Ring of Merlin Pt. 01

Story Info
David looks for shelter in the forest after running away.
905 words
3.75
14.1k
11

Part 1 of the 3 part series

Updated 06/09/2023
Created 05/15/2018
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Batman666
Batman666
17 Followers

***Disclaimer - This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. All characters in this story are 18 years or older***

***Writers Note - Greetings, Everyone. I am David. This is my first ever story and English is not my first language, so forgive me for the mistakes. Drop your review in the comment section***

***

John was always a righteous and kind hearted man. He always trusted people blindly which made him start an Electronic Store with his friends. The business boomed in three years and they found themselves at the top of Market.

Unfortunately, there was a fire in one of the garages which caused death of 3 people. The people were turned against the company when they found out about the insurance fraud in the company and as the Director of the company John was blamed for the loss of lives. Even his friends had already turned against him and soon John was thrown out of the company and was arrested. John committed suicide inside the jail.

David, the nineteen year old son, who is the only family of John, was shattered by the news. He was studying in a prestigious college. John was an average kid. He was slim, 5'7" high and was an average student. He had money to do whatever he wants but his father have taught him to manage Money, which made him always careful and lived a simple life amongst his friends. He was also a helping hand to many kids in his campus and was never hunger for pleasure of luxury.

Even though John lived a simple life, he was not ready to be thrown to the streets. He was shamed by his own friends and his Girlfriend for a year left him. The villagers stripped him in public and he was shamed for his father's so called crimes. He pushed them back and ran away, in his boxers.

*****

"I am tired", he blow into his hand and looks around in the dark. He has been running through the forest for the last 1 hour. He didn't know where he reached. He was alone and afraid in that deep dark jungle at night. "I don't think someone is following me anymore", he whispers as he sits on a tree shade. The tiredness has consumed his body and soon he fell into a deep sleep.

"Save Me", he hears a girl whining, but he was not clear of the direction it came from. "David, Please save me", the voice called out, which made him more curious. A huge thunder woke him up from his sleep. He looked around before realizing it was just a dream. He was hungry and thirsty. The night is dark, the weather is windy and there is continuous thunder. 'It looks like it is about to rain. I need to find some shelter before', he thinks and walks deep in to dark forest. He slipped a couple of times in the dark but he did not care about the slight bruises and continued his journey in search of food and shelter.

He saw a creepy old shack in the jungle. There is light inside. "Maybe they can drench my thirst" he thought as he walks towards the shack. He knew it was dangerous, but his thirst and hunger won the battle against fright. *knock*knock*knock* He waits as he hears noise of a platter falling down. It frightens him 'it's still better than standing outside in the rain', he himself gathers some courage. "Who is it?" a creepy old man yells out and opens the door. He is wearing a worn out white robe with blue lines. He was about 55-60 years old, but fit for his age. The old man looks from head to toe at David. David felt embarrassed that he is standing in front of a shack wearing nothing but boxers. He was ashamed to ask for food and shelter.

"I haven't gotten all day, boy, what you want?" the old guy asks.

"I am lost", David speaks up, and "Can I stay here for the night?" he asks.

"No", says the old man and slams the door shut.

David is taken aback by the quick reaction of the old man. He knocks again "Please, Sir, I will do whatever you want me to. Please let me stay the night".

There is sheer silence except the thunder and slight rain outside the shack for a couple of minutes. David had lost his hope as he starts to walk away from the door, with his eyes dropped low. Suddenly the door opens "Are you sure, boy?" David turns back to see the old man standing on the door

"About what sir?" he asks confused of what the man asked.

"Are you sure, you will do whatever I ask?" He asks with a curious look.

'Screw it' thinks David "Yes, Sir" He replies.

The old man smiles wide mischievously "I have just two conditions for you. If you are ready to follow that, you can stay here, or else, you can move on".

David stands there taking up minute to reply "What are the rules Sir?" He looks at the old man watching him carefully.

To be continued...

***

Batman666
Batman666
17 Followers
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6 Comments
SN88SN88over 5 years ago
Different time periods

This story reads like 2 entirely different time periods. Its starts with dad in modern times and the son some how gets teleported to a medieval village. And the story was to short at least 2 pages would be good. Please clean up the story line and continue. Looking forward to the next chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Who? When? Where?

Who is doing what and where?

How did he go from university to Forrest to Jungle.... This reads like 3-4 different places and/or time periods with other problems.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Flow and Length

Get an editor whose first language is English. It can be difficult to translate works into English and not have a series of sequential, individual sectences, that have little cohesive strength or pacing. The idea/purpose of each sectence HAS been successfully translated, but they feel very abrupt, almost aggressively so, at times. Written-English grammar can be a chore for everyone, and since you think/create your stories in a different language, there is nothing wrong with having someone else iron out wrinkles in the flow of your translated work. Additionally, please read stories submitted by other authors and figure out an average word-per-page count to use in your future chapters and stories. Readers will give bad ratings for submissions that are very short.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago

To short but gives a hint of what's to come. Hope to be able to read a much longer chapter soon.

redlion75redlion75almost 6 years ago
Mixed

Mixed up names and too short

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