Princess Pristina

He paused the game and dropped the controller on the carpet. 'We're going for a ride. C'mon.'

'What sorta ride?'

'You'll see when you get there. Been on a quad bike before?'

'Sure I have. Cept it's called an ATV, technically.'

'What's it stand for then, brainbox? What's ATV stand for?'

'I hope you're joking, mate, it's dark-as out here, and getting darker.'

Blake shrugged. 'Join the other girl indoors, then.'

I followed him, even so, trying not to touch his waist as I sat on the cargo rack of the quad bike in pretty-much-blackness.

The quaddy revved just like a chainsaw - it was a Husqvarna, actually. Indistinguishable engine noise from a Husqvarna chainsaw, actually (or a rusty Insinkerator.) Fucking scary, me being all amped up, edgy, drugged, drunk. Bzzzzzzzz brun brun brun...

The cows had all kneeled down snugly under some trees together and here was us, going out into the cold. Blake was still in his singlet. I was positive he could hear my teeth jackhammering. I kept my arms folded and sucked in some freezing breath.

We only drove about 20 metres before Blake pulled up alongside a gate. It sucked major balls, having to sit behind him with my legs practically touching him. My hands were so near his arse. He leaned back, pressing them damn big wide shoulders against me. I smelled his neck. I could've given him hickies if I'd wanted to. He fished in his pocket and dug out a pipe. Still leaning back, he reached into his other pocket and pulled out a hunk of weed. He pushed it into his pipe and produced this fancy Zippo and sparked up while the engine grumbled.

Brun brun brun. Run run run.

I was just about to lean over his shoulder and desperately suck a toke when he laughed and went 'Whatcha waitin for?!' and sped off. I tumbled off the back of the bike. While he circled around a water trough, I noticed a calm, warm light inside the cow shed down the hill. I saw a couple cows crowding it, actually warm together. Amongst the cows, there were no guys trying to out-man each other.

Blake came back and picked me up. I still had to clutch his seat pad with muddy fingers.

'No harm done,' Blake went, 'I'll drop ya back if you're not strong enough to hold on. Maybe it's past your bedtime anyway.'

I didn't wanna hug Blake again so I trudged down the hill. What the fuck was I doing slipping in mud in my nicest Converse at dusk on a freezing-arse night?

After ten seconds, I couldn't hear Blake anymore. Sure was a massive farm. He musta been chasing a stray cow on its own in some dark little gully somewhere.

I was about to scrape my shoes clean when I noticed the glow of Princess' ciggie.

From the front door, where I could see lots of moths and hardly any Princess, she said something really out-of-it: 'How much you bench these days?'

'Two hundy,' I lied.

'Over your shoulders then, fireman's lift, attaboy. Inside.'

Any excuse to grab her sounded good to me. I hadn't even hugged her the whole night. I grabbed her around the waist, took a sneaky sniff around her belt buckle. How much had I drunk? Eight bourbons or so?

Her body fit into mine real nice. It was meant to be. Still, I tried to lower her. Where was I supposed to carry her? Blake'd be back any moment.

'Bedroom's down the hall,' she went. 'Hurry.'

I put her down but she wouldn't let go. 'How far's your car? I packed a bag.'

"It's just in the- hey hey hey whoooa, hang on a tick: what's all this?

'Let's go. I'll grab Tina.'

All night-

'Tryina tell me you didn't come here to rescue me?

-thinkin bout pluckin her-

'Why else did you come here?'

All night thinkin about plucking her and wrapping my arms around her waist and -

'To sit down with Blake and, y'know, decide -

'What, decide whose property I am?'

'Who the fuck's Tina?!'

'Yeah, like I fully wanted you to meet Blake.' She stormed down the hallway toward her bedroom.

'We missed each other's wedding, I just thought... .'

'FYI, I'm not allowed out. Compute that.' She tossed a backpack at me. A yellow cuff was spilling out of it, with a Banana in Pyjamas patch sewn onto it. I think I saw a nappy, too.

She said she just had to sort Tina. She told me about the videos she'd been doing, to make a few extra bucks. I stood in the hall, watching the front door, praying Blake didn't come back.

'He makes you do all that? For real? And you've got a little kid?'

'If you and your perfect missus in your perfect family don't make the odd experimental movie then yay for your guys. Where's your keys? Do I look like I'm fucking joking? Where's your keys? TiNA! Time to go, sweetheart.'

'This is buzzy. I need a smoke... I need to sit down."

'GRR.' She tossed me my keys and a drink bottle with Spongebob on it. 'You're lucky you're not in hospital right now. Move your arse.'

A door opened and a little trike squeaked into the hallway. A little alien swayed on the tricyle seat, rubbing its eyes: Tina.

A daughter. A little toddling baby girly-girl.

'Teen, c'mon Teeny, we're outta here. I'll change you later. I got you a snack."

Princess scooped the little girl up and kicked the trike away. I'd thought Princess fit perfectly into me, but nah: it was Tina that fit into Princess. Just the two of them. Perfect pieces combined. Tina's legs squeezed Princess around the waist. The little girl was the piece missing from Princess.

Miniature heels fell off Tina's feet, clunking as they hit the floorboards. Tina squinted and rubbed her face.

Blake got parole not that long ago, Princess was saying. He's been trying really hard, she was saying, Some boys, you know, it's just easier for them inside, you know he gets so mad about fixing the fences sometimes, she was saying, she was saying, I was checking my shoelaces, fiddling with my keys, she was saying, she was saying, Tina wa -

Tiny Tina was muttering things only her mum was understanding. They scurried across the black forecourt and put themselves in my car without even asking. They left the front door of the house wide open. I switched off lights as I scampered about. It was like a plug had been pulled out of the bath, and all the black water of the night was spewing into the house. A balaclava was pulled over the landscape.

I switched all lights in the car off. The moon had lit up a cloud. That was all the light I had to go on. It wasn't right, Tina sitting on her mum's lap, but I had fat, scared fingers and my heart had gotten heavy and we had to move, we just had to.

The car started on the first try.

'Who's gonna open the gate? Is that him?'

I could see this flickering little orange spark glowing and fading, glowing and fading. I couldn't tell how far away it was.

We drove up to the gate. I went slowly, trying not to make any stones crunch.

'What about daddy?' said the little girl's little mouth. Just a pale grey face in my black car, no headlights, no interior. Each crunch under the tyres sounded like breaking bones. I looked in the rearview mirror. The front door of the house, lit up with one last warm, inviting light, was calling me back. I thought of home. I needed my La-Z-Boy, needed my mini-fridge. Had I paused Super Mario 3000 or abandoned the game? Would my kids wake when I kissed their eyelashes?

We rolled up to the gate. Brrrrrn brun brun brun.

I counted the seconds as I hopped out of the car and fiddled with the gate. Six, seven, eight...

Combination lock.

Fuck.

'COMBINATION! GIMME THE COMBINATION, PRISTINA!'

'I don't know! I'm sorry! I don't know!'

I heard the revving of the quad bike. Brrrrrn brun brun brun. It sounded heaps like a chainsaw.