Outsiders Pt. 01

"Dude," Ben exclaimed, disturbed by Kurt's pleading tone of voice.

"I'm having trouble making next year's tuition fees," Kurt said. "I'm shopping around for loans, but people aren't impressed with my work history. I've changed too many jobs already. Everything I'm offered is pure crap."

"Yeah, Kurt, I'm," Ben said, trying to stop his friend from panicking.

"I need to get a loan and finish," Kurt said, pleadingly. "People are getting job offers even before graduation! I've gotten some good leads on last semester's job fair! I know I'll land a sweet job, dude! Just, please don't sue me and ruin my chances for a loan! Please! I don't want to wait another year to set my life on the right path."

"For goodness' sake, Kurt," Ben exclaimed, stopping the man from sobbing. "I'm not gonna sue you! It's not your fault I got hit by lightning!"

"Yeah, I know that," Kurt said, "but if you file a suit, they want me to put it on my application. If I don't, I'm disqualified, and if I do, I'm fucked, too! Please don't sue!"

"I won't sue you, Kurt," Ben said. "Seriously, I won't! Why would I?"

"People sue all the time," Kurt said. "They just see free money and go for it!"

"Kurt," Ben yelled, putting his hand on the distressed man's shoulder when he stopped at a red light. His hand hurt a little. "It's me, Ben! I'm not going to sue you!"

Kurt looked at Ben for a few moments before saying, "Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. I'm your friend, I'm not gonna sue. What happened to me was not your fault in any way. Don't sweat it. Besides, if I did sue, no one would rule in my favor and I'd be stuck with the cost of the trial and lose a good friend."

Kurt leaned over to give Ben a hug, but Ben winced as his hand landed on his shoulder blade. "Ow," Ben said, "that's still a little tender!"

Kurt pulled back and quickly said, in a panicked voice, "Sorry!"

"It's ok," Ben said, "I won't sue you for it." They both burst out in tension-draining laughter. "Provided you get me home in one piece." Ben gestured out the windscreen. "The light's green."

Kurt put the car in gear and drove on to Ben's suburb. They joked about some of the dumber things Jake had tried to do in the game and shared a few laughs at his expense. What passed for logic in his head was truly entertaining at times. About a mile away from his house, Ben started to feel a sensation of hunger and boredom in his head. He wasn't feeling hungry, or bored, but he did feel those sensations, as if he was gleaning them from someone else's mind. He sighed and his mood darkened. It was obviously some kind of consequence of the lightning strike. "Great," he thought to himself, "I've got brain damage and no insurance to get it fixed with."

Kurt drove up to Ben's place and parked. He looked around and sighed. "This fucking neighborhood looks even worse after dark," he said. "Man, I wish I had room for you back at my place."

"Don't sweat it," Ben said. He didn't entertain the idea of trying to guilt trip Kurt into letting him move in with him and split the rent because half of Kurt's rent would only be forty dollars a month less than what Ben was already paying and the cramped quarters would definitely cost them their friendship. Ben's house was much bigger than Kurt's place and, if it wasn't in such a bad neighborhood and so far out of his way as he went back and forth between his regular, part time workplace and his new summer job, Kurt would probably be the one to try and move in with Ben. As it was, Ben got out of Kurt's car, inadvertently mooning him, and they said their goodbyes.

"Call me tomorrow and let me know you're alright," Kurt said.

"Bye," Ben called after Kurt's car. He looked out at the breaking dawn and sighed, stuffing the remains of his pants into the bag. "What a night." He unlocked his door and went in, noticing that his hand was feeling much better now. He locked the door behind himself.

"Hey, Boss, where ya been so long," a soft, purring voice asked of Ben, making him drop the bag of his shredded clothes and scream in surprise and fright. He crouched and looked around himself in alarm. "You all right there, Boss?"

"Who's there," Ben asked. The voice wasn't coming from anywhere around him. It was simply materializing in his mind. His heart was beating like crazy, making him feel like he was going to have a heart attack.

His cat, Felix, stepped into the shaft of pale light coming from one of the windows and looked up at him with his amber eyes opened wide. "Just me, Boss," the voice said.

As Ben stared at his orange tabby looking up at him, the paragraphs of the Player's Handbook that pertained to familiars came to mind. It was as if he was subconsciously using some kind of sixth sense, or skill he didn't even know he had, and it told him that his cat was his familiar. "I think I'm going insane," Ben muttered to himself.

Felix's head tilted and the voice said, "Well, before you go all the way, Boss, could you pour me some kibble? Or, maybe, open one of those small cans of fish? I'm really hungry, Boss!"

"This is not happening," Ben yelled at his cat. "I am not hearing your voice and you are not my familiar!"

Felix looked away for a moment and then looked back up at Ben. "Is this a game we're playing, Boss," the voice asked. "Cause I prefer the game where you tie a piece of string to a piece of foil and then drag it across the floor for me to chase." Felix lifted a paw and swatted the air. "And swat at. I know it's silly, Boss, but-"

"Shut up," Ben yelled, pointing at his cat.

Felix sat back on his haunches. "Shutting up now, Boss," said the voice.

Ben's bandaged hands closed into fists, as best as they could, and he raised them to his head, pressing them against his temples. He let out a moan of pain that slowly turned into a whine of denial. "No," he said firmly. "No, this is not happening. I am not doing this. I am not going to speak with my cat. I mean, what's next? I start screaming at animals in the street? Get myself locked up in the loony bin?" Ben laughed giddily as he stood up straight. "Noooo, thank you! And no more talking to myself, either!"

Ben bent over to pick up the bag of shredded clothes when the voice purred, "Well said, Boss! You better keep quiet or they might haul you away. Particularly if you go out in that outfit." Ben ignored the voice and went into the kitchen to get his cat some food. "Whoah, I just saw the back of this thing! Your ass is hanging out, Boss! Why on Earth did you go out with your ass hanging out!? Is this part of some kind of weird human mating ritual?"

"I am not speaking to my cat," Ben began chanting. He was having a hard time hanging on to his composure.

"Well, it's not polite to just ignore me, Boss," the voice said.

"I am not speaking to my cat," Ben chanted as he set the paper bag on the counter. "I am not speaking to my cat," Ben chanted as he opened the refrigerator. "I am not speaking to my cat," Ben chanted as he took out a can of cat food. "I am not speaking to my cat," Ben chanted as he opened the can.

"Oooh, yes, please, Boss," said the voice. "Listen, could you, please, warm it up a little? I love the stuff, but it'd taste so much better if it was warm, you know? Like a fresh kill?" Ben stood still and looked at Felix excitedly raising first one paw and then another. It was the cat's version of skipping excitedly from one leg to another. "Oh, please, please, just stick it in the microwave for a few seconds, Boss!" Felix jumped up on the counter and put his paws on the microwave. "Just set it to defrost and run it for fifteen seconds, please!" Ben looked at Felix's pleading eyes. "Look, here! I'll even set it!" Ben's jaw dropped in shock as Felix used his front right paw to press the buttons on the microwave and program it to defrost for fifteen seconds. "Naw, let's make it half a minute to be sure." Felix again pressed the buttons needed to program the microwave to defrost for thirty seconds. "I just need you to open the door and put the food on one of those plates you have, that are microwave friendly, and then put it in the microwave. Please, Boss?"

Felix looked into Ben's eyes expectantly for a pregnant moment. Ben shook his head and told himself that what he was thinking was madness. His cat had jumped up on the counter and randomly pressed a few buttons on the microwave oven, that was all. And he was hallucinating voices. There was no way Felix was his familiar.

"Okay," the voice said, "look! I'll even open the oven." Felix stood on his hind legs and hooked his front paws in the door handle of the microwave. After a few seconds, the door popped open and Felix batted it wide open. "I'll even close the door and start the program." Felix put his paw on the start button. "All you gotta do is dump the food on the plate. Can't put the tin in the oven, Boss." Felix sat back on his haunches and looked up at Ben expectantly. "Please, it tastes so much better when it's warm. Please, heat it up for me!" Ben could only stare in shock. "Just put it on the plate, Boss." Felix walked across the counter. "They're in this cupboard, right?" Felix stood on his hind legs and put his front paws on the handle of the cupboard that Ben was indeed using to store his microwave friendly plates, among other things.

"This is all just coincidence," Ben feebly said.

"Ok, Boss," the voice said, "it's a happy coincidence that I'm very, very hungry and you've got a can of food in your hand. Let's make use of it!"

"Ok," Ben said to his cat, "if you're really my familiar, then you can understand what I'm saying, right?"

"Affirmative, Boss," the voice said, as Felix was sitting down on the countertop.

"Twitch your left ear," Ben said.

"Twitching my left ear, Boss," the voice said and Felix began twitching his left ear.

"Jump down to the floor and walk around me, counterclockwise for six laps," Ben said.

"Roger that, Boss," the voice said and Felix hopped off the counter. The purring voice counted off each counterclockwise lap the cat took around Ben. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six."

Ben was completely stumped. His cat was behaving in complete accord with the voice he was hearing. More worryingly than that, he could feel the hunger and excitement that the cat was feeling. Ben put the cat food on a plate he got from the cabinet and put the plate in the open microwave. "Yes," the voice hissed and Felix jumped up on the counter. The cat shut the microwave door with his head and pressed the start button with his front paw. He sat down in front of the oven, watching the transparent door with keen interest. "This is gonna be so fine."

Ben shook his head and again dismissed the ludicrous notion that his cat was his familiar, like in a game of D&D. "I've been up all night, I've had more than a few beers and I've been struck by lightning," he thought to himself. "And all that's on top of the stress of having been swindled out of my tuition fees and keeping it from my parents. No wonder I'm hallucinating. I just need some sleep, that's all. I'll feel so much better after I get some sleep."

He went to the bedroom and stripped off the hospital gown. He was already barely resisting the urge to sleep. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he fell asleep.

When Ben woke up, the Sun was just setting outside. He stretched in bed and groaned. His sleep had been very restful but he could still feel the strange, flowing feelings inside of him. He also felt the sensations of someone else's boredom and hunger like he had felt last night, when Kurt had been driving him home.

He sat up in bed and ripped the restrictive wrappings from his hands. He reached around and ripped off the cloth that was taped to his shoulder blade. Right after he did that, he froze. Those were bandages. He was supposed to keep his burns bandaged. He looked at his unmarred hands in shock. There was no sign on them that anything untoward had happened the night before. He stood up and went to the mirror on the wall, craning his neck to examine the skin over his shoulder blade. It, too, was unblemished. Ben was stumped. Didn't he have burns there last night?

He heard voices faintly in the background and wiped his face in confusion. He had honestly been hoping that things would get better after a good night's sleep, but the way his burns had healed was a bit much. It was frightening. The voices he was hallucinating were very frightening.

Ben didn't have the time to dwell on his situation as he heard the distinct "tsch" sound of changing channels. He realized he had not just hallucinated voices. He had heard the TV in the den. He felt no joy at the revelation since this meant that there was someone in his den, changing channels. He remembered that he had promised Kurt to call and let him know he was ok. He told himself that it was Kurt, who had come over, concerned that Ben hadn't called, and decided to stay and watch over him, but he feared it was burglars. There had been a string of burglaries on his street last month and the cops were doing fuck all about it. He wanted to call the cops, but remembered his phone had been fried in his hand that night, when he had been struck by lightning. His shitty place had no landline installed.

He stood in his bedroom, uncertain of how to proceed, for a long time. Finally, he couldn't stand not knowing who was changing the channels in the den, so he slowly crept out of the bedroom and down the hall. He asked himself, if it was burglars, why would they stay in his house with him just yards away, asleep? He decided to be extra quiet, just to be safe. He had never before in his life managed to be so quiet as he did now, creeping down the hall. He came to the door of the den and peered in. He saw no one but Felix, who was lying on the armrest of the couch and pressing the remote's buttons with his paw. "Stupid fucking cat," Ben said, angry that his pet caused him so much anguish and walked over to snatch up the remote.

"And a good morning to you too, Boss," Felix replied, making Ben jump away in fright and shriek. "You scream like a little girl, Boss."

"You can talk," Ben shouted.

"Well, yeah," Felix said, somewhat confused, "I'm your familiar. Familiars can talk to their masters, if the masters are experienced enough sorcerers or wizards. Didn't we go over this already, Boss? Like, early this morning?"

Ben grabbed his head and walked up and down his hallway, saying, "No, no, no, this can't be! You are not my familiar and I am not a witch!"

"Of course you're not a witch, Boss," Felix said, following him. "You're a sorcerer. And quite a powerful one at that!"

"Oh, yeah," Ben snarled at his cat. He was angry that he wasn't getting any better after sleeping. He was still hallucinating a voice for his cat. He was even angrier that he had been taken for his parents' savings earlier in the year. That wound had time to fester and was only getting worse as the deadline for the tuition check was getting closer. Some of that anger was now spilling out. "Let's see that, then!" He rushed over to the kitchen and retrieved the paper bag of torn clothing. He brought it back to the den and dumped out its contents on the floor. He knew he was acting crazy, trying to make a point to his cat, but he couldn't stop himself. All of his anger and frustrations were building up for months now, threatening to overwhelm him. Letting loose like this and screaming at his cat was much better than going nuts in public at a later date. "Let's see if the powerful sorcerer can cast something like a, like a simple Mending cantrip and fix his favorite T-shirt!"

Just as Ben had said those words and picked up the Superman T-shirt he had worn the night before, one of the flowing things under his skin singled itself out. Guided by a knowledge he didn't know he possessed, his hands dropped the T-shirt and wrung themselves while intertwining their fingers. He whispered out some strange syllables and felt the flowing thing burst forth from him. The T-shirt was made whole in an instant, prompting Ben to squeal in fright.

"That's cool, Boss," Felix said, not sounding very impressed.

Ben felt the things inside of him stop flowing. He picked up the T-shirt and gaped at it. It had been sliced open down the front, from collar to hem and down the sleeves, yet now it was whole. He couldn't believe it. He looked down at the rest of his cut clothes, his boxers and his pants. He felt the things flow through his body again and let his hands wring in the now familiar gesture while he intoned the syllables to again summon the particular flowing thing. It burst forth from him and his boxers were made whole. Ben again felt the things flowing through him stop for a few seconds and then resume. He repeated the procedure with his pants and then tossed his boxers in the dirty laundry hamper. He put on a clean pair of undies and the superman T-shirt and pants from last night.

"Say, Boss," Felix said, "I'm kinda hungry. I haven't eaten all day. Could you feed me again?"

Ben ignored his cat's demand and walked around the house, just staring down at the clothes on his body in disbelief. One of the things that he could feel flowing through his body since he had woken up in the hospital did this. It made absolutely no sense.

His fears and worries started to fade into the background and he began to feel giddy with excitement for the first time in months. This was something else entirely. Something without precedent, but very, very good. He stood still and concentrated on the things flowing inside of him, intent on seeing what else was in him. He immediately felt that there were forty-two separate things flowing through him. He understood that those were magic spells. Forty-two different magic spells were inside his body, ready to be unleashed upon the world if he so chose. He couldn't believe it, but there it was. Magic was flowing through his body.

As soon as he thought about casting a fireball, one of the flowing things separated itself from the others and he immediately understood the gestures and intonations he'd need to cast it. He also knew he needed some bat guano and sulfur as a material focus for the spell. He put that spell on the back burner for the time being. Felix kept nagging him for food so he went to the kitchen and took another can of cat food out of the fridge. Just as he reached for the oven door to heat it up for his familiar, he had an idea that made him pause in thought.

Another of the flowing things answered his mental call and reared up. It was Prestidigitation, a zeroth level cantrip, just like Mending, but one that produced a ton of cool effects in his immediate vicinity and lasted for an hour. He made the gestures and sounds and the spell flowed out of him. He made the food in the can be body temperature and set it down on the floor in front of Felix. Felix murmured a thank you as he took his first bite of food. Ben had always thought of the spell as one that was severely underrated. He used it to make colored balls of light float around in the air in front of him. He grinned and then changed the effect of the spell into a small whirlwind that swept up all the dust and dirt it could find. He walked around the whole house, directing the small whirlwind until it had gathered up all the dirt and dust there was. He opened the door and directed the little whirlwind out to release the surprisingly large amount of dirt into the dumpster.

Going back into the house, Ben felt a bit hungry himself and he took out his jar of Graham crackers. He used the Prestidigitation spell to make each cracker taste differently and had a healthy feast tasting mostly of tropical fruit and chocolate fudge. By the time he was full, he still had twenty minutes of the spell duration left. He decided to use it on his dirty laundry and made it all clean with time to spare. After that, he shrugged and let it run its course by making tinkling, ethereal music.