Pushing Limits Ch. 10

This time is different, we got into robes, kicked off our shoes, and I remembered I hadn't eaten all day (never did finish that bagel) so Jeannette brought me a sandwich so good I almost proposed.

The Final Task...

"You should be proud of how you pushed yourself. Most quit long before they get to the final ritual." Madame addresses only me. Jeannette and now Helga have joined Sir to observe.

"This is the most important of all. Once you have completed your final task your Sir will take you home. You've been through so much there is no point in discussing anything that's happened today until you've had a chance to process it. When you feel ready we'll meet and answer any questions you may have, our door is always open. If you don't feel the need then this is where we part, please know you carry our love and support with you on your journey."

Thank God. I hate that awkward goodbye crap and trying to figure out how long etiquette dictates one must chat before escaping to the car.

"That is your final task" she says as she points to two bundles laid neatly on a table. "open them."

I do. One contains my collar, ball gag, stockings, and heels. The other my clothes, favorite pair of sneakers, cell phone, and sunglasses.

"You must choose. One or the other. Take as much time as you need."

I answer without hesitation...

"Both"

I fasten my collar, pull on my yoga pants, top, sneakers, and sunglasses...toss the rest in my bag which Sir grabs as we head out to the car with a wave. I am famous for my Irish exits, but always nice not to need one.

I settle in to the passenger's seat and am sound asleep before Sir had pulled out of the driveway.

It's been a very long day.

The Next Morning...

I slept the sleep of the dead, I don't even remember getting home last night. Now I'm desperate for coffee which is definitely normal, and a little mentally unsettled, which is definitely not.

I find Sir in the kitchen, "Hey, kitten, I was beginning to think you were going to sleep all day."

"How long have you been up?" I ask.

"A while. But I didn't alphabetize anything and have drawn no elaborate plan for your sock drawers." He laughs as he pours me a cup of coffee.

This makes me smile. He hands me my cup and leans in to kiss me good morning, but I turn and he gets the side of my head instead. That's the first time I've ever turned away from his kiss, it wasn't deliberate but something is up with me.

Sir doesn't mention anything about yesterday, nor do I. Some small talk I don't remember ...I'm kind of lost in my own thoughts as we take our coffee out on the deck.

"So quiet, kitten. Are you okay?"

"Sure." I smile in a way meant to be reassuring but apparently wasn't.

"What's wrong? It's perfectly natural to feel a little disconcerted after pushing so far outside your comfort zone talking about it will help."

I smile and give him a kiss on the cheek as I get up to get more coffee..."You're sweet, but I'm fine. Just some things I need to work out for myself is all. I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay." He says.

Wow. I'm grateful he's letting it go, but surprised. It's not like him.

After a while I get up to go into the house; he looks up from his laptop...."You can go after you tell me what's bothering you."

"Seriously, it's no big deal." I say trying to keep the annoy

"I'm glad. You can go when you tell me."

He's perfectly pleasant, not making a move to block my way or restrain me, yet I can't leave because he says I can't.

As much fun as some rougher manifestations of dominance are, that's not where this lives for me. He didn't need the bondage tape to keep me in the chair our night with Helga and he doesn't need more than a directive to keep my feet glued to this spot. I don't know if he knew it then...but he knows it now.

I sit back down my eyes filling with tears. Fuck! I was already mad at myself for being upset over nothing...being a stress crier sucks.

"Take your time, kitten. It's okay."

I can't think. The only thing in my head is the disconnect between wanting to go in the house, but being unable to disobey him. I'm telling myself just go in, but my feet won't move. What is wrong with me?

I take off my sunglasses so I can look him in the eye. "What is there to say? You were there - nothing happened to me that you don't already know about and you had not one fucking objection to any of it. And since you know what I just went through, why you can't just leave it alone? Fuck!"

Wow, I did not mean to say that out loud. Nothing says I'm fine like acting like a petulant child.

I put my glasses back on and settle back in my chair to stare silently into space hoping he sees this as mature disengagement and not me trying desperately not to lose my shit. Which it totally is.

I have no business being angry at him. I'm an adult and fully consented to everything that happened. My agency, my choices. For fucks sake, the whole thing was my idea. But if he'd just left it alone this morning I'd have dealt with it and been fine. But he had to push so now I've got legitimate anger too. Fucking perfect.

Oh well, It's a gorgeous day and I'm still exhausted so if he wants to sit out here all day fine with me.

That silent moral victory lasted for about five minutes and then I realized I have to pee.

I put my laptop down, get up and move toward the house, "I have to go to the bathroom and I can't deal with any control games right now. Please."

"No games. Come on, kitten." As he gets up to come with me I try to lighten the mood by assuring him he doesn't have to take me, I know where it is."

He gently brushes the hair away from my face in that way I love then fastens my collar around my neck. I protest that I don't want to wear it now, but don't physically resist. He stops and asks, "safe word?"

"Of course not, but..." I start to reply but as soon as he confirmed my continuing consent he clips the leash to my collar.

This stops me in my tracks. I feel a powerful rush of safety and comfort flood through me, followed immediately my a wave of anger at myself for being comforted by something out of my control that I don't understand.

We stand there in silence, his eyes fixed on me while tears run down my face as I stare at the leash dangling from his hand. At that moment I need him so much and I hate myself for that.

He doesn't order me to my knees but rather puts a hand firmly but gently on the back of my neck and leads me to the bathroom. Sometimes when I get upset he uses privacy denial to get me to open up. It can be inexplicably therapeutic despite feeling humiliated and violated while it's happening.

"I don't want to play." I say. He doesn't reply, just looks at me until I correct myself, "I don't want to play, Sir."

"We aren't playing. You need this."

And why doesn't he care that I'm mad at him? He knows nothing that happened yesterday was his fault so why isn't he mad at me? Honestly I can't even understand my own feelings, I've got no shot at figuring his out.

He pulls down my shorts and runs his fingers across the crotch of my panties sending shivers through me before he slides them down and tells me to sit on the toilet. I don't move so he holds the leash more taut and gives it a quick tug. I still remain standing. I now have to go so urgently I'm shifting from one foot to the other to hold it but I'm determined to remain in control.

"Do you want to use the toilet like a good girl, or do we go out in the yard?"

Shaking and crying in earnest now I turn on Sir, "Why did you let her whip me so much harder than you ever have? She could have caused me real harm!"

He responds kindly, "No, kitten, she couldn't have. She didn't whip you nearly as hard as I do. Not even close."

"Then the strap was worse, because the pain was almost unbearable."

"Baby, the strap was wider and would cause less pain than my belt even in my hands. Arousal changes how you experience pain. That's why I start slow and warm you up ...if I started spanking you with the same force you beg for at the end you couldn't handle it."

"Here" he turns me grabs his phone to take a pic of my bare bottom. "See this and these? Those are older bruises I left last Thursday. No fresh welts, I told her one mark on you and it's over."

I'm confused, he's right and I don't understand but I'm in full on tailspin now, "Fine...but why did you let them use strap-ons that big? I thought they were going to split me open. At the time I didn't notice but now it's coming back to me. I can't believe you let them do that!"

He looks at me with sympathy and pulls up the exact models on his phone. I look at spec and see the size. "Smaller than your toys, which aren't that big. Much smaller than me."

He was looking out for me...I'm starting to breathe more normally and my tone softens, "As I entered Helga with a strap-on all I could think about was the mechanics. Stick this in that...like building furniture from IKEA. Of the many times you took my ass I never once thought about how much work all of this is for you. Having to think up things to do, how to do them...I have been so selfish. Obviously I know you have different responses than I do, but I can't shake the feeling I'm getting so much more out of this than you are."

"Oh kitten I swear to you that I've never once drawn the comparison to assembling IKEA furniture while shoving my cock into your ass. I'm too busy thinking that there is no feeling in the world like owning the ass my submissive anal slut on her knees is presenting to me ." He doesn't even try not to laugh.

"And I am always thinking about what filthy things I want to do to my little fuckdoll, so it's no extra work there."

He grins like he knows he won and ...he did. I'm flooded with relief and the distance I'd put between us vanishes.

"You had a cognitive disconnect when you did sexual things without the genuine emotional connection you're used to, but that has nothing to do with us."

He leans down to the top of my head and with this I'm so relieved I start to go. Embarrassed that I was peeing without warning, but I can't stop. Sir tells me to spread my legs and strokes my hair as he watches me pee. I've been holding it so long it feels like it's never going to stop. The relief is incredible, and Sir watching makes me feel helpless and protected and so turned on I'm wriggling for an entirely different reason as I finish.

"I think you need to remember who you belong you." as he starts to undress. "Get in the tub assume the position, fucktoy. Now"

"Yes, Sir." I obey immediately and without question. In seconds I'm on my knees, hands behind my back, face upturned.

He has to look away and think about baseball, ,but he soon starts to piss all over me from my face, breasts, stomach...it's pouring down my body covering my pussy making me moan.. His stream hits my lips and floods my mouth, there is no baseball in the world to keep him from getting hard as he watches. His stream stops. He tells me to hold it in my mouth, don't swallow and don't let any spill out then orders me to turn around and get on all fours. It's several minutes until he can go but once it starts if powerful, as the warm forceful stream hits my ass I instructively raise it for him.

He helps me to my feet once he's done and he just looks at me standing there and tells me to open my mouth, as I do his pee runs down my chin and onto my breasts. I'm so ashamed I can't look at him until he lifts my face to meet his eyes and tells me, "My God, you look so beautiful like this." And defying all logic I believe him. He makes me feel beautiful like that.

He was right...I did need that. I also needed the way he ass fucked me into submission after he helped me clean up. The world made sense again.

"Wtf was with Helga and her insane requests?" I blurt out of no where as we're laying in bed after Sir showed me exactly how non-IKEA like he finds my ass.

"We weren't friends but friendly - I can't believe the things she tried to get Mary to make me do."

Sir bursts out laughing. "Awww my distracted fuck kitten...any other circumstance you'd have seen what she was doing. Good thing for her Mary didn't. If I gave you and assignment and you tried to manipulate me with your answers like that pretty bottom of yours would answer for it." Running his hand over it as he speaks, shivers run through me since it's properly sore again. The way it should be.

But now I'm completely confused...

"She had to make ten requests and Mary would decide which ones would be granted. Plural indicating at least two. So she asks for some things that can't possibly be granted to increase her chances of getting what she really wants by artificially w creating a smaller pool from which Mary can choose.

Asking to watch you suck and fuck me? Give you a golden shower? Automatically out because Mary can't grant permission for my involvement.

Another man? Anyone but me putting a belt around your throat? She knows there wasn't a chance in hell of my allowing either.

The forced golden shower - Mary doesn't tolerate even consensual non consent much less a struggle fuck until you break and throw down your safe word. Also probably thought it would sound really dominant as part of her training. That backfired on her. I'm positive that one is the reason Mary had you Domme her...put her back in her place until she can do it right.

So that leaves Mary four options, three of which Helga asked me for the night we played: tonguing your pussy and ass, golden shower from you (What actually happened was the compromise) , and to use a strap on to dp you with me. The lap thing, that's a fantasy that took hold the night we were together I'm sure.

"She sounded turned on when she asked for that"

"You should have seen her face. " Sir grins.

"You gave Mary your own limit list for me. Can I see it?"

"Sure" he pulls the email on his phone. One sentence "nothing without my consent."

Yep. The world makes sense again.

I lie with my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat while he absentmindedly plays with my hair he says, "I wasn't the only who wasn't completely honest yesterday you know. You stood there and said you were doing this for you and your journey. You only did this for me - fulfill a fantasy. Admit it."

I look up at that wicked grin and laugh..."Guilty. Like I could undertake a journey alone, I need GPS to get out of the driveway. "

Three Weeks Later....

"Why aren't you getting dressed?" Sir asks me, surprised.

I look up from the couch where I was busy watching that show about unsolved mysteries and wanted to see the two guys from buzzfeed settle the Lizzie Borden thing by trying to taunt a confession out of her ghost.

"For what?" I ask.

"I told you we have that party at Jonathan's, we need to leave in an hour."

Of fuck, I forgot about that nightmare.

"Oh that publishing guy? You should go, but why do I have to? I hate stuff like that."

I often pretend I don't understand social conventions when I want to get out of stuff. It works. Well, with other people it works. Sir is not other people.

"Get up and get ready. Now."

I do as I'm told and start towards the bedroom...however the debate isn't over for me. "I've had a rough couple of weeks at work and frankly I've had enough contact with strangers to last me a while. Is it really such a big deal to go without me?"

Next thing I know I'm face down on the bed and he's got my shorts and panties around my ankles. He doesn't say a word, the only sounds are his hand spanking my bare bottom -hard- and the moans I'm trying to suppress as my pussy gets wetter. Every few strokes shoving his fingers inside me...I know the spanking won't be the end of it.

He gets up and pushes me forward on the bed climbing on top of me pressing the head of his cock against my asshole and whispers in my ear...

"I wasn't asking. I think you need a reminder of how our relationship works"

Followed by an ass fucking so intense he had to clamp his hand over my mouth so the neighbors wouldn't hear me come. It left me more than happy to go to his party with a smile on my face and a load of his cum in my ass.

"Don't move" he says...and comes back with a butt plug. "Raise your ass for me" as he works it into my bottom already so tight again. As I sit up he kisses me, he is in such a good mood all of a sudden. "Come on, kitten, get ready to we can go...I'll have the prettiest little fucktoy there."

It's impossible to stay mad at him.

At the party I'm sticking close to Sir and nursing a French martini when I hear my name...

That voice! I haven't seen Jon since high school - as gregarious as ever I'm soon wrapped up in a big hug. This is Jonathan?! Introductions all around. Soon he is telling Sir how I was his first critic, reviewing all his papers before he turned them in. "Even when I thought she was wrong, she never was. She has a real feel for what resonates with people. We should offer her a job weeding out all the crap...hey, that's not a bad idea!"

"Is she brutal with advice on your writing? " he asks Sir.

"He's brilliant Jon, while you were always generous with your critics giving them so many mistakes to work with." I say getting the laugh from Jon I knew it would.

"Ha! You are not wrong - but I've done okay."

"Clearly." House was too flashy for my tastes but very Jon, he hasn't changed.. And very spendy.

"So what are you doing these days?" I tell him a little bit about my job which I know he heard as "tech yada yada boring computers math I'd kill myself."

"Still writing for fun?" He asks me.

"Only emails and SQL statements these days."

"I've got the next 50 shades of crap series narrowed down to two...they've been hounding me about making a decision...writers! It will make the one we pick a multimillionaire even if it's absolute shit."

"Hey Nick, Tabby...come here, there is someone I'd like you to meet...she's going to be choosing which one of you gets the 50 shades contract. She's in tech, has no experience whatsoever but I'm sick of hearing from the two of you. Besides, she owes me since she never returned my Journey t-shirt in 10th grade."

Turning to Sir, "does she still hate Journey? If you want to torture her put Oh Sherry on while she's sleeping so it's in her head all day! She hates that song!"

"I'll keep that in mind" sir laughs.

While Jon is amusing himself neither Sir nor I show our surprise at seeing Tabby, but she can't hide hers. Apparently her circle of hell has a work release program.

Of course its her, how many Tabby's do you think we know?

Jon nudges me, " Come on it will be like old times!"

"Only if I get final decision, no one else get a vote, no second guessing..."

Someone should tell Tabby to do something about that flop sweat. Not a good look.

"All you! whichever you pick - I'm not even going to read them."

""Sure - It sounds like fun! "

Nick looked pretty nervous having his fate tossed into the hands of someone with no business making these kind of decisions.

But he didn't look nearly as nervous as Tabby did.