Sasha Ch. 13

Paralysis. Inability to breathe. Inability to move. Inability to think. The world around me was spinning at an incredible pace. I did not know what to do. I closed my eyes.

I felt Sasha pulling on my arm. My eyes opened. Dylan was no longer standing in front of us. I heard words, a distorted voice. "Come on, we have to talk to him."

I allowed myself to be propelled forward. My brain began to function again as thoughts rushed in.What is he doing here? How did he find out? What can I say now?

We emerged into the terminal. Sasha pushed me to the right. I saw Dylan's back. Without thinking about it, I yelled, "Dylan, wait!" I was shocked to see him comply. He stood there without turning around, his shoulders drooped.

Every sensation seemed magnified as I made my legs move to walk towards him. I was acutely aware of my feet touching the ground, of the air in my face as I moved. I reached him in a few steps. I stood beside him but he didn't turn his head. I reached my fingers to touch his sleeve, but he abruptly pulled his arm away.

We were next to an empty gate area. Sasha motioned that we should go sit over there. I made my feet walk in that direction. Sasha and I walked to a corner that would give us a little privacy. I turned back, but Dylan was still standing in the same spot. I returned to him.

"Please, let's talk."

"Not withhim here." He looked towards Sasha, his face twisting into a sneer.

"OK." I walked back to Sasha. "We're going to talk here. You need to leave us for a while."

He grasped my elbow and bent his face down. "I'm not sure I should...are you going to be all right?"

"Sure. Might as well get this over with now. Come back in a little while. I'll wait for you here."

He looked uncertain, but he had no choice. He turned and left the area.

I summoned the energy to make my feet move. Dylan had chosen a chair and extended his hand in a mock gesture of politeness. "Please make yourself comfortable. This is going to be a good story. I've been waiting all week to hear it."

I sat down, my head bowed. "I am so sorry. This is not the time and place I had in mind to talk to you about... what's happened to me recently." The speech I rehearsed evaporated. I struggled to make my mind work and the words come out.

"Let's cut to the chase. You've been seeing - or should I say, fucking - our good friend and classmate, for how long now? At least one week in Japan, and on your last trip to L.A., am I right?" I didn't respond. "Any earlier than that?"

I looked up.Oh my god, he knows everything! "No, I swear, no! How did you find out, may I ask?"

He sat back in his seat, a smug expression filling his face. "Oh sure, you can ask. I got an e-mail from Stan Kenzo." My stomach heaved. "Stan was thrilled that you got in touch with him during your trip, so he got to thinking that it had been a long time since he and I had communicated. He looked up my e-mail address in the alumni directory. And such a coincidence that you and Sasha were on the same flight! Unbelievable! Although, you know, that by itself was plausible. Didn't really arouse my suspicion, even when you didn't say anything to me in your e-mail about seeing Stan or running into Sasha. I'm sure you were too busy. I was looking forward to hearing all about it when you returned."

His voice dripped with sarcasm. I winced.

"So, then, I had to go to your office to pick up that document I needed for the loan. Your receptionist was very busy, so she told me to go to your office and look through your desk myself."

I closed my eyes. I instantly knew what he found.

"I wasn't prying, but in your top drawer I found a note in funny handwriting, which reminded me of that Russian kind of script. An odd note to find in a desk of a woman who's all business like you are. Signed with an 'S.' Who's 'S?' I thought."

"Just for the hell of it, I used your computer to access our alumni directory. I was suddenly very curious about what had become of old Sasha since graduation. Well, wasn't itanother amazing coincidence that Sasha now works at the Getty Museum, your favorite museum in the whole world!

"You know, I always wondered about you two at school, too. Do you have any idea how he looked at you when you weren't watching?"

"Oh, and another hint; that missing hotel night in L.A. You were pretty damn careless, I must say. Once I added up all these clues, I figured I should come to L.A. to meet your plane, so I could see for myself what you were up to."

I tried to grab a coherent thought as they sped around in my head. I never for a moment imagined this scenario, that Dylan would be confronting me about my infidelity instead of me informing him. I could not control this. I was at his mercy.

"So what do you have to say about this situation? Besides 'I'm sorry.' Don't give me any of that bullshit."

I took a deep breath. "You're right about everything, but it happened out of the clear blue. I didn't seek him out, it was an accident." He snorted his contempt. "I don't know how to explain this to you, but I've fallen in love with him. He feels the same way about me. We want to start a life together. I'm sorry. It's my fault, it has nothing to do with you. I'm certain now that I married you for all the wrong reasons."

His face contorted with anger and his hands rolled into fists, the knuckles white. "How could you do this to me?" he said, his voice rising. "When were you planning on telling me? Were you just going to make more and more business trips, then come home and play the bitch queen until you left again? When did you realize you'd made a mistake in marrying me? Certainly not when we bought our new house or new car. You didn't mind having me around for that!"

"No, that's not it. I never knew something was missing before. I do believe I loved you and I have no right to complain about anything you've done, or not done. You've been a great husband and I thank you for that. I just didn't know that something was missing until I saw Sasha again. It's nothing you could do anything about and it's something I can't deny now."

Dylan's face suddenly betrayed the hurt that must have been suppressed too long and that now demanded his attention. I watched agony replace the anger as tears welled up in his eyes. "I loved you so much, you know," he said with great bitterness in his voice. "You made my life complete, just like what I hear you saying about how you feel abouthim. I was so proud of you, proud that you were my wife. Your reflection on me was what gave me confidence. I triedso hard to give you everything. I thought you felt the same way. Can you imagine what it feels like for one minute to have all of that betrayed? Can you imagine seeing your wife kissing another man?"

I shook my head. I felt my own misery within.

"I guess the difference between you and me is that I was serious when I made my marriage vows before God and everyone. Now I'm going back home, alone. Do not even think about returning. But don't worry, I'll take care of explaining this to the family, conveniently gathered for Emily's wedding. Yes, that's going to be fun. 'Where's your wife?' 'Oh, she's off fucking an old friend. Sends her regrets.' Thanks for the great timing."

Out of the corner of my eye, I glimpsed Sasha heading over to where we were sitting. "Well, I guess I need to get on my plane now," Dylan said loudly, turning to address Sasha. "Just wanted to personally welcome you back to the States! Nice to see an old classmate doing so well, Sash! Hey, did you ever realize that if she didn't think twice about cheating on me, that she'll most likely cheat on you, too? You might want to consider that. But I'm sure you already know what a slut she is."

I buried my face in my hands. I felt a tidal wave of misery and guilt engulf me. The roar in my ears was as loud as any nearby jet revving its engines could be.