Now What Ch. 02

Sorry about the wait in posting chapter 2, but sometimes life gets in the way.

Hope you enjoy or it at least makes you think about what you would do.

I knew I was in trouble as soon as I walked through the door.

"Steve, where the heck have you been? It's almost 7:00 and I've had dinner on the table since 6:15. At least you could have called me to say you were going to be late," Deb said with an angry tone in her voice. "I'll warm it back up in the microwave, but it's not going to taste nearly as good as it would have an hour ago," said Deb as she put my dish into the microwave.

As I listened to the hum of the microwave, I tried to think of a gentle way to start this conversation. I didn't want to drop a bomb on her but I wanted to let her know exactly how I felt.

"Are you really ready to fuck up your marriage over a stupid blow job?" my brain kept asking me as I sat at the dinner table. "Maybe we could work out a compromise. Maybe if she sees what a big deal it is to me, she'll relent and give it another try," my big brain kept saying to me even though my little brain had already made up its mind a couple of months ago. One year and eight and a half months into my marriage and I was already cheating on Debby with Beth. At this point, I still didn't consider it really cheating, because I hadn't screwed anyone but I don't think Deb will look at it that way.

"Hon, after dinner, can we have a talk?" I asked smiling at her.

"Why do we have to wait until after dinner? We can talk while we eat, because I want to watch a movie that starts at 8:00 tonight," she replied putting my plate back on the table as she popped hers in the microwave. "What's on your mind?" she said now looking at me while she leaned up against the counter.

"Hon, you know I love you to death," I started off hesitantly. "But I still feel I have an unfulfilled sex life," I said carefully, trying my best not to piss her off.

"Steve, we do it at least four to five times a week, how much more do you want? If you'd just win the lottery we could spend our days in bed, but until that time we still both have to go to work," she told me looking at me more intensely.

"It's not how often we do it..." is all I got out of my mouth when the wrath of God came down on me.

"Oh shit, it's not about blow jobs again is it? I thought we were done with that," she said raising her voice. "I thought we beat that horse to death. How many more times do you plan on bringing it up?" Deb asked me now looking angry as hell. "Steve, read my lips, I am not going to do it, not now, not ever."

At that point Deb started slamming cupboards and drawers until she heard the ding from the microwave. Grabbing her plate she tossed it on the table and just glared at me, almost daring me to say something.

"Well?" she finally said burning a hole through me with her eyes.

"Well what?" I replied.

"Have we finally put this issue to rest?" she asked.

"I guess I know where you stand if that's what you mean," I told her. If I want a blow job I guess I'll just have to get it from someone else."

"Do that and I'll cut the damn thing off and give it back to you gift wrapped," she shouted back at me.

When I didn't reply she gave a look that would strike fear into the toughest Marine.

"Son of a bitch," she yelled standing up. "You son of a bitch," she said throwing her plate of food at me. "You've already done it with someone else haven't you?" she now screamed at me. "Get out, get the hell out of my sight before I kill you," she said throwing everything on the table at me as I moved trying my best not to get hit.

"Deb, let me explain," I tried to say but it was way beyond the talking stage now.

"You cheating bastard, get the hell out of my apartment," she continued to yell as she looked for anything else she could throw at me.

At that point I decided to leave, at least for now, to let her cool down. I grabbed my jacket and keys before making my escape.

Tony's was almost empty as I sat my ass on a seat at the bar. The first Miller went right down as I ordered another. I nursed this one for the better part of a half hour as I watched the time slowly creep by. What was I thinking? Or maybe that was the problem, I wasn't. Well it was all out in the open now, and where we were headed was anyone's guess.

I snuck back into the apartment sometime after 1:00 AM. I tried to turn the knob on our bedroom door but found it locked, I wasn't surprised. I grabbed a blanket and pillow out of the hall closet and headed for the guest room. When I hit the light I saw it; Deb had been busy. All my clothes had been tossed on the bed, or at least in the vicinity of the bed. Clothes, shoes, toiletries and any other personal items I'd had in our bedroom were now piled on the bed. It took me the better part of an hour to hang everything up and put the rest of the shit away. By 2:30 I was still awake looking up at a dark ceiling wondering what tomorrow morning would bring.

Debby never said a word. She came down stairs dressed, grabbed her keys and walked out the door as I sat at the kitchen table watching her. I don't know what I expected after last night. I thought at the least she'd throw an insult or two at me before leaving but that didn't happen.

Work sucked, I just couldn't get my head around anything. I must have downed a dozen cups of coffee before lunch as I started jotting down things I knew were eventually going to come up. I wasn't going to admit to anything just yet and was sure Deb didn't have a clue about Beth.

I debated about going home right after work. Maybe I should wait a couple of hours and let her adjust to me not being there, so I stopped at Tony's for a quick one.

"God, I hopped she would at least hear me out before going nuts on me again tonight," I thought to myself as I drove home. To my surprise Deb wasn't even home herself. I checked the answer machine but there was no message. "Now what?"

I fixed myself something to eat, had a couple of beers and finally crashed just after 12:00. I heard Deb come in just before 1:00 and peeked out the door. The look she gave me said it all, as she went into our bedroom and slammed the door. I went back to bed and for the second night in a row I counted the specks on the ceiling until I fell asleep.

Deb was still in her room when I left for work. I finally got up the nerve to text her on her cell but never got a reply.

Deb wasn't home when I got there just after 6:00 and like the previous night there was no message. I texted her saying that we needed to talk but got back a short reply saying that she had nothing to say to me. I was at a stalemate. I wanted to work it out with her but I'd decided that I wasn't going back to my old sex life.

She avoided me every night until I forced the issue Saturday. I was up early, something about not being able to sleep very well anymore, when Deb came downstairs dressed and looking to make her escape again. This time however, she was going nowhere. I had taken her car keys from the rack by the door.

I just sat there quietly sipping on my coffee watching her look high and low until she realized I must have them.

"Give me my damn keys," she yelled at me.

"No," I replied looking down at my cup.

"Steve, where are my damn keys?" she said for the second time.

"Deb, we need to talk," is how I started before she blew up at me.

"I've heard enough of your lies and bullshit. There's nothing you can say that will make any difference to me anymore. So if you don't mind, I've got an appointment," she said in a matter of fact voice. I tossed Deb her car keys as I watched her give me an ugly look before walking out and slamming the door.

"I guess I got nothing more than I deserved," I told myself as I started packing my shit. I was really surprised how little I had. Between my clothes and personal items I barely filled six boxes. I left all the 'joint' items like our wedding pictures, CD's, DVD's and such. I guess we'll have to split those items down the road. I packed up my Expedition and headed out to find some place to set up house.

The Motel 6 by my office was a logical choice. It was five minutes from work and the price of the room included the full breakfast bar. I could only get out $250.00 from the ATM but made myself a note to draw out fifty percent of our savings first thing Monday morning. I was going to hit Tony's again tonight, but after putting everything away I wasn't really in the mood so I had a Corona and called it a night.

As I fed my face the following morning I turned my phone back on. I had seven calls and texts from Deb calling me every name in the book.

"You piece of slime, you really have no backbone do you? You sneak out of the apartment without so much as a note, you weasel. If that's the way you want it, so be it," and that was the nicest one of the seven.

The worst part about it, I had no one to blame but myself. I let it go on too long before I said anything. It should have come to a head before we even got married and I blame myself for that. "Well, it's better we end it now then drag it on for another couple more years," or so I thought to myself. We had no kids and besides the apartment, we only had a credit card or two. We each owned our own vehicles so a divorce should be a slam-dunk. I figured I'd let Deb file and save myself a few bucks. Every day I waited to be served, but the papers never came. It wasn't like I was hiding, I still went to work, hung out with my friends sometimes and everyone knew where I was currently living.

My parents pleaded with me to make up with Deb, but I told them, that wasn't going to happen.

"You know if you get divorced, you'll never be able to get married in the church again," my mom informed me. "The vows say until death do you part, and in God's eyes you two are still married."

"Mom, I tried to tell her about my needs and she didn't care, this is the best thing for both of us," I finally told her but she never let up. "God damn, I wish she'd just serve me so we could get this over."

I hadn't heard from or seen Deb since the morning I left. She did send me a few ugly e-mails at work, but I responded to only one. "Nice talk from a good Christian girl." I never got another one.

Word traveled fast and Beth was on my doorstep two weeks after I left.

"Beth, I'm not ready for this," I tried to tell her as she jumped into my arms as soon as I opened the door.

"Now we can be together all the time," she told me.

"Beth, until I'm divorced I'm not doing anything with anyone. I had a big hand in screwing up my marriage and I'm not ready to jump from one bed into another."

"Bull shit, Steve. Don't give me that high and mighty attitude, save that for Deb. Exactly what were you thinking about when you were still married and sleeping with me? It didn't seem to bother you when I gave you what your bride wouldn't and now what? You're too good for me? Well, fuck you. I sure as hell don't need you, there are a million guys that would be overjoyed to be with me," she yelled at me. "I'm out of here. Don't bother to call, you had your chance and blew it," she said laughing. "Blew it," she laughed. "I guess that's how it started and ended. See you around loser," she said shutting the door behind her.

"Well, the girl I threw my marriage away for was now gone too, what next?" I thought to myself. That question was answered six weeks later.

I was having dinner with a vendor who was in town for the night. We'd had a few drinks and were just getting our food when I saw her. She was led in by a tall blonde-haired man and were seated about five tables away.

"Shit, that's all I need tonight," I said to myself as I turned away from the table.

We were just finishing dessert when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to find Deb looking directly at me.

"I thought that was you," she said.

Being taken by surprise, I stammered something out something like, "Hello Deb, you're looking well," before her date walked up behind her.

"So this is the wimp who walked out on you," he spoke up as I finished. "He looks like the kind of guy who would do something like that," he said with a shit-eating grin.

"Come on Jason let's go," Deb said as she grabbed his arm.

"It's Ok Deb, I just want to thank him for leaving. If it wasn't for him booking, we'd never be here tonight and looking forward to a quiet intimate evening later," he said probably a lot louder than he should have as more than a few table looked on. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of her tonight and every night from now on," he said as sarcastically as possible trying to goad me as Deb pleaded with him to stop but he wouldn't shut up.

I finally stood up, and looking through the asshole said to Deb, "you really have lowered your standards. God, I hope he's worth it," before turning around to sit back down.

I didn't even see the punch that pretty boy threw but I sure as hell felt it along with the knee to the groin that followed. I could hear someone screaming for him to stop as I felt kick after kick to my body as I instinctively covered my head.

As the doctor in the ER was sewing up my face he asked what the other guy looked like.

"Probably pretty good, because I never saw what hit me," I told him as I tried to laugh but was way too sore.

"You don't have anything broken but two of the ribs have hairline cracks. They're taped up pretty good but you're going to be damn sore for about three weeks. Take it easy and don't do anything strenuous. Here's a prescription for some painkillers. Take two just before you go to sleep, and no alcohol while you're on them. I want to see you in about a week. Call my office and tell them to work you in." What a way to end a perfectly good night.

My vendor, who had waited in the ER with me, drove me back to the restaurant so I could get my car.

"You really know how to show a guy an exciting time," he said trying to make a joke. "Are you going to be Ok to drive?"

"I'll be Ok if I take it slow," I said as I got out of his car. "Sorry about tonight, I never expected anything like that to happen. At least next time I won't turn my back on him."

"Well, if it's any consolation, the cops hauled him away and if you play your cards right, maybe some large guy in jail will make him his bitch," he said with a laugh. "I gave them my statement but if you need me back here, just give me a call." We parted ways and I found out how really hard it is to drive with one hand.

The pain pills did wonders. I was in la la land shortly after taking them. What was a real pain, was taking a shower the next morning. It hurt like hell raising my arms above my shoulders, especially on my right side, and putting on a shirt was more than a little challenging.

I told everyone at work I'd slipped in the shower and hit my right side on the tub, no use letting people know I got sucker punched and the shit kicked out of me. In my office, I adjusted the height of my chair up six inches and found I could do everything I needed, just not quiet as fast. Thank God this was a semi quiet week.

When Deb's e-mail popped up I wanted to delete it, or print it, stomp on it and finally burn it. I didn't open it, I just looked at it on my screen for a couple of minutes and then went back to what I was doing before I got it. It wasn't until about 10:30, when I walked back to my desk with a fresh cup of coffee, that I brought up my e-mail account; it was still there. After about three sips of coffee I finally opened it.

'Steve, I am so sorry about last night. I had no idea that Jason would say what he did or react in that way. I work with him and it was just a casual dinner out, it wasn't a date no matter what he said.

The only reason I came over, was that I wanted to know if you were ready to talk. I haven't done anything about us since you left. Steve, I really thought you'd eventually come back, guess I was wrong. I was really surprised that you took the money out of the savings, did you think so little of me that you thought I would take the money and run?

Well, you know where I live. It did take me a couple of days, but I know where you're currently staying. I hope you're not hurt too badly. Let me know if you want to talk, I really miss you.'

Love Deb

This caught me a little off guard. This wasn't the 'I hate you' notes of the past, and that's why I hadn't been served, because she hadn't even been to a lawyer yet. However, nothing had changed in my eye. It was time to end this charade and for both of to move on with our lives. My e-mail wasn't meant to be mean or hurtful but it was blunt and to the point.

'Deb, I don't know what we have left to talk about. You pretty much spelled it out that night when you called me a cheater, and I guess you were right. I was with Beth a total of five times before that night. We didn't screw, but we did have oral sex. At the time, in my warped mind, I didn't consider it cheating because we didn't screw but I was only kidding myself. It may sound harsh, but I don't regret doing it. I tried in vain to explain to you that oral sex was a big part of my lovemaking but you shot me down every time I brought it up. Well, I'm not going to hash it over anymore. You are who you are and so am I.

My only regret is meeting you, falling in love with you and not making love with you before we got married. That way I would have know about your feelings on sex, and we could have ended it long before we walked down the isle.

I don't hate you, quiet the contrary, I still love you, for what it's worth. It's just that I can't stay married to you any longer. I need to move on with my life and find someone like me, because even though you may not believe it, I loved being married. If it's any consolation, I haven't been with Beth since that night and she dumped me when I told her that I wasn't moving from your bed to her; ironic isn't it.

If you don't file, I will. In two months I will be thirty and I want to, let me rephrase that, I need to start my life over. I wish you well and I hope you find someone you'll be happy with.'

Steve

I hit enter and that was the last e-mail or anything else I heard from Debby. Was I heart broken, yes, but relived at the same time. No more sneaking around or lying, I was now on my own.

My best buds, Dale and Kenny, thought I was nuts throwing away a great marriage. Most of their logic was pretty sound, but when I asked each of them if their wives gave them head they just looked at one another.

"Dale, if Pat came home tonight and said there would be no more oral sex in your marriage would you be Ok with it? And Kenny, if you could never feel Fran's warm mouth around your pecker, would you like that? Guys, I wasn't ready to give it up without a fight, and I'm sorry to say, that was one battle I lost." So life went on.

For my thirtieth birthday the guys said they were taking me out. As they put it, this would be my coming out party.

"Steve, get a good night sleep Friday, because you're going to need all your strength Saturday night," they told me. "We'll pick you up, there is no way you're going to be in any shape to drive home," they said with big shit-eating grins. "This will be one night you'll never forget."

By 9:00 we were heading to our second club to meet a couple more of our friends. By 11:00, we were in our third club, I had four lap dances, three sets of breasts caress my face, my neck and ears tongued by no less than six dancers and I was pretty fucked up.

"Guys, I don't know how much more I can take," I said with a laugh. "To the best friends a guy could have," I said raising my glass for a toast.

"Here, here," everyone responded draining their drinks.

At 12:30 I realized they were right, there was no way I would have been able to drive home. Hell, I probably couldn't have even found my car. It was then that Kenny asked for everyone' attention.