- Incest/Taboo
- Recovery
- Page 2
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She laughed. "Hah! Coward." She finally stood and made to leave. "Do you want to come watch a movie with me?" She watched me sitting, my hand resting over my still happy dick. "You can take your time coming down, if you want."
"Very funny. No, I think I'm going to just crash. I'm wiped."
She stood in the doorway and said, "Okay. Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me." With that she turned and before she walked out, she flipped up the back of her T-shirt.
She was wearing blue panties.
*****
I invite and appreciate any comments. If there is any interest I would be happy to continue the story of Peter and Dottie. So much left unsaid and undone! -G.B.
- COMMENTS
ScottishTexan7 months agoVery nice, but it ended far too soon. I haven't read chapter two yet, but I'm willing to bet that you should have combined the first two chapters into a single submission. Only in very rare instances will I find a page plus a quarter adequate for publication. This certainly wasn't it. 4/5
Brollingover 6 years agoThat begining whu? Why u do dis? So messed up...is it personal to you or is it out of serendipity?
Comentarista82over 6 years agoI look forward to ch. 2, because this illustrates why Peter would be into Dottie and what drew them together: it's plausible, relatively well-paced and definitely enjoyable to read because I don't see any problems with the flow.
There are a few run-ons/fragments in the first few paragraphs, but after that I don't notice them. Backstory feels appropriate and sets up more to come--I don't see it as bogging down your story any. You described nicely how she looked and how her scent affected Peter when she entered his room in the closing, so thanks for including those details. I actually think you maybe needed a little more fleshing out of perhaps a crucial critical moment or two that would have really cemented this going forward. While you seemed to hinge your "move forward" moment on Dottie catching Peter stroking his "peter" in the bathroom and that serves to advance the final scene, it doesn't really nail down things. Although Dottie confessing dad perved on her and jacked off to her, these seem out-of-place since nothing can be done now--unless you mean Dottie to use that to encourage Peter's future voyeurism.
Very solid job and great start. 4
