Ostracism Pt. 01

Wait, where the Hell did that musing come from? How did his thoughts turn from whether she thought he'd never try to get in her pants to just how nice her pants looked on her?

Danny didn't know what to do. Should he let her know that, despite that awful video, he wasn't gay? Or, if he did, and she thought he was, and was therefore 'safe,' would that ruin their budding friendship? It wasn't as though he had a spare friend around if she backed off after that.

Well, what the fuck! She'd the courage to join him for supper, to break his loneliness, so the least he could do was man up and let her know that he wasn't gay. After all, given the situation, she had a right to know.

Classes dragged on today, the last full day before the holiday. Danny thought that he might have skipped supper that evening, if Mary Margaret hadn't been around, but if she hadn't shown up, this was a night he just had to eat, given that the cafeteria wouldn't be open for dinner again until Sunday evening.

He was just grabbing a tray, to go through the line, when she showed up right behind him, and that meant talking while in line. They gabbed about nothing at all, Danny not being willing to say anything of any importance where others could hear him. The chow line was constant noise anyway, and mostly people just ignored everything but their own conversations, but he was always on alert, always thinking that people were paying special attention to what the fag whore was doing.

Being out of the line ahead of Mary Margaret, Danny took the lead in picking out a table, and, as was his new habit, he picked one far away from the line, and as far away from other students as he could; it turned out to be the same table where they'd eaten supper the day before. Sitting down together, again on the corners rather than across from each other, they started talking again, and Danny mustered up his courage.

"Look, Mary Margaret, I have to make sure you understand this. Despite that 'movie,' I'm not gay, I'm completely straight. I guess that you need to know that."

"Oh, OK, well I kind of thought that was the case all along. But why did you feel the need to tell me that?"

'Oh, crap,' Danny thought. Quick thinking was called for right now, but quick thinking was eluding him. After a couple of seconds, he had nothing but the truth. "Well, I was kind of wondering if you thought that maybe I was 'safe' or something, if you thought I was gay."

"Danny, I wasn't being nice to you because I was looking for a boyfriend or something." Mary Margaret affected a bit of a pissed-off look, and Danny was really worried that he had just blown it, big time, with the only friend he had.

"OK, OK, that's cool. But what are your parents going to think if I go to Thanksgiving with you?"

"There's no 'if' about it, you're going. And I already told them, very clearly, that you're not my boyfriend. I told them the truth: that you weren't able to go to your own family's place for the holiday, and that you were simply a friend I invited."

The rest of supper was uneventful, and their conversation was mainly small talk. But, deep down, Mary Margaret started to wonder if perhaps Danny was seeing her as a possible girlfriend, and she found that she didn't dislike that thought one bit.

Still, he wasn't exactly great boyfriend material. The awful porno notwithstanding, he was skinny, too skinny these days, with little muscle, and he wasn't exactly the best-looking guy on campus. He was smart enough, she thought, being in engineering, but if he ever had any self-confidence - she didn't know him at all before the big blow up - it was gone now. She'd managed to pull him out of his depression, at least for the last couple of days, but who knows, he might just be a depressive kind of guy. Mary Margaret wasn't the vain type at all, but she could be objective enough to know that she was better looking for a girl than Danny was for a guy.

Heck, just her hanging out with him might be pushing other guys away. She knew that she wasn't one of the hottest-looking girls around, but she still attracted some attention from other guys, even though she didn't have a boyfriend at the time. Of course, that might be because guys talk, and the word probably got around that she didn't 'put out' on the first date.

Wednesday morning arrived, and once again they met for breakfast. She told Danny that her mom would be by around one. "Might as well go ahead and bring your laundry, too, 'cause we both know what a pain it is to use the laundry in the basement. You can get everything clean for a good start after the break."

"Mary Margaret, are you sure about that? I mean, yeah, it's great being invited over for a real Thanksgiving, but I sure don't want to abuse the privilege."

"It's not abusing the privilege, silly; every college student goes home with massive amounts of dirty clothes. What can you have, two loads at the most? It's not a big deal."

Classes came and went, and Mary Margaret's mother appeared, right at one, just like she had said. The one thing that Danny had feared most, that some asshole would yell out a comment about Mary Margaret taking the fag whore home where her mother could hear it, didn't happen. He knew that he had a look of relief on his face when they pulled away, and he thought that he saw that same look on her face as well.

Her mom had a nice Toyota Prius, not new, but still clean and looking like it was well-maintained. Of course, he was in the back seat while Mary Margaret was up front, but her mother, Mary Elizabeth - yeah, this was a Catholic family, no doubt about that! - kept asking him questions about his major and where he was from. Danny got the impression that she had expected a foreign student, him not being able to go home for Thanksgiving, and was surprised when he turned out to be a good old American.

The drive south on Interstate 75 had Danny looking out the windows, continually surprised about the limestone and sandstone exposed where the road had been cut through the rolling hills. It turned out that Corbin's claim to fame was Colonel Sanders' original Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant, which they passed on the way to Mary Margaret's house.

The house was decent enough, a brick split-level, obviously built in the sixties or seventies, and if not 'updated,' it was still clean and well-maintained. There were some trees in the front yard and if the place was simply landscaped, it still looked like it was frequently attended; there were no leaves left over from the autumn which hadn't been raked away. Looking back at the front door after it had been closed, he noted a crucifix above it. In the back of his mind, he thought that the whole house should have collapsed when he walked through the door.

For a sixties split level, it was certainly spacious. The mother and father had a master bedroom on the upper level, while there were three bedrooms for the kids on the lower level. Mary Margaret had two brothers and a sister, and she shared one of the bedrooms with a younger sister; a rollaway bed was already in one of her brothers' room, where Danny would get to bunk.

This was just amazing! For the first time in a month, he was being treated like just another guy, with nothing hanging over his head. His skinniness was 'explained' with a lie, that he'd had a stomach virus that kept him from keeping much food down for almost a month, but he was better now. Mary Elizabeth seemed to vow that the family was going to help him recover from that, all within a 4½ day holiday weekend.

And it was more than just not having his past hanging over his head: Danny hadn't really had a Thanksgiving like this before, as his family just wasn't big on stuff like this. This was turning into as great a holiday season as he could remember.

But, while Mary Margaret had very firmly told her mother that Danny wasn't her boyfriend, that didn't keep her sister Catherine - yes, Mary Catherine, if you're wondering! - from prying! Once they were settled in their shared bedroom, she had to ask, "He's really not your boyfriend? You've never brought a guy home before, and I can see how you've been looking at him."

"No, he's not my boyfriend! He's just had a hard life, is all, came from a poor family, and wasn't able to go home for Thanksgiving. He's a friend, and I didn't want to see him spending Thanksgiving alone."

"He's not gay or anything, is he?"

"No, he's not gay! What makes you ask such a question?" Mary Margaret was worried about this question, due to Danny's past.

"You bring home a boy, but he's not your boyfriend? Why wouldn't I figure that he might be gay?"

"Men and women can be friends without it being about sex, you know."

"No, I don't know that. Sure, that's supposed to be true, but it really isn't, not when you're twenty years old! If he had a girlfriend, he'd have gone home with her, not you, and if he doesn't have a girlfriend, and isn't gay, he'd want a girlfriend. And besides, I've caught how you look at him."

Mary Margaret tried to blow off the conversation, but it made her wonder. She knew why Danny didn't have a girlfriend, and he had made sure she understood that he wasn't gay, but her sister was right: straight guys without girlfriends all want girlfriends, and, being as there were a lot more women than men at UK, any guy who wanted a girlfriend and wasn't a complete loser managed to find one. Thing is, with that terrible porno, Danny fell into the complete loser category.

Had she been 'looking at him' the way Mary Catherine had said? She didn't think so, at least not consciously, but maybe subconsciously . . . . Danny wasn't great looking, and he didn't have a gym rat body, but he was at least OK. She didn't think that she wanted a boyfriend right now, certainly wasn't looking for one. Sex? Like any healthy twenty-year-old girl, she got horny occasionally, but the few times she had gotten laid hadn't been all that great, certainly nothing like the mind-blowing stuff everyone said sex was supposed to be like. She had wondered if that might be on her, but had heard too many other girls in the dorm, including her roommate, complain that so many guys weren't really that good in bed, and the guys who did have great reputations in the sack were like lone swimmers being circled by a dozen hungry sharks.

Yeah, girls talk!

Danny didn't avoid the sibling inquisition. Once in Jeffrey's room, on the roll-away bed, he was asked, "You boning my sister, man?"

"What? No, she's not my girlfriend, and she isn't interested in me that way."

"Yeah, right. She's a girl, and she's cute enough - and don't you ever tell her I said that - and any guy who ain't queer is going to at least think about it. You aren't gay, are you?" Danny could tell that if he was gay, it would be a real problem for Jeffrey, and maybe for John, her other brother.

"Nope, not gay, and of course I think about girls, but that just isn't what's going on between us. My last girlfriend and I broke up a while ago" - Danny didn't tell him just how long ago that 'while' was - "and I haven't found another yet, but Mary Margaret isn't going to be one, she just isn't interested in me like that."

"But if she was interested?"

"I don't know, man, it just hasn't been working in that direction, at all. Yeah, she is cute enough, most any guy would be proud to have a girlfriend like her, but even if I was interested, I've been solidly friend-zoned."

"Yup, he wants to bone her." That was John, to Jeffrey.

"No, no, you've got it all wrong," Danny protested.

"Uh huh, sure we do. You're the only guy MM has ever brought home, and if you hurt our sister, we'll track you down and kill you."

"Don't know how I could hurt her, since she's not my girlfriend."

"Is there anyone in this room who believes that?" That was John again.

After the banter had finally settled down, Danny had some time to think about things. No, Mary Margaret wasn't his girlfriend, and she hadn't given him any signs that she wanted to be, but she really was cute, in a girl-next-door sort of way rather than an outrageous hottie. Thing is, Danny really was interested, at least sort of, but if Mary Margaret as willing to risk her reputation at UK by being his friend, his only friend, could he really ask her to risk much worse by being the girlfriend of the infamous fag whore? That wouldn't be fair to her, not fair at all.

Fag whore! Damn it, he hated that slur! Danny had never cared one way or the other about gays, didn't hate them - other than the four guys who raped him in that porn flick! - and didn't somehow 'support' them politically or on campus; he just never gave it much thought, one way or the other. He had felt sorry for a guy named Mike, who had basically been hounded out of the dorm for being gay, his freshman year, and wondered why the Residence Adviser hadn't even tried to put a stop to it, but it wasn't really any of his business. Considering what Mary Margaret was doing for him now, Danny thought that he probably should have stood up for Mike, even just by eating breakfast with him in the cafeteria, but he had never done that, and it hadn't even crossed his mind.

Danny was horny. That's hardly a surprise, given that he was twenty years old, and he hadn't gotten laid in a long, long time. And Mary Margaret was cute! But there was just no way, no way at all, that he could put her through the Hell of being his girlfriend. Whatever he was feeling for her, and he wasn't really certain what that was, it had to be tamped down, trampled, ignored. He'd have to find another girlfriend, at another school. After all, while he couldn't give up on a semester for which he'd already paid, Danny intended to transfer away from UK, either at the end of this semester, or after the spring semester if he could put up with it for that long.

Another school, maybe Western, a lot closer to his family anyway, and away from the fag whore reputation. He could grow a beard, maybe, to change his looks a bit, and escape his reputation, and then he could have a real girlfriend, one who didn't have to bear the burden of being his fag hag. Trouble is that he had a full scholarship, including room and board, and that wouldn't transfer with him.

Thanksgiving morning came, and the weather had turned cooler, but the house was toasty warm from all of the food being cooked. Mary Elizabeth had arisen early and baked pumpkin and apple pies for dessert, before her husband started the turkey. Eggs were being boiled for deviled eggs - strange name for a food in a devout Catholic household, but Danny loved deviled eggs! - and other stuff was being prepared. Breakfast was toast and cereal; everybody was on his own there, because there was too much other cooking being done to worry about cooking breakfast.

"You know she likes you, right?" Mary Catherine had pulled Danny aside while her sister and mother were working like mad in the kitchen.

"Catherine, I've been solidly friend-zoned, she's just a friend and not interested in me any other way."

"Guys are just so freaking clueless," she said as she turned away, loudly enough that Danny couldn't miss it.

Damn it, that was what he wanted, and that was what he promised himself he wouldn't do, wouldn't put Mary Margaret through being involved with him. And here Mary Catherine was telling him that was what her sister wanted. His mind was roiling, but he didn't dare act on anything; he just couldn't do it.

"So, what are you doing next semester?" Huh? That was Randy, Danny's dorm room mate, who hadn't spoken to him since the video became public.

"I'm staying in school; I have to. My scholarships won't follow me if I transfer. Why?"

"We have to confirm our dorm rooms for next semester, and I didn't know what you were going to do. I know that you've been pretty miserable. And . . . " Randy hesitated, ". . . despite everything, I'll be OK with staying your roommate."

"Huh? You will? I thought you hated my guts."

"Well, I'm not happy with the whole situation, but yeah, I guess that everybody's been pretty unfair to you."

"Was that hard for you to say?" Danny wasn't sure what was happening.

"Yeah, it was hard, but I figured that you never did anything to hurt me, never made a pass at me, and I might as well be at least civil to you. I saw how that girl was being your friend, and it kind of made me feel that I wasn't behaving like a man."

"OK, well I never made a pass at you because I'm not gay."

"You're not? But what about that video?" Randy had a look of real confusion on his face.

"See, that's the problem: no one ever listened to what I said." Danny was getting a bit pissed, but was trying to keep his temper down. "I was busted, flat broke, and when the porno guys came to college, looking for girls to do these amateur or casting videos, I figured that maybe I could make some money, too, but I thought it would be with girls. Turned out that they weren't interested in guys for straight videos, they already had those actors, but there's some series, 'Broke College Boys,' where they get desperate guys like I was to do gay videos. I was desperate enough to go along with that, and just didn't realize how bad I'd get raped. It was the worst thing I ever did, and I felt like I'd been run over by a bus."

Randy just sat there, trying to process the story. He still wondered about it, because he never thought any amount of money could get him to agree to do what Danny had done, but, then again, while his family certainly wasn't wealthy, they weren't exactly poor, either.

"Well, OK," Randy finally managed to get out, "I guess that I never really understood what was going on with you. I guess that girl helped? Is she your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, she helped, talking to me when everyone else avoided me like I had the plague or something, but she's not my girlfriend, just a friend."

"You want her as a girlfriend?"

"Kinda, yeah. She knows I'm straight, and she might actually be interested, but I deliberately kept things cool, because I didn't want her to suffer for being my girlfriend."

"Yeah, I guess that I can see that."

"Hey, O'Reilly, I'm Brandon. You want to grab lunch with me?"

Huh? Mary Margaret was surprised, because some guy in her statistics class just asked her out. She hadn't gone out with a guy for a while now, and was wondering if men just didn't find her attractive. Just back from Thanksgiving break, and with the weather cloudy and cold, she didn't figure that she looked all that good, bundled up in jeans and a plaid flannel shirt. She had a warm jacket with her, not exactly a stylish one, and her boots weren't anything you'd see in Vogue either. She hadn't bothered with makeup, and just wore some clear Chapstick to keep her lips from drying out in the wind.

With her surprise, it took her a couple of seconds to process the invitation, but said that sure, she could do that. After all, even if she was interested in Danny, he didn't seem interested in her, not that way.

"By the way, what's your first name? All I've ever heard the professor call you is 'Miss O'Reilly.'"

"Oh, sure, I'm Mary Margaret."

The Student Center, and its cafeteria, were in shambles, as the whole building was being remodeled, so Brandon suggested the Hibachi Express, right across South Limestone Street from the Commerce Building where they had class.

"Yeah, I can try that. I've never been there before, though."

"It's really good, if you like Japanese food anyway, but it's sometimes difficult to get a table. More than once, I've had to eat on the steps of the apartment building next to it." Brandon was smiling, which Mary Margaret liked, a lot, and he was good-looking.

Maybe too good looking for her. Mary Margaret was cute, she knew that much, but she never really thought of herself as pretty, and her lack of dates was eating into her confidence. She knew that she wasn't really fat, but still her weight bothered her, because she sure wasn't typical coed skinny, and most of the guys wanted skinny girlfriends. Brandon seemed like he might be out of her league. He stood maybe 5'9 or 5'10 - a little bit shorter than Danny, she thought to herself, inwardly smirking at making the comparison - but he had really nice hair, like a military haircut grown two weeks too long, and he was broad-shouldered and looked like he was muscular, as much as Mary Margaret could tell beneath his cold-weather clothes. He was wearing a red plaid flannel shirt himself - maybe that similarity of dress was what had caught his eye? - and looked good and rugged. Unlike a lot of the guys on campus, he was clean shaven, and he was the kind of guy girls turned their heads to check out when he passed.