Revolutionary Love - Milk of Kindness

***In this chapter we go back in time to the year 1888, just before future revolutionary leader Borya Petrov was about to leave home for law school. A young man of eighteen, he had not yet been with a woman, until a unique opportunity presented itself that summer..***

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March 1918

Borya was at his desk reading a letter when there was a knock on his door, and the familiar voice of Olga, his secretary, began to speak from the other side.

"I am sorry to interrupt you, but the scout is back and located the woman you were asking about."

Borya immediately set down his correspondence.

"Come in, come in," he urged. "Well worth the interruption."

The secretary entered and handed Borya a folded piece of paper. Opening it up, he sat for a moment in silence, reading the information it contained. She watched as his eyes began to warm, and a smile played at his lips. He nodded slightly, pleased, then looked up, with faraway eyes gazing out the window.

"Wonderful. She is still in Kokushkino." he said out loud, to no one in particular.

Olga stood quietly, waiting for any further instructions. At last, Borya spoke.

"Have the accountants arrange a pension." he instructed. "She is to receive a comfortable monthly allowance starting immediately. I'll sign off on it as soon as I see the books and receive a copy of the memo."

Olga nodded, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. Borya looked up and offered an explanation.

"This is someone who played a part for the cause, so to speak, many many years ago. An invaluable part. "

Olga nodded and took the paper with the information on it and exited the room.

Borya continued to look out the window quietly, deep in thought.

"She'll never understand just how invaluable." he said to himself, his thoughts moving back in time past 30 summers, to a long ago time, when he was another person.

*************

July 1888

School had been out for several weeks after graduation and many of the young men of the town of Kokushkino had departed for summer trips in the mountains, hunting excursions or ventures into Moscow. Borya, having just graduated with honors, was readying himself for law school located in the neighboring town of Kazan. He was still living with his two sisters, brother and mother, which didn't exactly suit a young man who began to crave more and more privacy and bigger adventures than merely a bike ride to the local tavern or a hike in the nearby woods. As with most young men, Borya yearned for the company of a young woman. During his school years he was friendly with a few of them from his class, and would spend afternoons down by the riverbank discussing schoolwork, politics and sharing sweets. He liked the girls who were well read, clever and most likely were going to one day depart their small town and explore a bigger world. Inna was one of them. An honor student like he was, she was graced with intelligence, motivation and a lovely figure that kept his attention. They would walk along the banks of the Volga and speak of the future. She had no idea that he kept stealing glances at her, watching her as she bent over to pick some flowers or skip a stone. She had a nice pair of breasts that he admired and wanted so much to press up against. He also had a secret that he was dying to tell her, but never knew when the right time was to speak about it.

One late afternoon shortly after the end of the school year, Borya took her down to a quiet spot at the edge of the river, under a large tree. Then, holding his breath, he reached for Inna's hand and took it in his. She did not pull away. He slowly breathed out, trying to calm his fast beating heart.

"Do you recognize this spot?" he said quietly.

"Hmmmmm..why?" she asked. "Is there something special about it?"

"There is to me." He replied. "I don't know if you remember, but a couple of years ago, you, Svetlana and Maria came down here to bathe in the river."

She looked at him quizzically, then her expression changed.

"Yes, we did that once or twice. How did you know?"

Borya took a deep breath, then said quietly, "Because I saw you."

"You did?"

He nodded. "I was hiding in the bushes, trust me..completely taken by surprise."

"Hiding in the bushes?" she said, pulling her hand away.

"No..no..it wasn't like that!" he quickly added, taking back her hand. "I was not following you. You showed up after I did."

"But when you saw us undress you did not leave?"

This was Borya's awkward way to try to explain to her how lovely she was, that he had accidentally seen her nude, splashing about with her friends. He had seen her full, beautiful breasts and thought maybe, if he was totally honest with her about it, she would be flattered.

But Inna was not flattered, however. She gave an embarrassed laugh and suddenly became very self-conscience.

"Borya, you're embarrassing me."

She had once again pulled away, but he took her again by the hand and stepped a little closer to her.

"Don't feel that way, Inna. You were beautiful. I couldn't tear myself away from the sight. Maybe that was wrong of me, to stay and watch. I'm just trying to tell you that..."

"That you were spying on my friends and I when we were bathing!" she said, sharply.

Borya dropped his head. Guilty as charged, he thought. He wisely spared her the additional information that, hiding in the bushes, he had stroked himself to an explosive orgasm watching her. He sighed and let go of her hand, knowing he had blown this chance.

"It's getting late and I need to get home." she said bluntly. She turned and headed back up the path to the main road. Borya followed her silently, keeping a few paces behind. He quickly recounted what he had said to her. In his mind, he thought it would be a nice way to explain to her how beautiful she was, and perhaps let her know he would love to spend more time with her. The past few years had brought much darkness and tragedy into his life, and in his own adolescent way he was trying to reach out to find someone emotionally, not just sexually. He needed a woman to hold him tight and reassure him. As much as he craved romance and the pleasures of the flesh, he was also seeking emotional intimacy at a time in his life when he needed it the most. Buried in his schoolbooks and scribbling away on his exam papers, keeping mostly to himself, no one would have guessed how much pain he was feeling.

Before turning down the lane that led to her house, Inna stopped and looked at Borya. With his hands in his pockets, he was slightly stooped over, looking years older than his age. There was a look of resigned defeat in his eyes, mixed in with regret. He uttered an attempt to make amends.

"I am genuinely sorry, Inna. I meant no disrespect."

She looked down at the ground for a moment, then back up at him. She sighed quietly, then spoke.

"Many times on our walks you have spoken about seeking revenge and a coming revolution to overthrow czar." she said.

Borya nodded, looking directly into her eyes. The subject suddenly ignited a spark inside of him.

"As long as it takes, this blood soaked regime will be taken down. They will pay for what they have done. They will pay."

He kept his gaze sure and steady, though he felt a tightness in his throat, ready to betray his tough exterior.

"I believe in my heart you will bring them to their knees." she said. "I really do. May God give you strength. Good bye, Borya."

She turned then and walked away from him. With a heavy sigh he watched until she was gone from sight, then he buttoned up his coat and walked over to the village tavern.

*****************

Swinging open the door, Borya scanned the noisy room and found his friend Lev and a couple of other young men busy in conversation and drink. Lev saw him enter and quickly motioned for him to join them. Borya sat down at the table, ordered a beer and joined in the conversation. He always enjoyed the company of Lev, an intelligent student with rounded glasses, a shock of dark hair and a still sprouting beard. The other two..Pavel and Erik, not so much. Particularly Pavel, whom Borya considered to be an annoying dullard. He tried to ignore him as he and Lev discussed law school and politics. Eventually Pavel and Erik's overly loud conversation about the local women in town ended up taking over the conversation. Borya bristled with irritation, almost regretting coming into the tavern. He quietly sipped his beer as Pavel continued spouting off.

"I've got my eye on one girl, a little younger than I. Met her when she came into my father's shop this week. Just graduated this year like you fellows. Next time she comes in I'm going to ask her to join me for a walk out in the woods." he said.

He then leaned over and whispered, "And maybe if I get lucky..."

Erik let out a snigger. "What's her name?" he asked.

"Inna." Pavel replied, proudly, as if they were already dating.

Borya sat up and put his beer down on the table.

"Inna? What's her last name?" he demanded.

Pavel shrugged. "I don't know. But she's hard to miss. Long blonde hair..brown eyes and..."

He gestured with his hands as if cupping a couple of big breasts.

Borya shot up from the chair and narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you DARE touch her." he said, furious.

Pavel saw a look in Borya's eyes that genuinely unnerved him.

"Why, man? Is she yours?"

Borya grabbed his beer, steadied himself and settled back into his chair.

"Yes, Pavel, she's mine. We met today as a matter of fact, down by the river, to seal our devotion to one another. Don't you dare interfere."

Pavel raised his hands in defeat, unnerved by Borya's sudden, unexpected aggression.

"I had no idea, Borya...sorry, sorry...don't get so wound up over it."

Lev could feel Borya was about ready to walk out the door if he didn't intervene.

"Leave us alone, fellows. Borya and I are going to talk Marx and Engels. Hardly the sort of subject you two would be interested in." he said.

Taking their time, Pavel and Erik swallowed down the last of the beer, left their money and finally got up. Before they left, Pavel, safely close to the door, threw a jab in Borya's direction.

"Happy to hear you've got a girl, Borya. You're way too uptight and need to get laid. Have fun."

Borya shot up from the chair again, Lev grabbing his arm and settled him down.

"Let him go," Lev grumbled. "Moron will probably be a virgin the rest of his life anyway."

Borya slowly sat back down as Lev smacked him playfully on the arm and leaned in.

"Is it true? You and Inna? Congratulations, she's lovely."

Borya shook his head and picked up his beer.

"No, not true. She won't have me. But I wanted to spare her the misery of being subject to that mongrel's advances. Not that she would suffer a fool like him for a moment anyway."

He took a long drink from his mug and set it on the table, wiping his mouth. He let out a long, resigned sigh.

Lev leaned in closer to Borya.

"How long do you have left here in town before you leave?" he asked.

Borya took another long drink of beer.

"I leave the first week of September."

"Are you looking for some...female company?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Borya replied, his brows slightly furrowing.

"Well, it's just that...I know a woman who..."

"I'm not going to a prostitute." Borya said, cutting him off. "Just the thought.."

"Well...it's not exactly that.." Lev continued.

"How can someone "not exactly" be a prostitute? Is there an exchange of money?"

"Well..there would be, yes, but.."

"I'm not that desperate." Borya said, finishing the last of his beer. I'm also not interested in contracting syphilis before I even leave for college."

Lev swallowed the last of his beer and continued on.

"Let's go outside for a moment so I can explain this better."

The two young men paid and left the tavern, walking back down towards the river, their coats blowing gently in the wind behind them.

"She's a friend of my family. Her name is Yana. Her parents are dead and she lives alone now in their house. Her husband left her one day when she was about to give birth to their baby."

Borya felt a flash of anger. It was such a typical story with Russian men, although usually the peasants. They would simply discard a woman they felt they no longer had use for. Like throwing out an old coat. Yana's husband, as it turned out, started to drink heavily and decided he did not want the burden of a wife and child. One day Yana found he had simply vanished.

"She is in dire need." Lev continued. "My family helps all they can, but she needs more money for a hired hand. And she is still trying to repay the doctor for assisting with the birth."

They rounded a corner at the bottom of the hill and continued to walk east, following the river.

"She came to me one day, very embarrassed, but feeling she could trust me. It took a great deal of strength on her part to explain to me her proposal."

"Don't tell me." Borya interjected. "She's willing to prostitute herself? I hear of this way too often."

Lev shrugged.

"What else can she do? She is going to need more food. Her baby won't be able to survive on just her milk for ever."

Borya paused his train of thought the moment Lev said this. She was breastfeeding. And willing to see men. Borya, who already was eager for his first sexual experience, also harbored a secret fantasy to nurse from a woman's breasts. It was something he had cultivated since he was a child, equating it first with the affection, attention and safety of a mother figure, then, when he was older, the thought would produce erections. As Lev continued to talk, Borya inwardly chastised himself for even daring to consider taking advantage of this situation. But it was so unusual, and in it's most simplest terms, just so...available. He asked Lev how many men were presently seeing her.

"I've only told a few." he said. "You know, fellows I know would be respectful. Not louts like Pavel. Yana has been thru so much already, she doesn't need someone being childish and insensitive towards her."

Lev stopped in the middle of the dirt road, and leaned over towards Borya.

"I took you this way so you could see her house. It's the one at the end of the road, with the little gate around the front."

Borya stood, the cold wind whipping about his neck as the sun slowly set on the horizon. He pulled his coat collar up higher and stuffed his hands back into his pockets.

"Hers is the only house without smoke coming out of the chimney." Borya observed.

"Hmm..you're right. Seems pretty cold this evening not to have a fire going." Lev replied. "Well, that's where she lives, in case you're ever interested."

The two young men turned and walked slowly back to the main street. Their conversation resumed its usual topics of politics and social reform, but underneath the surface, Borya was rolling this opportunity around in his mind. He only had a short time before he was to leave for university and the idea of a woman who might wet nurse a grown man was a powerful lure.

Eventually they ended up back in front of the tavern once again. Borya needed to get home and was about to part company when he paused for a moment, then spoke, slightly hesitant.

"About Yana. If I wanted to see her, when would I come to her house?"

"Are you interested, then?"

Borya looked at the ground. "I might be. Let me see what money I can pull together."

He ran his hand over his forehead as he did whenever he was unsure about something. There was an element of shame here. Shame and exploitation. By agreeing to this arrangement, Borya did not see himself as any different from any other man looking to prey on a woman's vulnerabilities. Yet, from another perspective, she needed help. And Borya was certainly no letch. He would be respectful, grateful. He would never force her to do anything she didn't want to.

"I'll let her know a little about you." Lev said. "I'll tell her you're a good man. Graduated with honors. Destined to succeed!"

He ended with a flair, but Borya couldn't laugh. Since when did his friend become a pimp of sorts? He stood looking at Lev for a moment, then stared out at the road in front of them.

"Why does it have to be like this?"

Lev shook his head. "I don't know. Perhaps because it's not a black and white world. It is filled with shades of grey. And sometimes both right and wrong turn out to be the exact same thing."

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Borya quietly walked down the dirt road, carrying a basket with him under his arm. He silently walked by each house, hoping no one would notice him. As the house with no smoke got closer and closer, his heart began to beat a little faster. He had everything in order, the money, the basket, and Lev's pre- introduction so she knew to expect him. Still, the contradictions tumbled about in his mind, occupying his thoughts until he found himself on her doorstep, knocking.

A moment passed and she opened the door. She was a pleasant looking woman of twenty two, with braided blonde hair and warm blue eyes. She wore a simple brown dress, laced at the top and a well worn apron. With a quick discreet glance, he could see Lev was right. She was indeed quite well endowed.

She nodded with a small smile and let Borya in. He set the basket down on a table and removed his hat.

"I am Borya. And you are Yana?" he asked, not sure where to start.

"Yes, I am Yana. Lev told me about you. Sasha was your brother."

"You knew my brother?"

" Only by his bravery. Many of us who despise this country's oppressive government wish the bomb plot had been successful."

Borya appreciated her supportive words, but the hanging of his older brother for his participation in an assassination attempt on the czar's life was still a painful wound, and one he had promised his devastated mother revenge for. Still, it was the small beginning of a connection between the two of them, for Yana clearly understood the importance of a revolution.

"Lev spoke very highly of you. You sound like a bright man with a road map firmly in hand."

Borya nodded, then reached into his pocket. He was nervous and wanted to settle their arrangement.

"I...I wasn't sure how much to bring." he said, unfolding a small handful of rubles. "I've never done this before." He took out a couple ten notes.

"That will be fine." she said, looking down quickly. "I'm not exactly a professional at this, either."

Borya tucked the rest of his money back into his pocket and trying to keep the conversation light, started to unpack the basket.

"I didn't know if maybe you would want some food as well, since I didn't know if the money I brought would be adequate."

He pulled out some fruit, bread and dried meat that he had discreetly taken from his mother's pantry during the week and set it on the table.

"That is most appreciated." she said. "Food always runs short here. "

She picked up a blanket from the nearby chair and walked over to the opposite side of the room.

Would you like to meet my son?"

Borya nodded. He followed her to a wooden cradle, her baby son asleep inside.

"Hello little one," Borya whispered, leaning in towards the cradle. Such a little thing, this tiny baby, peacefully asleep, completely unaware that he would never know his father. The very thought made Borya's heart ache.

"His name is Georgi." she said, tucking the blanket around him. "I am sure Lev told you what happened..."

Borya nodded. "No woman should be left in this situation. Everything is so backwards in this country."

He looked at Yana with great sympathy. He felt for her. What terrible choices she had to make.

"I hope the people who come to see you...have been kind to you."

She closed her eyes and nodded. "They have been. Do not worry."