Rules of Engagement - The Three Secrets

Author: The Fun Dreams

Keywords: MF, FF, dildo, toys, masturbation, oral, cunninglingus, sex, cheating

Summary: An erotic story based on the television show Rules of Engagement.

Feedback is always appreciated

These are my descriptions and my story of the characters of Rules of Engagement by CBS. I do not own the show, the characters, or anything else related to the show. This is just a parody of the show using my own words.

I do however approve heavily of Megyn Pryce and what a beautiful gorgeous woman she is.

*****

Cast of Characters.

Jeff Bingham - Played by Patrick Warburton. Jeff is the tall jockish of the husband of Audrey Bingham. He is cheap but his good looks and love of his wife always wins the day. He's 6'3", dark hair, and chiseled looks.

Audrey Bingham - Played by Megyn Pryce. Audrey is a 5'7" blond woman with a wonderful 36D chest, and a great personality. She's the other half of the older couple on the show and tends to get annoyed at her oafish husband, but eventually realizes she still loves him.

Adam Rhodes - Played by Oliver Hudson. Adam is 6'1" and a handsome younger man. He's acts dim at times, but always there for his fiancee. He's engaged to Jen Morgan portraying the younger couple.

Jen Morgan - Played by Bianca Kajlich. Jen is a 5'8" woman who has a 34B chest, though on the show she looks like a 34C, as she has in this story. She has the personality of a tomboy. She's often the hornier of her and her fiance.

Russell Dunbar - A minor character in this story, played by David Spade. He's short, dirty, and insulting. In this story he has been dating his assistant's sister.

With that we start at the local coffee shop that the cast frequents.

Our story begins with Jeff and Adam listening to Russell talk about his newest conquest. The girl, Simran, is also his assistant's sister. She flew in to see Russell and didn't tell her brother.

"So she's currently hiding out in my apartment, a little secret rendezvous."

Adam asked. "Wait you're telling me she's in town and she's not even telling her brother she's in New York?"

Russell giggled in his horny way. "Exactly. She's all mine, and she has nothing to do excep...t" almost moan "me!"

Both Jeff and Adam nodded, they were hearing about sex but got their friend was a little grossed like always from Russell's stories.

Jeff though always said the same thing. "Nice. So why aren't you there right now?"

Russell finished off his food and smiled. "Fueling up for tonight. She's wearing me out."

Audrey and Jen walk in and Russel groans and slides out of the booth.

"Ugh the Bobsy Twins are back, oh and Jen's pair are here too, anyways I need to get ready for my date tonight." Russell quipped, giving the name for Audrey's breasts he came up with last night.

Audrey groaned, and Jen responded. "So Russell are you still being the sleaze, running around behind Timmy's back?"

Russell laughed. "Yeah right, that only makes it hotter, don't worry one day you will all slip up and know exactly what I mean. Sneaking around is the best."

Russell walked out the door, triumphant in his mind. The waitress delivered the food for the table, but no one paid attention to the food. Instead, each one thought about what Russell said, they all acted like they were thinking about the comment, but there was three stories that explained what was on their minds.

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Jeff and Jen

Ten years ago

Jen missed Adam. Adam was on a trip for work for the last week. The couple had been engaged a couple months before. and now it was the first time they had been apart for so long. Jen was climbing the walls as her body went through withdrawal, she knew she needed an orgasm to put her right. Her work was noticing her performance was slipping, she just needed the release that Adam provided.

The previous night she tried masturbating. It was the first time she masturbated alone since she had met Adam. She never really masturbated before and had trouble orgasming without something big inside her when she did. She was always too embarrassed to get a toy, so she laid back and rubbed herself hoping it would be the first time. After a few minutes though she gave up, she missed Adam too much.

Tonight though she needed that release. She knew no one would bother her in the apartment so she stripped naked in the living room and made a beeline for her bedroom. She laid on her bed and rubbed her body, telling herself she wouldn't stop until she got what she needed. Her body needed a big orgasm, and she was determined to find a way to get there.

She laid there and rubbed for an hour before she heard a sound.

Jeff unlocked the door of their friends' place. Adam and Jen were great people, but he knew Adam never drank his scotch. He saw the clothes lying around the living room and laughed. The two of them were a bit of slobs but he didn't care. He also knew the two of them were out. Adam was in Florida, Jen was probably out with her friends, or something, and his scotch was sitting there. Yes he gave it as a gift but three months later, it was free game.

Jeff slipped into the apartment and walked around looking for where the couple kept their alcohol. He saw it next to the hallway in the apartment and made a beeline for it, looking through it and seeing if he should take any other bottles to help thin the herd.

As he was looking, he heard a moan, and looked for who made it. From where he was standing there was a clear view into the bedroom, and there laid Jen, naked and rubbing herself. Jeff accidently dropped the bottle making a noise.

Jen looked and saw Jeff standing there watching her, but in her lust fueled state she saw a man capable of filling her desire. Jeff always appeared to be a big stupid jock but from his size Jen always imagined he had a large package. Jen couldn't say anything though she was nervous because she was now naked laying in front of Jeff, rubbing her body. In fact she hadn't stopped yet, her body wouldn't let her.

Jen could only get one word out. "Please."

Jeff stared for a moment, seeing his friend's fiancee naked wasn't something he would stop looking at if he could avoid it. When he heard her say "please" though it broke the spell and her started to walk towards the bedroom.

Jeff never cheated on his wife. Here however was their closest friends, the only other woman he's seen as much as Audrey, and more importantly she was naked. He ambled into the bedroom with a chuckle and removed his suit.

Jen watched, while Jeff could be a blockhead, she needed this, and as he removed his clothes she realized that he was still the strong muscular man she always thought he was. He dropped his pants finally, and she stared at his crotch. Jeff was carrying an eight inch cock. No wonder why Audrey was always so willing to put up with Jeff's stupidity.

Jen realized that Jeff was now standing naked in her bedroom looking at her and she spread her legs giving him access to her without a thought. She was beyond caring about anything other than Jeff, and his magnificent cock entering her, and giving her that orgasm she was chasing.

Jeff watched Jen offering her body to him and he climbed on the bed, she was already primed and from the way she looked at his crotch she must be impressed. All the better, foreplay was overrated, and he could be ready for sex at a moment's notice.

Jeff slide his cock into Jen's body slowly. He felt his first new pussy in over ten years and was reveling in it. Jen's body reacted immediately shuddering from being filled after the hour of foreplay she had administered. Jeff didn't know anything about the length of her masturbation, so he continued to press into her body, as Jen reached up and grabbed his shoulders and moaned out. Jen's body heaved as she felt her elusive orgasm hit her.

Jeff watched her moan out and then pressed more of his cock into the smaller girl. He knew exactly what her actions meant. Another satisfied customer. Now it was Jeff time, Jeff's turn to get all the pleasure he wanted. Jeff chuckled as he pressed his entire cock into his friend's fiance..

Jeff had imagined her naked multiple times and now he saw her her breasts arched up towards him so he bent down and kissed her right breast, tasting her soft flesh he admired all these years.

Jen was relaxing from her orgasm as the big hulking man used her for his pleasure. His lips grabbing her breast though and woke her body up for a second round and she moaned out again. She never felt like this before but instead of relaxing after her orgasm, felt like it was ready for another round of sex. The way Jeff was pressing into her though was exactly what her body needed.

Jeff was enjoying the feeling of having sex with Jen. It had been a couple days since Audrey was in the mood and Jen's breasts felt great in his hands and mouth. He switched between them and Jen let out a loud moan. Maybe he should suggest his wife try playing with herself before he came in.

Jeff threw that thought out for the moment and repositioned himself over Jen, so each of his thrusts went further into her body. He knew his size scared most women back in college, but he also knew most of them came around to trying it out. They just loved how deep it went and each of them let him know it. Jen almost screamed while moaning, letting him know his tool was being put to good use.

Jen could barely form a thought, with Jeff's moving his body over hers, she just became one pleasure nerve. She pulled him into her with her arms, and her feet pressed his ass into her as far as he'd go. Each thrust made her moan, whimper and groan. She hadn't felt like this before.

Jeff loved hearing the chorus of moans from a woman, and he loved the feeling of having sex with someone new, something in him craved a chance to give Jen what he thought she needed. Now with that attempt, he was almost enjoying himself more than her. Almost.

Jen's body was going wild, her back arched, her legs wrapped around Jeff and pulled his body towards her on each thrust. Jen's eyes were closed as she enjoyed every single motion of the large man. Her body was going wild from all the attention.

Jeff continued to thrust into Jen and suddenly felt his time was up. He moaned out himself, almost bellowing as he came inside Jen. His cock flooded her with his creamy batter and he fell forward on top of her.

Jen felt his penis growing and as he came inside her, she had a second orgasm. A second orgasm? Adam had never got a second one out of her in such a short time. Her body quivered with it as she laid under him. and revealed in what this hunk had made her feel. He might be a cheap lunkhead but he certainly knew how to make a woman feel amazing.

After a few minutes Jeff realized he was laying on his friend's wife. He sat up and went to grab his clothes.

"Alright. Well that happened. But it can't happen again."

Jen just sat there and realized she cheated on Adam, but in her mind she could never forget how Jeff made her feel. She watched Jeff dress and leave, grabbing the scotch on the way out, but part of her knew that if he ever wanted her again she'd be willing if she could get away with it.

****************

Adam and Audrey

Five years ago

A couple years after her indiscretion Jen had moved past it. Jeff never returned to her bed, but she didn't mind. Adam still got her through the night. Jen however gotten closer with Audrey. They became best friends She and Audrey became best friends, even though Audrey was older than her. She still liked having a woman to talk to about female things, of which she included her sex life.

Audrey listened to Jen talking about Adam for the hundredth time. She often came over on girls nights and Jen would find some reason to mention Adam. While she wouldn't talk about their sex life, she would hint and let it be know Adam was a champion.

Audrey would give a vague things about her and Jeff. Jeff wasn't a bad lover, but after sixteen years they had found what work and rarely experimented. Jen would at least hint at her multi hour long sessions and Audrey couldn't compete with that.

Audrey just listened to her and wished she could remember even a half hour long session. Adam. It was clear Adam was magnificent in bed and Jen was a lucky woman.

Audrey continued to think about it as the week went on. Jeff became a bit of an ass as he did and she knew he would eventually turn on the charm and Audrey would let him back into her bed, but while the week went on she kept thinking about the fact that Jeff would barely give her time to cum, Adam on the other hand would be in her friend's bed and giving her hours of pleasure.

Adam, the clueless idiot, could go for hours, well perhaps there's something to his slow mind, if he can deliver that kind of performance. Audrey had a desire to find out, but she didn't have a clue how.

One day Jeff was out playing softball, Jen was hanging out with some other girlfriends for a bachelorette party. One that Audrey was sure she'd hear about the next day. Jen loved to gossip.

Audrey was watching television when Adam came knocking. She let him in and he looked around.

"Hey Audrey have you seen Jen?"

Audrey watched Adam look around like a lost puppy and almost laugh but then she got an idea. She walked over to Adam.

"Hey Adam. Jen's out with her friends, but she said we should hang out."

Adam perked up. "Oh yeah? That's great! I was bored waiting for her. Is she getting home soon?"

Audrey sighed. "Don't worry about her, she had something else in mind for you tonight."

Audrey sat down on the couch and Adam sat down next to her looking excited.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Jen said that she wanted me to know how lucky she is, but she a little afraid of how you'll take it."

Adam perked up. "So she wants to go to Vegas with you?"

Audrey rolled her eyes. "No I meant in bed. She's told me she's very blessed with you."

"Oh the sex tape... I can show you that, but Jen taped over it."

Audrey sighed again. She can't believe how dumb Adam is. Jeff was a moron, but Adam just didn't have brain, this had better be worth it.

"No, Adam, she wanted me to try it out in person. But she's a little self conscious so she doesn't want you to mention it to her. Do you understand?"

Adam nodded. "I think I get it, can you give me a little more?"

Audrey counted to ten to keep from belittling Adam. "Listen Adam. Jen said you and I should have sex one time, but she doesn't want you to mention it to her."

Adam smiled. "I don't know but if Jen says ok, I should do it. So umm should we do it at my bedroom."

Audrey smiled. "Just follow me and try not to talk too much. Jen's rule."

Adam nodded again, he knew if Jen said something he should do it, that's what Jen always said. Adam followed Audrey to the bedroom and watched her move. Audrey had a smaller butt than Jen, but she still looked more elegant walking.

Audrey led the puppy to the bedroom and then removed her clothes. She hoped she wasn't making a mistake, but she had to know what Adam would do. She stood in her bra and panties and turned. Adam had already taken off his shirt and was working on his pants, getting them off after a little struggle. He stood in his boxers.

Audrey looked down at his boxers and for a second felt disappointed. Jeff was big but Audrey was expecting Adam to tip the scales, instead he was packing what Audrey thought was smaller than average.

Adam smiled and noticed how big Audrey's breasts were when compared to Jen's. They were at least a cup bigger, but he couldn't wait to try them out. He was always curious about how other women's breasts felt.

Audrey smiled at the way Adam looked at her, not just like she was the only choice, but as she was a new experience. That lust and desire made Audrey feel special for once. It would be nice to try something new in the bedroom, even if he didn't measure up.

Audrey started to slip her bra off her shoulders and Adam stopped her and helped by undoing it and sliding it off himself. He then removed her panties, taking care to have her step out of them one foot at a time. It was a bit nicer than Jeff's grunts and motions. But Adam still had his boxers on.

"Lay down. If I'm going to show you how I take care of Jen, you should get on your back."

Audrey nodded and laid down. Jeff would just pawed at her breasts as foreplay, Adam though had something else in mind. She laid down and felt Adam sliding her legs apart. Then his lips traced down her legs slowly kissing and moving towards her crotch.

Her crotch? She didn't remember the last time someone went down on her. Jeff focused on getting inside her, and that worked especially well, but this was different.

Adam knew he had to do his best, Jen wanted to show him off to her best friend. Audrey was sexy, but Adam had a desire to know what she tasted like. She seemed to be scared, that's how Jen was the first time, but he knew he'd have her feeling something else in a minute.

Adam's lip brushed Audrey's pussy slowly. Audrey let out a moan, this was different for her. She was enjoying herself.. Then Adam's fingers touched her pussy and spread her lips. She felt a little coldness, before she felt a tongue touch her pussy and lick, and rub it gently.

Audrey was shocked, just feeling his tongue was getting her hotter than she had been in years. This must be what Jen meant by foreplay. No grabbing or groping, but someone actually paying attention to her most sensitive area and what attention it was. Audrey squirmed, and moaned out again, this time as loud as she dared.

"Ohhh, Adam."

Adam smiled, he knew Audrey was enjoying his work. He had learned the techniques that could make women moan years before Jen, but Jen honed his craft. While Jen couldn't come from his oral work, he could spend hours tasting her and licking her, driving her crazy until she finally agreed to let him enter her.

Audrey tasted amazing to Adam though, it was like a different wine, or whatever Jen went on about, all he knew is he liked tasting Audrey and he had no problem licking her as much as she wanted. He knew that Audrey will let him have his reward once she'd had her fill.

Audrey felt her body heaving. When she masturbated her body felt amazing, but Adam had her feeling even better. Audrey grabbed Adam's head and pressed it into her crotch harder. The idea of using the cute boy toy turned her on. His tongue was a million time betters than anything else she ever tried down there.

After ten minutes of work, Audrey's toes curled. They actually curled up, she didn't think that happened. Her body screamed for release. Audrey felt she could take no more and let loose, she screamed Adam's name louder than she thought she should. She didn't care, she just wanted more.

Audrey collapsed back on the bed, she felt sweaty, hot, and relaxed. But she was still horny. She wanted more, she knew it was greedy but after he had made her feel that release, all Audrey could think about was another one. If the second orgasm was even close to the first one, she knew Adam could drive her crazy in just a short time. But she had to have another. There was no way to say anything, her body was a mixture of bliss, and pleasure.

Adam had no other thoughts, Jen had never come, but he had been down there for a small portion of the time he would work on Jen, so he continued to lick and taste Audrey. There was a new taste in her body, one he found more appealing. He drank her sweet nectar and then slide his tongue into her pussy rubbing that sensitive area on top of the pussy, It was called the K Spot, or something, all he need to know is it drove women crazy.

Audrey grabbed Adam's head and pressed his head into her crotch again and moaned his name again as he worked on her. She had to admit, Jen was right, if nothing else, Adam was an incredible lover.