Purple Rain

"Barry, I want to say that you have been an asset to our company. I couldn't have asked for a better driver. The route is yours; you do know it pays less than the long haul?"

"Yes Sir, I do, but it will give me more time with the family. Thank you, Mr. Skelton. I really do appreciate it."

"You've earned it Barry. Congratulations."

I headed out of his office a happy man. Maybe my life would be a bit more normal now. I told mom and dad about getting the new route. Of course dad already knew about it.

I wouldn't be away from home more than two nights a week, so I mentioned to mom that I would be finding an apartment close to their place. It was time I was out of her basement, even though I was only there a few days a month.

I called Marci and asked her if she could stop by mom's house because I had something to discuss with her. She came over after school and brought the boys with her. It was always good to see them. Since they were a little older and in school, mom didn't get to see them as often either.

Damn, she looked as beautiful as ever. I felt my heart jump a little but did my best to act normal.

"Barry, you're looking well," she smiled.

"I've continued to go to the health club to keep in shape. Sitting on my butt up to fourteen hours a day put on the pounds. I have to say you look as pretty as ever."

I could see she seemed a bit embarrassed so I went on to explain the reason I wanted to see her.

"Marci, I got a driving route where I won't be away from home more than two days a week. I was wondering if there would be a way for me to see the boys more often and be a bigger part of their life."

"I'm all for the boys seeing you more often. What did you have in mind? You know they're quite involved in school and a number of sports. They have a rather busy schedule."

"I don't want to interfere with their studies. Would it be all right to go to their games and other activities? Maybe let them come over on some weekends if they want."

"Are you still going to be living here? The boys come here all the time to see your mom and dad."

"No, I'm looking at some apartments. It's about time for me to have my own place. I'll let you know when I find one. I don't want to interfere with your life with Tom, but I do want to see the boys more often."

"I don't see any problem here Barry. They are your sons and you have every right to see them. I'll give you copies of everything they do at school. Your mom already gets one. I'm sure it will all work out. I'm so glad that you want a bigger part in the boys' life. They really love you," said Marci, giving me a smile.

I found a nice two bedroom condo to rent within a mile of mom's house. It even had a pool which I knew the boys would love to use when they visited. Since my sister Jane was talking to me again, I asked her if she would help me pick out some furniture.

"You dating anyone in particular, Barry?" she asked one afternoon.

"Why, you have any available friends?"

"Don't even go there." She laughed knowing she introduced me to Marci. I don't know if she could tell I still had feelings for Marci.

I felt a bit out of place when I went to the boys' first baseball game. When I got there I saw Marci, Jane, Marci's parents and my mom and dad all sitting together on lawn chairs. It was then I realized Tom was the coach. I had forgotten the boys mentioned that.

I couldn't sit with the group because I felt I would be out of place, so I sat up in the bleachers. Marci looked up about then and seemed surprised to see me. She must have told the others because they all glanced up at me.

Then I saw my sons; I could see the name Hopkins on the back of their jerseys. Only problem was I didn't know which was which, they still looked so much alike.

Number eight hit a long fly ball.

"Run Larry or Jerry, whichever one you are," I yelled on impulse.

It felt so good to be rooting for my son. Some people laughed but I didn't care.

The lady next to me said, "Larry is number eight and Jerry is number nine. They are rather hard to tell apart."

"Thank you, but I imagine the reason people are laughing is that they are my sons. I'm Barry Hopkins and thank you for the information."

As we were talking, Larry was heading for third. He slid into the base safely at the screaming of all the fans. The woman next to me introduced herself as Elaine Brady. Her son was on the team also.

The next batter up was Jerry. I yelled, "Come on Jerry, bring your brother home. Just keep your eye on the ball."

I couldn't help it. I was watching my boys playing ball for the first time.

I must have been pretty loud because as Jerry approached the plate he looked in the stands and smiled at me. I was nervous as hell praying he would get a hit.

On the third pitch he hit a grounder between first and second base for a single. When Larry came into home, I was cheering along with everyone else. Jerry grinned at me from first base.

After the game, which we won, I went down to the fence and congratulated the boys. "We're just glad you were here to see us, Dad," said Jerry.

Talk about something to bring tears to your eyes. From then on I made every game I could. I saw the boys often and they loved using the pool. I always did my best not to interfere with any of Marci's plans with them.

I joined the local health club to help keep in shape. That was really the only exercise I got. I dated a few women and they all seemed nice. My problem was that I had a tendency to compare them with Marci.

I knew it wasn't right, but that's what my mind did. Like Rose told me years ago, I needed to let her go and get on with my life. I did, but the memories were still there, especially since I saw her all the time. I did feel jealous when I saw her with Tom, mainly because it should have been me but I was too stupid and immature.

I had never been home for the holidays. One day when Marci stopped by mom and dads, I brought it up to her.

"How are we going to work it out so I can see the boys during the holidays?"

"Well, I have an idea if it's all right with you. The boys and I along with Tom have always had Thanksgiving with my mom and dad. So I thought the boys would be with us on Thursday and Friday and could be with you and your parents on Saturday and Sunday," explained Marci.

"That would work out fine. I'll prepare the big dinner on Saturday. Marci, do you and Tom want to come too?" my mom asked.

In the past, Marci and Tom had spent the day with them, but I had never even thought about Tom being there.

"I'll talk with Tom and get back to you. Thanks for the invitation," Marci said.

Damn, no wonder mom and dad still loved her. She was like a second daughter to them.

"Marci, just so you know, I don't have a problem with it. I think it would be nice for all of us to be together for a Thanksgiving meal.

"What is your suggestion for Christmas? I know my being here makes it harder for everyone."

"No, you're wrong! The boys are so happy to be with their dad. They really care for Tom but you are their dad whether you like it or not," said Marci with a smile.

"We usually go to my parent's house on Christmas Eve. Christmas morning we have our own gift exchange at our house. Your mom has always invited us over for dinner with them. I thought maybe we could still do it that way."

My Mom spoke up. "That's all right with me. I love cooking for everyone, and this year Barry will be here too."

"So we will give the boys their gifts when you come for dinner?" I asked Marci.

"Yes, they always open them before we eat. They're always so excited. Do you have any problems with these suggestions? As far as New Years goes, your mom always watches them when Tom and I go out. You can have them that night if you don't have any other plans."

"Everything sounds good to me. I'll talk with mom about New Years Eve."

I didn't want Marci to know that I had no plans yet. I was thinking maybe I'd like to go out, if for no other reason that she was. Damn, the kid in me was still there.

I talked with my sister Jane and asked her to go Christmas shopping with me to buy mom, dad and the boys something.

"Jane, would it be wrong to buy Marci something nice?"

"Don't go there Barry. She's married, and I don't think Tom would approve of it. Plus it would make Marci uneasy. What you could and should do is buy her something nice from the boys. Maybe even let them pick it out. I'll tell you that Marci is getting you something from the boys like she does every year."

I had gotten a list from Marci on some of the things the boys wanted. Jane and I picked them out along with a couple of things for mom and dad. I also bought a present for Jane's kids. Her two daughters were two years younger than my boys.

We didn't exchange gifts with the adults. They thought it was just becoming too expensive. Later I took the boys shopping to look for something for their mom.

I could see why Marci picked out the gifts to everyone from the boys—they were crazy. They looked at toys and high end electronics that Marci probably could care less about. I finally convinced them to buy something useful that their mother could wear.

We went into Victoria's Secret and the boys couldn't believe the clothes in there. I had to tell them to calm down. I could tell they were my boys and told them we needed to have the talk.

"Dad, we've had the talk with Tom. He told us about sex and that we should treat girls with respect. That someday when we are older that we would know when we meet the right girl," said Jerry.

That was where I missed out again. Tom was there for them, I wasn't. Just gave me kind of a sad feeling.

"Well boys, you make sure you heed Tom's warnings. Someday you will meet the right girl and then you can come in here and find her something."

I could picture Marci in just about everything in the store but knew it wouldn't go over well. I had a little plan and just bought a couple of Victoria Secret boxes.

"What are the boxes for, Dad?" asked Larry.

"Oh, you'll see. We'll have a little fun wrapping your mom's presents in them."

We went to another ladies clothing store that Marci liked. The boys wanted to buy her pajamas and slippers. I had no problem with that so they went and chose them. Of course it was something that thirteen year old boys would pick out.

One of the pair of slippers they picked out were big fluffy ones with the head of hippos on them. I couldn't help but laugh but I decided to let the boys pick out their presents. Larry picked out a pair of slip-ons. We went to the cosmetic counter and they picked out Marci's favorite perfume. I got the small bottle since it was from the boys.

****

Thanksgiving went well but I felt a bit out of place. It was difficult seeing Marci with Tom, but I believe it was a little hard for her too.

Christmas morning arrived and I was excited. I was at home for the first time in nine years and going to enjoy the day with my family. Mom, dad and I got up early and had a big breakfast. We knew it would be a while till Marci and the rest would be there.

We opened the few presents to each other that were under the tree. They also opened the presents from Jane's family as well as Marci's. The only gifts left under the tree were those to the boys and the ones they bought Marci.

Everyone arrived and I shook hands with Tom; I couldn't believe Marci hugged me.

"Merry Christmas Barry," she said.

I knew I shouldn't read anything into it, but I felt a bit of forgiveness in it. Maybe I just wanted to believe that.

The boys were ready to open their presents. Marci said they had been hyper all morning. Jane's family showed up and the kids gave me a hug and thanked me for their gifts. I bought each girl one more gift so they had something to open with the boys.

All the kids quickly opened their presents, thanking me for everything. I opened mine and the boys had gotten me two pairs of jeans for work as well as a couple of shirts.

"Thanks, boys, I can always use them."

"Mom picked out the jeans but she let us pick out the T-shirts," said Jerry.

That wasn't a surprise since one shirt was Transformers and the other Spiderman. They brought a smile to my face.

The boys handed Marci their gifts to her. When she saw the Victoria's Secret box, a concerned look came over her face. Jane looked over at me as well. Tom was rather stone faced.

"Open it mom," said Larry.

When she opened it and saw the pajamas the boys had bought her, she looked over at me. But I tried to look as innocent as I could. She opened her other box which was also from Victoria's Secret; she looked at me again. Opening it a little quicker, she laughed when she saw the hippo slippers.

The other pair matched her pajamas, she told the boys. Then she opened her perfume, thanking the boys for the wonderful gifts. From the look she gave me, I guessed she knew the perfume was from me.

During dinner everyone asked the boys why they were in Victoria's Secret. They told them they were looking for pajamas for Marci but couldn't find anything so we just bought the pretty boxes to wrap her presents in. It gave everyone a good laugh. It was so wonderful to see Marci so happy.

New Years came and Elaine asked me if I wanted to go out with a couple of her friends to a party. I thought it would be fun and agreed to go. Mom said that the boys could stay with her.

I've been out with Elaine a few times and it always ended up with our having sex. I figured it would be a good way to bring in the New Year.

Jack and Cindy were long time friends of Elaine's. At one point I looked around and saw Tom and Marci sitting with Jane and Jim. Seeing them took the joy out of the evening for me. I was happy when midnight came and everyone kissed. Marci came over and gave me a light kiss on my cheek. After she went back to Tom, I decided I was probably reading too much into it.

We left after midnight and went to another party. I felt more at ease since Marci wasn't there. Elaine and Cindy were both lots of fun, and we all drank more than our fair share. My raunchy side came out and I hoped sex would be in the offering later.

Without anyone needing convincing, we got a room for the four of us. Later I couldn't believe that I was sharing a man's wife and he was fucking my date. It had to be the wildest night of sex that I could remember. Jack even brought some blue pills so we could go that much longer.

When I took Elaine home the next morning, I told her that I had a great time but I wasn't into wife swapping. She informed me that Jack and Cindy were married but she wasn't.

"Elaine, the sex was great, it really was, but I'm a father who wants to teach his boys about true love in life. I need to set an example for them."

"Barry, you're a nice guy. Your problem is you're still in love with your ex. Most any guy would love to have been in your shoes last night. You need to get over her and enjoy life to the fullest."

I knew she was right but I enjoyed seeing my boys. Even being around Marci made me happy. I didn't date Elaine after that night even though it was a New Years Eve that I would never forget.

Chapter 3

A few months passed and one evening I received a call from Marci. She sounded distraught. "Marci, what is it?"

"Can you take the boys for the night and make sure they get to school in the morning? I have to take Tom to the emergency room."

"Sure, no problem. Do you have any idea what's the matter with Tom?"

"He's been having some stomach problems lately. Right now he says it really hurts. I know Tom and if he chooses to go to the emergency room, he's in pain."

"I'll stop by and pick up the boys, hope all goes well with Tom. He really is a nice guy." It was hard for me to say the words, but it was true. He was the type of guy that seemed to have it all together. Loved by everyone, only problem I had was he had Marci.

After sending the boys to school the next day, Marci called to say they admitted Tom for tests. I told her not to worry that I would take care of the boys and she could stay with Tom.

The boys stayed with my mom that night because I had an overnight run to make. When I returned, mom told me Tom had pancreatic cancer. They gave him two months to live because of the advanced stage it was in. Surgery wasn't an option; they discharged him with several medications.

I stopped by to see him and Marci. It was so odd since he seemed to be fine when you looked at him. But as he explained it, his insides weren't.

"Have you thought about trying to fight it?" I asked.

"Barry, the odds are about five percent I would make it through all the surgeries. I'm not about to put Marci and the boys through all that pain. I care for them too much. Besides, the doctors don't think I could even make it through all the operations. The cancer has spread to my other organs."

On the way home, I thought about how unfair it was for someone like Tom to die an early death while someone like me lives on. A month later, I got a call from Marci saying she was taking him back to the hospital. I went over to get the boys and take them to my house.

We went to see Tom in the hospital the next day. The boys were crying on the way to the hospital.

"I'm sorry Dad, but Tom was like a second dad to us," said Jerry.

"I understand boys. It's hard to understand why God takes people like Tom so early in life. I guess we'll never really know why. Just be happy that Tom will be with God and not in pain any more. You boys were lucky to have a man as nice as Tom in your life. He was a special person and loved you boys and your mother very much.

"It's all right to cry when you lose someone you care about. There is nothing unmanly about showing your emotions."

We went in to see Tom and the boys gave him a hug. They both told him how much they cared for him and that they would miss him. He did his best to calm them by reminding them to cherish the memories they shared. The boys then sat with their mom in the waiting room after Tom asked to see me alone.

"Barry, I've known for a long time that you still love Marci. It's just something I could feel. I want to thank you for being so considerate of our marriage. You must have been uncomfortable at times, but you handled it as a gentleman.

"I want you to watch over Marci and the boys. Our son's are great kids. You couldn't ask for better boys; I'm so proud of them. As far as Marci goes, she still has feelings for you. There are some things we just know. Please just give her some time and take care of her."

I had tears in my eyes when I left the room. Again I had to wonder why God took men like him and left people like me. Maybe he wanted another angel by his side.

Tom passed away the next day.

****

For the first few months after the funeral, Marci was busy settling the estate so I didn't see much of her. The boys came over every couple of days to see me. Jane told me that she was helping Marci pack up Tom's personal belongings.

Tom had a will and had everything pretty much taken care of. Jane told me that he left his old house and furnishings to his adult kids.

Marci received the insurance money and everything they owned jointly went to her. She and Jane had been gathering up all of Tom's personal affects and were letting his kids take whatever they wanted of their father's things. She kept some of his baseball memorabilia for Larry and Jerry since he had promised it to them.

I saw Marci a couple of times at mom's but never long enough to talk to her alone. She was busy but I hoped her situation would improve soon.

It was about a month later when mom invited everyone over for a barbecue. Marci said she would do her best to try and be there. On the day of the cookout Jane showed up with Larry and Jerry but no Marci.