Not Just for Christmas Ch. 07-09

On the Monday following they had reduced the bandaging. The family were in various ways busy so Mike arrived alone. As he entered a nurse was walking the other way.

"Plenty of visitors today," she said smilingly in passing him.

"That's good," he replied, and promptly forgot the comment.

They kissed as usual but he immediately sensed her attitude had changed. She was distant, preoccupied. If he asked a question she would answer but he could tell she had something on her mind. He asked her what the matter was but was told it was nothing, just pain. He didn't believe her but this was no time to argue. One piece of information she volunteered was that she could go home at the weekend, provided there were no complications.

On the Tuesday he arrived in the evening alone. The children had been to see her during the day, thanks to the school holidays, and he came straight from work. The nurse at the desk greeted him.

"She'll be able to go home on Thursday," she said. "Everything is healing well."

"That's good," he said.

"She's been busy today with all her visitors," she added.

Mike assumed, wrongly as it happened, she was talking about the children and Jessica, and made no comment. What followed put it out of his mind.

He entered the room. Her face was bruised, and the scar was livid, but the paralysis seemed to be reduced. Her face seemed less lop-sided, and her lips were straighter. But when he went to kiss her lips as he always did, she turned her head so he kissed her cheek, he stiffened.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Mike," she said, in that flat tone he had almost got used to. "I've been doing a lot of thinking here on my own."

"I've noticed you've been preoccupied."

"Yes. And I've made some decisions."

He was puzzled. "Decisions?"

"I've had quite a few visitors over the past few days and I asked them questions, and from the answers I got I've come to a decision. It's about you and me."

"What do you mean? You've come to a decision about us without discussing it with me?"

"Yes. It's better this way," she hastened onward. "Mike, it's better we break up."

"I don't understand. Is it something I've done?" He felt panic rising. "Is it the children?"

"No. Listen. I've made up my mind. It's best for both of us."

"No it isn't!"

"It is. Please listen to me, Mike. As I said I've talked to a lot of friends. You are a person who loves beautiful things, and attractive people. With me now you'll have an ugly cripple. Why are you spending all this money on cosmetic surgery? Why did you urge me so strongly to come here? To make me beautiful again. It isn't going to happen, Mike."

He was about to interrupt but she stopped him.

"Mike, I couldn't stand the pity on your face every day. I saw it when you first came to visit me. You will put up with me for a while out of love I'm sure, but eventually the novelty will wear off and you'll come to resent me and then you'll be off with other women, pretty women. I've been through that with Gary, I can't afford the risk of it happening again.

"Your friends speak of your sense of duty. They agreed you'll want to stick by me out of duty. I'm too proud for that, and I'd resent it in you. We'd begin to argue and I'd become bitter. I can't do that to you.

"The way you've behaved convinced me of that. You've been all business, but you never once told me you missed me. You've done everything by the book, got a nanny, looked after the children, visited me every day, but there's been a distance. No don't say anything, I don't need lies.

"I love you, but I can't be with you with all this baggage. It's better to part now than destroy each other later.

"Victor asked me to consider moving back home now that Gary is remanded in custody until the trial and he will certainly be convicted. Victor said that the financial settlement would be better if I'm in residence in the family home. So I'm going to move back there."

"This is rubbish!" he shouted. "None of it is true. I do love you, it's just been so hard juggling all these things and feeling low with my own pain and these scars of mine. Don't I always kiss you when I arrive and when I leave? I get flashbacks. I'm not sleeping. Knowing you will be coming home eventually is what keeps me going. I don't know what I'll do without you."

"I'm sorry Mike, but it's for the best. I know you'll find someone else."

"How do you know that? Have you got a crystal ball?"

"Believe me Mike I know more than you think. I'm sure you'll find someone and soon."

"What about the children? You going to break everything apart just when they thought that we were getting together and were secure, and then all this? How can you?"

"It'll be like a divorce," she said obstinately. "They can come and visit you."

"That's stupid."

"Not as stupid as us keeping together. Believe me Mike, I know there's more to this than I'm saying but I won't stand in your way. Now I want you to go. It would be better if you didn't visit me any more. I'll phone you when I'm home and Jessica can bring the children and our things."

"Claire, please, you're making a big mistake and you're totally wrong about everything."

"Mike," there were tears now. "I'm so grateful for all you've done. You saved my life. You saved Siobhán's life. You gave me a job and training and a car. I got back my confidence and self-respect. I want you to go because I love you. It's the least I can do. Now you can go back to..."

And she stopped.

"To what?"

"Please go. It's what's best for you."

"Claire-"

"Go! Leave me!" She was clearly distressed. He did not understand but he went.

He was dazed as he went out to the car. He drove out of the car park heedlessly. How he managed to get as far as he did, he would wonder later, but before long he began to cry and had to stop because he couldn't see where he was going. He bawled his eyes out.

There was no thought, only feelings. It is a cliché but he felt his world had fallen apart. He had for months resisted the woman then they gave themselves to one another and the bliss was legendary. Now she had dumped him. It was over. His lover had rejected him. It was desolation. Utter loneliness. It wasn't fair.

Eventually the most abject grief lessened and the tears stopped at least for a time. How long that took he never knew. But when he emerged he knew he could not go straight home. He would have to face the children if he did, and he could not trust himself not to break down again.

He phoned Jessica, told her a problem had come up and to kiss the children goodnight from him. Then he phoned Tom. Twenty minutes later his car was in Tom's drive and Mike was in his living room with a quadruple whisky and water.

He poured out the whole conversation as well as he could remember it and Tom listened. When Mike finished Tom sat back and thought. That was what Mike always had liked about him; he never jumped in with an instant response, but always thought it through first.

At length Tom spoke. "Tell me about the previous weeks, I mean with Claire."

It was Mike's turn to think.

"Take your time, and try to tell me everything you can think of." Tom was not prodding; he really wanted to know everything.

So Mike related everything he could remember and Tom once again sat in thought.

"There's something not right about this," Tom said at last. "I can understand her feeling ugly and wondering whether you would still love her but this last reaction is strange."

Another pause, during which he refilled Mike's glass. Mike would not be driving home.

"Just remind me of your visits over the past few days. Trace everything from when you arrived in the car park." Tom said.

Mike thought hard, and remembered the comment of the nurses on both occasions, and the comparable change in her attitude.

"On both days a nurse commented that she had a lot of visitors," Mike said eventually.

"Ah!" Tom said. "Who were the visitors?"

"Don't know," Mike said resignedly. "I'd forgotten the comment by the time I reached her room both times. She had visitors at the previous hospital as well. She'd usually say who'd been."

"Not these last times?"

"No."

"Perhaps not always before either?"

"Don't know. Could well be."

"Well, I think those visitors may hold the key to this volte-face of hers. Can you find out who they were?"

"She doesn't want to see me," Mike said morosely.

"Her older daughter?"

"Yes!" Mike seized on the idea. "Siobhán could find out for us."

"Good," Tom said. "Now I'll take you home."

Chapter Eight

Mike had arrived home at eleven, and the children including Siobhán were asleep. He told Jessica what had happened and her look of compassion instantly reduced him to tears. She held him, his nanny too for that moment.

He did not sleep much that night and by early morning his sorrow had turned to anger and resentment. He rehearsed what he had done for Claire and her family and it made him even more angry. Eventually he fell asleep and woke about two hours later.

He felt wretched. Was it the bereavement or the whisky? But the nausea and headache cooled his anger and stopped him from saying something to the children he would regret.

He rang Rosemary and told her the news and she was silent and then practical.

"Stay at home," she said. "It's mid-summer and work is light. Breathe deeply. Go for a walk on your own. Try to see it from her point of view. I think Tom's right; whoever visited her seems to have thoughtlessly built on her own feelings of ugliness and worthlessness. Reserve judgement, all is not lost, believe me on that Mike."

She was right, he thought; it was not final. He could fight Claire on this but he would need to engage Siobhán and to do that she would have to know. He would have to tread carefully with her. He was so glad he'd phoned Rosemary.

He left his room and went out into the cool of the early morning. After an hour's walk he did feel better. He realised that he ran his own business and he knew how to get what he wanted. He reminded himself of this and realised he would have to play a long game. Perhaps play dirty.

Everyone but Siobhán was at the breakfast table. He got happy smiles and greetings and sat down to join them in some cereal and toast. He got a résumé of the day before, and made appropriate happy noises.

Jessica had made a large pot of tea and he had several mugs. Jessica then took the children out for the morning, while he waited for Siobhán to surface, which she did half an hour later.

She looked quite wide-awake as she munched some toast and drank her mug of tea.

"What's up Dad?" she asked. How women knew something was up he didn't know. He thought he was emanating calm.

"Finish your breakfast and join me in the study," he replied, "and I'll tell you."

She shrugged and carried on eating. Mike left for the study to which she followed him five minutes later.

"Sit down, Hen," he said indicating the chair opposite his. She looked surprised and then worried. He thought she had every reason to be.

"Something has happened-"

"It's not Mum is it? She's relapsed? Hurt?"

"No. It has to do with Mum but she's well," he paused. There was no easy way to put it.

"Something has happened which is going to shock and upset you, but I want you to promise me now you'll not act on this knowledge until I say you can. Can you give me that promise?"

There must have been something in his tone of voice, for her worry seemed to increase. "Yes, Dad, I promise. Whatever it is."

"Your Mother has decided to go back to your old house now that your father is in prison, and she's taking you all with her. She is not going to work for me any more and she doesn't want me to visit her in hospital any more."

Siobhán's mouth dropped open. "But why?"

"She's decided it wouldn't work out between us now she's lost her looks, and I suspect she feels unable to stay here where she was attacked so viciously." He tried to keep his anger out of it and only partially succeeded.

"Oh!" she retorted angrily. "So she can't stand living here but she'll drag me back where I was attacked? Well, I feel unable to live there; I want to stay here with you!"

"Well, Siobhán," he temporised, "you'll have to discuss that with your mother, but I can't see her allowing that."

She thought for a moment and her face clouded. "But you love her!"

He nodded.

"But she doesn't love you?" she asked. "After all you've done for us?"

"She says she does. She says that's why we have to part. She thinks I would stay with her out of pity or, what was it? duty to her, and that would destroy our relationship."

"This is so stupid!" she grumbled. Then, "You just going to let her do that?"

"I've not a lot of choice, but I've not given up. Tom has some ideas, and that's where you come in."

"Are you going to tell Ginny and Ryan?"

"No," he answered, his anger showing through. "This is all your mother's idea so she can tell them. I only told you because there's something you can do for me."

"Anything, Dad," she asserted firmly.

"Well, you'll have to use your brains and be a bit devious. I want you to find out from her who came to visit her since she was taken to hospital. I think someone's stupidly been putting ideas into her head. She mustn't suspect it's for me or she won't tell you."

"Mm." She thought for a while. Then a smile crossed her face. "OK," she said.

"And you can take a letter to her."

"Fine!"

She smiled but tears were starting in her eyes.

"Dad, can I come and stay if Mum won't let me live here?"

"This is your home Hen," he said.

"Love you, Dad," she sobbed.

"And I love you sweetheart," and the tears were coming in his eyes too.

Then she stood up and stood looking at him. Then she scowled, turned and left the room.

Mike turned to the computer and began the letter. It took a while and there were many alterations before it was as he wanted it. Then he printed it off and wrote it out again by hand.

My Dearest Claire,

Since I have no choice, I have to accept the decisions you have made, though you could not be more wrong in all your assumptions about me. You are making a huge mistake. I wish you would believe me about this.

I am glad you did not get round to resigning formally from your work for me, as it means I can now terminate your employment, which puts in train a number of consequences which I list below.

So this letter notifies you that I terminate your employment as of now. You no longer work for me. Since I am sacking you, you are entitled to compensation in accordance with the contract you have with me, which exceeds statuary compensation.

You are entitled to three months salary. This will be paid monthly. You are also entitled to a redundancy payment equivalent to one year's salary which will be paid in a lump sum, and as such is, I believe, free of tax. You agreed to this and Victor has the agreement if you don't believe me.

You may keep the car until the tax and insurance runs out in eight months' time.

I will pay your removal costs, which I assess at five hundred pounds.

I trust this will meet with your agreement.

Any debts you think you owe me from the early days are, according to contract now cancelled.

Please keep your personal current account open as any moneys will be paid into it.

Since you began your hospital treatment while in my employment, that will continue to be funded until you decide you no longer need treatment. I urge you to follow the treatment until the doctors say there is nothing they can do further.

The same applies to Jessica. She will stay with you until your leg heals properly.

You must decide whether you wish me to remain the children's legal guardian and your next-of-kin. I am prepared to remain as such.

As I am their guardian at this moment, I am setting up a trust fund for them for their education. This will be sufficient to pay off any university debts they may incur and leave them a reasonable sum to set them up afterwards. Even if you decide to cease all connection with me as it seems you have, this trust will stand. There is nothing you can do about it; when it matures it will go directly to them. They will be legally adults and may do with it as they please.

Finally I'm telling you that I love you, not your face, or your body, but you.

As to your wishes that l not contact you again, those I cannot accept, I love you too much for that. I hope you will eventually see sense and come back to me. I warn you I am going to do everything in my power to bring that about.

It saddens me to say goodbye.

All my love

Mike.

Yes, he wanted her to feel as guilty as hell. He wanted her to smart at her selfishness. He hoped the kids would give her hell and perhaps it would bring her back. It was calculated and did not in the slightest reflect his feelings. At that precise time he wanted to get her back. It was totally selfish and born of anger and resentment.

The younger children came home for lunch and were full of the exploits of the morning. He watched Siobhán who looked preoccupied but she said nothing to them. In the afternoon they all went off to visit Claire and Mike went back to Tom's to collect his car.

He was in his study when he heard the sound of the family arriving. They were subdued. Jessica came in to see him.

"I've just had the worst day of my life," she said. She was a very placid woman but she was seething. "How could she do this to her family?"

He sat and nodded and listened as she told him the story of the tears and tantrums when Claire told them they were leaving the next day. The arguments and the language! She said that Siobhán had kept quiet, and when Jessica took the two younger children out she stayed behind. When they returned Claire was in sombre mood and Siobhán looked mutinous.

"You need to talk to the children," Jessica said. "It's really tearing them up."

He sighed a deep sigh and asked her to send them in to him.

"It's just not fair!" exclaimed Ginny as the pair of them settled into one of the armchairs, Ginny's arm round Ryan. Mike was still at his desk though turned away from it on his office chair. "Can't we stay here with you?"

"You know that's not possible, Ginny," he said. Best to get false hopes dashed early.

Ryan began to cry, "I like it here with you," he sniffed. "I hate that house. It smells."

"Look," Mike said, "your mother has promised me that you can come and visit me. You'll probably be able to stay for whole weekends. I'm not going to let you go easily you know. But you need your mother and she needs you."

"But how will you manage without Mum?" asked Ginny, ever practical.

"Well, I managed for four years before you lot arrived. I can manage again."

"And you won't have us under your feet." She smiled for the first time.

"I love having you under my feet and I'll miss you, but things have a habit of turning out for the best. Be good to your Mum, she loves you so much and she's fought for you more often than you know."

"I know Daddy used to hit her," said Ryan, "and she brought us here."

"Mike brought us here," corrected Ginny.

"Your Mum took you away from danger," Mike corrected the correction.

"And God sent you because Mum was so good," said Ryan.

He did not need to say anything. Being a Divine emissary was good enough for him!

"What about school?" asked Ginny, "I like it here."

"Me too!" echoed Ryan.

"Talk to your mother about that. She's got the car, so she could bring you to school here. Perhaps you could come here after school and she could pick you up from here. You need to ask her."

That mollified them and they went away, if not happy, less unhappy and with something to plan for.

No sooner had they left than Siobhán came into the study.