Pet

They all were happy about their performance, and extra happy with Jenny.

"It´s Kålrot," Jenny said. "He makes me relax."

"Come with us," Drummer said. "We´ll go to Karlstad now, then we have a few gigs in Gothenburg."

"Sure."

"What the fuck," Jenny said. Come with us back to London."

"Sure. Great."

"You got your passport?"

"Shit!" Kålrot immediately felt that he had no passport, never had had one and never would have the initiative to get one. Then he remembered that he did so have a passport after all. He even knew where. "Or, well, no not here. But I can get it, it´s with my stuff in their garage. My parents."

"And it´s still valid?"

"Yep. Me and a friend were planning to travel round the world last summer, seeing the great big everywhere with no money, you know. Somehow we never got off the ground. I guess other things happened instead, but I don't quite remember what."

"We´ll get it tomorrow before we leave. Now I need to sleep. We haven't got a room for you at the hotel and I´m not quite ready to let you sleep in my bed. But you can stay here and sleep in the bus, we got some cots."

"Sure. Great. I´ll help pack the stuff."

"Packing the boxes and the bus is a precision job," Roadie 2 said. "But you´re welcome to help us carry shit."

Kålrot did. This was a job to his taste, no need to think. He wasn´t lazy, that wasn´t why he never got things done. Now that he had a clearly defined task he worked his ass off and everyone was happy with him. Then Lightandsound and Roadie one said goodbye and went to the hotel. The roadies apparently took turns sleeping in the bus, since someone had to guard their stuff. Kålrot was happy to function as backup guard dog although he knew it would take a pretty damn loud burglar to wake him up.

Then what used to be tomorrow suddenly became today. Kålrot and Roadie two were having breakfast in a sunny spot in the parking lot and Kålrot was feeling pure happiness again to be in a context where breakfasts just appeared without him having to do anything and the sun was shining and the birds were singing. A drooping tit appeared, but according to Roadie two it was a house sparrow. Kålrot was just as happy that way.

The others turned up and now the bus was quite full. Kålrot could see that Big Frog (sharing a name with a now doubly forgotten celebrity) obviously was not happy about his presence, but it was also obvious that he was determined not to be pissy about it. Good enough, and then some. They started towards Kålrot´s parents´ house and Jenny started giggling again.

"I´m just thinking about how your parents will react when a great big tour-bus with `Smooch` all over it turns up on their drive-way."

Kålrot hadn't thought of that and giggled a bit, too. Jenny wanted to come with him and get the passport, which caused a few jokes on the line of meeting the parents from the rest of them. Kålrot walked right in, hollering "Hello! Anyone home!" which they were. Home and startled.

"Hi momanddad," Kålrot said. "I have made friends with Smooch, but she´s really Jenny and her and her people want me to come with them and maybe to London so I need my passport."

"Oh dear," said the mom. "Well go look in the garage, then. Lennart, you better go with him. So. You are Jenny and you´re a famous singer and that big thing is your bus and you want to take my son with you."

"Basically yes. But don't worry. I´ll take care of him."

"Yes, they always do, for a while. Just promise me you´ll send him home when you get tired of him. You want some coffee?"

"I would love to, but there is no time I´m afraid. Could I have your number, please. If I understand things correctly he has not got a phone, and probably not your number either."

"True. You seem to have grasped a lot about him in a short time."

"Here is my card. Call me anytime. I will get him a phone as soon as possible."

"That´s nice of you. dear, but he will probably lose it rather quickly. Or give it away to someone he feels needs it better. ADD, dear. Look it up."

Kålrot came back, triumphantly holding his passport. "I found it!" he proclaimed. "Or, well, dad did."

"That´s nice dear. By the way, that sweet girl Lisa called. She was a little worried since no one had seen you since she kicked you out, but I´ll tell her you´re all right."

"Great. Well, I guess we have to leave. Love you."

It was not too far to Karlstad, and Kålrot barely had time to take a seat before they were there. Apparently he had disappeared somewhere else again. He had a vague notion he might have been thinking of the scientific names of tropical fish. He had had fishtanks when he was a boy and for some strange reason those words in latin had gone straight into his brain and stayed there.

Kålrot wanted to explore, he had never been in Karlstad. After doing his bit of carrying he wandered off, clutching his backstage pass which he was sternly told not to lose. Kålrot was not surprised when he promptly got lost, nor was he surprised when he finally found the coffee-brand-named hockey stadium where the concert would be and discovered he had lost his must-not-be-lost backstage pass. He then waited by the bus for quite a while, peacefully thinking of nothing, until Roadie one came to get an extra cable and found him.

"Where have you been, man?" he asked. "Jenny has been pissed off about you being gone so long. She has been a real bitch again. Prepare to get your head chewed off."

Jenny made a half-hearted attempt at head-chewing, but then he got a whole-hearted hug. She was a little scared that she had missed him so much, she was not used to be dependent on anyone. Well, now he was here and she had that fuzzy, comfy feeling back. She did not feel like she was falling in love, there was no feeling of falling at all. But he was a comfort; like a teddy-bear. When he was there she felt calm and at peace and often giggly. Good stuff.

This night went well, too. Not as intimate as last night, this venue was much larger, but Smooch and the band handled that challenge real good, Kålrot thought. He was happy with everything and kept on being happy. He was fed, he had a cot of his own in the bus, he was allowed to hang on to the DS and he was having a cultural exchange program concerning card-games. Some were international of course, but the band had never heard of `Shithead` or ´Up and Down` before.

Then there was Jenny, of course. They had a lot of fun and she seemed to really like to be with him. He was beginning to feel a little amorous, but did not intend to make any kind of move on her. He never did, but got laid regularly anyway. Apparently he was a very not-threatening guy and girls dared to take the lead. No hurry. Kålrot felt that life on the road agreed with him, he got to display his good sides, and there were no dreary everyday duties like doing dishes for him to neglect.

In Gothenburg he and Jenny snuck off to the large fairground, Liseberg, where they tried all the scariest rides. Jenny had seen much worse. Kålrot hadn´t. They had a punning-contest, since puns are supposed to be typical for Gothenburg, and Kålrot held his own pretty well, second language or not.

After their first concert there was a bit of a party backstage. Apart from Guitarguy none of them was much for partying. Kålrot had seen no use of drugs and very little alcohol. This, too, was good. He hardly ever got drunk, it was pretty meaningless since all he did was fall asleep, and he slept well anyway.

Anyway, there was this little gathering, and people from the press were there, asking the things they had to ask. One of the press-people approached Kålrot, which was a first. He showed Kålrot some photos of him and Jenny, eating fish soup together, giggling together, walking hand in hand.

"Any comments on your relationship with Smooch?" Pressguy asked.

"Wait a bit," Kålrot said. "Hey, Jenny, he wants me to comment on, well, us. How do I handle that?"

"Just tell the truth, we´ve got nothing to hide."

Kålrot turned back to Pressguy. "That´s a relief, I suck at lying. Ask away!"

"From the way you interact on the photos; are you her new boyfriend?"

"I am her friend, but not boyfriend, no."

"What is your function here, with the band."

"I don´t really have an official capacity. I seem to be able to keep Jenny in a good mood. Perhaps I am the court-jester. No that sounds like a job with too much pressure, having to be funny all the time. Hey, I know - I´m her pet!"

"Her pet?"

"Yes, that´s the perfect job for me. I can be cute or amusing or cuddly and when you don't have the time for me I can amuse myself and I´ll be happy as long as I get food and sleep and a bit of exercise."

"She´d be your mistress, then?"

"I guess so, but don't make a sex-thing out of this. After all, very few people do want to have sex with their pets."

His paper did, of course, make a sex-thing out of it. Not straight out but hinting; a nudge nudge you know what I mean kind of article. Kålrot didn´t care one way or another, but he was a little concerned what Jenny would say when he translated it. To his relief she was just amused.

"This is good," she said. "My pet indeed. Did you really say that you fulfill my every wish, however outrageous?"

"I don´t remember. I may have. Or not."

"It says so in the paper, so it must be true. I´m certainly going to hold you to it. I´ll just dream up some really outrageous stuff to wish for.

Big Frog was happy too, he thought it would be great as a publicity angle; a little kinky but at the same time not kinky at all. Kålrot finally had the frogseal of approval and an official capacity with the band; the pet.

"But no leashes or shit," Kålrot said. "I am sufficiently trained to go without."

"I don't know about that, considering that you managed to get lost in Karlstad," Jenny said. "Just imagine how lost you could get in London."

"I´m sure I will. But it will work out, it always does."

They had no plane ticket for Kålrot and the flight was fully booked. Kålrot would go with the bus, which the roadies would drive to London. They were to get on a ship somewhere in Holland or Belgium or France, Kålrot didn't really pay attention to that. He was happy to just sit and watch the world pass by. German Autobahns were something else. And it was fun to take pee-breaks and see how people reacted to their big Smooch-bus. She was big in Germany, apparently, and many were disappointed she was not on the bus.

They stopped to sleep in a parking lot by a Gaststätte, one of many large petrol station restaurant small shops that lay along the Autobahn. Kålrot went out into the night and tried to feel if the night felt differently on foreign soil. This was his first time outside Sweden. It felt the same, except petrol-fumier this close to the highway. He thought about the car-drone and fumes by his favorite sleeping-bridge and how some things always were the same and some things were different and both were good.

He met a drooping tit, or Haus-Spurv or whatever they were called here in Germany, and tried to strike up a conversation. His German was very limited, though. He only knew two sentences and one of them; `Ich habe viele Zähne.` (I have a lot of teeth) was definitely not fitting if you were trying to make friends with a small timid bird. The other sentence; `Ich klopfe den Mopfes Kopf.` (I´m petting the pug´s head.) was a little better, since it could be interpreted as a general benignity towards animals. The drooptit was not impressed, though. It left as soon as it realized no crumbs were forthcoming. Probably went home, Kålrot didn´t think drooptits usually worked nights.

It got a little darker than back home, that was one difference. The German spoken everywhere and the fact they sold strong beer at the petrol-station were other differences. He watched the stars for a while, ole buddies, and went to bed and to sleep.

Suddenly they were on a big boat and Roadie one got drunk, since R2 would drive the rest of the way. He wanted Kålrot to get drunk too, so he did this once. As usual he fell asleep right away and then he was in London, having slept a long time. They were at the band´s studio, all instruments and that kind of stuff was going there. Lights and stage-parts stayed in the bus, they had a safe place to park somewhere.

Kålrot sleepily dragged himself out of the bus and was met by Jenny who threw herself at him and gave him a great big hug and even a nice kiss and told him she had missed him and asked if he had missed her. He hadn´t. He hadn´t thought about it. He was very bad at missing people (except Nils, now and again) since his head got filled with other thoughts or un-thoughts and there was no room for the missing-thing. He realized this would be an unpopular answer, but he was the world´s worst liar.

"I´m very happy to see you," he cunningly said, avoiding the question, yet telling the truth. He realized the bus was leaving. "I´m not sleeping in the bus now?"

"No silly, you´re sleeping at my place. You´re my pet, after all. Aren´t you?"

"Sure...and if I had a food-bowl I would look at it very meaningly. I missed breakfast, I´m afraid."

"We can´t have that. Treating your pets cruelly is very much frowned upon in England. Here´s some money. Go to that store - you see what I´m pointing at? Good. Buy some food, then come back and go through this door. Coffee we have, don't worry about that. Ok? You won´t get lost."

"No promises, but I´ll try."

He made it. Sitting in a corner in the studio he listened to the band rehearsing new material. Apparently most of their songs were their own, and most of the time Jenny did the lyrics and Bassman (Maxwell was his name - Maxwell, Maxwell, Max, Mad Max, holocaust) did the music. Guitarguy was sober, and Kålrot later was told that he was only drunk while on tour, back home he was a devoted father and husband and hardly drank at all.

The band was struggling with a song they were almost but not quite happy with. Kålrot borrowed a left-over little keyboard to amuse himself and immediately got lost. He emerged three hours later because he really, really needed to pee. The band was working on the same song, but it sounded much better now, and he congratulated them, happily floating in the relief of having a wonderfully empty bladder.

"Thanks to you, mate," Bassmax said.

"Eeeh?"

"Bless you," Jenny said. "I suppose you have forgotten that we asked if we could use your version of the melody? And the bridge?"

"You did? Did I play your song? I never know what I play, I just let my fingers go wherever they want. But if I happened to stumble on something you can use it´s just great."

"Means you get a percentage of the royalties, too."

"No. Come on. I can´t let you pay for something I don't even remember doing"

"Yes you can. And I´ll get you a keyboard that records what you play. There may be more usable melodies in you. Now it´s time to get home, sweet pet of mine. You´ll get fed, never fear."

They took a cab; that was apparently Jenny´s normal way of transportation. She didn´t live all that far from the studio, in a nicely scruffy apartment in a nicely scruffy house. Kålrot liked it right away, it was comfortably untidy and she had a dishwasher. Sitting in her scruffy couch was like wearing those comfortable clothes with holes in that you never wore outside your home.

"I love it! So, this is where Jenny lives. What about Smooch?"

"That fancy bitch only stays in hotels. I got you a phone, by the way. Call your parents and tell them everything is well. Speed dial two. I´m number one."

"Of course you are."

Kålrot´s mom was very happy to hear from him and told him to thank Jenny from her for reminding him to call, they both took for granted he had not remembered to. Kålrot offered to cook, he was pretty good at stews and soups and other stuff he could improvise from what was available. Planned cooking was a foreign country he had no intention to visit.

After dinner they lay in a heap in the couch, stuffed. Having Jenny on top of him was just as comfy as the couch, Kålrot thought, as long as she put no weight on his distended belly. Not that there was all that much weight, he had not realized before how tiny she was. He realized he had only an approximate idea of what she looked like, since he hadn´t really looked at her, not Really Looked. So he did, and was lost in looking.

Lost in looking at just how her cute ears met her head and how she had no earrings, not even holes for earrings, which was unusual. Her eyes were closed and he realized he did not know the color of her eyes, except not brown. Blue? Green? Grey?

"Look at me, please," he said and she did. Green. A beautiful clear emeraldish green. She smiled a little and she smiled slightly more on the left side, her upper lip was slightly chapped and dry. Beautiful, too. Hair blond, he knew that, far as he could tell her natural color, no dark roots eve close up. Nose pointing upward slightly, cute cute, adorable peach fuzz on her cheeks, no makeup (he thought) and suddenly he wanted very much to kiss her and maybe she could see that in his eyes, because right then she kissed him, very lightly.

"Have you thought of any outrageous requests yet?" he asked.

"You have not seen the bedroom yet. I want you to carry me there."

"Sure. I do want to be your beast of burden, unlike Tina."

In the bedroom, in the bed, there were more things to look at and delight in and smell and touch and kiss. Kålrot never had problems being there when making love and when he was there he was there a hundred percent. Jenny was almost intimidated (but not in a bad way) by how he enfolded, embraced and enchanted her.

In her videos, Smooch was immaculate and sexy like a starship; perfect and you knew your chances of getting a ride was zero. Jenny was sexy in an earthier way and Kålrot delighted in some small imperfections not visible in the videos; a few small birthmarks and so on. Not quite perfect was more perfect to him.

They were playful; nibbling, caressing, tickling. Then more urgent, both starved for release for a long time. Then tender, tender for a long time. Kålrot was there the whole time, no spacing off. Jenny was happy that Smooch had not been involved, that was a rare thing for her. Now she snuggled as close as she could come, wrapped in his scent and happy that she allowed her pet to sleep in her bed.

EPILOGUE

Three months later Jenny still had not gotten sick of Kålrot, to his surprise. He was walking a lot, getting to know London and its people in ever widening circles from their flat. He made a lot of friends and acquaintances, since he talked to everyone in his definitely un-Swedish and apparently also un-Londonish way.

Lisa came to visit a few days and she and Jenny got along great, swapping tales of Kålrot being Kålrot, him proudly smirking. Kålrot´s keyboard picked up several useful melodies, he had the touch. This would eventually mean he would have an enormous income, by his standards.

Will they live happily ever after? They don't worry about it, particularly not Kålrot, who is incapable of worrying about that nebulous abstraction; the future. It will work out, one way or another.