Pathetic Ch. 05: Dating

Thanks so much to elno2015 for taking the time to review and help with this chapter. If you haven't yet, you should absolutely take the time to read her series, Woodbridge Academy. She's an incredible writer!

Sorry for the delay on posting this chapter, it's an important one and I wanted everything to make sure it was done right. Hope you enjoy!

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Lucca

I gasped for breath as I tried to fumble my key in to the lock and let myself back in to my apartment. Some may say that running until one hits complete exhaustion and no longer has the energy to think is an unhealthy way to avoid one's problems.

I'm sure those same people have never had a one-time high school fling-who gay bashed them shortly after said fling-not only force themselves back in to their lives, but also get them fired from their job; then follow that with one of their best friends confessing to having a crush on them? That doesn't even cover the whole, "Hey, I guess I really am gay" revelation.

Once again, I found myself stumbling into my apartment as I tried to pull my sweaty shirt off. Also, once again, I was struggling with my head and arms stuck in my shirt when I heard that familiar deep voice from behind.

"Wow, we really have this schedule down pat, Luch. Same time tomorrow?"

I spun to the voice with an exasperated sigh, making sure to avoid the couch this time. "Brett, just help me out of this... again."

I heard him give a mock exaggerated sigh to match mine. "You know, most gay guys would expect to get at least a little bit of action after taking a sexy man's shirt off for the first time. Don't even get me started on the second time."

"Touch me any more than necessary and I'll make sure you never want to take a guy's shirt off again."

He chuckled at that as I felt a tug on my shirt until it came off. I blinked at the sudden blinding light in my eyes.

"Remind me to introduce you to Jaden some time. You two are very similar."

"Oh? He has a perv stalking him as well?" I asked, glaring.

I snatched my shirt from him and made my way to the bedroom. He laughed even harder at that.

"He's Italian like you and just as feisty, if not more. The only difference is that it's sexy with you. With him, it's downright terrifying."

"Yeah, we'll see how sexy it is when I finally lose my temper." I yelled as I stepped in to the shower.

"I really hope that day never comes." He answered loudly from the kitchen. Something in his voice told me he still wasn't taking me seriously, though.

I wasn't able to stop my mind from reviewing the events of the past few days as I scrubbed myself clean and then rinsed off. It was frustrating that I still had the energy to think about it despite the fact that I had run this morning until my legs felt like they'd be cemented to the floor. It wasn't just an issue of processing what all had transpired, but rather the pressure of prioritizing each issue.

I had planned on focusing my energy on handling the situation with Justin first. Before Bret had shown up again, I was sure I'd be seeing Justin first, since our date was supposed to be tonight. It wasn't just that, though. Justin had been in my life longer and was a much more positive influence in my life than Brett. The more I thought about HOW to handle it though, the more I started considering handling Brett first. As much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew it was out of fear. Each time I started to predict the events of tonight, I'd feel the panic expanding inside. This was all new territory for me. I had no idea how I should act tonight. I'd never been on a date in my life.

It wasn't just that, though. This was one of my two best friends. I felt so certain that it was going to be awkward and that I would find some way to unintentionally demolish our solid friendship. I feared even more that whatever inevitable damage I did do would be irreparable.

"Hey, Luch listen, if you're preoccupied with other things, I can stop by later. Although, if you're just have some fun time in there, I don't mind waiting to see your afterglow."

Brett must have made his way in to my bedroom. His voice was close enough to scare me into jumping and losing my balance. Luckily, I grabbed the shower rod for support. The last thing I needed was Brett coming to my wet and naked aid.

"Damn it, Brett, I'll just be a moment more. Help yourself to the kitchen, there's milk, orange juice, and coffee."

"You didn't see me holding some coffee and muffins for us again?" There was some silence, and then a chuckle. "Were you busy looking at something else?"

"I didn't notice." I sighed. "Just head back to the kitchen and I'll be there in a second."

Moments later, I joined him at the counter and helped to myself to some coffee and a muffin. Shit. I thought as I took a big bite. Nothing from Brett should be this good.

"So..." Brett started, then paused with a face that appeared unsure. It looked completely unnatural on him. "Why did you lie to me?"

"Huh?" I mumbled with a full mouth, sending some crumbs to the floor. "What are you talking about? When did I lie?"

"You weren't really planning to talk to Justin, were you? To ask him how he felt about you?"

"You've been talking to Maria, haven't you?"

He arched an eyebrow and grinned. "That obvious, huh? She's really starting to grow on me. I'm glad you've had someone like that in your life. But yeah, we've been talking. Nothing bad about either of you, though. Just trying to figure out what's best for the both of you."

I swallowed my bite and took a deep breath, trying to calm the anger boiling up.

"Don't you think that should be up to me and Justin to decide? We're both adults."

"Ultimately, yes, but we agreed we should offer some support when it was time for you to make a decision, so here I am."

"You say support, but you're really just planning to annoy me until I talk to him, aren't you?"

"No, I thought about it some more and realized that for your first time dating someone, it should be on your own terms. I shouldn't push you to a person in particular, just push you to get yourself out there. From what I've seen and heard, you've been alone too long."

I nodded at that. "While I don't like the idea of you two discussing my needs, I appreciate that you realize you need to set some boundaries. You'll be happy to know, though, that I did talk to Justin last night."

It was Brett's turn to be shocked and confused. For a few moments, all he could manage was to cough after choking on his coffee, followed by staring at me intensely for a long while. I had already been edge due to being up all night torturing myself by imagining all of the horrible outcomes that faced Justin and I on our date. This, in addition to the exhaustion I felt from my run, had me on the border of losing all self control. After squirming and fidgeting under his gaze, he finally broke the silence.

"You're telling the truth?" He asked. I nodded vigorously, still unable to read his features. "How did this happen?"

"Honestly, you were right about me not planning to talk to him. I really doubt that I'm dateable or, at the very least, able to maintain a healthy relationship. I'm just not good with people."

Bret was still staring at me, so I did what I tended to do whenever I get anxious: I started ranting.

"There's not a single person that would be able to tolerate the shit storm better known as my brain! I'm so fucked up and inadequate that anyone who saw the real me would run to the nearest psych ward to get me a straight jacket! There was no chance of that happening either, until your arrogant ass shoved its way in to my life!"

Still more silence. I went in to full panic mode at that point.

"Will you please say SOMETHING!? Stop it with that creepy ass fucking stare and talk!" I had gotten so worked up that I was now on my feet and yelling in his face, most likely sending crumbs and spit in all direction. I was beyond caring, though. The life that I had worked on so diligently in order to get it all in my control had spiraled into a monstrous tsunami in a matter of days all thanks to the man in front of me. He seemed unphased by my explosion, however, and just continued to stare. I stood my ground, heaving as I struggled to regain my breath.

Just as I felt my second wind come on and was about to continue my tirade, Brett slowly raised his hand to my face, his face still a blank slate. He suddenly flicked me on the nose and I only saw red. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Before I could even process what was happening, my open hand was heading for a head on collision with his face. Juvenile and not exactly masculine, I know, but like I said, I was already on edge and he had to have known this, with it being his fault and all. His face had still not so much as twitched. Just as my hand was about to make contact, Brett grabbed it and smirked. That only managed to piss me off further.

At this point, though, I really wasn't sure who or what I most pissed at: myself, for going through all the work outs and training and still being overpowered by Brett, or for reacting to such an immature and instigating action. Or, maybe I am just mad at Brett for being so...Brett.

As I struggled to free my hand, he placed his foot behind mine to aid in throwing me off center and pushed me back into my chair. He was on me before I realized what had happened, his hot breath crawling down my face and neck. I'm actually ashamed to say that the action made me instantly hard. I prayed that he wouldn't notice. His smirk grew in to a full grin, followed by a deep breath and a nod.

"Good. I had to make sure that the feisty Luch that I've seen so much of hadn't run off. I hope the coward I just saw doesn't show again. He was enough to piss me off and make me want to puke."

That just managed to refuel my fire. "YOU!? How fucking dare YOU!? YOU, of all fucking people, are placing judgment on me. You have no fucking right!!"

Brett continued to keep himself in a calm state, which infuriated me all the more. "I won't deny any of what you just said, but I'll be damned if I let you be the same coward that I once was. I won't allow you to hide behind excuses and lies just to cover up who you really are, all because you're afraid. I've hated myself for so long for doing that. I watched as a close friend suffered for years because he covered himself in a disguise so effectively that no one ever guessed that there was a scared man under it all. He was so terrified that people would reject what they saw underneath that he forced himself in to mental isolation. I suspected and just stood at the sidelines. Luckily, someone else came along to save him. I WILL NOT sit by and let the same thing happen to you. You're too good for that, Luch. You can claim that you have these flaws in you, and that you're undateable because of them as much as you want, but I will always see right through them. YOU are the only reason you can't date or truly connect with another person, and I won't stop until you get out of your own way."

I can honestly say I wanted to keep my calm. I knew that Brett was only trying to help. He had just opened up to me, shared some private stuff just to help me. Deep down, I realized that everything he said was the truth. It seemed like he knew what he was talking about, having witnessed something similar already. If I was in the right state of mind, I would have sat down and talked it out with Brett. Unfortunately, I was already pissed off. All words were falling on deaf ears.

"Get the fuck out." I whispered.

It seemed to have more of an effect on Brett than my snapping and yelling ever had. He froze for a few moments and then started sputtering. "Wha-"

"I said GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

"Luch, I-"

"Stop calling me that!! You don't get to have some fucking pet name for me! I'm not yours!! You have no right to call me that!! Not after what you did!! I wasn't even supposed to hear that fucking name again! I was supposed to see you at the reunion and that was going to be it. Then you show up with your charm and douchebag tactics and fucking shit all over everything like some kind of... fucking tsunami shit storm! I don't want you in my life! What the fuck do I have to do to get it through your thick fucking skull!? Get the fuck out of my house and out of my life!!"

There was a long silence, broken by Brett sighing and getting off me. He slowly walked to the door and opened it but paused before walking out. "You want me out? Fine. No one can fault you for that, especially me. I honestly just want to make sure you have the chance to live a happy life again, since I'm the one who originally took that chance away. You truly are an amazing guy, Lucca. I think everyone in your life seems to see it but you." He paused for a moment. "In the short time I've been back in your life, I've seen that you do have a chance at happiness again, and it kills me to see that you aren't allowing yourself to take it. I'm not sure if you aren't because you've convinced yourself you don't deserve it, or if it's simply because you're too afraid to give it a shot. I'll get out of your hair like you want, but I just ask you for one thing in exchange: stop hiding. Justin seems like a really great guy and he may be the person to show you that there's so much more in life that you're missing out on. Just give him a shot, OK? I wish the best for you, Lucca. Bye."

Silence followed after the door shut, leaving me to stew in my tirade of emotions. Finally, rage once again dominated all others, causing me to yell at the top of my lungs and throw the nearby stool into the wall.

________

I was snapped out of my dreamless sleep by what I thought was my front door closing. I thought I was imagining it until I felt weight settle at the end of my bed. At first, I was confident that it was either Justin or Maria that had let themselves in with a copy of my key I had given them. But then, the possibility that Brett had gotten one of those copies popped in to my head and I started to panic. I couldn't face him now. I was relieved when Maria started to talk, with a slight hint of something else. I convinced myself that it wasn't disappointment.

"Justin sounded pretty excited about this date you two are going to have. He called me as he was trying to get ready, luckily he started a couple hours ago or he'd still be in full panic mode by the time you two met up. He changed about 10 times just while we were talking. Luckily, I convinced him not to wear his Call of Duty shirt. I had to remind that you two would just end up debating about whether it's a hype or not for the entire date. I'm pretty sure he tripped and fell on his face a few times while changing, too."

I took a deep breath, my face still in the pillow. I wanted to stay calm this time. Maria, of all people, didn't deserve me yelling at her. Not that she'd stand for it anyways.

"Maria, I know that you already know that I've decided not to go through with it, or you wouldn't be here to convince me otherwise. Trying to make me feel guilty or laugh about how excited and worked up Justin is over this isn't going to make me change my mind either. I'll explain it to Justin later. We both know he'll forgive me for anything."

There was a long silence followed by a drawn out, "Wow!" I lifted my head from the covers and looked at her with confusion. That wasn't the reaction I expected.

"I can't believe you, Luc. You're actually going to take advantage of the knowledge that Justin will do anything to make you happy and use it to hide like a fucking coward? That isn't you. I won't allow you to do that to him, or yourself. Get up, you only have an hour to get ready before you guys are meeting up."

"Maria, I'm not going, it's that simple. I'll do more damage to Justin by going than if I just skip out."

She was suddenly in my face with a surprising and deadly swiftness, giving me a look that made my blood freeze. "No, Luc, you'll only risk the possibility of hurting him by going, just as he might you, even if it's unintentional, which I can accept. That's life. You have to take risks if you want anything great. What I can't accept or forgive, is you guaranteeing him intentional harm by standing him up. As much as I love you, I love Justin just as much. You WON'T want to deal with me if you break his heart. Get. Up. You're getting ready and then I'm going to prep you. This is your first date, after all."

I was in the closet, looking for an outfit before I even realized that I was on my feet. I had to hand it to Drake, Maria's husband. He seemed to be the only man who could actually keep his legs from shaking once Maria was pissed.

Some time later, I was in dark blue chinos with a grey jacket over what Maria referred to as one of my geek shirts. I was pretty resistant with the outfit at first because the chinos were just slightly too tight; as Maria put it, "they made my ass look like two giant globes."

As I paced my living room floor, waiting for Justin to pick me up, I cursed myself for the hundredth time for being too anxious to really take in any advice Maria offered. I was in unfamiliar territory here, and I certainly didn't have the social skills to wing it. I was pretty confident that Justin would be calling for a defibrillator before the previews were over.

I froze as I heard a knock on the door. I was starting to think we may not even make it out of the apartment without my heart needing a jump start. As I opened the door, my breath hitched.

I had always acknowledged that Justin was a good looking guy. I couldn't say if it was the lighting, the idea of it being a date, or me looking at him in a new perspective, but he looked stunning.

If I hadn't felt like my stomach was forcing its way up my throat, I probably would have laughed that he was in an outfit essentially the same mine, only a different color palette. I saw a shy, small smile creep at the side of his mouth as he looked me over and I felt my mouth mirror the same.

"You look... wow..." we said in unison.

Our eyes locked and this time, my laughter found its way out this time. Justin didn't hesitate to follow suit.

In that moment, I realized that he was just as nervous as me, and that snapped me back to reality. This was Justin, one of the few people in my life that I could say I trusted. He wasn't some stranger that would judge on my diction, posture, and looks alone. I knew he wasn't some shallow bastard, and that he already accepted me as I was.

Suddenly, with this realization, I felt like this night actually had the potential be fun. I was now confident that it wouldn't be the terror that I made it out to be. My smile grew in to a full grin at this epiphany until a bright flash blinded me.

"You two are too fucking adorable!" I heard from behind. I felt my cheeks heat up as I remembered that Maria was still there. "Now get moving before you miss the show. And don't be out too late! I don't want to stay up all night worrying so let me know when you're back."

Justin shook his head at this and smiled at me. "Yes, mother, I promise to have him home before curfew."

He stepped back to let me out the door ahead of him and we made our way to his car. I jumped as I suddenly felt warmth on palm and looked down to see our hands intertwined. I looked back up at with my cheeks burning once again. "Sorry, that's probably rushing things for you." Justin said softly. He went to pull his hand away but I had already tightened my grip. I shook my head at him.

"No, J, it's... it's really nice. I like it. It's just that it's... all so new to me. I'm sorry, this all so much more complicated than it needs to be because of me."

He stopped walking and put both hands on my shoulders as he looked me in the face.

"Don't apologize for anything tonight, Luc. I have all the patience in the world when it comes to you. I know how big of a step this is for you, so you let me know what's OK for you and what isn't. I won't hold any resentment."