Rhythm and the Blue Line Ch. 08

Bax's laugh rumbled up from his chest. "Can you handle her?"

"Very funny, Bax, but it's a moot point."

"Nah." Bax waved a hand. "These things happen. You'll get past it."

"Right." Brody signaled for another beer.

Later, at home, Brody sat in front of the television. Someone was making something fantastic on the food channel, but he couldn't concentrate. Food, he thought sourly, made him think of Ryan. In fact, it felt like everything made him think of Ryan, and it pissed him off.

She'd broken up with him. That was fine, he'd been through plenty of break ups, and been on both sides of it. None of those, however, had affected him the way this had. He'd been amazed at how disappointed he was when she hadn't called or come over after a couple of days. He'd never felt like that after a break up before. With previous girlfriends when it was over, it was over, and he could deal with that.

He hadn't expected to miss her and he didn't know what to do about it. It didn't even seem fair. She'd been the one who'd started the argument; by all rights, he should still be pissed off at her. The only thing was, anger wasn't the only emotion he felt; it wasn't even the primary one.

It was just as well she hadn't called. It was all getting too serious, anyway, and he'd never meant for that to happen. He didn't want to be tied down when he still had hockey to play. He didn't want to be like Bax, not seeing his family for weeks on end because they were in one city and he'd gotten traded to another.

Ryan had said she could do it herself. Brody saw no reason to doubt her.

x-x-x-x

At rehearsal, Ryan was pleased that things were running smoothly. They sounded good; she felt like they hadn't meshed like this in ages. Maybe Jason's absence was the key, she thought. They'd all remarked on how much less stressful everything was without him.

Even so, Ryan was distracted. She'd felt guilty since she'd gone off on Brody, and knew she'd been wrong. She wanted to apologize but wasn't sure if he'd listen, and she couldn't blame him if he didn't. The song ended and she stared at the floor, lost in thought. She didn't see her friends looking at each other, then her.

"Ryan. Hey, Ryan." Lara waited for a response, then looked at the guys.

Mitch bashed his cymbals and Ryan jumped. "What the hell?"

"Ryan, you're not all here," Mitch said. "You okay? We can take a break for a while or knock off, whatever."

"Um, yeah. Sure. I could use a break."

"Okay, you guys go." Lara made a motion to shoo Nate and Mitch out of the room. "Go somewhere and come back in a little while."

"Yes, Mom." Nate grinned as he set his bass down. "Hey, Ryan, if it's guy trouble, remember—show up naked with beer. If it's really serious, bring pizza, too."

"You guys are so helpful." Ryan shook her head and laughed as the guys left, then turned to Lara as she leaned her guitar on its stand. "What's up?"

"Mitch is right, you're not all here. What's going on?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry; I'm just a little tired, and you know how I am. I'm thinking about the tour."

"Yeah, I got that. Ryan, you are not just distracted. You played with about as much emotion as a robot. Or dare I say, Jason?"

Ryan stared at her friend. "God, I must really suck."

"I know something's been bothering you, and it probably has to do with Brody."

"How would you know that?"

"Please, I'm your best friend." Lara scoffed, then sat down. "I'm serious. You've been in a pissy mood ever since he met your parents and if I hear one more angry metal song, I'm going to turn your iPod off with a hammer. You haven't mentioned him at all for the past few days. So tell me what it is. Did you break up?"

Ryan dropped into a chair; Lara could be nosy, but this was genuine concern and deserved an answer. "I'm not sure if we broke up, but we did have a fight. Well, I did."

"What happened?"

Ryan explained about their argument. "I know, I was wrong. I was just so mad, and he was there and I took it out on him. I went too far."

"So go apologize. He'll listen."

"I should, whether he listens or not. I owe him that much."

"Whatever you do, do it soon. We need you back."

Nate and Mitch returned with food, much to the amusement of Ryan and Lara. Ryan noted that Nate never returned without food, not that she was complaining. After a snack and a quick discussion, they ran through a couple more songs before calling it quits for the day.

On the drive home, Ryan waited; she knew Lara wouldn't be able to not say anything. It didn't take long.

"You know, I bet this isn't as bad as you think."

"Hmmm?"

"It's just a misunderstanding, and you guys have had time to cool off. It'll be fine."

"Probably."

"Brody's a cool guy; he doesn't seem like the type to hold a grudge."

"True."

"So it'll all work out."

Ryan shrugged. "One way or the other, I guess it will."

"When did you become so pessimistic?" Lara looked over and gave Ryan a little shove.

"Eyes front. I'm not. I'm just not getting my hopes up."

"You are so frustrating to talk to, do you know that?" Lara shook her head. "You're supposed to be nervous and tell me about it, and then we eat ice cream. You know, like women are supposed to."

"If I did that, what would you do with Trout?" Ryan laughed at Lara's scowl. "Relax, I'm going to talk to him. I'll go as soon as we get back; I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a game tonight. After that, you can get out the ice cream. Make sure there's lots of mint chocolate chip."

Once at the apartment, she put her guitar and keyboards inside. Fearing she might change her mind, she didn't even take her coat off before going up to Brody's. To keep herself occupied in the elevator, she double-checked the team's schedule via her phone and was both relieved and apprehensive to find the night clear.

She knocked on the door and toyed with the end of her purple scarf while she waited. When Brody answered the door, her mouth went dry.

"Hi." Brody stood in the doorway.

"Hi." Ryan cleared her throat. "I, ah, is this a bad time?"

"No, it's okay. Come on in."

"Thanks."

Ryan stood in his living room and played with the end of her scarf again. She knew what she wanted to say, but she couldn't get started. Brody broke the awkward silence.

"So, what's up?"

She looked at him, unsettled by his neutral expression. "I, um, I'm sorry. I was totally wrong last week and I never should have said, well, a lot of things. I was upset about my parents and other stuff and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have. I know I have a temper, but that's no excuse." She took a deep breath and kept going. "I should have apologized before now. So, I'm sorry." Ryan twisted the scarf around her hands.

Brody was quiet for minute, then nodded. "Okay."

Ryan was both relieved and uncertain. She hadn't thought past her apology and so had no idea what to say now. She groped for words.

"Okay, good. I—like I said, I'm sorry it took so long." She refused to look away and managed a small smile. "So, that's it. I just wanted to stop by and . . . anyway." She took a step back towards the door. When he made no move to stop her, she murmured a good-bye and left. In the elevator, she tried to ignore the heavy feeling of disappointment that settled over her.

Lara was waiting for her when she walked in the door. "So, how did it go?"

Ryan shrugged. "It went. I apologized."

"And?"

"And he said okay. Then I left." Ryan hung her jacket on the back of a chair. "That's about all there is to it."

Lara stared at her. "That's all? He didn't say anything else?"

"He told me I could come in."

"Ryan, what—"

"Lara, it's done, okay?" Ryan took a breath; she hadn't meant to sound so sharp. "Look, I apologized and he accepted. Now, how about that ice cream?"

Lara looked as though she wanted to say something, but shook her head instead and went into the kitchen. Ryan pressed her fingers to her eyes; she wasn't sure there was enough ice cream for this.

x-x-x-x

Brody was quiet as he sat on the team bus the next day for the ride up to New York, still mulling over seeing Ryan the night before. This was one relationship area he had no experience with—the post-breakup phase. In the past, when he'd broken up with someone, they had stayed broken up. There'd been no apologies.

Bax dropped into the seat next to him. "Well, you look like a barrel of laughs. Someone kick your dog?"

"Funny, Bax. I don't have a dog."

"Right. You must still be missing your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend." Not anymore, he thought, and the thought was depressing.

"You haven't talked to her at all?"

"Remember the part where she went ballistic on me and walked out?"

"I figured that would blow over. It's been over a week or whatever, right?"

"Christ, you aren't going to leave this alone, are you?" Brody shook his head. "Fine, I saw her last night. She apologized."

"And what happened?"

"Nothing. She said she was sorry, I said okay, and she left."

Bax gave him an exasperated look. "You know, a lot of times when people are going out and have a fight, one person says they're sorry and the other person forgives them and they resume the going out part of things."

Brody shrugged. "Yeah, well, I don't know if that will happen. If she's going to be mad about me playing hockey, then it's probably better if we don't start going out again."

"So that's it?"

Brody felt defensive. "What the hell do you want from me? She bitched about how she hated sports; that's not a good sign given what I do for a living."

"Yeah, but she apologized. She knew going in that you were an athlete. That probably isn't even why she was mad."

"How would you know?"

"I've been married for fifteen years. You learn a few things. People will be mad about one thing and fight about another. Teenagers are masters of this, believe me. I never know why my daughter argues with her mother or me."

Brody shrugged. "I guess. I'll have to take your word for it." He was glad when someone leaned across the aisle to talk to Bax, and took advantage of the break to slip his earbuds in and turn on his iPod.

Brody flipped the player around in his hand while he thought. He missed Ryan, and her apology only intensified the feeling. She had admitted being mad about her parents and taking it out on him, so maybe it had nothing to do with him at all.

He went over the dinner with her parents and remembered how tense she'd been. A couple of times she'd clenched her jaw so tight he'd thought it might lock. It couldn't have been easy to hear her parents go on about her brothers like that, and then be so dismissive of what she was trying to do. He recalled the look on her face when she'd looked into the box containing her music awards; it was as though she'd been slapped.

Her explosion had taken him by surprise at the time, but it shouldn't have. He'd known her long enough by then to know, as Lara had said, that Ryan tended to keep things inside. He just hadn't paid attention, and that wasn't fair. When he got back to Virginia, he promised himself, he'd go see Ryan and apologize, and hope that what Bax had said about going out again wasn't out of the question.

The Caps lost and although he wasn't pleased, he was more preoccupied with seeing Ryan. The day dragged as he waited for her to get home from work. After a morning practice, he came home and talked to his parents and then ran some errands, but when he was finished it was still early afternoon. Video games were no distraction, nor was the Food Network. At last it was six o'clock, and then he made himself wait another fifteen minutes to make sure she had time to get home.

Brody knocked on her door and waited, still not sure what he wanted to say. He decided to start with "I'm sorry" and wing it from there. Ryan opened the door and looked up at him with a startled expression.

"Hey, I—" he began, but she held up a hand and he saw that she was on the phone.

She recovered from her surprise and gestured for him to come in, mouthing an apology as she went back to her conversation.

"Sorry, Evan. So, are you sure? You have plenty of time to think about everything, you don't have to decide now." She listened to her brother and paced the room; Brody wondered what was up. "You sure you want to tell Dad, though? You know what he'll say. You could save yourself a lot of stress." She paused again, then laughed. "Well, maybe you can move in here. Lara's going to move in with Trout so I'll be looking for a roommate one way or another. Be a hell of a commute for you, though." Another pause. "Okay, Ev. Good luck and take it easy. Yeah, thanks. Bye."

She disconnected and rubbed a hand over her eyes before turning to Brody. "Hi. Sorry about that."

"No problem. Everything okay with Evan?"

Ryan bit her lip. "I hope so. He's decided he doesn't want to play pro ball, and he wants to tell Dad sooner rather than later."

"That's not going to go over too well, is it?"

"Like the proverbial lead balloon." She dropped onto the couch and Brody sat as well, but took care not to sit too close. "I told him he should wait and tell Dad later. He could avoid a lot of stress that way, and he might change his mind. He says he's as sure as he's going to get, and he doesn't want to fake it with Dad for the next few years. He still wants to play ball and keep his scholarship, he just doesn't want to go pro."

"It's his decision, and like you said, he may change his mind." Brody studied her as she stared up at the ceiling. She looked tired and not a little stressed; he suspected she'd even lost a little weight.

"I know. Which is why I think maybe he shouldn't tell Dad. Trust me, I know what it's like when Dad's plans are thwarted." She was quiet for a minute, then turned to look at him. "Don't take this the wrong way, but what are you doing here? I had the definite impression we were done."

"Yeah, I can understand that." He leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees as he tried to get his thoughts in order. "Look, I've been thinking a lot. I'm not used to this."

Ryan's lips quirked up in a smile but she didn't say anything about him not being used to thinking, and he was grateful. "I mean, before, if I was seeing someone and there was a fight, that was it. Fight, break up, move on. For both people.

"It's a common progression."

"Yeah, it is, but it's not the one I want. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how hard that stuff with your family is for you." He raised his eyes to hers.

She shrugged and averted her eyes. "Too hard, really. I should be used to it. And it doesn't matter, because I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"I'll give you that, but it's okay. I take harder hits on the ice." He reached over and squeezed her hand. "And it does matter, and I should have seen it, but I didn't have the inside track on reading you like Lara does."

Ryan gave him a tired smile. "So she told you about the music, huh?"

"Yes, but I should have at least realized you were upset. Look, Ryan, I can't do anything about the hockey. It's my job and I love it. I want to fix this, what's between us, but I can't change that."

"I know, and odd as it may sound coming from me, I wouldn't want you to. It's obvious you love playing as much as I love music." She met his gaze. "I'd like to fix things, too, Brody. I've really missed you."

"Then let's consider things fixed." He moved closer to her and slid an arm around her shoulders. She turned and rested her head on his chest and they were quiet for a while until Brody tipped her chip up. "Have you eaten?"

She made a show of pondering the question. "Specify a time frame."

"Ryan."

"Have I had dinner? No. I didn't have a chance."

"Did you have lunch?"

"I think so. I remember eating a bag of chips at some point today; we were really busy trying to meet a deadline." She laughed at his expression.

"It's a good thing we've made up," he told her, "because otherwise you'd die of malnutrition."

"Please." She gave him an arch look. "Do I look like I'm malnourished?"

He took his time looking her over. "No, no I don't think so. I think you look pretty good, myself."

"That's good to know." She thought for a minute. "You know, I'm not sure what happens next. I've never done the fight-and-make-up thing."

Brody responded with a sly grin. "Really?"

"Never got to that point before. I've read about it, though, and Lara's had the odd spat with Trout, so I'm not entirely unfamiliar with the possibilities."

"Lara and Trout have spats?"

"Yes, even they have their difficulties."

"And how do they handle the make-up thing?"

"Oh, please. Like I want to know that."

Brody laughed and hugged her again. "Fair enough, I'm not sure I want to know either. So, do you have plans for tonight?"

"No. I was kind of beat and Lara's out. I was thinking I'd get some ice cream and call it a day."

"Hmmm. I wonder what I can make that would beat out ice cream."

"It's mint chocolate chip."

Brody pretended to concentrate. "That's a tough one. I might have a chance against rocky road, but I don't know . . . ."

Ryan looked at him, serious now. "As much as I love ice cream, I'd rather be with you."

"Well, it's your lucky night, Ryan Bancroft." He grinned and lowered his lips to hers. "You get to have ice cream and me."

"I guess I'm all forgiven, then?"

"Depends on what you let me do with the ice cream."

x-x-x-x

March brought a lot of wind and rain, and Ryan felt like she'd walked through it all on her way home from work. She went into her apartment, hoping the quiet would alleviate her headache. It had been a hell of a day, but it was Friday and it was over. She tried to concentrate on that as she went to her room to change.

Things were moving along for the band. They'd found a lawyer through Trout's father, and a manager; Ryan was relieved to cross those items off her list. She had wrestled with the question of finding a new guitarist, but with the tour so close, she decided she had to drop it. The odds of finding someone now, who could learn the songs and take the time necessary for the tour, were slim at best. In addition, with the four of them meshing so well, it seemed foolish to introduce an unknown quantity.

Ryan sat down and rubbed her forehead. She needed to relax; tomorrow was Imaginary Grace's performance at the D.C. food festival. Their luck had been mixed at previous gigs. They'd been fine at the Birchmere in January, if not as good as at the 9:30 Club back in December. Ryan knew they couldn't expect every show to go as well as that one, but she could hope and it gave them something to aim for.

"Okay, calm down," she ordered herself. With her thoughts jumbled, she picked her guitar and sat on the couch. Sometimes just noodling on the guitar with no real purpose helped her calm down and think.

Her thoughts wandered to her job and apartment. She had some leave built up and could probably arrange some unpaid time, but she didn't think that would cover it all. She wasn't sure whether she'd have to give up the apartment. She'd need a roommate to keep it, but in her circles, living arrangements were in a constant state of flux. Ryan figured she could put the word out that she was looking for a roommate, or a new place to live, and she'd hear back from someone.

Her parents might let her come back for a bit, although the mere thought raised her blood pressure. She crossed that off her list of possibilities.

Brody would let her crash for a while if she asked, she supposed. She'd hardly talked to him in the last week; he'd had home and road games and she'd been busy with work and the band. She huffed out a breath. She missed him and was frustrated that they hadn't been able to connect.

Wasn't this just what she'd told Lara the problem would be? That she wouldn't have time for a relationship? And wouldn't Lara just be smug and pleased with herself to see Ryan having fits over this? Because what else could it mean except that Ryan had it bad for Brody?