Realisation

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My memories of realising I like it a bit, y'know, kinky?
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I've been trying to remember when I realised I was... well... a bit kinkier than my friends. I didn't lose my virginity until I was nearly 20, but by that point I'd been experimenting with ways of fucking myself.

I was 18 and still living at home when I started trying to find different ways of giving myself a better orgasm. First it was ice. I used to wait for my mum and dad to go to bed, then sneak downstairs and get a glass of large ice cubes to take upstairs. I'd get into bed and run one over my nipples and make them hard, then as it started to melt I'd go down and move it up and down my slit. I liked it when the melting water trickled down between my bum cheeks and over my bumhole. Then I'd rub it against my clit before pushing it inside myself - and it hurt - and I loved it!

One night when I was enjoying feeling the melty bits kissing between my cheeks, I decided to take it a step further and push one up my bum. Jesus, that hurt way more, and I remember thinking oh god, I've made a mistake, but I don't think there's any turning back now! So I just had to wait for it to melt and shrink and let the pain subside and the water run out of me and... then it was calm again. So I put another one in so I could experience it all over again. And I realised I liked going to sleep in the wet patch.

One night I went down for some ice cubes and noticed the carrots in the salad drawer, so I took one of them instead. It didn't seem to occur to me to fuck my cunt with it as I went straight for my bum. It was rough though and there was no way it was going in in that state, so I instinctively slobbered over it, then rubbed my saliva up and down it with my hand before trying again. It was still a massive struggle to get it inside, especially through, y'know, that second bit, but I'd never heard of lube and I just assumed this was what people had to go through for the cause. I'd sit on it and rock backwards and forwards while I rubbed my cunt until it gave me the best orgasm I'd had yet. Then I had to wrap the carrot in toilet paper and sneak it into the big bin outside.

Anyway, so boyfriend #1 comes along. Actually, he was never really a boyfriend, just a friend at a bar job I had. We used to go back to his after work and lie on his bed and listen to music and I'd blow him and swallow his cum and lick his arsehole and sit on his face. This went on for months, but I never had full sex with him until years later, when we met back up.

Boyfriend #1 proper came and went. My most vivid memory of my time with him was one time after we'd been to Ann Summers and bought a big, thick, smooth, metal vibrator. When we were alone in the house he used to turn it up to max and push it all the way inside me. It was way thicker than his cock and it hurt when he did it so roughly. Anyway, the memory is of one night we were lying on his bedroom floor and his parents were asleep in the next room. It was a false wall between the two rooms where one bigger room had been divided up, so we always had to be pretty quiet. He was on top of me kissing me and I was thinking about trying that vibrator up my bum, but I'd never really done any real anal with him or anyone before*, just by myself, and I was embarrassed to say it. I sheepishly told him, "you know when you put that vibrator inside me... I want you to put it... somewhere else. He darted for the bedside drawer, got it out and forced it right up my arse with little thought about how that might feel. I screamed and he took it straight out and apologised and said he never wanted to hurt me. I told him it was ok and I wanted him to keep going, but he was worried that his parents who were sleeping next door might be wondering what the fuck was going on. I told him I didn't care what they heard, I wanted him to put it up my arse again, and I realised I liked the thought that his parents could hear their son fucking my arse with a big metal dildo.

*except when I was on top of him, fucking, he used to reach around and put a finger up my ass, and I'd (lie) tell him I'd never done anything like that before and that it made me feel like such a dirty girl

When I was 20 I went away on a course with work and I had to stay in a hotel for a few nights. I'd only had sex with the one boyfriend at the time, plus the friend who I used to blow before that and I considered myself to be a "good girl" in that I didn't sleep around.

On the first night, one of the women who was teaching the course, technically my boss, took a few of us out for a few drinks in the city. The two of us stayed out later than everyone else and we were really enjoying each other's company. We walked each other back to the hotel and I decided I was going to make my first move on a girl. I asked her back to my room for "more drinks". Unfortunately, she said she didn't think it was a good idea and wished me good night.

I'd been single for about 4 months and hadn't had sex in that time, and I was so... wound up. I went to the hotel bar and asked for a glass of ice to take back to my room. I stripped down to my knickers, lay on my back on the bed, and held a cube against my cunt so it would melt and drip down over my bumhole. It didn't work particularly well with my knickers on, as the material was soaking up the trickles before they got where I needed them. I liked the feeling of my knickers being wet though so I pushed the ice inside myself and let it melt away. Then I decided to let a little wee out.

I was really drunk but I can remember it so clearly. Wetting my knickers a little bit turned me on so much, but I didn't want to get it all over the bed, so I took my glass of ice to the bathroom and got in the tub. I let some more out in my underwear, then took it off so I could let it run over my bumhole better. I took one of those huge, hotel bar ice cubes and pushed it up through my anus - oh my god that's a kind of agony I love - and I emptied the rest of my bladder into the empty tub, taking pleasure from the alternation of warm piss flowing over my arse hole and the freezing cold water melting from within. And I wanked myself to the most satisfying orgasm.

On the second night, when everyone went out for drinks, I went back to my room alone. Sober, this time, I just drank water - as much as I could - until I couldn't hold it in any more. Lying on my back, still fully clothed, I emptied my entire bladder into my knickers and my tight, blue denim jeans. It flowed out through the material and all over the bed, and it just kept coming and gushing. Then I undid the top button and put my hand inside my jeans to rub my wet cunt. I think that was when I realised I was dirty. I had almost attributed the previous night to being really drunk, but here I was totally sober doing it in my jeans and all over a hotel bed. I hung the do not disturb sign on the door for the whole of the following day, but for the next few weeks I was living in fear of receiving a hefty bill from the hotel, or getting in trouble at work. No one ever said anything, but I should probably feel bad for the people that slept in that bed after me, shouldn't I?

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