On DD/lg Relationships: An Essay

Someone once asked why having a Daddy means so much to me and why I feel it is so important to me and I believe that in order to answer that there are many different aspects that must be taken into consideration.

Firstly, who am I? How did I get to be where I find myself today?

Secondly, what do I think a Daddy is? What do I think a little is? What are their personality traits/characteristics? What are the differences between a Daddy Dominant and a Straight Dominant?

Thirdly and finally, why do I feel that a Daddy means so much to me? Why is it so important for me to have a Daddy figure in my life?

So...to begin...who and what am I? Well, my name is belle, and at the most simple of levels I am a British polyamorous redheaded, submissive, and geeky girl. I'm in my late twenties, and while to a lot of people I may seem young, I also identify as a slave and a little. I may be submissive but I do know my own mind. I have my own opinions and I take care of my own life. I'm independent and work hard to do the best I can at what I do and take care of my family. I'm intelligent, strong willed and often too cheeky for my own good. Having said that, I'm also incredibly shy, very guarded, and I always struggle to express myself (especially when it comes to how I'm feeling!) and I'm extremely unsure of myself at times.

I first began to gain an understanding of the "lifestyle" when I was in my mid-teens and have been exploring it ever since. When I started my journey, I knew that I was submissive, and a lot of people commented on how naturally my submission seemed to present itself around those who had earned my respect. It is in my nature to be submissive to most people, I obey, I follow instruction and rules often without thinking about it, especially to those who I know, trust and respect. Kim Debron (2006) defines a natural submissive as someone who:

"...is also known as the true submissive and usually has slavish tendencies. Her submission goes way beyond the sexual side of things and is more a part of her intrinsic personality. Her deep need is to relinquish control, and to please the Dominant in all ways, and her fulfilment is the very act of submission in all forms."

While I agree with Debron's 2006 definition, I feel that it is important to remember that submission is a gift. Just because a person, be they male or female, identifies as a submissive, it does not mean that a Dominant should act like they own them already, forcing them to use particular honorifics or trying to punish them. It's not the right of anybody. When I submit to someone, they will be made well aware that I am submitting to them. While I am naturally submissive in every day life it is not something that I act on all the time, but when there's someone who earns it, there's nothing I want more than to please them. Please do not expect me to behave like a doormat, believe me when I say that I am far from that.

So what do I think a Daddy/Mummy/Caregiver and a little are?

The first and most important point that I would like to make is that Daddy's/ Mummy's/Caregiver's and their little's are NOT sick twisted perverts (well...they might be perverts in the best sense...) who are driven by paedophilic or incestuous desires.

Daddy's/Mummy's/Caregivers, put simply, are Dominants who assume a role that is considered to be much more caring and nurturing than those in other types of D/s relationships. These kinds of relationships take two very specific and unique types of people. It is not enough simply to be a Dominant or a submissive; you need to be more than that to fulfil the roles of either a Daddy/Mummy/Caregiver or a little. As my preference is primarily Daddy/little girl, that is how I will refer to this kind of dynamic from now on.

Despite the labels given and used within this dynamic, it does not refer to the ages, real or pretend, of the participants. Nor does it imply closet desires. In my previous relationship my Dominant was not my father, He was nothing like my father. He was however my Daddy. Our relationship was not based on any need to have sex with children and I am always all woman, and always a very independent woman at that. While He did have the ability to make me feel like a very cherished and sometimes needy little girl, and I do associate my little with different ages sometimes, this is not always the case and is in fact very rare. It is a feeling that I revel in, it is the safest place I have ever been, and it allows me the freedom to be all that I am without fear of reprisals.

An essential prerequisite of a Daddy Dom is a natural nurturing instinct, the desire to care for your little, bring her on in whatever she desires and gently mould her into the best little you believe she can be. Daddy Doms want to help their little's develop and grow in whatever area they need help with, whether it be furthering her career, learning new skills or becoming a better submissive.

Having said that, Daddy Doms are dominant men, there is no mistaking that. People sometimes mistake them for a weaker or lesser Dominant because of his nurturing and caring nature but this is not the case. A Daddy is just as much a Dominant as the man who shows his submissive or slave no mercy. It is my fundamental belief that how much of a Dominant you are is not measured in your ability to hurt, to 'force' your submissive or your mercilessness. It is also not measured in your selfishness, or how many bruises your submissive has following a play scene with you. How dominant you are is measured in your ability to effortlessly control your sub and command respect.

Much like a more "generic" Master or Dominant, a Daddy will still take charge and enjoy being in control but they often enforce different kinds of rules. It is more likely that a Daddy will focus on their submissive's personal growth, goals and needs than on things like protocol. Another difference is that a Daddy will not only accept but actually value and treasure their submissive's inner little, encouraging their sub to enter and sometimes even live in 'little space', to play and to explore and enjoy their little side.

Another difference between other Dominants and a Daddy is that being playful, having fun and being able to laugh is a key characteristic of their personality. It is essential to have a nurturing and affectionate relationship but also for a Daddy to be able to have fun. This is NOT to say that other types of Dominant cannot show affection but it is often the case that they seem to be more rigid and stoic, rather than warm and cuddly. As I touched on before, just because a Daddy Dom is affectionate and nurturing, it does not mean that he cannot be sadistic as well.

First and foremost, it is the job of a Daddy to take charge of his little, to guide her and help her achieve her goals, to protect her and to love and nurture her by enforcing rules according to goals set in place based on what is in their submissive's best interest. That being said, Daddy's do get a great deal of pleasure from their little's both sexually and otherwise.

Being a Daddy is fundamentally a part of a Dominant's personality and it is often the case that they enjoy and find both the little and adult side of their submissive's attractive, appreciating them both in turn. Little's appeal to them because they cater to their desires to nurture, protect and love as well as allowing them to be amused by the natural, child-like little girl personality in a beautiful adult woman's body.

Little's are unique people who retain a childlike aspect of their personality. This isn't to say that there is something wrong with them, on the contrary, although the majority of society doesn't understand their inner little and so sees it as something undesirable. These people need Caregivers to make them feel safe, to embrace their inner little's and accept them for who they are in their entirety, the grown up adult submissive and the inner playful child.

Little's are often very complex, as they are often sexual adults with cute and playful childish traits. They can very well run a company but also may sleep with a teddy bear at night for comfort. They enjoy 'little' past times which may include games, puzzles, colouring in, arts and crafts, watching cartoons and going out for ice-cream. However, it is important to remember that they also enjoy adult things like spending time with friends, shopping and much more.

A little often feels safest in her Caregiver's arms and around them they are free to be themselves, a quirky mix of adult and little and they are free to pursue their 'little' interests. There may be times when a little is needy and whiny, they may have irrational fears, and it is incredibly likely that they will pout and sulk sometimes but they will also light up with an innocent child-like enthusiasm for things they enjoy and, of course, for her Caregiver. They are submissive by nature, and seek the guidance, domination and nurturing love of a Caregiver who will guide, protect and comfort them when the world becomes too much to handle. At the very core of their relationship is an extremely high level of respect and submission to the will of the Caregiver whereby the little gives up their trust completely, knowing that they will be loved and kept safe, respects them, submits to their will and trusts them completely to keep them safe and love them.

So...we've done all the research into it, the thinking behind it and heard how I see it, so why it is so important to me?

Well, at the most basic of levels, I crave that care. That sense of belonging completely but knowing that I will be protected, loved and cared for in that deeper way. To me, that is why the label of Daddy is an important one to me. But it the label of Dominant, Sir and Master are equally as important to me. The most distinguishable part of me that needs that Daddy/Caregiver figure is the part of me that does sometimes regress in terms of age. This tends to happen when I have had a particularly bad and stressful day but it does also happen from time to time naturally.

Having said that, it is important to remember that every relationship is unique and identifies in different ways. I know plenty of people who have a relationship where that high level of care is present and they don't use the labels that I do.

At the end of the day it is down to individual preference more than anything. Who am I or is anyone else to judge a relationship that has nothing to do with them?