Outlander Ch. 12

Jack could see the lines of power as they flowed into him. He felt a warm rush over his body, and she was suddenly there in his head. In an instant, he knew why Emma had never offered to link with him. He could sense everything she was feeling and knew that she could feel his emotions as well. It was an intimate connection, something you might share with a lover, but only if you had nothing to hide.

He could feel that she was slightly ashamed for leading him into this, but she had wanted him to know how she felt about him. He realized then that she had developed a crush on him. He had listened to her, praised her, supported her, and now she believed that she might be in love with him.

"I'm not a child," she said defiantly, having felt his initial reaction to the revelation.

"No, you're not," he said with care. "But you're young – too young for me and I'm..."

"Broken," she finished for him. She could feel his pain through their link. "Your heart is broken." Tears spilled out of her eyes.

He used his free hand to gently wipe her tears from her cheeks. "Bethany, you are a beautiful girl. Trust me when I say that a fine, young man will come along one day, and he will love you so much that you won't even remember me. I'm not for you, Bethany. You can see that, can't you?"

"No, no," she shook her head in denial. "I can save you. Just let me love you and I can heal your pain. I can make your heart whole again." She sobbed and Jack couldn't tell if it was from his heartache or hers.

He shook his head and looked away, unable to reject her while her pleading eyes looked into his. "You can't," he said softly and gave her a sad smile. "I'm not sure anyone can."

He suddenly thought of Ava and all the turmoil and confusion she stirred in him.

Bethany's eyes widened. "You thinkshecan," she accused. She recoiled from him and dropped his hand. A thin line of light continued to link them despite the loss of a physical connection.

Jack was overwhelmed by his thoughts and feelings about Ava. He remembered the rush he'd felt when she'd kissed him and the hollow feeling he was left with when she pulled away. He could remember how she smelled, the sound of her voice, the way he felt when she said his name, the fear that if he gave himself to her, she could destroy whatever was left of him. The tangled rush of memory and emotions came to the surface in an instant as though pulled from him against his will. "Stop it, Bethany," he commanded. "Let me go!"

He staggered when she broke the link and only a quick grab at the scaffolding kept him from tumbling into the water below. The line of power that had connected them faded into the darkness.

"I'm sorry," she said as she backed away. "I'm so sorry."

She turned to flee and froze. Ava stood on the pier a few feet away regarding them silently in the flickering light of the torches. Even in the dim light, Jack could see her eyes were red and puffy, a sign of the grief she and her family were enduring. Bethany sucked in a shocked breath and gave Ava a horrified look before she ran down the pier in tears.

Jack watched her go and sighed. He felt bad about hurting her feelings, but he was certain she would recover and some day find a young man worthy of her. She was a remarkable young woman and he wished he'd had the chance to tell her that before things went bad.

Jack turned to Ava and found her standing alone, waiting for him to acknowledge her presence. After his feelings for her had been so abruptly dragged to the surface, the sight of her looking forlorn and lost made him long to go to her, to comfort her. He took a fortifying breath and fought the urge. She would only hurt him in the end just like Barbara had.

"How much of that did you see?" he asked sharply, hoping she hadn't realized that Bethany had been talking about her.

Ava had seen enough. She had seen the Acolyte offer herself to Jack only to be turned away. She'd felt a momentary pang of jealousy when she'd realized that the girl had linked to Jack – something she knew he would never have allowed had he known what it entailed. The idea of a woman other than herself sharing such a personal connection with him was intolerable. She'd been pleased when Jack had turned down the Acolyte's affections.

She frowned. Now he was barking at her again. The man frustrated her to no end, not only in the way his treatment of her changed moment to moment, but in the way her own emotions became less than reliable when she was in his presence.

She chose to ignore his question and the sharpness of his tone. "Jack, can we talk?" she asked.

He nodded but looked wary. Ava saw how quickly he moved to the other end of the scaffold when she climbed onto it. She wondered if he would step back and fall right into the harbor if she moved too quickly towards him.

A tense silence fell between them and Ava sighed. She was still reeling from the news of King Roadan's death. She had loved the King like an uncle, and her grief was still raw. Then there was the possibility that King Damoden would be in need of rescue. Despite all the news that her father had shared, Ava had promised herself she would tell Jack how she felt about him before they left Antyor. With their departure set for tomorrow, now seemed the best time.

"Look, things have been complicated between us ever since you came on board." She paused as though searching for the right words. "Then we kissed, and I slapped you, but that was only because you said you had a wife," she said all in a rush. "Then my mother said maybe that part of your life was over..." she trailed off but continued after an awkward pause. "I tried to talk to you after that, but you wouldn't even look at me. The way you avoided me, it was like you hated me. But sometimes I would catch you looking at me. I don't know what all of this means, but I guess what I really want to know is," she took a breath and steeled her resolve, "do you want me?"

He flinched at her question. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Because, I really want you to want me," she said and knew instantly it was a mistake.

The blood drained from his face and he grimaced in anger. "You want me to want you?" he repeated, incredulous. "Why? So you can take whatever's left of me and then betray me?" Bitterness dripped from his voice like venom.

"Is that what she did to you?" she asked softly, her voice filled with compassion.

He gaped at her, his anger deserting him as quickly as it had risen. "Just go, Ava," he said wearily and turned away from her to face the sea. "Go, and leave me alone."

"No, Jack. I—"

"I said, leave me be, woman," he snarled over his shoulder at her.

She regarded him coolly. "I'm not her, Jack. And I'm not that Acolyte either. You can't run me off with a sharp word."

He rounded on her. "What do you want from me?"

"I want to know why!" she snapped at him, her temper flaring.

"Why what?"

"I want to know why it's you I dream of at night when I've been pursued by men far younger, richer, and better looking than you. I want to know why when you turn away from me, I want to follow you and beg for your attention. Why do I want to be your woman when you are the most pig-headed, stubborn man I have ever come across?" She threw her hands up in frustration. "I'm in love with you Jack, but you've made it abundantly clear that you don't want me, and I want to know why." Her eyes filled, and tears spilled out to stream down her face, her anger replaced with vulnerability. "Why don't you want me?"

"You think I don't want you?" he whispered. "Ava, I loved my wife. I loved her completely, and she wrecked me. She ripped my heart out, hurt me so bad that I didn't care if I lived or died. Then I met you, and against my will," he paused, "against all reason I found myself caring for you. I get up every day, and the only thing that keeps me going is that I might catch a glimpse of you or hear your voice." He snorted in self-disgust. "I want you, Ava. I want you so badly I'm going out of my mind, and that's why I can't give in and let myself love you."

"I – I don't understand," she said.

"You're just like Barbara, more beautiful than a man like me could possibly deserve. Sooner or later, a better man will come along, and you'll realize that I'm not what you want."

"No, I wouldn–" she tried to deny his words.

"No, don't you get it? If I love you, I'll love you with everything I am. If you betrayed me..." He shook his head. "No, no, I can't go through that again. I won't."

"Oh, Jack," she whispered and tried to embrace him.

He grasped the rail of the scaffold and shrank back from her, his other arm raised with his palm out as though trying to ward off a physical blow. "Please," he said in a last effort to keep her at bay.

Ava refused to be denied. She grabbed his outstretched hand in both of hers and brought it to her lips. She kissed his rough palm for a long heartbeat before pushing his hand aside and stepping right up to him.

His arms, seemingly with a mind of their own, engulfed her and pulled her body to his. The muscles of his arms and chest were corded with tension, yet he held her inside that tempest with a gentle tenderness. It was as though she were safe in the eye of a hurricane even as a storm raged all around her.

She waited until he met her eyes with his own haunted gaze then reached up to cup his face with both hands. "I'll never betray you," she whispered the promise. Her hands slid down to his shoulders as she stood on tiptoes to brush her lips against his.

Jack groaned and surrendered to her kiss. Her lips, though soft and pliant, were searching, probing for acceptance. His muscles relaxed, and all tension drained away as he kissed her back tentatively, soft and unsure.

She could taste tears on their lips, and she wasn't sure if they were his or hers. Her tongue licked softly along the crevice where his lips met. His lips opened slightly in response, and his own tongue caressed hers before pushing into her mouth. Emboldened by his response, she sucked lightly on his tongue before rolling her own around his as he explored her mouth. His soft moans made her smile as she explored his mouth in return.

Ava could feel her heart racing. She luxuriated in the feel of his strong arms as they moved up and down her back, the movements urgent and sensual. His right hand drifted lower, fingers splayed, to caress the lowest part of her back while his left hand moved up her side to lightly brush the side of her breast. She sucked in a breath at the feathery touch, and her nipples hardened. She pushed herself against him, pressing her breasts against his chest, wanting him to feel her taut nipples and know how much she wanted him.

Jack groaned and slid his hand down the outside of her leg to grab her behind the knee. He pulled her leg up along his thigh as far as her dress would permit and tilted his hips against her. She gasped as she felt his manhood, hard and demanding, pressing into her through his breeches. Her sex moistened in response to his cock grinding into her.

She wanted him. She wanted him so badly that her legs trembled at the thought of him inside her, making her his with every thrust. She broke their kiss and caught her breath. "Take me to bed, Jack," she whispered as she slowly backed away.

Jack's own breathing was labored as he took a step forward only to stop with a frown. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

She stopped backing away when he didn't follow. "I want to be yours, more than anything in this life," she assured him.

"I'm old enough to be your father," he protested.

She stepped towards him and molded their bodies together as she placed her cheek against his. "Then I bet there's a lot you can teach me," she said softly into his ear. His manhood throbbed against her and she slid her hand over it, only to stare incredulously when he pulled away.

"Wait," he said. "If you truly want to be with me then we have to do this right."

Ava was trying to be patient, but this was becoming annoying. "Jack, I'm pretty sure we were doing it right."

He snorted. "Not what I meant, smart-ass."

She laughed. "Then what do you mean?"

"If I understand your customs correctly, a man who respects the lady he wishes to court must first seek the blessing of her father."

"Who told you that?" she asked, slightly peeved yet flattered by his regard for her.

"I learn things listening to the sailors talk," he said as he pulled her back into his embrace. "Besides, it's been a really long day for both of us, and we still have to finish fixing this damned hole." He looked up at the damaged hull. It would take another six or seven planks to complete the repairs.

"Oh, all right," she said with a pout. The disappointment of having to wait to make love with him warred with the contentment of finally being in his arms. She sighed and laid her head on his chest.

They stood with their arms wrapped around each other in silence. Jack held her tenderly, waiting until their ardor cooled and their breathing returned to normal before pulling away from her reluctantly.

"We better get this done if we want to get any sleep tonight." He checked the location of the moons and calculated it would be sunup in about four hours. He was starting to feel washed out from the lack of sleep.

He stepped down to the pier to get a plank just as one of Betta's helpers arrived to get the tea tray.

"Outlander," the man acknowledged Jack in a jarring voice that echoed against the hull. It was the kind of loud voice that some people were born with, which made them incapable of quiet conversation no matter how hard they tried.

The sailor that had been sleeping next to the stacked planks jerked awake at the sound of the other man's voice. He sat up and looked blearily around. "Sorry, Outlander." He scrambled to his feet. "Must have dozed off."

"Don't worry about it," Jack said. He was glad the sailor had slept through him and Ava kissing. They'd been so caught up in one another that they'd forgotten about him.

The loud-voiced sailor collected the tray and empty teacups and had the good graces to look abashed as he made his way back up the pier.

Jack climbed back onto the scaffold and motioned for the remaining sailor to hand him a plank. If the sailor noticed that Ava had replaced Bethany, he kept it to himself.

Together, the three of them fell into a rhythm and finished sealing the hole in less than two hours. Ava seemed to manipulate the wood even more efficiently than Bethany had. Though he watched carefully as she wielded the flows, he couldn't tell if it was affinity or experience that made Ava's work more efficient.

"Good work. Go, and get some sleep." Jack thanked the sailor when they were done. The other man gave a weary salute before walking away to seek his bed.

Jack turned to Ava. "Can I walk you to your room?"

"Of course," she smiled.

Jack was keenly aware of Ava as they walked side by side down the pier. His hand brushed softly against hers, and he had to resist the urge to openly hold her hand. Only a few sailors were up at this hour, and the sea dogs on guard paid them no mind as they walked up the gangplank. Jack was astonished that his feelings for the beautiful witch at his side were not instantly obvious to all who saw them.

When they reached the door to her cabin, she turned to face him and looked at him expectantly.

Jack shuffled his feet. It was torture to have to walk away from her when it was clear that she wanted him to stay. "Well, goodnight," he blurted at last and turned away before he lost his resolve.

"Wait, Jack." Ava grabbed his hand and pulled him into her arms. What little was left of Jack's self-control dissolved and his mouth sought hers. She responded to the passion and urgency in his kiss with equal fire.

Ava gasped when Jack pushed her back until she was trapped between him and the wall behind her. She shuddered as the length of his body molded to her. She could feel the strength of his desire in every muscle that trembled against her.

Jack was in turmoil. It was almost morning, and he was bone weary, but the feel of Ava's body yielding to his fueled him with a fire he hadn't felt since he was young. Her soft, willing lips on his, her silken tongue teasing him, her breasts pressing into his chest had his manhood hard and straining against his breeches. He pressed his cock against her through their clothes and she responded by moaning and caressing his calf with her own.

With great effort, she pulled her lips away from his. "Jack," she breathed.

His mouth, newly freed from her kiss, found her neck.

"Oh," she trembled as he licked and nibbled at the sensitive skin. "That feels so good." Ava felt like she was melting into a puddle of pure need. Her pussy throbbed for him, demanding and desperate. "Jack," she pleaded, "either take me to bed or stop. You can't keep doing this to me."

Jack didn't want to stop. Ava tasted like heaven to him. He'd been drowning, and she was air. She felt like Christmas morning to him and the first day of spring rolled into one. She was a cool salve and a fiery passion that somehow worked together to flood his senses with a desire for her that he couldn't define, couldn't quantify.

It would be so easy to take her now, make love to her until the sun came up. He fought the temptation and just barely stopped himself from acting on it. He wouldn't take her like a thief. He would show her and her father the courtesy they deserved according to their customs.

Jack sighed. Being honorable sucked. He took a small step backwards to create some space between them and held her back when she would have stepped forward. He gave her a gentle, lingering kiss to reassure her, but it was a chaste kiss that was meant to allow their passion to subside.

"Sorry," he said at last, still working to get his breathing under control.

Ava was disappointed. Her body cried out to be taken and she craved Jack with a need that was almost painful. But as her passion subsided, she had to admit that she was thrilled Jack cared enough to want to speak to her father first to initiate an official courtship. It was a courtesy that Terell had never bothered with.

"When do you plan to speak to my father?" she asked.

"As soon as I can," he said. He touched his forehead to hers.

"Make it soon." She brushed her lips against his.

"What do you think he'll say?"

"It doesn't matter," she said with a smile. "I mean to have you." She kissed him a little more forcefully to make her point.

He took another quick step back from her but couldn't look away from her beautiful green eyes. "My God, woman, you make it hard to leave."

Then don't.Ava just stopped herself from saying the words. "I'll still be here tomorrow," she said instead.

He nodded and moved a little farther away. "Good night," he said again.

"I think it's almost morning."

"Yeah, I gotta get a few hours of sleep, or I'll be completely worthless tomorrow," he laughed and backed down the hallway.

"Good night, Jack," she said. She gave him one last look, then opened the door and slipped into her room.

Ava closed the door then leaned her back against it. She let out a deep breath. She felt like screaming, dancing, crying, and laughing all at the same time. She was in love, and her man loved her in return.

Jack turned away when her door closed with a soft click. He made his way down the hall, feeling light, like he was walking on a cloud of air. He was in a daze fueled in equal parts by euphoria and exhaustion.

Tonight's events had taken him completely by surprise. He still wasn't sure exactly how this had happened. He'd tried so hard, but somehow Ava had breached every defense he had thrown up, smashed every barrier between her and his heart. In the months since he had boarded theArabella, he'd seen her strength of character, delighted in her intelligence, and admired her grace under pressure. The palpable physical attraction he felt for her only grew when he tried to keep his distance.