Sasha Ch. 15

When I saw the car's headlights pull up to the reception area, I thought it was odd that someone might be arriving so late, in such bad weather. It had been snowing heavily and the Japanese aren't fond of traveling in the snow, nor did the inn get many guests in the winter. I heard muffled voices outside the door, but couldn't make out what they were saying.Oh well, I'm sure Murada-san will tell me all about it in the morning.

I had been at the inn for a few days. A few months earlier, I came here on business and found great comfort in my friendship with Murada-san and inspiration from the mountain. It surprised me that I could return here, but I guess the positive forces outweighed my bittersweet memories. I never did, however, climb the stairs to the top floor to return to the room where we first stayed.

I sat at a table with a dim light in the front room, practicing my Japanese script. I had an old schoolbook in front of me and I was diligently copying the complicated characters one by one. It was essential that I learn to write, something I'd been avoiding. I had to learn them so I could continue living in Japan.

I'd been working for a travel agency, under the table at low wages; it was the best way for me to earn money. I used my fluency in English and Japanese to increase the American tourist trade for the owner. I had also referred quite a few Americans to Murada-san's inn, which is how I came to contact her again.

Stan and Michiko had helped me get the job, as well as a place to live after I'd stayed with them. Stan felt very bad about inadvertently alerting Dylan to my infidelity, although I assured him it was not his fault. Michiko and I became very close; I don't know how I would have survived without her. I had been sick quite a bit once the weather turned colder. I couldn't shake the flu and she did everything she could to help me. I still was coughing, and Murada-san said I was too thin.

I pulled my kimono around me tighter and grasped my cup of tea. The fire in the fireplace was dying, its heat diminishing. I gazed out the window at the snow, but I found it hard to take pleasure in its beauty. I made a point of not letting anything touch me deeply. That's how I got in trouble before.

I practiced a few more characters, but the cold made my fingers were stiff. I closed my book and turned off the light. A knock came at the door. "Come in," I said. Murada-san opened the door slightly and slipped inside. "I was just going to bed. Oh, who was that arriving so late, in such bad weather? Do you have new guests?" I asked.

"We have grown to be good friends, haven't we?"

I was puzzled by her response. "Well, yes we have. You have shown great kindness to me and I am grateful."

"Therefore, if I have done something in secret, with the intention of helping you, you will not be angry?"

"Murada-san, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Your husband was the one who just arrived."

I couldn't grasp the full meaning of what she had just told me.My husband? Dylan?

The door opened. A figure entered, but I couldn't see the face. It wasn't Dylan though, I knew from the stature. Murada-san stood up to leave, patting him on the arm as she left the room. The figure came over to my chair. The dying embers cast a dim glow upon Sasha's face. I gasped aloud.

He took my hand. I looked away. My brain went numb.

"I've come to bring you home, sweetheart."

"Oh.... No. How can this...?"

He turned on the light, pulled up a chair and sat in front of me. I was immediately struck by his handsome face, but he seemed different somehow. His skin seemed so pale. His hair was longer. He looked older.

"I've been waiting for you, you know. Your penance is over now, you've paid for your crime."

"How did you track me down here?"

"Murada-san is very wise. She also cares about you very much, and I guess about me. She contacted me. She knew it was time for me to come for you. I also bring news that you should know about. Dylan isn't suffering alone anymore. He apparently is getting on quite well without you. He has moved in with a woman."

I shut my eyes, trying to grasp the significance of what I just heard.Dylan somehow has recovered from the wounds I inflicted. It was not a lethal blow!

"Oh my God. I don't know what to say. You came all this way to tell me that?"

"Well, I don't know if you got my letters. You wouldn't talk to me on the phone at Stan's. There was no other way to reach you."

"Sasha, I'm so sorry." I put my face in my hands. Without warning, my tears began to flow, the months of suppressed emotion erupting. I shook with silent sobs. I felt his hand on my back, then his strong arms pulling me close. I couldn't believe how much I missed that feeling.

It took me quite a while to compose myself. I finally lifted my swollen face and looked him in eyes. "There you go now. Here's a tissue. Let's go somewhere warmer and talk."

"Over there - throw another log on the fire. My room is pretty small and cold."

"But my room is warm - and has a wonderful view."

"Are... Did you..?"

"I couldn't imagine staying anywhere else."

I hung my head. "I'm not sure I'm ready."

"I understand. My only goal is to talk to you."

He stood up and put some wood into the small fireplace. It soon burst into flames giving more light and heat to the room. We moved to the mat in front of the fire and sat facing each other.

"Are you feeling all right? I've heard you've been sick."

"Yes, it's been rough. Bad weather, crowded subway."

I told him about my job, some of the small details of living here in this country. He told me about his work and how he has taken on some considerable projects for the museum. "I am so grateful for the work. Being busy meant I only had to get through the nights filled with worry about you...."

Another great swell of regret surged in me. He must have noticed it on my face and reached out for my hand. "But I'm here with you now, and I want to take you back with me. You shouldn't live in this climate. It obviously doesn't agree with you."

"Sasha, I don't know what to say. This is so sudden. I'm not sure all the reasons I left aren't still valid."

"You left to punish yourself. You left because I reminded you of your failure. I was the reason you had to hurt Dylan, regardless of how good that reason was. I understand why you left, but I think it's time to accept the fact that your sentence is over. I haven't stopped thinking about you, about us. We had some incredible plans, plans that we made right here. It's time to start acting on them."

I was truly in shock. I had trained my mind not to think about him. I had been able to start a new life and I learned things about myself I hadn't expected to. The void in my heart had been healing, or at least it wasn't as painful. I stayed quite busy with the day-to-day demands of living in a foreign country, which helped to distract me. Yet, to see him there, sitting in front of me, I could feel all the old feelings beginning to surface. I just couldn't bring myself to acknowledge or accept them - not yet.

"I need a little time to digest this news. Can we talk more in the morning? You must be exhausted anyway."

"Yeah, it's been a long trip, but being here with you makes it worthwhile. And I'm not going to lose you again; you know that, don't you?" He took my hand and gently pulled me close. His lips touched mine, pulled back. I still didn't dare bring myself to respond.

He stood up. "Now, please don't run off anywhere before I get up!" he said with a smile. "I'll see you in the morning." He turned and left the room.

I remained in front of the fire, trying to comprehend the new twist in my life. Once again in this place in the Japanese countryside, I felt the lifting of an enormous weight from my soul, but there was also a deeper well of regret. For the first time, I realized that in my attempt to atone for my sins, I had caused greater pain to the innocent. Perhaps my flaws weren't insurmountable.Therewas someone who will accept me. Someone to love me despite the unbelievably stupid things I've done. How could I have been such a fool?

An incredible hunger rose within me. I could not live another minute unless he held me in his arms and touched me the way he used to. I quickly left the room and went up the stairs.

I quietly opened the door to the room on the top floor. I saw Sasha in the bed; he rolled over and held the quilt up to invite me to join him.

When we made contact, I felt a miracle occur; I felt a healing power start to erase all my doubts and pains.

"Please forgive me."

He held his finger to my lips, then stroked my hair.

"Everything is all right now. You're with me."

We began to make love in an almost hesitant manner, as if it were our first time. We needed to get reacquainted with each other's bodies. He slowly ran his fingers over my face and down to my arms. He kissed me with sweet little pecks, finally bringing his mouth to mine, letting our tongues tentatively entwine. His hands moved further down over my kimono. He found the sash and pulled it until it fell away. His fingers moved very slowly underneath, running over my skin. I pressed my fingers to his chest, remembering how wonderful his muscular torso felt, how his nipples stood at attention when I lightly rubbed them. He lifted himself off me and opened my kimono. He hesitated for moment, then ever so lightly began to stroke the soft skin at the top of my breasts with the fingertips of one hand. I arched my back, wanting to feel the sensation more. He continued to stroke downwards, finally reaching a nipple. As he caressed it and it hardened, he brought his lips down, running his tongue over it and sucking gently. I inhaled and squirmed at the acute sensation running through me.Why did I think I needed to give this up?

I yearned to touch him, to relive the pleasure of feeling his skin, bone and muscle under my own hands. I let my fingers glide wherever they could reach; his back, arms, torso. I grew bolder and pushed him onto his back where I could freely kiss and touch him all over. My fingers and hands seemed to have their own need to cover as much of his body as they could. I used my tongue on his chest while one hand played with his hair. The other hand traveled of its own accord to the protrusion under the quilt. He was wearing shorts, and it was time to remove them.

I knelt by his side. He rose to his knees to join me. He reached up and slipped the kimono from my shoulders, slowly, so I was aware of the soft fabric as it brushed my skin as it fell. He then reached over to my hips and pulled my panties down. We knelt in front of one another, motionless for a moment, drinking in the sensual feelings emanating from our bodies.

I tugged on his shorts and slipped them off his legs. I ran my fingers down his torso until they reached his tangle of rough hair. Ever so lightly, I began to stroke his erection. The smoothness of the skin over the hard steel underneath is an amazing phenomenon. I had to put my lips on it, to kiss it, to taste it. He lay back, eyes closed as I pursued my worship of rock hard shaft, trembling and shaking under my caresses.

In a moment, he lifted my head and pushed me back on the bed. His fingers reached the center of my sensual universe. My hips rose and I gasped as I felt the firmness of his touch on my slippery flesh. He relentlessly probed and manipulated my tender spot.Yes, now!

I parted my legs as he moved over me. He entered me, but didn't move immediately. I savored the feeling of being a receptacle, of being an instrument in this quest for the perfect union. I began to move; I couldn't help myself. He found his counter rhythm. We lifted and retreated together, slaves to the pulses reigning in our bodies. As we moved faster and faster, I sought his mouth with mine, so as to completely fuse our bodies together. The sensation devoured me. The rush of ecstasy relentlessly inundated me. Sasha groaned and shuddered before falling heavily upon me.

I felt his lips upon my cheek. I heard him whisper, "I love you so much. Don't ever leave me again." My tears began to flow, but he kissed them away. The realization burst in my mind as strongly as the orgasm that had just shook my body.There was no need to be alone any longer.

* * THE END * *

6 May 2001