to offer. Get their pants off!"

Again, everyone looked at me a bit strangely, but then I saw a few smiles begin. One by one, the girls began to approach each man, undo his pants and finally pull them off, along with their underwear. I smiled, both openly and to myself as I saw all those cocks begin to appear.

"They all belong to me," I thought. "Mine, all mine."

I pulled the ends of my blouse out of my skirt. "OK, first on the agenda, rewards for last weeks sales. You (I pointed to the man who seemed to have the biggest penis of the group) . . . you certainly screwed more customers than anyone else last week. You deserve the best reward, I'm sure." I motioned to the girl nearest him, and she moved to kneel between his legs. Yes, this was working fine.

"Show him how much we all appreciate his . . . balls." A chuckle ran though the room as the girl leaned forward and began to run her tongue around his testicles. His cock responded in the best possible way, rising to point straight in my direction.

"Excuse me, m'am, I think I came in second last week." The comment came from a man to my left. I turned my head and saw a large smile on a very handsome face.

"Well, dear, I do believe you're right. Ladies, let's get those rewards underway. First my friend here with the big mouth, then him . . . him . . . and let's see . . . there, and there."

"Oh my, how unfortunate, the rest of you look so left out. Well, that's because you haven't earned a reward yet. Let me see, what should I suggest? Come up here!"

The other six men hesitated, then stood and walked to the center of the room. As they moved toward me, I unbuttoned the top buttons of my blouse. By the time they approached my desk, my cleavage was showing nicely. I could tell they were now less disappointed to be missing the attentions of the girls.

"Pair off!" I demanded. "Face each other. Take off the rest of your clothes." They looked hesitantly at each other, until I growled, "I didn't say you could take your eyes off me. What the hell is the matter with you?"

Several of them started to take off their clothes, but some of them hesitated. I didn't like the looks they were giving me, so I decided to give them a little more of what I knew they wanted. I took off my blouse, letting them get a good look at my breasts squeezed into the tight bra.

"Oh, you like these?" I laughed. "Then how about this?" I turned, bent over slightly, unzipped my skirt and let it fall to the desk at my feet. I knew the dark stockings and garter belt would please them. I had put on my panties over the stockings, so if I decided to take them off, the stockings could stay on.

The smiles I saw on their faces, and their rapid removal of the rest of their clothes reassured me. I felt back in control again, and I looked down on them with a feeling of superiority. The other women in the room were all on their knees, performing admirably from what I could tell. The six men in front of me kept looking over at the other men jealously, then back at me in frustration. That's when I made my big mistake.

"What's the matter gentlemen, not enough to go around? I think you need to take matters into your own hands, or maybe your own mouths. I bet you losers would rather do each other than stand there so helpless. Who wants to go first?"

I saw immediately I had gone too far. The men looked at each other, and one or two might have considered it, but in most faces, I saw frustration shift clearly into anger. Two men stepped angrily toward me, and as one reached out to grab my ankle, the other took the cue and grabbed my other foot.

"Uhhhh, OK guys," I stammered. "I didn't mean that. Here . . . let me show you something special." I reached behind my back and unsnapped my bra. I hugged the cups to my breasts in a way I hoped was sexy and tried to pull one ankle loose from the man's grip. His fist closed tighter, and he actually slid my foot closer to the edge of the desk. That movement opened my legs and another man reached up to touch my inner thigh only inches from my panties.

"Now, now," I warned with a nervous smile. "Mustn't touch the boss. You might get fired." Suddenly, as I was watching the man who was beginning to pull on the other ankle, a hand flew up to my breasts, grabbed my bra and ripped it away from my chest. I found myself standing bare breasted on the desk, six men staring hungrily up at me, my legs pulled apart. I was beginning to get more than a little scared.

I looked over at Ricky, hoping for a bit of assistance. He was smiling in an amused way, and I realized I might be in real trouble. I looked back down and my gaze met a pair of eyes showing absolutely no sympathy.

"Well, boss, it looks like we have a mutiny going on here. I believe we're the ones giving the orders now. You understand?"

I stood there petrified, far out of bounds for what I had expected. Worst of all, I could tell that the look on my face was exciting the men even further. They sensed my fear, I bet they could even smell it. I tried to think, but no ideas came. Then, without realizing what I was doing, I reflexively pulled hard on one leg, trying to free myself. The hand on my ankle slipped and as my leg flew free into the air, the hand on my other ankle yanked. I fell flat on my back on the desk, not hurt badly, but all the air was knocked out of my lungs. Before I could move, six pairs of hands were all over me. The feeding frenzy had begun.

I felt myself pulled toward the end of the desk until my head was hanging over the edge. The man who had spoken to me took my head in his hands and held it so I was looking back down my body. My arms were held securely by men on both sides of the desk and my ankles were once again surely gripped. I was totally helpless.

With five men holding me, I realized there was still one more waiting. It only took a moment for him to climb up on the desk and stand over me, one foot on either side of my hips. He lingered there for a moment, staring deeply into my eyes, an evil smile on his face. "Take those damn glasses off her face," he demanded.

"No, please!" I begged, but I felt the hands on my head shift and then pull the glasses away. The man standing over me paused, looking at me intently. Then his face lit up, and even before he said anything, I knew what was coming.

"It's her! I know her. God damn it, I've done her before. She's the one responsible for . . ."

He stopped and a fury came over his face. He kneeled down, dropping his ass heavily onto my stomach, and I thought I was going to vomit. He rolled onto his knees and his semi-erect cock flopped between my breasts. I saw his hands reach and suddenly my nipples were squeezed tightly between his fingers. I screamed and a hand clamped itself across my mouth.

"Where's your husband, bitch?" he growled. "We got a score to settle with him." I looked up at him, wide-eyed, as afraid as I'd been that first night with the Cult, but this time, not drugged. This time, I was all too aware of what was happening.

"Well, we'll find him sooner or later, but for now, I'm really, really glad to see you again. And to be honest, if I remember you like I think I do, you're gonna be really glad to see me again, too." He twisted my nipples between his fingers again, and I whimpered into the hand covering my face.

The sounds I was making were having a terrible effect on the men around me. They were all breathing heavily and I could see the lust in their eyes. The man on top of me was moving his hips as he spoke, and his cock was lengthening between my breasts as his excitement grew. I felt the men holding my ankles climb up on the desk. They used their knees to hold my legs open, and I felt hands sliding up my thighs to my thin panties. Fingers slid under the material and I felt my violation begin.

"Hard and fast," I heard the man holding my head say, and he pulled my head down until I could no longer see the length of my body. I opened my eyes and all I could see was a man's crotch with a long hard cock pointed directly at my face. I felt my breasts squeezed together around the hot cock on my chest, and the man on top of me began fucking my breasts. The cock I could see was held in one meaty hand, and it began to be rubbed back and forth across my face. It poked in my eyes, my nose and pushed against my lips. I felt a wetness begin to drip from its end.

"Get her mouth open," I heard a voice above me say, and the pain in my nipples returned with a vengeance. I couldn't stop myself. I opened my mouth to scream again, and a large cockhead stuffed itself into my mouth. Fingers squeezed my jaw to make sure I didn't bite, and I realized all resistance was not only useless, it was dangerous. I felt hands begin to rip the panties apart between my legs and I gave my body up to the horror it was about to experience.

I know I fainted after the first few men, so I still don't know how many actually used me that night. I do know I was raped in every possible way, and when I finally began to regain a sense of where I was, it was Ricky who was holding me, wiping my face with a damp rag.

"Hey, I'm sorry," he began half heartedly. "I had no idea who you were. If I'd known . . . Well, it might not have made a difference, but I'm sorry anyway. You rest a little while, then I'll see that you get home. You're not hurt, even though you're gonna feel the effects of tonight for a while. Just relax. They're all gone now."

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to see the room I was in. I didn't want to think about anything. I just turned off my mind, and I don't even remember how he got me home.

The next day, I put the house on the market and left town for good.

Epilogue I haven't heard from Jenn or Michael in the month since we shared such a beautiful experience together . . . but that feels somehow right to me. In my heart, I believe Jenn will always care for me in ways somehow similar to how I care for her. I believe also that Michael understands and that he will encourage Jenn to remember me however that is best for her. Someday, I hope I will see her, or both of them, again, but it doesn't have to happen for me to feel complete in what I shared with and learned from my Jenn.

I think knowing Jenn changed me, not so much directly because of her, but because of what I learned about myself through loving her. I found in my time with her that a desire for sexual expression can, of course, be satisfied in many ways. It can be sought in anonymous, intense, risk-filled experimentation, or it can be discovered slowly and exquisitely in the offering of oneself without expectations, schedules, or a desire to somehow go "farther" than the last experience.

I know it sounds simple, but in seeking the best that sex can be, it is the connection with the other partner that makes anything exceptional . . . possible. With Jenn, I connected; she meant the world to me, and in caring that way, even words from her over the Internet could sometimes hint at the best that sex could be. Even if it was not real in the physical sense, it was real in the caring that came to exist. That made our relationship one of the most "sexual" experiences I ever had.

So, again, I am by myself. Yes, I am lonely. I miss Jenn, but to my surprise, and my relief, the one I truly miss is Katie. I understand how I hurt her. I understand how she could have been all I ever would have needed, if only I had been willing to let her inside of me; if she had been allowed to know "me," all my fantasies, all my needs, all my fears. I think she wanted that. I think she was prepared for that. I just never gave her the chance.

All these thoughts are intense for me just now, made more so because of what happened just last week. It had been several months since I'd heard from Katie, and finally, I did get a letter from her. She said Chastity was doing fine, even though she had made it clear to her mother that she never wants to see me again. Katie, however, said she wasn't completely sure, but she might not feel that same way, herself. I sensed more in the words not said, than in what she actually wrote. There seemed to be some . . . difference . . . in her words, something I couldn't quite grasp.

I took her contact, and the implied permission to contact her, as a good sign. I wrote to her and made her an offer, and today I received her reply. Next month, we're going to meet in Jamaica, at the resort where it all began.

She's going to give me another chance, at least I hope that's what it means. I think I'm ready for that chance now. I have to be.

Katie said it will be separate rooms, with no promises. But, she did say she'd meet me at the nude beach. You never know.

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This is the end of "official" part of No Going Back. Eventually Katie and I did get back together, and Katie even had a chance to meet Jenn. There are several more chapters covering that event and a few more experiences at the beach together. I'd like to hear from a few readers about their enjoyment (of lack thereof) of this story. If there is interest, I'll post the remaining chapters.