NSFW Ch. 02: Not Suffering from Waiting?!

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Is all porn bad, or does she need to loosen up a little?
10.8k words
4.79
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Part 2 of the 3 part series

Updated 06/08/2023
Created 02/24/2018
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Skylar held back tears as she continued to stare at him, "Yeah, I think you do. Are you going to start or should I just blow up on you?"

Jay opened his mouth and was about to speak when she continued, "What the hell is going on?! How long have you been keeping this a secret from me?!"

The distraught young man shrugged out of his jacket and let it droop on his arm, "I was going to tell you, Sky... honestly."

"When?!" She blasted as she took a deep breath. She was all kinds of confused and hurt, and she didn't know if she wanted to hit him or collapse in his arms.

"Soon, by the end of this week, actually," Jay sighed. "I wanted to tell you, Skylar, so many times, but... every time I thought about it, I got sick with worry and I couldn't bring myself to do it."

Skylar was unable to hold back her tears as they came rushing downward, "I can't believe you kept this from me... what am I supposed to do with this, Jay?"

He shook his head, "How much do you know?"

Her eyes flashed, "Well, let's see: I know that you've been lying about how you really make your money for at least since we've been together. I know you draw porn, and I know that you've been writing a web comic about our relationship... starring me!" She gestured to herself, "That the entire damn world can see! What else is there to know?"

He crossed his arms, "That's pretty much the gist of it."

Her eyes widened, "Is that all you have to say?"

He met her gaze, "What do you want me to say, Sky?"

Her eyes began to blur with tears once more as she looked down, "I don't know... I just... how could you do this to me?" She glanced up at him with a look that was both accusatory and desperate.

Jay almost cried himself, "You make it sound like I was doing it to hurt you. I wanted to tell you, Sky! God, I wanted to tell you so badly!" He took a step closer to her tossed his jacket on the couch, "I was scared, Skylar. I was so scared that if you knew the truth you would dump me. You're parents..."

"you thought I would dump you because you draw porn?" She asked him suddenly, cutting him off.

He shrugged, "I thought you might... yeah."

"Then you don't know me as well as you think you do," she gave him a look that almost broke his heart. "Why does it matter, anyway; jeebus, Jay! Don't you think it would have been a good idea to, oh, I don't know, tell me about this before you asked me to marry you?!"

"I told you, I wanted to, Sky! Your family would stone me if they knew what I really did for a living! It's not like everything you know is a lie; I really do financial consulting on the side. This is the only thing that I've kept from you, I swear it."

"That doesn't make me feel better!" She lashed out at him. "So what, you were gonna keep this a secret throughout our entire relationship?"

He frowned, "I was going to tell you."

"Yeah, you said that already," she replied sardonically. "You were gonna tell me after you'd already put a ring on it so you'd have me hooked, is that it? What am I going to tell my parents?"

Jay's face became dour, "Why do you have to tell them anything?"

She looked at him with surprise, "You're expecting me to keep this a secret with you?"

"I don't know," he stepped to the middle of the living room and sat down on the coffee table, "But I do know that you're a grown ass woman and you need to start making decisions for yourself."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Her eyes narrowed.

"You know what it means, Sky. It means that you need to stop pining for their approval and start living your own life."

"And living my own life involves lying to my family?!"

"No! Shit... maybe," he held his head in his hands for a moment before looking up at her, "I'm sorry, Skylar... I really am sorry. It was wrong, the whole thing was wrong from the beginning. I should have told you right away, but I was too scared."

"What were you scared of? Do you really think that I'm so closed minded that I would have written you off completely just because you draw porn?" She rolled her eyes, "I'm so angry with you right now. Our wedding is in four months and I have to snoop through your stuff to find this kind of thing out? There are so many reasons why I don't want to talk to you right now, so help me understand what I'm missing exactly."

"You're not missing anything; you have every right to be upset."

She went quiet for a long moment, "So, did any of it mean anything to you, or was it just fuel for your comic?"

Jay's took a deep breath and tried hard to steady his emotions, "Skylar..." he began quietly. "I know it's weird, but it was never meant to be. I fell in love with you so quickly and so hard that I needed to do something to get my mind right," he closed his eyes for a moment and tried not to choke up. "It started as a kind of diary, and then it kind of took off. I showed a few people because I was so excited to share my new relationship with you, and everyone really liked it. I started making more and more chapters and things just got out of hand." He took another deep breath and looked at her earnestly, "I can't... touch you the way I want to, Skylar. Some days, it kills me, not because I'm so horny that I can hardly stand it, but because I feel like I'm going to die if I don't hold you close to me." Despite his efforts to remain calm, a few tear began to fall down his face, "I can't bear the thought of losing you, and I knew, the longer I waited, the more chance there was of you changing your mind about us. Everything, absolutely everything about our relationship is real, and I would drain every drop of blood in my body for you right this moment if you asked me to."

She sighed heavily "Why you gotta take it there? Your morbid sign of love aside, I believe you, but that still doesn't make me feel better." Her voice softened, "You kept this a secret from me Jay... not just the porn, but your art in general. You are amazing... I mean, the stuff I saw, just... wow," she sniffled. "That's part of the reason I'm so upset. You're hiding this whole side of you that I didn't know existed, and I'm just now finding out about it right before I marry you? What's wrong with that picture? I think I would have surprised you, but you didn't give me a chance, and now we're in this mess."

"So what are we going to do?" He asked her quietly.

"I'm angry and I can't think straight right now. So, here's what's going to happen: I'm going to go home and let myself defrag a little. I'm not going to tell anyone about this because it's none of their damn business and it's between us. I'll message you online later and we can talk there, because I'm so mad that I don't even want to hear your voice right now."

He nodded in defeat, "Okay... that sounds fair."

Skylar stood shakily and made her way to the door. Before she left, she grabbed his jacket and wiggled into it, "I'm taking this as collateral."

He looked up at the door as she left, and the last thing he saw was the floppy sleeve of his jacket slam the door shut.

The next few hours were some of the coldest and longest of Jay's life. He was unable to do anything productive, and the idea of even watching a show depressed him, so he resigned himself to staring at the wall and waiting.

Finally, a little past seven PM, his phone buzzed.

On messenger if you want to talk.

It was Skylar, of course, and he stared at the text for a long moment before forcing himself up. He went to his computer desk, where he saw his drawing computer still sitting there. He hadn't even bothered to leave the living room in the time that he'd been waiting, and he slumped down on the chair and flipped it open.

Several minutes later, he was signed in to his online account and was staring at a blank messenger screen. He sighed and began to type, assuming that he would need to be the one to start.

Jay: Hey

A message came up a moment later from Skylar: Hey yourself. Feeling crappy?

Jay: Yes, very.

Sky: you should.

He smiled slightly: I'm sorry it happened this way. I'm sorry about everything. I was so scared of losing you that I forgot that being honest with you was more important than my own feelings. I screwed up and I'm sorry.

Sky: Three sorries? Were you rehearsing that all afternoon?

Jay snickered at the screen: No, it's just the truth. No more secrets, I promise, assuming that you still want to marry me.

Sky: You know, I'm curious as to why you think our relationship is so fragile. We've gone two years without having sex, Jay, two years! If we have that kind of fortitude, don't you think we can handle being knocked around a little? I'm irritated that you think I'm so weak that I'm going to call everything off because of this, so let's get this out on the table. I still want to marry you, idiot, but I want to know everything, and I mean everything. I'm going to ask you some questions and you're going to answer them and if you try to weasel your way out of anything I'll silent treatment your ass so hard that you'll be begging to hear me yell at you about anything. Got it?

Jay grinned and sighed with relief as he typed back: Okay.

Sky: Good. So, first question: when did you first start drawing?

Jay: In junior high. It was a hobby at first, but then I realized that I really enjoyed it. I wanted to major in art, but my dad would have killed me, so I went for business.

Sky: When did you start making money with your art?

Jay: three years ago almost, just a few months before we started dating. People wanted to give me money to draw them things, and I realized at some point that I could actually get a following and maybe do it for a living.

Sky: When did you first start drawing porn?

Jay: People asked for it. I figured, if I was going to try and make a living drawing, I couldn't be too picky, at least at first. I realised after I did a few pieces that porn is a lot harder to draw than it looks. I still don't draw it exclusively, but I have regular requests for it.

Sky: Does it feel wrong to you?

Jay: What, drawing porn?

Sky: Yeah.

Jay frowned slightly: Honestly, no. It's all fantasy, and obviously none of it is real. I promised that I wouldn't lie to you, so I'll be honest and tell you that I actually enjoy drawing all kinds of things, including porn. It poses its own challenges and it's so varied that I could probably draw nothing but porn for my entire life and still find new ways to make it interesting. Do you think it's wrong?

Sky: I don't know. Anyway, I'm the one asking the questions.

Jay: Hey, I thought we were having a discussion, not an interrogation.

Sky: No, this is totally an interrogation. How do I know that this is all there is, Jay? Am I just supposed to trust everything else you say?

Jay: Yes. I'll do whatever I have to do to earn your trust back, but I don't have any way of proving to you that nothing else is going on. You can come back to my place and toss through everything if you want.

Sky: I feel guilty enough as it is and I shouldn't have to do that! I had to invade your privacy to find out about this; don't you feel even a little upset about that?

Jay: No, not even a little. I'm glad you found out, honestly. The only thing I regret is the fact that I waited too long to tell you and you had to find out like that. I'm never going to be able to live that down. I gave you a key to my place for a reason Sky. Not so you could dig through all my stuff, exactly, but hell, also so you could dig through all my stuff! What's mine is yours, I mean that. I want you to be my wife, Sky, that means sleeping in the same bed, watching tv together on the same couch, using the same towels and blankets and everything. I would even let you use my toothbrush.

Sky: I don't want to use your toothbrush, you nasty.

Jay laughed as he typed: My point is, if I really felt ashamed of what I was hiding from you, I would have put more than just a locked drawer between you and whatever my secret was. I'm surprised that you actually went through the trouble of looking around and finding the key, but there's nothing in my apartment that I would be embarrassed for you to see.

Sky: Nothing?

Jay: Nothing at all. Other than the drawn porn on my computer, I've got nothing exciting; sorry if that's too boring for you. Anyway, if you're so insistent about it, what do you have at your place that you would be embarrassed for me to see?

Sky: Nothing. You could come in here right now and go through all my stuff and I've got nothing.

Jay: What about that electric toothbrush you have in your top drawer?

Skylar took several moments to reply: What about it?

Jay: I'm not stupid, Sky, I know what you use that for ;).

Sky: It's just a toothbrush! Anyway, why were you in my top drawer?!

Jay: Snooping around a few months ago, just like you. You can't get mad at me for that, I was doing the same thing you were doing.

Sky: Damn.

Jay: When we get married I'll buy you some real sex toys.

He could practically feel her blushing through the internet as she replied: Jay!

Jay: I was actually relieved when I found that toothbrush. I really thought for a while that you were like a robot that didn't need any sort of affection. Do you ever think of me when you use it?

Sky: WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS!! Can we get back to the matter at hand??

Jay:Yes.

Sky: How is writing a webcomic about me not in any way creepy or obsessive?

Jay: For one, I'm not sitting over here fawning over the drawings I make of you. At first, I tried to draw a girl that looked different, but when we first started dating the image of your face was burned into my mind and every time I tried it always ended up looking like you anyway. No one IRL knows that it's you, and even if it somehow miraculously came up someone would write it off as a total coincidence. No one knows my real identity, so no one will recognize us as the stars of the doujinshi.

Sky: What the hell is a doujinshi?

Jay: It's a Japanese word: it means a piece of art that is independently produced.

Sky: Okay. So, You didn't think it was weird to make a comic about us and share it? Even if the names were changed and stuff?

Jay: No, I don't think it's weird, I think it's great. This comic is far and above the most popular thing I've ever produced, and it's totally smut free! my fans freaking love you, Sky! I get messages all the time saying how great your character is, and the reason for that is because she's not a character at all; she's you! The dialogue is natural because I didn't write it, and the art direction and plot is laid out for me every other week. This story is writing itself. I can understand that you think it's weird and creepy, but don't forget that I'm in it too. The comic is written from my perspective; it's first person. I love hanging around you and I remember all the great conversations we have. You're my best friend, Skylar, and every time I write our dialogue into speech bubbles it reminds me of all the great times we have together. That's why, in the end, if you want me to give this up, I absolutely will. I would never let anything get in the way our relationship,and if that's what you want, I won't say no.

She responded a minute later: Jay, I never asked you to stop. I didn't even mention it. I told you already that part of the reason I'm so mad about this is because you keep assuming things about me. Stop it. Just stop it. Do you love drawing?

Jay: Not as much as I love you.

Sky: Cheesy as hell, but not the answer I was looking for. Are you passionate about drawing, is it something you love to do?

Jay: More than anything else I could ever do as a job, yes. It's the only thing that makes me feel accomplished and it fulfills me.

Sky: So why would I ever ask you to stop doing something you love so much? What kind of person do you think I am, Jay? I never doubt that you love me, but sometimes I'm afraid that you've got me built up so much that you're more in love with the idea of me than actually me. So, when I saw that comic... it scared the hell out of me. You've got to understand that.

Jay read what she wrote then reread it before nodding slowly to himself and sighing: I do understand. I'm sorry if that's how I've been making you feel, it was never my intention. I don't expect you to be perfect, and it was a huge, stupid, terrible mistake on my part for me to assume that you would get bent out of shape about this. I promise you, Sky, I'll be completely honest with you from now on, but you've got to promise the same to me. We're gonna marry each other Sky, that's huge. I don't take that kind of commitment lightly, and it makes sense for us to really talk about everything before we actually tie the knot. I don't want to be another statistic; I've seen the numbers for people who get married at our age and hardly any of them stay together for very long. I want us to work, and I believe that you deserve someone who's really going to stick with you and give you what you need. To be honest, there are certain things you don't make it easy to talk about: like sex. God, you are terrified of sex! Every time I bring it up or make a joke about it, you clam up. So, in my defense, not to justify what I did, but you can understand why I was so afraid to tell you what I did for a living.

Sky: Yeah... that's fair. So I'll be more open to talking about things, okay?

Jay: Good. And I'll be completely honest with you from now on. I don't like hiding things from you, I just don't want to feel like your hiding things from me.

Sky: What have I been hiding from you?!

Jay: Nothing physical, Skylar, but you've been hiding little bits of your personality from me. Sometimes, you get really mean, and you want to say something, but you don't. Other times, I can tell that something is literally killing you with it's cuteness, but you try and play it cool and you tone down your reaction. I want all of you, Sky, the whole experience; you don't have to pretend to be 'first date' material all the time.

Sky: I never pretended to be first date material!

Jay: Bullshit! Do you even remember our first date? You insisted that you liked whiskey to impress me and I watched you sip on the same glass for an hour and make faces every time you did!

Sky: I hate your memory sometimes. Fine, I'll make a conscious effort to be myself around you... even though you might hate me for it.

Jay: I won't.

Sky: I'm still mad at you, but I'm glad we talked. I'm going to watch tv and unwind, I'll call you tomorrow. You can draw some porn or whatever.

Jay: I'm not drawing porn tonight; too tired.

Sky; Well, maybe you can draw a comic about our chat and get a thousand hits or whatever.

Jay: Not this talk, this talk is just between you me. I love you, Sky, even when you're an angry face.

Sky: My face is completely emotionless and too tired to be angry right now, and yes I love you too and etc. Goodnight, Jay.

Jay: Goodnight Sky.

He watched her name disappear from the signed on screen and sighed heavily, "Well... that went well, I guess," he told the empty room as he leaned back and rubbed his temples.

The next day, Skylar found herself stepping off the train and walking to one of her favorite coffee shops. Between spending the previous evening binge watching a comedy sitcom and sleeping till almost noon, she'd managed to cool her anger down enough to want to see Jay.

She approached the coffee shop and saw Jay sitting inside by the window. She knew he was drinking a tea latte, and she scowled a bit as she walked inside.

"I've always hated the fact that you were a tea drinker," she told him as she walked up to the table.

Jay looked up at her and smiled widely, "Hello to you, too, miss cheerful. What was that all about?"

"That was me being completely honest with you. I think tea drinkers are largely plebeians that are probably incapable of even appreciating how much more complex the taste of coffee is than tea."