Remember When...

There are evil people in this world. A significant number of them wear clerical collars. Because of my own experiences and what I've observed happening in the region I'm from I have zero trust of nearly every person wearing a clerical collar. I've observed first hand the life long damage to psyche, personally and the behavior disorders that predatory clergy can and do cause on a daily on going basis. Apparently I can't mention these predatory behaviors in a story. Head buried in the sand much?

Jimmy and I were always best friends. There isn't a time in my memory that we weren't side by side doing what kids do, with the exception of the few weeks out of a year our families would go on vacations. 2 peas from the same pod sorta. He was a mechanic at heart even as a grade school kid. Wasn't anything he couldn't take apart, put back together and have it work better than it had.. I was a nerd, bookworm, the good student. His talents were a compliment to mine as mine were to his. Together we were sure there wasn't anything we couldn't do, build or destroy.

He lived just down the road from my house. If I wasn't at his place he was at mine or we were out in the woods hunting or fishing. He was naturally athletic, me not so much. I spent most of grade school and junior high looking like a meatball on toothpicks. I was absolutely certain he'd always have my back. When we were 14 he broke his leg when he fell from the top of the stack of hay bales in his barn. The break damaged the growth plate at the knee of his left shin. As a result his left leg was 1 1/2 inches shorter than his right by the time we were 18.

We graduated from high school in 2000. Jimmy's girl thru school was Lori. Typical Finnish decent girl, wheat blond hair, striking blue eyes and attitude. Think Logitha from the history channel's series "Vikings". When her temper kicks in you'd swear she can hear the valkyrie singing. Best to keep sharp and pointy things out her reach then, just saying. I didn't have a girl in school. Too much of a nerd and way too shy to even talk to one.

Anyhow by September of 2000 Lori was expecting. Jimmy went to her folks to ask for her hand. Her dad said "kinda late for that ain't it?" Wasn't like he didn't have a point. By thanksgiving they were married and living in the in-law cabin at his folks place. It was about then that Lori made it her mission in life to find me a girlfriend. That's how I met her cousin Denise.

Denise's folks had been taken in by cult leader who convinced them and a whole bunch of other parents that he was the right hand of God and that each family had to offer up a daughter to the church (him for his use). When Denise's grandma found out that Denise was being abused by the preacher. Hilda took action. (Lori came by the whole Logitha thing honestly) Hilda got her husband Toivo, her brother Aino, the Wiinannen cousins and the Slomkanen ones as well to go fetch Denise. One rule in this part of Minnesota, don't fuck with the Finnish. Long story short they got Denise with zero argument. Denise's folks signed custody over to Hilda and Toivo and Denise became a good Finnish Lutheran.

Denise was, as a result of her earlier abuse, painfully shy. Lori thought she was perfect for me and she was, at least I thought so then. The first time I saw her was galvanic, like I'd been struck by lightning. Closest I'd ever come to that feeling was when I accidentally peed on the electric fence out in the pasture. Shocking just doesn't cover it.

I was working in a convenience store when 911 happened. I watched it on CNN as the planes hit the towers. The next day Jimmy and I were at the recruiters office looking to sign up. Jimmy was a no go from the word go, me I took the asvab (armed services vocational aptitude battery) aptitude test. It pointed me towards military intelligence. I signed up as a 98c signals intelligence analyst.

I went into basic at 235, still pretty much a butterball. I left at 185. I lost so much weight they had me on double portions and reissued me uniforms that fit. All it took to get me in shape was the "gentle encouragement" of my Samoan senior drill Sgt., SFC Io (pronounced eeeoh not 10). I went home between basic and AIT (advanced individual training). The dynamic between Jimmy and I changed then. He wasn't the strongest anymore. Denise was shocked by the changes in me, even more so when I hit one knee and proposed. Hilda and Toivo didn't think too much of me, for one thing I'm not Finnish, I'm German/Swede. For another they weren't thrilled with a guy who worked in one of their convenience stores marring the girl who'd inherit them. They insisted on a prenuptial agreement that was totally against me. I objected, insisted it be made mutual or we'd elope if I could talk Denise into it. Hilda sneered and told me that hell would freeze over before her Denise would do something wrong.

I went to the sand box for my first tour there. I was very very good as a 98c. I won't go into details but I was in the top 5 according to our annual skills evaluation tests (SQT). I went as a E-4 specialist and came home as Sgt E-5. Letters, calls, face time and the assurances of friends and family confirmed Denise was true blue. Most people have a few months between deployments to the sandbox. My MOS was critically short so I got just shy of 4 weeks and I was off again. Second tour I was working for the division G-2 and put on courier orders. I spent the whole time there moving. Humvees, trucks, helicopters you name it. Only mode of transport I didn't use was camel I think. After that trip they didn't have enough time or money to convince me to re-enlist. As it was they held me in country on an involuntary extension for 123 days til my replacement got there. I heard later he lasted just over 3 weeks before his up armored Humvee was obliterated by an IED.

So I came home. 3 months later I was married to the most electric woman I'd ever met. Huge event. 8 grooms men and brides maids, including Jimmy as my best man and Lori as maid of honor. I'd like to say my bachelor party was wild, I'm sure Jimmy had it planned that way, but when the stripper showed up I left. The honeymoon was mind blowing. I swear she gave off literal sparks when I touched her.

So now it's 5 years later. I'm sitting here out behind the back porch with a small fire in the pit and a whisky (Wisers) coke in my hand. I'm sitting here waiting to tell her "remember when?" I can hear her pulling in. I'm not supposed to be at home but after what Hilda told me I got my assistant to cover for me tonight. I moved up thru the ranks in the stores. Clerk, shift leader, assistant manager, store manager. I was mad after Hilda said her piece. Told her I bet she was happy now. Hilda got this hard look I've only seen a couple times in a decade. Told me I could take a couple days but she expected my ass back at work by Thursday. She then softened a bit, told me she would of felt that way shortly after I proposed but now she loved me as one of her own and I should know that by now. Really felt like an ass there.

I can hear her calling my name. Her voice is timorous, her step, uncertain. She steps thru the screen door to join me, I say "Don't say a word, not a single word. I know about you and Jimmy. I don't want to know why, or when, I know where, I've a good idea of how long, so don't you say a fucking word till I'm done."

"Remember when we first met? The shock that went thru me? I'd of married you that night. I was instantly enthralled with you and you seemed to be with me"

She raises her hand and opens her mouth to speak. My look and low "not a fucking word" stops her.

"Remember when we were dating? People would talk to me and have to grab my arm to get my attention because my total concentration was on you. I'd see your friends do the same thing and giggle. It was a game to everyone. We were so into each other the rest of the world didn't matter, didn't exist."

She sits there a shocked look on her face, pain in her so blue eyes, tears starting to fall.

"Remember when we talked about my joining the service? How you begged me not to join. How I insisted I had to? I even quoted "that all that evil men needed to prevail was for good men to do nothing". We wrote, we called, it made us sure we were meant to be. At least I thought so."

She mouths me too, but I cut her off with a raised hand.

"Remember when I proposed? I thought you were going to faint. The memory of the kiss after still tingles. You made it clear I had your support in dealing with Hilda and Toivo. You had my back. You made it clear I'd never need the prenuptial and you believed you wouldn't either. Remember Denise?"

She's sobbing now, head in her hands, wracking sobs that are breaking my heart again to see.

"Remember when we'd sit out here and make plans for our future? Blond Viking children growing up safe in a loving home. Girls becoming shocking beauties like their mom, sons raised to do the right thing always, to think before they do. How we'd grow old and white haired surrounded by the love of our children and grandchildren. That won't happen now Denise. You killed all of that the first time you slept with Jimmy. I love you more than life Denise. I'd gladly die before I'd let harm ever come to you again. It's been an effort of will not to try to go after that snake in a clerical collar who abused you. I'd protect you against any and all with a smile on my face because I believed in you, I trusted you, I love you. But I won't be married to some one who betrayed me like you have, who has trashed my trust and belief like you have. You've been fucking Jimmy longer than you have been me. We didn't have sex til our honeymoon. You fucked him the day before the wedding and it wasn't the first time either. You started fucking him 3 weeks into my time in basic training and you've been doing him 3-5 times a month since. You just got home from fucking him now didn't you?"

She's curled into a tight ball, slides to the floor grabs my leg and starts the cheaters litany. "It doesn't mean anything, it was only sex, I don't love him, I only love you. Please please please don't leave me."

"Remember when we talked about just this thing happening someday? How we agreed it would end us? My bags are packed. I've taken what I want from here. I have a place to go. Per the prenuptial I should toss you out with only the clothes you have on. Hilda's attorney says I should stick to it, that my giving you anything more could conceivably void it. I can't bring myself to leave you with nothing. Besides, Hilda says you can't go there. She wants nothing to do with you until she decides otherwise."

"Remember when I told you what my response to your cheating would be? I'll never hurt you Denise. I'd still die before I'd let harm come to you. I still love you, but I can't see myself ever trusting you again. Tell my best bro Jimmy to run if he ever sees me again, he isn't safe anywhere I can get my hands on him. The 2 of you have 48 hours to confess to Lori. She gave that snake 4 kids. I pretty sure you know how that's going to go. I think you're gonna want a long head start once she finds out. I once heard her tell Jimmy that she'd cut his balls off if he ever cheated. I believed her then and I think she will now. Hilda said she's got her full support if she does."

I manage to get free of her grasp. I turn and head for the door. She sits up and screams "Please Greg, I'll do anything, please don't leave me."

She's a total mess, wild looking in the flickering fire light. I don't pause, I don't turn, I just leave the most beautiful, exotic, electrifying woman I've ever met. The only woman I've ever loved, ever made love to, the only one I want even now. It's killing me. My chest feels like it's in a constrictors coils. I get in my Silverado and leave. I don't know how I got to Hilda and Toivo's but some how I did. I just know I'm safe here for now, for just a while.