Pathetic Ch. 01: Forgiveness

Hey everyone and welcome to the main story! I want to thank everyone who's had the patience to stick with the prologue. I promise you that it was vital part of the story and that I felt this main part would not work alone. While I do have the main points and events planned in its entirety, I haven't decided how long it will actually be chapter wise. I don't want to rush through the story but I don't want to stuff it with so much detail that it becomes over bloated. I'm going to wing this and try to fall in to a good balance between the two. Please let me know your thoughts with that so I can adjust with each submission. The good thing for those who were disturbed by the events of the prologue is that we're past it now! I just ask that you trust the story will be having up beat sections as well as down. I truly believe that by the end of this, you will have enjoyed it and understand why I took the approach I did. Thanks again everyone and happy reading!

*****

"What the FUCK am I doing here?" I thought once again. I was starting to sound like a broken record, but I guess it was expected, considering I was completely out of my environment: our graduating class' 10 year high school reunion. It stood for everything I hated. Everyone bragging about the accomplishments that they made over the past decade in a feeble attempt to claim the title as most successful graduate when in reality, everyone was too narcissistic to actually give a shit if they weren't the victor. A perfect example of a social tango that I felt sick to witness. In reality though, it could all be described in one word: attention. Everyone, doing everything in their power to achieve that attention that they so desperately craved. I didn't understand it! I was much more satisfied to sit behind stage watching the play unfold, unnoticed, but that's just me...

My name's Luc (sounds like Luke). My actual name is Lucca (my family is Italian) which in fact is the Italian equivalent of Luke. I had made a somewhat dynamic change since graduation, both in physicality and personality. While I hadn't grown in height, I had increased my stature in size. I wouldn't consider myself muscular, but I had dedicated time to ridding myself of my skinny state. I hadn't made the transformation for reasons of appeal and attraction, but rather to give myself a boosted sense of security. The muscles I had grown felt almost like a sheet of armor to me. As far as social and personality went, I had learned that a full segregation of myself from my peers did not actually help to protect me. I had worked on allowing myself to open up just enough so that I could blend in while being able to avoid encouraging anyone from taking a closer look at me. I allowed a leak in my protective barrier that was just small enough to prevent a build up of pressure from the outside.

So there I was sitting at a chair, at an empty table, watching the play unfold, unnoticed, berating myself for giving in to attending this overrated social affair. I wasn't sure why I allowed myself to be badgered in to attending. I guess I was just so fed up with being lectured by my closest (and only) friends, Justin and Maria. I'll really wish I had asked at least one of them to tag along so that I could feel at least somewhat comfortable. I could have also used their support to help accomplish my sole reason for attending.

"What the fuck are you doing here??", a deep voice asked behind me, as if on cue from my last thought. I jumped as my adrenaline kicked. This was the moment I had been trying to mentally prepare myself for. But now that it was happening, all my resolve had caved. I felt my heart and blood begin to pump furiously as the speech I had practiced repeatedly was flushed from my mind. With a speechless and cotton dry mouth, I turned around. I sucked in a feeble attempt for air as my suspicions were confirmed. Brett was standing before me.

I was hit with a flurry of emotions now that I was face to face with him: fear, joy, anger, but deep down I knew I sensed a small flame of desire. It was nothing that I couldn't keep under control, though. None of the those emotions were the driving force behind my decision to finally face Brett.

My first thought as I looked him over was that the past 10 years had been good to him. He had the same dirty blond hair and blue-gray eyes, but it seemed a decent amount had changed aside from that. He somehow had grown even taller and larger. While not the lean senior I remember, he was still muscular but also bulky. His face had aged well, too. I could see he had developed a strong jawline that was covered under a coat of stubble. He had inconceivably become even more masculine.

I realized I'd been studying him for longer than necessary and snapped myself out of it, not wanting to give him the wrong idea. But now that I had recovered my focus and resolve, I couldn't quit decide how to start. I guess surface talk was a good way to warm up.

"Same as everyone else I guess. I wanted to see who's grown a beer gut and bald head since graduation." I said giving a small chuckle with it. That got a laugh out of him along with a large smile.

It seemed like we could talk without it being tense or awkward. That was a good sign.

"Well sorry to disappoint if you were expecting it to be me;" he said, "although I certainly don't have the physique that I did a decade ago. You, on the other hand, look amazing!" He backed is claim up with a scan up and down my body. I started to feel a slight panic as he checked me out. Shit, I needed to avoid giving him any opening to flirt with me, I thought.

"Yeah, well I wanted to make sure I'd be able to protect myself. You never know what could happen." I replied, immediately regretting the words as they fell off my lips. I hadn't meant for the comment to be the jab I'm sure he saw it as. I had decided early on that I wouldn't throw any unnecessary or immature shots in to our conversation and I'd already failed. I thought I saw a small flinch in his face, but if he was burnt by my comment, he didn't show any other signs.

"Yeah, there are times you can't really trust anyone but yourself," he answered softly while looking down at his hands, "so I think that's a good idea." I guess it had bothered him.

"Anyways, catch me up with the past ten years of your life." I said, awkwardly trying to prevent any tension from forming. If I wanted to make any accomplishments tonight, there couldn't be any uneasiness between us. "What have you been doing? What do you do for work?"

He looked up at me and I saw a flash of surprise followed by a smile that almost seemed thankful. "Well, I graduated from OSU with a Bachelor's in Business Management and Master's in Communications. I'm now VP of Public Relations in the company I've been at since graduation. What about you?"

"That seems to fit you perfectly. I couldn't really think of a better career for you." I answered with a smile. "I'm just a lowly IT grunt for a company. I do the usual stuff: delivering PCs for new employees, managing the company cell phones that are given for business trips, setting up or fixing the AV equipment that's used for meetings, and of course cleaning up the viruses people get from downloading too much porn." Brett doubled over as he laughed uncontrollably until he was in tears. I was glad to see he was relaxed because it gave me a better chance of success.

"Holy shit, I don't remember the shy boy from way back then being this funny! I wish you'd opened up more like this in high school. I could have had a lot more laughs through the years."

"I learned that I needed to stop being such a recluse, if only a little." I answered. "It lowered the chances of any one getting suspicious of me being so different. I can hide in plain sight now."

He had the same flinch on his face and I felt a twinge of guilt. I kept managing to throw dirt back in his face without the intention. I was worried that he was going to start pulling away and nervously brain stormed for other things to talk about. Before any ideas popped up though, Brett answered.

"What happened to you back then? I mean I know what happened that night of prom, but after wards you just disappeared. You didn't come back to school and didn't show up for graduation. I even went to your house but you weren't there." The look in his eyes told me that he truly was concerned. This was it, the moment I'd been spending weeks for in mental preparation. He was giving the opening needed to cross the bridge. But now that the opportunity was before me on a silver platter, I couldn't seem to get my brain or mouth to function. Could I be any more pathetic?

"I mean, you even missed your crowning, Mr Prom King!" Brett said with a grin. I gagged on the drink I'd been sipping to give myself some time to formulate a response. Are you fucking kidding me? I started panic. That was the last thing I wanted. They wouldn't have a ceremony or something for that tonight, would they? Just the thought of having to stand in front of this crowd had my heart in a frenzy.

I guess my response to this new discovery had been obvious because Brett quickly followed up with, "I was just joking! It was stupid and awful joke I made because I was starting to panic. I'm sorry, I'm real dumb ass sometimes. Maybe this isn't the best place for this discussion. Would you like to go elsewhere?"

I immediately felt my self returning to that night. Didn't he say nearly the same thing before he lead me away? I must have been an open book because I saw realization dawn on his face.

"Nothing like that I swear! We can go somewhere public that will still give us the privacy we need to have this conversation. I was thinking something like Sweet Jo's. I'm sure you still remember where it is?'

I slowly nodded. Sweet Jo's was a local diner/cafe that also served as THE place to hang out in high school. It sounded like a good idea for me. Nothing terrible could happen with so many people around, right?

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea." I finally answered. He couldn't seem to contain his relief and grin at my response.

"Great! I'll head there now and grab us a table!" Brett then turned to leave, but before walking away, he glanced over his shoulder at me. "Hey, if you decide to change your mind and not show up, I wouldn't blame you. You owe me absolutely nothing while I owe you everything. Still, I'd really love to chance to finally talk with you." With those words he headed out. Even just crossing the room, he was stopped to exchange pleasantries, which were then followed by lustful eyes. He always seemed to have some inexplicable ability to call attention to himself while maintaining a honest and good guy charm.

Was I really going to go through with this? Like Brett said, there was nothing forcing me to keep my word, but I knew I had to go. I couldn't feel at rest if I chickened out. I needed this, and I felt that Brett needed it just as severely. Justin and Mary would never have let it drop if I came back empty handed, too.

After giving my self a few minutes to breath, I stood and made my way to the parking lot. I refused to glance down the hall towards the locker room. I couldn't take any risks of ruining this chance. As I stepped out in to the cool, calming air and headed towards my Neon, I started to feel a sinking sensation. The hairs on the back of neck stuck straight out as I heard footsteps behind me. Before I even had a chance to process the situation and decide how to handle it, my hand instinctively shot out behind me, grabbing a wrist that must have been reaching out for my shoulder. My body followed it's lead in a spin, my foot circling in a low sweep. I knocked my pursuer off balance forcing his leg back with my sweeping kick. I followed by planting the same foot in front of his leg and reversed direction as I yanked on his arm with all my strength. My leg in front of his forced him to lose his grounding and I hauled him over my shoulder after grabbing the front of his shirt with my other hand. He slammed down to the ground flat on his back and an odd cough was forced out of him. I guessed that the wind had been knocked out of him so I used the opportunity to twist his arm in to a lock and plant my leg lightly against his throat to let him know I had the upper hand. I had no intention to do any more damage if it wasn't needed, but I had to assure that I was not in danger. I leaned in to see the man's face so I could have an identity. I was shocked to see that it was Max. I doubt that I was as shocked as him, however, having his ass handed to him by someone he use to beat up on a daily basis. I wouldn't lie and say it didn't feel empowering, but I certainly didn't feel any sweet taste of vengeance. I was just glad to see that my lifting and self defense training had paid off.

"Holy shit, Carisi! What the fuck is your problem!?" Max yelled. "Do you shatter a guy's tail bone and spine every time they want a word with you? Fucking hell, I won't be able to sit for a week!"

I didn't move from my position. There was no way I would give him an opening to hurt me again. That era had ended.

"What do you want, Max? I have some important things I need to get done tonight and I don't have any time to be wasting."

"You helping Miller to get off with your queer mouth, again?" Max retorted with a sneer. It quickly vanished, though. "Shit, I didn't mean to say that. I just wanted to apologize for all the shit I gave you. Even if I didn't like you, which I still don't, it didn't give me a reason to make your life hell."

I remained in the same spot as I took his words in. Although this was great and a helpful step in me moving on, I didn't expect it to be a factor tonight. Being the macho, meat head Max was, I couldn't imagine this being easy for him. He deserved a response, but I didn't want it to draw out and cause me to miss my open window with Brett.

"I'm over that shit, man. I was able to get past it and still make a living, so I got past all that a long time ago."

Max must have been expecting this to be drawn out as well, because he had a surprised look on his face.

"Bullshit! There's no way you could have let that shit go with a snap of your fingers."

I gave an exasperated sigh. "Look, it's the truth! I'm not sure what else you want me to say but I-"

"Is there a problem here?" I heard the familiar deep voice rumble from over my shoulder. "Because if there isn't yet, I'll make it my problem."

"Fuck off Miller, this has nothing to do with you." Mark rasped. I decided to let him up. I had the feeling that nothing would happen now that Brett was here. I'm sure you're thinking that I'm the biggest dumb ass as you're reading this, but I had a feeling of certainty that I was safe to let him stand.

"That's for me to decide. Where's your gang? They're not hiding out of sight, are they?" Brett answered through glaring eyes. He stepped right up to Mark, chest to chest, so that Mark had to crane his neck up to maintain eye contact.

"Nah, those guys are long gone. They're either in jail or wishing they were after getting mixed up in the wrong crowds." Mark replied. Brett's intimidation tactic must have worked because he pivoted and walked off with out another word.

"What the hell was that abo-" Brett started, but I cut him off.

"I had it handled you know." I snapped, turning around to glare at him. "I don't need a personal body guard."

"I could see that, but you didn't know if there were others. As impressive as that was, I doubt you could take on a group of people, little man." Brett answered with a smirk. That raised my temper even further. I hated to be treated delicately and not be taken seriously. Just as quick as it flared up though, it was gone instantly when he continued. "At least you taught me to never piss off an Italian. Although I have to admit, a hot headed Italian is pretty fucking hot. Anyways, I'll meet you at the cafe." He walked off as I turned dark red and sputtered.

_____

As Luch walked in to the cafe, I looked over him once again. How the hell was it possible that he looked even better than he did 10 years ago? It took every ounce of my self control to keep myself from worshiping that body until he could hardly manage to call out my name. I reminded myself that I was far from deserving a second chance with him, despite how much my heart ached for it. That wasn't why I came to this stupid reunion anyways. Sure, it was for Luch, but not to ravish him, as much as I wanted. I just had to keep reminding myself to stay on track.

I was shocked when he agreed to meet me here. I had prepared a huge speech and everything to convince Luch to listen to what I had to say. As much as a relief as it was that he was finally here, I felt anxious knowing the most difficult part was still to come. I just hoped that Trent and Jaden were right about this being worth it and that Luch would keep an open mind.

_____

I spotted Brett as I walked in to the cafe and as our eyes met, I felt another twinge of desire. I knew that it was my body reacting to distant memories of pleasure and that my mind was what I should continue obeying. I wouldn't walk down that path again. I took a slow deep breath and made my way over to his table.

As I sat down, my brain ran through dozens of ways to get the conversation started so we could get everything out in the open. Then I realized that he said he had some things he wanted say as well. That really worried me. I truly hoped that what he needed to tell me didn't make my goals that much more difficult to reach.

"So a tech grunt, huh?" Brett suddenly asked with a smirk and arched eyebrow. "Don't get me wrong, it's the perfect area for you. I remember how much of a tech geek you always were, but I remember how smart you were, too. I always thought you had so much potential. Don't you think you're capable of more?"

Before I could consider that he couldn't possibly know that this was a sore spot for me, I snapped back.

"I'm completely satisfied with it. I certainly don't need some big wig title for your appeasement and approval."

I wanted to take the words back as they left my lips. I knew that it was stupid to say as I was saying it, but sometimes I still allowed my temper to get the better of me. I was usually such a calm person, slow to judge or to be pissed at people. I still had my sensitive buttons though, and someone trying to influence my life decisions was one of them. I really expecting it to be another painful stab at Brett but was surprised when he chuckled.

"Holy shit, I never realized how feisty you could be. But you're right, I'm not your dad and it's your decision. I just want you to know that I think there are few things you couldn't accomplish. I can't imagine how others could look at you and not see the same thing."

"Thanks, and I'm sorry. I have some sensitive subjects that get me heated up fast and that's one of them. Normally, I'm pretty slow to get angry though."

"I wouldn't want to see you angry. You couldn't pull off the green skin look." he replied. I couldn't help but snicker at the reference.

"You got the wrong character. I'm the tech geek, remember?" I answered with a smirk.

"Ohhh so you're, the billionaire philanthropist, eh? Yeah, I could see why everyone would want a piece of you then." We both cracked up at our lame joke as the waitress walked up to take our orders. After she walked away, we made eye contact and then looked down in an awkward silence.

"So what did happen to you after that night? I never- That was the last I saw you. I couldn't get any answers as to what happened. God Luch, I.. I think about that night at least once a day, every day."

I knew I had to be honest with him if we were going to get anywhere. "When I came to, I called my mom. I made it out to the parking lot and she picked me up. She took me home and was cleaning me up when my dad got home from his daily drinking. He started asking questions when my mom pulled him aside and whispered some stuff to him. I'm still not sure what she said, I was pretty out of it that night, but somehow she knew what happened. All of it. My dad's a hot headed person but I'd never seen him like that. He completely lost it. He called me so many things. Pretty much all the stuff that I had already been called that night. He threw me out of the house. My mom quickly followed out. I know she loved me but she always put him first. She was afraid of him and I couldn't blame her for that. Anyways, she drove me out to a motel out a ways and got me a room. She gave me money and some first aid stuff. I was there for a few weeks, resting up from the injuries. She brought my diploma and everything I needed, and helped me out until my dad found out. She came to my room that day with a black eye and said she couldn't help me anymore. I didn't know what to think. I felt so terrible for her and yet, so betrayed. I wish she had possessed the strength to leave him, but it just never happened. Anyways, after that I moved on. He at least agreed with her to let me keep my car as long as he never had to see me again. So I just drove. I kept driving until the hunger and sleep were too much and stopped at another motel. The next day, I went to the nearest town and managed to get a job at Best Buy. I took on side jobs to work on people's computers to make a living. Eventually, I saved up enough and qualified for enough scholarships and loans so I enrolled in an online university. Eventually, I landed this IT job."