Princess Charming

I will always remember the first time we kissed. The photography of that moment is bright and clear. Her lips tasted of sweet warm wine, cheeks rosy with the heat of the fire. It amused me, how tentative and shy she was; unable to make the first move herself. Instead, I was left to make bold progress. Did she know then how little I cared what others knew? While she found such advances brave, I didn’t look at it quite the same.

My thoughts drifted to scenes of touching her the entire night. I had subtly been maneuvering myself until we sat together near the fire pit. When she was turned away, perhaps listening to a friend, I couldn’t help but turn my gaze toward her. I indulged in long, languid looks that stroked her curves slowly; all the way down her thighs and finally to her ankles. Envisioning her without clothes, I almost felt ashamed.

Drawing her in slowly, I was quick to find the curve of her hip with my fingertips. Trying not to grin, I pulled her close with a rough, quick tug. In the same motion, I slipped my bare hand beneath the hem of her sweater. Stroking the indentation of her waist with my fingertips, I remember how she blushed. To disguise our motions, she dropped her arm casually and turned towards me. The pose was one of schoolgirls, with many top secrets to exchange.

In dreams I had found that same tantalizing curvature of her waist with my mouth, exploring it with the flat of my tongue pressed firmly against her skin. Still, I realized that the first step would be my mouth on hers. With my arm firm around her back I felt her melt against me. I remained silent as I sorted out my thoughts, setting aside lustful mutterings in favor of appropriate whispers.

Resisting the urge to draw her into my lap, I instead took in a slow, deep breath. Finding myself content to nuzzle against her hair, I took in mouthfuls of her scent. At last, dropping my head I nudged her hair aside to find the shell of her ear, whispering in low tones.

“Can I kiss you?” My tremble was apparent as I raised my free hand to brush the hair from her shoulder. The words sounded rough, as if I needed to clear my throat. The ache to clench her to me was deep in my bones, the desire to press my mouth against hers … with or without her permission. For a moment, I even thought of adding the word please. It was not something I often offered in lighthearted antics. My love was not lighthearted, and I refused to play her as if she were but a dalliance.

There was a pause, her hand finding mine. Weaving our fingers together, there was a subtle shake of her head. A word was upon her lips, escaping just before my mouth was against hers. Stopping just short of the completed kiss, it was all I could do to turn away.

“Wait…” She whispered. It was a pleading, her eyes darting to a nearby shadow. Her man stood nearby in the doorway, half his shoulder turned towards us. He was pretending to care what a friend said nearby; it wasn’t a surprise when he attempted to casually turn and glance our way. Our eyes briefly met and even now I can still feel the weight of his gaze. The challenge in my gaze was left to burn as he turned back to his own conversation.

Inhaling slowly, I thought of drawing my hand away. It felt suddenly uncomfortable, my palms sweaty. I was thirteen again, hiding my girlfriend’s hand against my thigh. Feeling ashamed, my throat was contracted as I attempted to swallow unspoken words. It didn’t work.

“Are you going to tell him, or am I going to be a secret forever?” I couldn’t help but challenge her, knowing that she was weak at the moment. To deny myself the evil pleasure of prodding her when I knew she was in this particular state of mind was just too hard. Finding myself not above the thought of playing dirty, I drew our entwined hands up to my mouth.

Running my tongue over her knuckle, wriggling the tip against the creases where our flesh met; finally I found her middle finger. My eyes were locked on hers as I ran the tip of my tongue over the tip of her middle finger. Sliding it into my mouth, the motions were painted with obvious innuendo; I circled and sucked on her finger… just as I longed to suck on her clit. Her lips parting, it was bliss watching her try and deny that she wanted the same.

“I will tell him…” The words were always left in that endless limbo of preparation and time. It was never going to be convenient, no matter how hard she tried to arrange it.

My early promise not to force a decision from her had often come back to bite me in the ass; the pain of not having her all to myself becoming something of an odd comfort. Call me a masochist but I often enjoyed it. It made me the suffering artist, the other woman.

Drawing both of our hands down, I untangled my fingers slowly. Straightening my posture, I kept my other arm around her. I couldn’t bear to part from her completely, even when I felt… second best.

“When?” Shifting uncomfortably, she moved closer against me as I prodded her with yet another question. I could almost taste her fear, not wanting me to do what I was often tempted to do. Take her away; simply not give her a choice. The plane ticket was still tucked in my small suitcase; I had promised myself that I wouldn’t I wouldn’t use it as a bargaining chip. “My plane leaves tomorrow night.” It was a subtle reminder.

The pause was thick; she was waiting for something. Knowing I had more to say, she waited. I often hated that she knew me so well. It was irritating when you were trying to hide something, like the pain that was beginning to ebb and flow with each beat of my heart. I felt as if each flutter was a strain, every bit of energy going into my thoughts on what to say to her. How to word it just right, to make sure I came across the right way.

“You don’t have to make a decision now…” The words were hard to speak, my throat wanting to close on them. So bitter on my tongue, I had to look away as I spoke them.

Shoving my empty hand into my coat pocket, my fingers came across the letter I had written. Stuffing it into my pocket, I still hadn’t decided to give it to her just yet. “I promised I wouldn’t do that, right?”

Nodding, she brushed her hair back from each side of her head. Dropping her hands behind her neck, she looked down at the ground. A moment later, she looked up to watch the sunset bleed crimson over the horizon. Another day was passing, right before our eyes.

Turning to her, I noticed her eyes swim with tears. Lowering my head, I kissed them away. Salty and warm against my lips, I felt tears beginning to burn my own eyes. Tucking my fingers under her chin, I raised her gaze gently.

“Come on now, no tears.” My fingers smeared the glistening trails on her cheeks. Cupping her face, I turned to glance towards the empty doorway. “He will think I’m torturing you over here, if he saw your face.”

The comment made her smile, at least. Dropping my hands I exhaled and began to stand. I needed a cigarette. Scratch that, I needed a joint, a big fatty.

She caught my fingers as I rose to my feet, my fingers twining around hers. Holding her hand, it felt like nothing and everything at the same time. Grasping her fingers with a bit too much strength, I felt my nails dig into her palm. I heard her take in a quick breath; pulling her up, it was hard not to notice how small she could appear.

“I love you…” It was all I could say, the words seeming oh so insufficient. I had to swallow the fierceness that was threatening to thread and knit its way into my pretty words. I didn’t want her to see that, but she knew. Beyond love, there is that need that arises so often its thought myth. But I felt it with her; undeniably. We felt it, something instinctual that drew us together.

“I love you too.” Her words were wet with unshed tears, torn with un-mastered thoughts. It wasn’t easy to be the one in between, especially when both of your options had a handhold, white knuckle tight. Who had her heart, was the most important question.

I couldn’t look at her any more, not without… kissing her. Relinquishing my hold, I exhaled with a noisy sigh, a full motion of my shoulders and chest. I let myself slouch a bit, curling my shoulders forward and pulling my head down. Even short, there was enough hair to cover my features as I turned to gaze out into the creeping twilight.

“Why don’t you go inside, make sure he didn’t see anything.” It was a slightly abrupt brush off, but I needed to remember how to breathe. I couldn’t do that with her so painfully close.

Frowning, she tucked her arm around me. Weaving her hand through the crook of my elbow, her fingertips elicited a tingle as they brushed my side and finally came to rest on my back. Pressing close against me, her upturned face wore a pleading expression.

“I don’t care if he saw.” She murmured it so quietly, a whisper, a prayer. Whatever it was, I felt it. It was in the way she rested her face against my shoulder. Trying to comfort her, I ran my fingers through her hair, drawing the auburn silk away from her temple. Her pulse was beating a heavy and quick pace; thundering at the curve of her throat.

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, I realized that we were quite alone.

“You say that now, but I’ve heard you sing a different song Pet.” She didn’t contest my gentle accusations, knowing what I had spoken was the truth. No matter how you pimp it up, the truth is… nine times out of ten, ugly. Its just one of those things you learn to accept, or at least deal with as you progress. Of course, there was always denial; truth’s prettier, twisted sister.

The silence grew until it weighed as heavy on my shoulders as the leather jacket I wore. Despite years of wear, it squeaked as I tucked both arms around her. My hands found her hair, resting there in the deep amber. Winding my fingers into the lengths of hair closest to the nape of her neck, I drew her gaze up to mine slowly.

“No one’s watching…” I murmured, a small tingle urging my darker side forward. As quickly as a shadow disappears in light, my gaze swept the windows; seeking the form, light or lack of light that might give a voyeur away. There was nothing.

I couldn’t swallow the grin as I gazed down at her upturned face. Cinching my fingers shut, her eyes opened with a sort of… you wouldn’t gaze. If she thought curbing my mischief would continue once there were no watching eyes, she was wrong. With the beautiful curve of her neck washed in the moonlight, I couldn’t resist a taste.

Ducking my head down, I pressed my mouth to her throat. My lips traced kisses along her exposed collarbone and throat. At her jaw line, I paused briefly…only to turn and nuzzle against her pulse. With a quick flicker of my tongue, I retraced the same trail; finding the soft hollow of her throat this time… stopping just above her lips.

A soft exhale marked her agreement as her hands crept beneath the jacket I wore; pressing warmly to the shirt beneath. Sliding my hands to each side of her throat, I slipped my thumbs along the front; sliding from that soft spot at the front of her throat to the underside of her chin, until my hands gently cupped her face. Feeling her swallow in anticipation, I whispered against her lips.

“Ask for it…” I watched her gaze as I murmured the words.

As we stood together, time stopped. Gazing into her eyes I could see the warmth that seemed to echo in her touch. Silken fingertips that could make weak with wonton desire, a simple touch enough to draw a tremble in my usually stolid form. I wasn’t sure if I would ever shake this ‘puppy love’ sensation, it had come to wreak sweet chaos within. Everything about her was what I loved, with her I felt as if I had been given new light; my other half.

“Kiss me, please….” A hurried whisper, it was not lonely long. I quickly met her mouth, indulging in a long and deep kiss. I tasted her lips, brushing my tongue lightly across the soft petal of her bottom lip. Tugging gently at the rosy flesh, I turned to again catch her breath fully; my mouth meeting hers firmly.

I wanted to kiss her until she was breathless, until she swooned in my arms. I wanted to carry her home, like her Princess Charming.