No One Can Ever Love Me

I would like to thank my friend Kiki for her editing efforts. All other mistakes are mine. I have tried to be as accurate as possible but remember this is fictions. Mental abuse, especially from parents can be as bad as physical abuse. There are a lot of things happening in this story, but it is above all a romance. I hope you enjoy.

JJ

John Martin was walking to his truck in the Brookshire's parking lot when he heard a scream. He looked to his right where he witnessed a young woman being pushed from her car as the person in it peeled out. She was being car-jacked. John Immediately ran over to the woman who was on the ground trying to get up. He got out his cell and dialed 911.

"911. What is your emergency?"

"I am at Brookshire's. The one near the interstate at exit 27. A woman has just been car-jacked."

"The police are on their way." said the operator.

"Are you hurt?" he asked the woman.

She just nodded her head no and just started to sob. John helped her up and she just held on to him for a minute or two.

"What happened?"

"My car was stolen. My purse and everything is in my car. I just loaded my groceries and went to get in. Who would steal a 2004 Corolla?"

"What is your name?"

"Caitlyn. Caitlyn Durwood."

"Well Caitlyn, I am John. I will wait here with you for the police to come and take your statement. It should be just a few minutes".

Caitlyn asked to use his phone. "I have to call work and let them know I will be late."

John hands her his cell and she proceeds to call. Caitlyn explains to here supervisor as John listens to the conversation on speaker phone.

"I don't care what happened. If you are not on time, I will get someone else and you can get another job." The supervisor was yelling at her. Caitlyn was sobbing even harder now.

John takes the phone and in a matter of fact but stern voice says "You don't know me, but this young lady will be in when she when she can and then you and I will have a talk. We will see you later."

Just then a police cruiser pulls up and the officer gets out and walks over to the two.

"Hey John. What are you doing to that woman you old goat?"

"Hi Jimmy. Remember, you and I are the same age. This here is your victim. Try to treat her nicely for a change."

The two guys shook hands and smiled at each other. Jimmy Olsen introduces himself and takes the report. He gets John's statement as well. After about 45 minutes, they say their good byes and Jimmy leaves.

Caitlyn looks up at John and asks "Can you take me home? I have no way to get there and that officer seems to know you. If it's not too much trouble, if you could maybe take me to work. I guess I will get fired anyway."

"I will be happy to take you home and then to work. Let's go."

It took about 15 minutes to get Caitlyn home. She lived just outside of the projects in West Dallas. John did not like where she lived.

"I know it's not much, but it's all I can afford. If I get fired, I may be on the streets as it is."

John parked and followed Caitlyn inside. She went into her bathroom and got cleaned up and changed. Fortunately she kept a spare key at the neighbors.

When she came out, John had to take a double take. Caitlyn, who is about 5' 4" tall and weighs about 115 pounds, was dressed in short shorts and a small halter top. She looked to be about 34b 23 34. She has medium length black hair and piercing black eyes with long lashes. She is not beautiful but quite pretty in a girl next door kind of way.

She noticed John staring at her and said "I work over at Twisted Peaks. At least I make somewhat of a living there. I am trying to save to go to school but it's not easy. Now if they don't find my car..."

She had tears in her eyes again.

"Let's go."

John drove her to the restaurant. Twisted Peaks is a sports bar where the waitresses wear skimpy clothing. Kind of like a Hooters I guess.

When they got there, John escorted Caitlyn inside. As soon as they walked in, the manager, a dude about 5'8" weighing about 150 pounds comes up and starts yelling.

"You are late. I told you if you could not be on time, you are out of here. I got someone else. Now get out."

John, who is 6'2" and about 200 pounds with about 5% body fat and dark brown hair with a boyish charm looks down and says "Let's you and me have a little talk. Caitlyn, go clock in or whatever you normally do."

"I said she is fired. You and I have nothing to talk about."

"I beg to differ if you don't want to be closed down for a few days. Where is your office?"

The manager led John to his small office in the back.

"Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?"

"Marvin Jenkins."

"Marvin? Your name is Marvin? Well Marvin, my name is John Martin. That is Special Agent, John Martin. I am a special agent with the FBI. Caitlyn was carjacked. If you didn't know, that can be a federal offense. If you don't want me to arrest your for accessory after the fact, you will ease up. Even if the charges don't stick, you would not want to be escorted out in cuffs now would you?

Now, off the record, I know people. The local health inspector is a friend of mine. Also, I work VERY closely with the IRS. Are you beginning to see where I am coming from? Now you will go and apologize to that young lady and make nice. Do you understand?"

Marvin nodded his head in agreement. They left, and John went to tell Caitlyn good bye.

"Do you need a ride home after work?"

"No, I will be fine. I will take the bus or catch a ride. Thanks for your help."

She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

It was about three weeks later, on a Wednesday when John was in area of the Twisted Peaks and decided to stop and have dinner. It was about eight at night and he didn't want to go home and cook. He thought about Caitlyn and wondered if she would be working. As soon as he walked in, he saw her and waved. She practically ran across the bar area and jumped into his arms, almost knocking him down. It was a slow night so few patrons were eating. The other waitresses looked at her and wondered what the hell that was all about. She was smothering with kisses on his cheek.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Marvin said you explained her situation and he actually apologized. Come let me sit you and take your order."

She took his drink order and gave him a menu. While she walked to get is his drink, she was watching her wiggle. She didn't even realize how she walked. John thought he would like to get to know her better. She was probably already taken by some lucky bastard.

She came and took his dinner order and placed it. She had only one other table so far so she asked if she could join him.

"Of course. I would be delighted."

Caitlyn returned a short time later with his hamburger and fries. The dinner menu was a bit limited as it was a sports bar. The large screen T.V's filled the walls. The walls themselves were pine. It gave the interior a rustic kind of look.

"I never got to really thank you for your help last month. The cops found my car but it was totaled. My purse was there but it was empty. They even took my groceries. I am working earlier so I can get the last public bus home. At least I kept my job."

Tears began to run down her cheek.

"Tell me a little about yourself Caitlyn?"

"Well I am an only child. Dad worked in the oil fields until he hurt his back. Now he just sits home all day drinking. Mom was a bartender but decided she wanted to stay home too. They live in a small trailer across town. They get by on workmen's comp. and welfare. I hate that. When I was eighteen, I moved out. I have been on my own ever since. That was about ten years ago. I went to trade school for a while but could not afford even that. So I just try my best to exist. Kind of sad huh?"

"What would be your dream job?"

"I would like to be a cosmetologist."

"You want to study the stars?"

"No silly. I like hair and makeup and making women look better. It's also may be called and aesthetician. That is what I always wanted to do for some reason. It is just so expensive. I looked into student loans but I can't afford the payments. The best cosmetology schools are about twenty grand. I am saving and hopefully one day I can get there."

They talked for a while longer and Caitlyn took care of a couple other customers. Finally about two hours later, she looked down and said "I have to leave if I am going to get the last bus."

"I will be glad to drive you. It really is no trouble and I enjoyed our little talk."

"Thank you. I will take you up on that. Let me change and get my stuff." She then gave him his check which was for half price. It included her employee discount. While she was gone he paid the bill, he left her a fifty dollar tip.

A few minutes later, she came back in blue jeans and a peasant blouse. She was quite conservative looking. "I can't ride the bus in my work outfit. It would not be smart or safe for that matter."

When they arrived at her apartment, the window was smashed and the door was open.

"Wait here." John said. He took out his Glock and slowly walked to her door. He peered in and waited. "FBI" he shouted. When he heard nothing, he slowly walked in. The place was a mess but no one was around. He motioned for Caitlyn to come in. When she saw her little apartment, she broke down and bawled. Such poor luck this girl had, John thought.

"First my car and now this. What am I going to do? I can't afford a car and now I have to take care of this." She just slumped to the floor shaking.

"Caitlyn, sweetheart. Get all of your personal stuff. You are coming with me. It is not safe here. If you trust me, I live in a 3 bedroom house all alone. You will have your own room and private bath. You can stay with me until we figure something out."

Through her sniffles, she just nodded OK. A half hour later, she had all her belongings in three garbage bags and they were out the door.

Trying to make light conversation, Caitlyn said "This is a really nice truck." John's truck was a year old F-250 Lariat with 4X4. It had the new 6.7 liter diesel and all leather. It was his toy and only real vice.

"Thanks."

About 45 minutes later, they pulled into his house. Caitlyn's eyes grew big as they entered his driveway. John's house was a three bedroom cabin, about 2800 square feet on 10 acres of land. The land had a lot of pine, oak and assorted other trees. Inside was a great room with a first class television and entertainment center, leather sofa with matching love seat and rustic table and lamps. The kitchen had stainless steel appliances and quartz counter tops. A large eat in island was in the center. John's master bedroom was just off the kitchen. It was large with the en suite bath. Down the hall were the other two bedrooms with a Jack and Jill bath. Just off the great room was a small office and outside large deck with hot tub.

"Wow" was all she could say. "This is beautiful. Why are you living here alone? I am sorry, I should not be prying."

"That's ok. I am divorced. I bought the property here and designed the house myself. I wanted to be able to get away and this is perfect for me. I will tell you more about myself later. I am however pretty much an open book."

"You can choose whichever bedroom you want. You have a private bath, unless I have guests, which is rare. The walls have plywood underneath the sheetrock. The interior as well as the exterior walls are well insulated so you have privacy. Feel free to use the entertainment center, kitchen and hot tub if you wish. I will show you how it works when you are ready. Caitlyn, there are absolutely no strings. I just want you safe."

Caitlyn just smiled and gave him a hug. She went down the hall and put her stuff in one of the rooms.

"I do have one question. How am I going to get to work? Is there a bus stop near here?"

"I have that covered. Follow me."

Inside the garage was a five year old mustang. "Sometimes I need a car so I keep it. It is yours to use while you are here. Just be careful with it."

She hugged him again and kissing him on the cheek, she just said "Thank you."

Things went smoothly for about 2 weeks. Neither had really said anything about Caitlyn's plans to move. John was really enjoying her at his house and they got along really well. Finally one evening while sitting in the great room, Caitlyn asked: "John. Tell me about yourself. I would like to know where you come from and what makes the real John tick."

"Well", John began. "I am one of two children. My sister is about 6 years older than me. She works for an accounting firm and lives in California with her husband. My dad was regional sales manager for a national food services company. My mom worked in retail and is quite a negative person. While I never really wanted for much growing up, I never had much personal support. My sister could do no wrong but, according to mom, I was never going to amount to anything.

After graduating high school, I went to the University of Texas. I worked part time to pay my tuition. I majored in computer science with a double major in finance. I was an average student probably graduating in the top third. I also enrolled in Air Force ROTC. Between, my sophomore and junior year, I went to summer camp, got my pilots slot and a scholarship. Once I graduated, I was commissioned a 2nd lieutenant and went to pilot training at Shepherd air force base. Again I did OK but was somewhat mediocre. Instead of flying fighter jets, I was assigned to fly the C-130 cargo plane. I do have a multiengine jet rating. I flew 2 tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I met a girl while in pilot training named Heather. We got married but she could not be married to the force. She divorced me during my second tour. She told me she never knew if I would come home or not and couldn't live like that. I stayed until my 6 year commitment was over. While in the Air Force, I went on to get a Master's in Business. While in grad school, I was recruited by the FBI. I spent about 5 months in Quantico Virginia and now I am here. I I have been an agent for about 2 years now. I am 32 years old. My hobbies are flying and hiking. That's about it in a nutshell."

"Do your parents live around here?"

"No. They live in Florida. I see them once in a while when I fly down there."

"Wow, Heather must be some crazy chick to let you go. Tell me about her."

"Her name was Heather Dawson. She was a contractor on the base in accounting or something. That's how we met. We started dating and a few months later we married. I guess she loved me but maybe not in love with me, if you know what I mean. I guess she was in love with the idea of being married to a pilot. When the rubber finally hit the road and I was sent overseas, reality finally hit home. I guess the second tour was just too much. At least she only left the marriage with what she came with. That is something. Well it's been a long day Caitlyn. I am calling it a night."

John went to bed thinking about his conversations with Caitlyn. He thought she was intelligent and a very sweet girl. She just had hard luck. He had an idea.

The next evening after work, when Caitlyn returned home from work herself, he said "Caitlyn, come and sit down. I would like to have a talk with you."

Her eyes kind of got big and she began to get a little panicky. She was sure she wanted her to move out. She could not afford anything just yet, and she had no car of her own. She walked in and slowly sat down on curled her feet under her.

"Caitlyn. Do you like living here?"

"Yes of course. This is the best place I have ever had. I know we have not spoken about it but do you want me to leave?"

"No, of course not. I have a proposition for you." Her eyes got as big as saucers and she was really nervous now thinking about what he may want.

"Do you want to go to cosmetology school?" She nodded yes. "I will loan you the money. You don't have to pay me back until 6 months after you graduate. I will charge you 5% interests on the loan. You will have up to 5 years to pay me back. You can stay here rent free while in school in return for cleaning and maybe cooking. If that is acceptable, I will have a loan agreement drawn up that we can each sign. Of course I would also expect free haircuts for life." That was just a joke."

"I would want to pay you some rent. At least what I was paying for my old apartment."

"How about half?" John would set that up in an account for her in case of any more emergencies.

"OK."

Well they got settled into a routine. Caitlyn had a few months before the start of the next cosmetology session at her school, so she continued to work at the Twisted Peaks. For John, he was beginning to develop strong feelings, maybe even love for Caitlyn. He thought it was strange that she never dated. He figured she was getting too much attention at work and really didn't' want to deal with men. He thought about asking her out but was a bit gun shy. He would have to consider that.

About three months later as he was leaving for work, Caitlyn was standing by the door to the garage. As he opened the door to leave, he said "see you tonight. Love you." He then kissed her on the head.

Caitlyn immediately ran down the hall to her bedroom and slammed the door. Oh shit John thought and ran after her. He knocked on her door. "Go away" she cried.

"Caitlyn, open the door. What did I do?"

She slowly opened the door. Her face was red and she had been crying. "You can't love me. No one can ever love me" she wailed.

"Tell me what this is all about. Why can't anyone love you? You are sweet, smart, articulate, and cute as hell. I love you being around. You are a total package. If I am not what you are interested in let me know. If it is something from your past and I can help, let me."

Caitlyn looked up with tears in her eye. "I have to tell you about my past. Once I do, you will probably want me to leave. I have only had two real relationships in my life. The first was while I was a junior in high school. Thomas was a real nice guy. He never pressured me for sex and was always the gentleman. Thomas was smart and good looking. Why he was interested in me, I will never know. We dated until we graduated. In our senior year, on his eighteenth birthday, I was 2 months older; we gave each other our virginities. We were hooked, really deeply in love. He asked me to marry him on graduation day. He took a summer job to earn money for college. He was going to be a petroleum engineer. Well the job was in a pipe yard. One day, a load of pipe fell from a rack and he was killed instantly. I was in a depression for a year.

A little over a year and a half after Thomas' accident, I met Marcus. I was working in Brookshire's and had a flat. He helped me fix it. He asked me out and we dated for a few months. I eventually moved in with him. I don't think I was ever in love with him but he was nice.

After a while, he tried to pressure me into a three way with his buddy. I kept saying no. One afternoon, I came home from work and was dead tired. Marcus asked me if I wanted a coke or something. He brought it to me and I drank it. He had spiked it. As I was going out of it, five of his buddies surrounded me. The last I remember, they were stripping me. I was powerless to stop it. When I woke up the next day, I was naked, and had cum all over me and dripping out of me. I even had a beer bottle stuck up my ass. I took me almost 15 minutes to remove it because it had dried in there. It hurt like hell.

I got up, packed my stuff and went to a shelter. They took me to a doctor where I got the morning after pill. They tested me for STD's and HIV. I am HIV negative but one of them bastards gave me herpes. I was going to press charges but by then the drugs were out of my system. It was his word and his five buddies against mine. I quit my job and moved to where you found me. That was eight years ago. I have not dated since.