Sarah Liebowitz' Blog

Author's Note: I wrote this story to protest the way we treat fat people. Fat people have the same feelings as you and I do. Fat people just want to be accepted, and then left alone to live and love in peace. Think about this: the last time you worked out, was it somebody fat who screamed for you to "Go for the burn?" No, that was your hardbody personal trainer who said that, am I not correct? Has a fat person ever told you that the food on your plate was unhealthy and full of transfats? No, it was that thin, preachy, yoga-practicing neighbour of yours. Have you ever seen a fat terrorist? No, it's the skinny people who do all those annoying things in your life, yet the fat people are the ones you insult. Put aside your prejudices about fat people and learn how they live and love. Sarah Leibowitz first appeared in my story, "In Search of Tamar Ch. 3".

MakomSheli.xx.xx: Sarah Leibowitz

Gender: Female

Status: Single

Age: 29

Sign: Virgo

City: EILAT

State:

Country: ISRAEL

Signup Date: 09/09/06

Entry for 09/15/06

Since this is my first time on MakomSheli.xx.xx, let me tell you something about myself. I'm 29 years old, female and straight. My height is medium and I have brown hair and blue/gray eyes. Some people might say I'm full-figured. I like to think of myself as larger than life but soft and cuddly. As you can see from my photo, I dress fashionably. I believe that I'm personable. I think of myself as a friendly person but I don't like being used.

I speak Hebrew, English and Russian. I learned my English partly from high school but mostly from listening to the BBC with my best friend. My parents came from Russia and so we spoke Russian in our home. Oh yes, my parents tried to keep their secrets from us by speaking Yiddish but I picked up a bit of that as well and learned a lot that I wasn't supposed to know. My family wasn't religious. I consider myself a traditional Jew, rather than a religious Jew. For all that, I like to keep a kosher kitchen because it's healthier and I observe all the religious holidays.

My favourite movie of all time is "Bridget Jones' Diary". Renée Zellweger looks so healthy and plump in that movie, not emaciated the way she was in "Chicago". I just love Renée plump and Jewish, the way she was in "A Price Above Rubies". Don't you just love her big tushie? And how about the way Gwyneth Paltrow ballooned up in "Shallow Hal"? Gwyneth is half-Jewish, did you know that? My favourite singer is Sarit Hadad. I love Sarit's voice and the way she isn't at all conscious about her weight. My favourite TV show is "Ugly Betty". Don't you think America Ferrara is just as cute as she can be?

More about me. I graduated from Trumpeldor High in Beersheva, maybe not with honours but I was well up in my class. I must have been the only Ashkenazi in my graduating class. I've had some success in the business world since then. I own a tourist agency here in Eilat. I'm not rich but I own my apartment and I own my car. Unlike most Israelis I have no debts; in fact, I've got money in the bank. The only thing I don't have is a boyfriend. The reason I joined MakomSheli.xx.xx was so that I might meet someone nice. Is anybody interested in having a satisfying relationship with a nice, hardworking woman?

Comments:

Come off it lady. You're fat and ugly. You're lonely because nobody wants a whale like you for a girlfriend. Give me a nice, slim Yemeni woman anytime. Yochi, Herzliyah

So you have no debts. What are you, some kind of fool who believes in the shekel? Don't be so high and mighty, you fat, ugly old miser. Spend some money or all the rest of us will be out of work. Devorah, Yavneh

Can I send you a book about Moshiach in Russian? Yitzi, Jerusalem

Entry for 09/21/06

Yochi, that was very hurtful what you said about my weight. I've always been teased about my weight. When I was thirteen I weighed 55 kilo. My school chums were just as brutal as you, Yochi so I decided to prove myself by applying to a modeling agency. They told me to go away and lose weight before they would even consider teaching me how to model. I starved myself to the point that I was passing out. When I sat down to eat, I chewed up the food and spit it in a napkin. One day at Trumpeldor High, I passed out and was rushed to the hospital. I told my mother that I was starving myself to lose weight so that I could model. She gave me some advice that I live by today and that is, "If you're good enough for Adonai (the Lord), then you're definitely good enough for everyone else. If people don't like the way you are, then they can kiss your tuches."

I won't be blogging on MakomSheli.xx.xx for a couple of weeks. Feel free to visit my site and look at some of the poetry I wrote. The reason I won't be on the Net is because I was approached by both the Mayor of Eilat and the Chairman of the Tourist Board to work on a trade show that will start the week after Yom Kippur. What it means is that I'll be doing all the work and the Mayor and Chairman will get all the credit, if the trade show is a success. If the trade show is a flop, I'll get the blame. Well, that's the life of any woman who isn't a fashion model. I need to be twice as good as the beautiful people to get recognized.

That's why I must make this show a success. I'm told that there will be a large delegation of tourist agents from the United States, so I'll tailor the show for their needs. The Tourist Board wants to promote Eilat as an international destination beginning with the Americans. I'll get the best convention room and organize displays in English. Well, maybe that's why they chose me to work on the show. I learned English while all the beautiful tourist agents spent their nights flat on their backs underneath the Mayor and Chairman.

Tourists from the United States can be such a pain, especially the goyim. They always expect everything to be exactly like in Podunk, Iowa. They never understand why they can't get a cheeseburger in a restaurant with a kosher license. They don't like Israeli music, they don't try to understand our culture and they always complain about the heat in Eilat. I'll try my best to pander to their quirks but it's difficult promoting Eilat as a tourist destination to people such as that.

Comments

I agree with you that tourists can be a real pain but they bring a lot of foreign exchange into the country. Try not to whine or complain to them like you're doing now. Oren, Kiryat Gat

I don't want to complain too much but right now I now have a kassam rocket in my garden. Aren't the problems you might have in your personal life or with your weight insignificant compared to mine? Gavi, Sderot

Entry for 10/13/06

All my work paid off. The show was a great success, even though the Mayor and the Chairman of the Tourist Board took all the credit for themselves, as I expected. I was the host and introduced the dignitaries but I could see the pretty tourist agents who couldn't organize a tour to the Dead Sea sitting in the front row ogling the politicians. Those women gravitate to power because they don't want to do any real work. Why aren't the hardworking, reliable people appreciated for keeping the world together?

Despite being ignored, I had some fun at the trade show. Guess what? I met somebody interesting. After the other tourist agents put on their dog and pony shows in horribly accented English, I might add. Hell must employ Israeli travel agents with PowerPoint presentations. I went to my table to relieve my assistant, Tzipi. I anticipated that, once I sat down to promote our tours to Timna and to Petra, the American men would disappear. Tzipi is, to put it bluntly, knock-you-out gorgeous. She has big boobs, like a good Israeli woman, that the halter tops she always wears show off to her advantage. She always wears low-cut pants without any love handles hanging outside. Sure enough, as soon as I sat down and Tzipi went to powder her nose, all the Americans with blow-dried hair disappeared.

I was rearranging my English brochures on the table when this huge good-looking black man came by and showed some interest in my tours. When I say huge, I mean in horizontal directions. You would probably call him fat but I liked his round shape. I spotted him in the audience while I was giving my presentation on the antiquities around Eilat. It wasn't difficult because he was the only black man among the American tourist agents and such a big man. He was so cute the way he hung over both sides of the chair. I was almost positive that he was trying to make eye contact with me while I was on the podium. He smiled at me so much that I couldn't miss his flash of white teeth. I just didn't think it was possible anybody could be attracted to me.

We talked business for a while, tours and hotel availability. He's from the American state of Georgia and spoke with such a strange accent that I had trouble at first understanding his English. Finally, he asked my name so I told him and asked him his. He said he was Darren Brown. I called him Darren but he kept calling me Miss Liebowitz until I told him that Israelis were informal people and normally use only their first name in conversation. From then on, I was Miss Sarah to him.

It looked like he was starting to ask me something when the Chairman of the Tourist Board announced that the Americans agents were scheduled to take a glass-bottomed boat tour of the coral reefs. He apologized that he had to leave but asked if I was available for dinner so he could continue our conversation and perhaps we could do some business. Of course, I accepted his invitation.

Darren was as good as his word. He hooked up with me when his bus came back to the convention centre. He asked me where to eat that was quiet and nice so I suggested an outdoor restaurant down by the beach. Our dinner was leisurely and enjoyable. Darren really enjoys his food, something else that attracted me to him. He didn't mind that I ordered a lot of food for myself. That's quite unlike a date with Israeli guys. They're always in such a hurry to get the woman into bed that they go cheap on the dinner and try and get me to finish eating. I find that foreign guys are more patient, but I still end up paying for dinner. I really appreciated the way Darren didn't push at all. Still, Darren was all business during dinner. It seemed his main concern was how well equipped Eilat was to handle tours of religious Afro-Americans. That made me curious about his country:

"I'm surprised because I thought that America was a secular, integrated country, just like Israel. Why is your particular clientele so religious and racially segregated?"

"I can explain Miss Sarah but, first of all, I have to tell you about Black Church. (That's what Darren calls the church that Afro-Americans attend.) While Americans work and play together, they don't worship and pray together. Black Church has always been livelier than White Church. Frankly, white folks just don't seem to be having fun in their churches so we like to have our church the way we like it. I know that I don't look much like it but I used to be a Southern Baptist minister. One day, the faithful in my congregation asked me to lead them on a tour of the Holy Land. The trip was so successful that the Pentecostals and then the Seventh Day Adventists wanted a tour as well. I got a reputation for my tours in all the black churches throughout Georgia. I had almost no time for the preaching. I was making more money with the Holy Land Tour business than I was making as a preacher."

I was curious why he wasn't a preacher any longer, because he had an authoritative voice and manner, just like our most important rabbis. I just knew that he was good at anything he did. However, the waiter came with the bill, looking as if he wanted to get off duty and go windsurfing. Darren paid for dinner (a welcome change) and I walked him back to his hotel. In the lobby, he shook my hand warmly enough but it was clear the evening was over, whether I wanted it to be or not. Then I heard some music from the lounge. It was an Israeli troupe putting on a show. That gave me an idea to prolong the evening and to learn more about my new male friend.

"Darren, would you like to see how Israelis have fun? Maybe your clientele would like this kind of show when they visit Eilat?"

That turned out to be a brilliant suggestion. Darren loved the show and he loved dancing to the music, even though he hadn't heard any of the songs that the troupe sang. Darren is a great dancer, very light on his feet. I heard that black men are good dancers and Darren proved to be no exception. More than that, he loved dancing with me. I don't like to brag but I can dance very well. It's just that I never get invited to dance. I don't know how long we danced but finally Darren asked if we could go sit down and have a drink. The perspiration was pouring off his head when we sat down.

"Man, I haven't worked up a sweat like that since my college days when I played football for Georgia Baptist College."

"You played football? I've never seen a football player as big as you are. Here in Israel, the football players are all little men, not big like you."

"You're thinking of soccer, Miss Sarah. I played American football. Soccer is played with a round ball by skinny guys but American football is played by big guys with a long, skinny ball. Linemen like me are the biggest, toughest men in American football. We have to be big and tough to protect the skinny pretty boys who play in the backfield. I should have let a few linebackers through to sack the pretty boys for keeping all the women to themselves. Nah, revenge wouldn't be Christian and besides, I wanted to play in the NFL. I never got to the NFL, though. Being a Christian, I wouldn't take any drugs to play better. I'm not Barry Bonds. Well, I graduated, I got me a good church and I made myself a success, both as a preacher and now as a travel agent."

Now was the time to satisfy my curiosity as to why he wasn't a preacher. "Let me guess. You became a travel agent instead of a komer because you made more money in the travel business?"

"No, Miss Sarah, I had another reason for leaving the ministry. I left because an elder's wife came to me for marriage counseling."

"I don't understand. Isn't that just part of a komer's job, to provide counseling services? Even our modern rabbis study psychology along side the Talmud."

"Probably your rabbis don't get quite as involved in their work as I did. After a few sessions of talking to the woman and praying with her, it turned out that the problem in her marriage was that the elder was denying himself to her. That elder's wife was just plain sexually frustrated. You can look it up in the Bible but it's un-Christian for a man to deny his wife sex. So I, ummh, did the righteous thing for her and relieved her frustration right there on the desk in my vestry. I grabbed her by the hips and ground on her pussy until there was smoke between her thighs.

She got up from my desk so happy that I saved her marriage she told all the frustrated women in my congregation that I had to be the world's greatest marriage counselor. She was very discreet, but her story spread wider than she spread her legs on my desk. Suddenly, I had half the women in the congregation asking me for counseling. Yes, things were going well in my ministry. My real problems began when my fame spread and women from the other black churches in town started attending my church. I never knew that there were so many unhappy marriages in our community that needed saving.

Now I wasn't just humping the women in my congregation. I was stealing women members of the other preachers' flocks. So, before I got hauled up before the Georgia Ministerial Council, I left the preaching for the tourist industry. Since I was making more money arranging Holy Land tours than I made in the church, I quit as a preacher. Yet, the requests for my brand of marriage counseling didn't quit when I quit the pulpit. You have no idea how many God-fearing church women need sound biblical advice on the subject of marriage and marital salvation. My advice invariably was that they should take one of my tours of the Holy Land without their husbands. Invariably, I always returned happy women to their husbands. Do you know that this is the first trip I've made to Israel where I haven't counseled churchwomen by giving what they weren't getting from their husbands."

Darren probably told me more than I wanted to know at that point but at least now I didn't need to ask him if he was sexually active. And I had to find out what all those women saw in him. From the beginning, I wanted him to take me up to his room and give me what I've been missing for so long. "I assume that all those women in the churches were black women, Darren. Uh, have you ever been with a white woman?"

"I've never had any good experiences with white women. Until I met you, I thought white women were mostly bitches. For example, when I played college football those skinny white cheerleaders were interested in us black guys but only the quarterbacks and wide receivers. As I said, a lineman has to have some weight to protect the pretty quarterback's ass, excuse me, tush. As you can see, I'm short and stocky – skinny girls don't go for guys like me."

"Darren, that's exactly how I get treated by men. They don't like big women like me. What I don't understand is why you had so much success with all your church ladies. Why didn't they treat you the same way the cheerleaders did?"

"It's like this, Miss Sarah. Black folks are different from white folks in more ways than the colour of our skin. We've got ourselves a completely different culture. You can easily see it in our music or, like I say, in our churches. We also have different values when it comes to our bodies. In black society, we value size and strength, even in our women. It's a good thing to be 'thick' in your body."

"I think I'm beginning to like you black people more and more. As an Afro-American, do you like my looks and my body type?"

"Do I like how you look? Miss Sarah, I think you're one phat woman."

I was so shocked when I heard him say that I was fat. I know that I'm a little on the heavy side but even Israeli men are refined enough not to call me shemenah. Darren must have seen the hurt look in my eyes because he started to explain himself.

"You must think I said that you're fat, F-A-T. I didn't mean F-A-T at all, Miss Sarah. phat, P-H-A-T, is an acronym in Ebonics that black men use to describe a beautiful woman. It's an acronym for Perfect Hips, Ass and Tits. I'm sorry you misunderstood."

We talked for a little while longer but it seemed as if the magic had gone out of the night. Instead of inviting me up to his room, Darren looked at his watch and said that he had to get up early the next day because he was taking a tour to Petra. I gave him my card with my pelaphone number but I don't expect much. He gave me his American business card, excused himself and left me watching the show.

I feel so depressed right now. Did I blow it by being upset because I thought Darren was calling me fat? Will Darren call back or is he like all the skinny guys who back out while they can? Are all men the same? But if he does call me up, will it work out? I like Darren a lot but he isn't Jewish, he's Afro-American. He said that black people have a different culture. Can two people so different ever work it out? I'm just too excited and perplexed to get any sleep tonight.

Comments

It's me, your best friend Tamar. I just love your blogspot. Darren sounds perfect for you even if you have doubts. Don't let matters of race or religion get in the way of your happiness. I'm married to a goy and very happy. Tamar, Canada