Payback

'I love The Angels. 'No Secrets' is my favourite.'

'I'm more of a bogan,' I confessed. 'Would you like to lie down and we'll get started?'

Ciaran laid a fresh towel on the bed and laid, stomach down, on top of it.

'Am I ever gonna see your face again?' he asked.

I was chuffed. 'No way, get fucked, fuck off.'

'Oh, that's disappointing,' he said.

I didn't know if he was joking or not, so I laughed a bit, just in case he was, then went and fetched the massage oil and warmed some between my hands. It struck me that it was going to be awkward massaging a man while fully clothed and wearing shoes, so I went to the bathroom, washed off the oil, and stripped down to my bra and panties. A younger me might have noticed the muffin top or the cellulite on my thighs, or the pudginess of my belly, but the more mature me didn't care.

Ciaran was lying on his side waiting for me to return.

'I was wondering what you were doing,' he said. 'I'm glad I didn't stay lying face down. I would have missed this.'

'What did your rub n tug girl wear?'

'Heels, miniskirt and a tight top.'

'Oh. Whoops. And here I am in my lingerie.'

'It's great. Really great,' he said. 'Thanks.'

We got down to the business of his massage. Ciaran chatted to me about everything under the sun, but it was never rushed or awkward and he never levelled any criticism or complaint. It was as if he were entirely content to bask in the moment.

I rolled him over half-way through. He still had an erection. I touched it cautiously, checking for his reaction.

'Not yet,' he requested. 'Leave it alone for now.'

'Okay. Sorry.'

'No, no.' He shut his eyes. 'You're amazing. I don't want it to end just yet.'

The massage continued, as did the conversation. He spoke about life in mining camps, his workmates, his parents and his kids. I let him talk. I didn't want to tell him too much about my life and at any rate, I knew he needed this opportunity to express himself.

When I was finished, I rested the palm of my hand on his chest.

Ciaran stared at me, searching for something, though God knows what, in my face.

'Are you still happy to go further?' he asked.

'I am. What would you like?'

He shook his head slightly and readjusted the pillow he was lying on. 'That's up to you,' he said. 'I'll take whatever you're willing to give.'

I thought about what I wanted, and what I wished to give him.

'I'd like to blow you,' I said.

He nodded slightly. 'As I said, whatever you want.'

I didn't crawl between his knees. When I suck men in that position the moment they cum I start to gag. I find it easier to lay horizontal to them, with my legs near their head, and leant over their lower stomach to suck their cock. I took off my bra, and was going to wriggle into position when I saw Ciaran staring at my breasts.

I held a boob in each hand and turned around to show him. He gave me an appreciative grin but made no move to touch them.

'Want to suck on them?' I asked.

'Fuck, definitely,' he said.

I straddled him and leant down so they were hanging in his face. Ciaran grabbed one and sucked and kissed it, then did the same to the other, then grabbed one in each hand and gave a gentle squeeze. He traced the areola on each, and lightly pinched my erect nipples.

'Take them away or I won't stop,' he requested. 'They're beautiful and I'd just play with them all night if I could.'

I flipped over to one side, laid down and positioned myself so that I could easily take his manhood into my mouth. His erection was bright red and he either had a short foreskin or someone had done a sloppy job circumcising him, I couldn't quite tell which. He was perhaps five or six inches and at the base of his cock were several pulsing blue veins.

Ciaran moaned as I took the head into my mouth. I felt his hand rest on the small of my back but he didn't exert any downward pressure. I slightly adjusted how I was lying and began to suck and wank him. He tasted a bit soapy but his penis was wholly normal and wonderful, and I enjoyed the musky scent of him.

'Helen?'

I stopped. 'Am I hurting you?'

'Oh fuck no, baby,' he laughed croakily. 'I just wanted to ask if I could put my hand underneath your knickers? I won't penetrate you, I just want to hold the outside of your snatch.'

'Sure, no problems. If you're careful about it, I don't mind if you penetrate me. Only the front, though, only in the pussy. Nothing up my arse.'

'I'll be careful. Thanks baby.'

I resumed sucking his penis as his hand slid beneath my panties. I spread my legs a little for him, to give him easy access, but he didn't rush to shove his fingers inside me. He just stroked and caressed me for a while, as if enjoying the sensation.

'Baby, please touch my balls,' he requested. 'Uh, yeah, like that. Squeeze them lightly. Uh huh. Uh huh. Oh fuck.'

His hand wriggled around inside my knickers and he plunged two fingers inside my pussy.

'Oh baby, you're wet,' he groaned. 'You're really wet. Oh, oh, fuck, I'm going to come soon. I'm going to come Helen, pull off if you don't want it in your mou- ... oh God, fuck, fuck, suck it you slut, suck it harder, oh Helen, oh fuck, you slut...beautiful... harder...fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.'

I swallowed it all down, all of it. Ciaran lay beneath me, panting softly, his digits still encased in my pussy but not moving around, just resting there. I licked and kissed his softening prick and his testicles, before wriggling free and sitting up.

Ciaran was staring at his hand. The fingers that had been inside me were glistening.

'Suck it,' he whispered, pushing them inside my mouth.

I sucked his fingers clean.

'Oh baby,' he said. 'I want to eat your cunt. Can I?'

I shook my head. I couldn't. No. I couldn't possibly let him do it. I'd let others do it, I'd even faked orgasms for them, but I couldn't let Ciaran do it.

'Name your price,' he urged. 'I'll pay it. I just want you to come on my face.'

'No.' I slipped off the bed. 'No, sorry.'

I stumbled to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I sat on the toilet and tried to piss, but ended up sitting leaning forward, with my head in my hands.

The problem with sex is that it always stirs up emotions. Mostly I squashed them down and told myself I was numb, but if I wanted to be truthful, that wasn't the case. That wasn't the case at all, and Ciaran had just stirred up something within me. I can't tell you what precisely it was, but it was something deep and wretched and yet also slightly wonderful.

I wiped, washed my hands and pulled on my clothes. I buckled my sandals with shaking hands, smoothed down my hair, and went out to make my getaway.

Ciaran reached out for me.

'Helen,' he said. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.'

'You didn't,' I said as reassuringly as possible.

'No, no, I did,' he argued. 'And I'm sorry. I... I meant no offence.'

'It's okay,' I repeated. I smiled at him as I picked up my handbag. 'I should go. Thank-you.'

'Are you sure everything's okay? I can drive you home if you want and catch a taxi back here.'

'No, no.... thank-you. Good-bye. Good luck.'

He nodded, unconvinced. 'Thank-you.'

I left his hotel room and all but ran to my car. Once there I fumbled around in my bag for my car keys. For an awful moment I thought they might have fallen out of my bag and I'd have to go back and knock on Ciaran's door, but mercifully they were just hiding in a side pocket.

The keys weren't the only things I found in the side pocket.

There was also four hundred dollars and a handwritten note with a phone number at the bottom. The note read 'I would LOVE to see your face again.'

I crumpled it up, put my keys in the ignition, and drove home through a storm of tears. Nobody ever tells you this can happen, but it does.

I'd liked that one. Ciaran. I'd liked him.