Random Thoughts

Someone, get me a calendar. I was under the impression that it was the 21st century. I was also under the impression that the women's movement of the 1960's brought to light (at least a little) that women are very intelligent creatures that are equal to men? Guess I was wrong.

This whole foul mess has made me decide one thing for certain. I am going to get a computer programming job. I will most likely have a very good paycheck...and if my boyfriend is still around, he can enjoy it with me. If not, he needs to go to school and get a degree and do something else with his life.

Until then, I'm the Queen Bread Winner. ;)

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EEEEEEEwww you mean he might see me……

naked?! Not good!

I was on a webpage today - Relationship101.com - and read a rather interesting article that someone had written. I think it was called "The Naked Truth" or something along that line. The author brought up an interesting point: Why are we so terrified to let our significant other see us naked?

Think about it for a moment. How many times have situations been heated between you and your partner - maybe you got a little action - and then as soon as everything was over you covered yourself as soon as possible? Oooh my GOODNESS the man/woman I just slept with may *shock* *horror* see my naked butt! Egads!

What the heck? I'm not going to lie, I have some major issues myself. I don't want him to see my butt...he just does not need to go there. End of story. I don't understand it either. It isn't like there aren't more embarrassing parts of my body that he could see, but the butt? Oh NO!

Am I the only person that gets like this? As the article said, men can be seen in public with enormous beer bellies that hang over their pants; but as soon as they're with their woman they try to suck it in so far it touches their spine. Women, now women, they can be seen wearing the most revealing, tiny clothes. I saw a shirt at Wal-Mart that was just scary. I mean I've seen wash rags bigger than these things.

Is it that we're afraid of rejection? I could see being a little timid when things first get heated...but for goodness sakes, if you've already had sex with them or gotten naked and they didn't run from the room screaming, what's the big deal?! They obviously really like you or they wouldn't be with you.

People are strange. I don't care if he sees me naked...just don't go near my butt.

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Just My Luck

It's been a while since my last entry, so I will try to make this one a good one.

On July 4th, we went to the fireworks display on the military base with my family. My folks and my brother were all sitting off to the side, and my boyfriend and I were sitting off to ourselves. He looked at me and said "What are you going to do if I find out her baby is mine." WHOAAAAAAAAA! I forgot about something didn't I!?

When he and I first started dating, he told me he was going to have to go "donate DNA" for a paternity test. Well, since that was a long time ago, I thought everything went ok and I wouldn't have to worry about it any longer. WRONG.

Seems he hasn't received his results yet. Now I'm worried. Why you ask? I've fallen for the big guy. I've fallen hard. I know how hard it is in situations involving child support and things like that. I don't know if I want to be in a situation like this. That other woman can make our lives hell. But then when I get to thinking maybe I'd be better off out of this whole thing, I start thinking about how much I love him...and how my parents have gone through the same thing and they made it out of it alive. Sometimes I long to be single again...life was much easier then.

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Call me a feminist but…

strip clubs really piss me off. Sunday, my brother asked my boyfriend right in front of my face if he was still going to go to the "titty bar" with him Thursday night.

I am a feminist. Not to the point of being deemed a feminazi, but I definitely do have some viewpoints I stand by. I have personal issues with strip clubs. Why must they go and treat women like they're a piece of meat? Why oh why do men have the need to go out and pay a woman to dance in front of them???? She has absolutely no feelings for him at all, she just wants money. And usually they'll give a pretty good show for that money. But that is the only thing motivating her. Men probably think they're pretty hot stuff with this scantily clad woman dancing for them...I, frankly, think they're stupid.

"Oooh look she wants me!! Look at her giving me a lap dance, I'm one sexy stud," he says as he shoves another dollar into her underpants. LOSER!!

I was frothing at the face tonight to my father about this whole issue, and he says "It's no different than Chippendales dancers." You know what?? He's right. But you know what else????? You'll find me AT HOME, or with my boyfriend, the night those losers are in town. I'm happy with who I have. And you know what else?? I don't have to pay him to get naked.

Another thing that bothers me about these clubs....what are me and my sister in law supposed to think? The women at these local clubs are quite...how to say it nicely...homely. The fact that my boyfriend and my brother have the need to go out and pay these women when they could be with us makes us feel like s***. Are they implying that the strippers are more attractive than us?? Are they better???

I have news for my boyfriend. The next time he wants me to get naked, he better whip out some dollar bills.

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Is he dating me…

or my brother?

I think our relationship - if you can call it that - has hit a low point. It seems like he enjoys hanging out with my brother more than he enjoys being with me.

He and my brother go on float trips together, the go to titty bars (grrr), they hang out, and they do just normal guy stuff.

Do you know what our dates consist of? We go to Wal-Mart, or.....MY BROTHERS HOUSE. Isn't that just great??

It's gotten to the point where I actually think that he doesn't love me at all. Part of me thinks he just goes out with me to become better friends with my brother.

I've tried to talk to him about this, and about how I rarely get to see him. Granted, he does have to drive his step-dad's truck, but his step dad doesn't seem to mind when I'm around. Then again, this could be a clever ploy to make me trust him, then when I least expect it, I'm gonna get a knife to the back.

But anyway, I talked to him about this and he always says the same thing. "Being away from you is hard on me too." Um...he sure doesn't show it. Or, "Your brother is my friend, you're my girlfriend." I was under the impression that that would be more of a reason to hang around me than my brother.

We got into a HUGE fight shortly after that, and I told him I guessed I was being selfish wanting to be around him 24/7. I guess I shouldn't want that. His response, "You should want that because I want to be around you 24/7."

Am I being paranoid or over reacting? Or do I have a good reason to be upset. I just don't want to be miserable...which is what I am right now.