Pathetic Ch. 04: Confessions

Special thanks to cannd for proof reading this chapter and providing some insight. She really helped to bring out some more potential in this submission. You're awesome!

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I tried to answer but the only thing that came out was some husky mumbling.

"What was that, Luch?" He looked back at me and our eyes met.

Then he leaned down and our lips followed suit.

I couldn't say for sure which part of this had instantly turned me in to a melted puddle of need. It could have been that lack of intimacy through all the years, the kinky vulnerability of being constrained in the blanket, the possibility that Justin was an amazing kisser, or that it was Justin I was kissing.

There were only three things I knew at that moment: first, while I can almost always expect to be cold, the combination of being in the blanket and the heat of lust that was melding between us had me on fire; second, the heat that I was feeling really didn't aid with my near bursting bladder; and third, the combination of all these needs and feelings put me at risk of spontaneous combustion.

I certainly felt light headed as our brief yet passion filled kiss ended. It had been so sweet. I really wanted more. Unfortunately, I had priorities.

"Wowwww," Justin whispered. "I never imagined it being that amazing."

I saw his pupils expand as he said this, filled with desire. I could only moan in response. He seemed to snap out of it at that point. His face looked like he'd been severely sunburnt.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "Let's get you out of there."

This time he didn't have an issue getting me out of the blanket. I wondered if his first failed attempt had all been an act.

I stood up quickly and stumbled from light headed. I couldn't really say if it was from the tension in the air and my nerves, or just from standing up so fast. Luckily, Justin caught me and stopped me from making a further ass of myself. Unfortunately, that revved my libido right back to full throttle. I stuttered a few times before making a quick dash to the bathroom.

As I emptied my bladder, I replayed the kiss multiple times over in my head, and questions began to build. What did this mean? The only two guys I had the slightest intimacy with caused me such a drastic reaction. After having my experience with Brett, I cut myself off from sharing anything sexual with another person, man or woman. I hadn't identified with being gay after him. I hadn't even really thought my sexual preference. Did this confirm that I was gay? Was Justin really gay? I found it difficult to believe after all this time. I was definitely questioning if there was more to than appeared.

Was Brett actually right about Justin? This seemed to support that theory. How long had he been desiring me? Why hadn't he said anything? Did Maria know? What should I do now? Could this really work between us, or was I too damaged? I couldn't drag Justin, one of my best friends, in to the disaster known as Lucca. What about Brett?

That question made me freeze. Why was I thinking about Brett at a time like this? Even if he was still interested in me, how would this all play out? Would he still be able to be around me, knowing I was with the guy he'd be working with? I wasn't even sure if I should have been worried about that. Brett may not even be interested, or he may be forcing his way in to my life out of guilt. We had only shared a single moment together. I started to replay that hot scene that took place a decade ago. Until tonight, I had never felt a high like I had then.

I started to think about Justin's kiss again. The two had been so alike, and yet, so different in so many ways. I had felt the emotions stirring behind both. The desire and loving. Justin's was so sweet, so innocent, and yet, so incredibly hot. But Brett's, his was so domineering. It was overwhelming and left my knees quivering.

I jumped as my fingers brushed my lips. Apparently, I had flushed and washed my hands on autopilot while deep in thought. The contact with my still tingling lips had snapped me out of my trance.

"Luc, listen, I'm really sorry about all this. This hadn't gone at all like I planned. I'm going to let myself out so we can have some time apart to work things out in our heads."

Shit. He couldn't leave now. If we didn't talk about this now, it could ruin everything between us.

"J, wait!"

I opened the door and started to run out. Unfortunately, my shorts had fallen around my ankles in my dazed space. I tripped on them and fell flat on my outside. So much for not making an ass out of myself anymore.

"Luch! Are you OK?" I heard Justin run over to me and place his hand on my shoulder. I tried not to groan just from that touch. I refused to make things worse. Too humiliated to even lift my head, I just mumbled in to the carpet.

I heard Justin stifle a laugh. "Didn't realize you were in to carpet munching" He started chuckle at that but it turned in to a groan. "Wow that was so lame, sorry."

His voice sounded lust filled again. I nearly jumped through the roof when I felt his hand on my bare ass. Holy fuck, I forgot that I only had my shorts on, which were still around my ankles. It was suddenly painful to still be on my stomach.

"J, I- ah- mmmmm" I couldn't suppress my moan this time as he lightly scraped his nails up one cheek. "Oh mother fucker!"

"Luc, how is it possible that everything about you is so beautiful?" Justin murmured.

That slipped me out of my lust filled haze. Beautiful? Me???

"J, hold up." I jumped and turned towards him. Justin's eyes were cast down though, and they opened in shock. Why hadn't I pulled my shorts up yet?

I snatched them quickly and turned away as I pulled them up. I realized that was a mistake as I was bent over. I think my cheeks were melting from how hot they felt.

"Look, can we sit down and talk?" I did and immediately covered my tent.

"Shit, yeah, I'm so sorry Luch. You're making me lose complete control of myself."

He really did seem to be upset and sincere. I shook my head in response.

"No no, J, you're fine. It's just a lot to take in all at once and I was feeling overwhelmed with trying to process it at the same time things were getting intense. Obviously you know that this is something I'm not really experienced with so I'm not exactly star material for handling well."

He threw his head in to his hands and started shaking it.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry! I swear I didn't mean to take advantage of the possibility you could be vulnerable to something like this. I didn't come here with the plan to seduce you."

He looked up and appeared to have more to say but I held my hand up to cut him off.

"Jus, I swear that it's fine. You don't need to apologize any more. I would like to know why you originally came here, though."

He froze with a confused face for a moment and then jumped as if he the seat shocked him. He started to blush.

"Shit, that's right." He looked at me with sheepish smile. " Well, I guess the reason I came is pretty obvious. Although, if it were obvious, you wouldn't be asking me. But I did come to tell you something that I thought has been obvious all along. You would have confronted me if it were obvious along time ago. Obviously, you would have-

"Justin! Can please explain to me what the hell is obvious!?"

He jumped when I yelled his name and started to wring his fingers.

"I-uh- that is you... Ummm," Justin paused to take a couple of deep breaths. "It's obvious how I feel about you!"

He looked away ashamed as if this explained everything about me. Call me clueless, but I needed more than that to go off of.

"How do you feel about me?"

He looked back at me then down and started to mumble.

"J, relax, I'm your friend. Please just tell!"

"I'm crazy about you, Luc!" He turned red from the confession and looked down again. "I... I've...

I've been crushing on you since day one!"

I looked at him hesitantly. So Brett had been right?

"Really? But why wait until now? Does Maria know?" I had some more questions but I held my tongue. I didn't want to overwhelm him when he was already struggling to open up.

"I've really been trying all this time but I haven't been able to work up the courage. Suddenly, Brett showed up and everything changed. I was scared, Luc. I finally saw how hot and appealing he was and I thought any chance with you had gone out the window." He paused at that and then shook his head again. "But Maria didn't know, although I wouldn't be surprised if she had suspected at some point."

I scoffed at that. "So true. I'm kind of shocked she didn't smack me over the head and tell me I'm oblivious, though."

He snapped his head back up. "So you really had no idea?"

It was my turn to shake my head. "Not at all. Like I said, I don't exactly excel in this type of area. I wouldn't have let you dangle, like I'm sure you did, had I known. I just can't believe Brett was right after all."

Justin seemed to tense at that. "You and Brett talked? When? What about?"

I must have had a confused look because he quickly followed up with, "I'm not trying to pry, sorry, it's just I can't help but worry. It feels like he has such a huge advantage over me."

That pushed a button I hadn't know I possessed. I threw my hands up at that. "It's not a fucking competition, J. It's not like you guys have to fight over me. If I even want to be with someone, it'd be my decision, not some testosterone saturated fight."

He paused at that, then took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Shit, you're right again. I keep letting my emotions control my actions when it comes to you. I'm really trying to stay sensible about this."

I gave him a reassuring smiling. "It's no problem. You have nothing to worry about anyways, Justin. I only think Brett has been showing any interest out of guilt.. Even if he wasn't, there's no way it could work out. Enough about him, though. We're hear to talk about us."

He nodded at that. "Very true. Like I said, I came here to tell you how crazy I am about you. I something else to say, though."

Shit, there was more? I just stared at him, unsure of how to respond. He took my silence as a sign to continue

"That Goosebumps movie is coming. I was thinking of going to see it. Have heard read much about it? Do you know if it's suppose to be good?

What the hell? Why would he walk over to ask me that?

"Yeah, I mean, I've been pretty excited to see it. You know I was a huge fan of the books. I'm not sure I'm going to see it opening weekend, though. Are you?"

His face fell as I said this and looked away upset. That's when it hit me.

"J? Are- are you asking me out on a date?"

His head snapped up again. With all his jerky head movements, it was wonder why it hadn't fallen off and rolled across the floor. He nodded nervously and looked away again.

So there it was, one of my best friends confessing and asking me out. I really couldn't think for a moment. It just all felt so overwhelming. I really shouldn't be with anyone. I was too screwed up and not the ideal relationship material. It wouldn't be fair to Justin. On the other hand, how fair was to shut him down and not even give him a chance. Shit, what the hell was I suppose to do?

Justin must have thought my silence was a sign of refusal because he suddenly jumped up and started rambling, not allowing me to get a word in.

"I went about this all the wrong way. I really fucked things up, Luc. I'm so sorry. Can we just forget all this happened. I'll leave you to yourself now and I'll see later."

He was almost out the door already when I firmly said, "No." He froze mid run and slowly pivoted to face me.

"You mean we can't forget that this happened? I really am sorry for springing all this on you, Lucca, but please don't let this affect our friendship. I couldn't forgive myself if I caused the end of-"

"No, I won't forget about this and no we can't go back to being friends."

His eyes started to water at this and I realized how that must have come across to him. I really needed to get better with wording my sentences.

"But I also meant no, don't leave." I figured with that statement, I could show him what I meant through actions.

I walked up, placed my hands one either side of his head, and gave him my most passionate kiss to date. When I licked his lip in a begging gesture, he groaned in response, permitting me entry.

Every nerve in me felt as if it had exploded. It was so difficult to believe that kisses alone could be this amazing. Everything was amplified when his hands slid down my naked back and firmly gripped me cheeks. I could only whimper in response. He pulled his head back and stared at me with glazed eyes.

"Fuuuuuck! You don't know how difficult it is to say this, but we need to stop. If we're going to date, I want to do this right. You deserve it, Luc."

As much as I didn't want to admit it, he was right. I couldn't let my first real relationship be built on a foundation of lust. Despite agreeing with him, I couldn't help the disappointed sigh that escaped my lips. He quickly interrupted it by tracing my lips with his tongue. Shit, how could he be so good at this!?

"Let's go see that movie on Friday then. I want the rest of the night to all be up to you though, Luc, so you think about what you'd like to do."

"Sounds like a plan to me." I mumbled. I still couldn't seem to clear the lust filled fog surrounding me.

My agreement to date him and our make out must have given him a confidence boost because he chuckled at that.

"Alright hot stuff. Either go to bed or at least get a shirt on before I throw caution to the wind and have you begging and at my mercy in the next 5 minutes."

My eyes widened at that. That sounded like an amazing idea. Justin must have read my face or mind, because he laughed at that.

"Don't even think about it. You won't be seducing me. At least, not tonight you won't. I'll see you tomorrow." He leaned in and pecked my lips, followed by a wide smile. "Good night, handsome."

I probably stood in my doorway for another 5 minutes in disbelief. It probably would have been longer if it weren't for Galenda, The Terror, and her yipping mutt.

"For Christ's sake! Can't you queers be quiet!? It's enough for you to live across from me but I have to be disgusted from witnessing you in action as well!?"

"Enough of your jealousy, you crusty wart. No one cares that the only way you action is with that bloody tampon at your feet."

I ran back in to my apartment and slammed the door before she could recover. I couldn't wait to tell Justin about this tomorrow.

Fuck, I was going on a date with Justin tomorrow. What the hell had I gotten myself in to?