Saving Virgil

Predictably, Christopher McDermott seemed to take his role seriously. He visited the school regularly and spent hours chatting with the children, their parents and the staff. Despite the fact that there were many opportunities to speak with him, Catherine avoided him during these visits. Indeed, she avoided him as much as possible during her waking hours because she didn't want her desire for him to show. He was unfailingly friendly when they did manage to meet and so it was a real possibility that she would disgrace herself. He had asked her to call him Christopher on several occasions but she couldn't bring herself to do it while Virgil was still his patient. His casual Americanisms although meant to engage her served only to make her uncomfortable, in thrall as she was with her more formal British-Jamaican upbringing.

However hard she tried though, she couldn't escape the delightful visions of what happened when he visited her in her daydreams. She couldn't ignore her body's lustful response to how he romanced her and how he peeled her clothes from her form in her fantasies, how he caressed and cuddled her with confident, loving hands. He was what she wanted and in her private world, she made him want her too. She couldn't disregard the fact that her cunt ached every time she even thought of him or how hopeful she felt when she heard him talking to someone on the corridor at her school.

She tormented herself in the bath where she caressed her body lovingly imagining what his hands would feel like on her flesh. Her soapy hands explored the deep crevasses between her round buttocks and her full cleavage and she revelled in the gentle turn of her shapely legs and arms as she hoped that he would. She giggled thinking about how Christopher McDermott would examine her body and then flushed when she remembered that as a psychiatrist, he was not that kind of doctor; and ironically, given how they met, there would be little chance that he would ever want her to take her clothes off for him.

She plucked at her erect nipples while reclining drowsily in her bed and imagined what he would do if she offered them to him. She imagined that the hands stroking her swollen clit so gently, were his. She speculated about what he would do if she surprised him by turning up at his home one night as his private dancer. She found herself wondering what sort of woman turned him on sexually. She wondered if he separated his woman's sexuality from the other areas of her personality. She imagined herself impressing him beyond reason alternatively with her intellect and her wit and her kindness and her beauty. Catherine could hardly get Christopher McDermott out of her mind.

"Catherine? Ms. Carmichael?"

Catherine started on hearing someone call her name so closely. She turned to find herself looking at Christopher McDermott's concerned face.

"Are you alright, Ms. Carmichal?"

"Y-yes!"

"You seem to have zoned out there for a while! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to invite you to the Family Fun Day that we're having at the Goleman Clinic. I think that your brother has done quite well and so I have given him the right to participate in that activity... I'm sure that he'd be happy to see you," he finished lamely.

An odd mixture of joy and disappointment warred in Catherine's emotions. With the invitation came an opportunity to see Christopher McDermott socially, but it also highlighted the fact that he knew the sordid side of her family life. She was overjoyed by the news that Virgil was doing well and could likely recover completely this time, but he was her only link to this man and without Virgil being at his Clinic soon there would be no reason to see him again since his work at the school would cool off during the Summer holidays. She was confused. She had worked hard not to see him but now that she wouldn't do so she didn't want to let him go.

Catherine shrugged to bolster her courage at losing her fantasy lover. She smiled bravely at the man who looked down at her with a confused expression on his face. Tossing her hair, she stared into his eyes and projected a confidence that she didn't really feel.

"I would be happy to come, Dr. McDermott! Should I bring anything?"

"No, no. That isn't necessary. I just think that it would be good for him to see approval in your eyes. Do you think that you can do that for him? He really is trying this time, Ms. Carmichael. You don't seem all that convinced, but I give you my word that he's improving."

"No! I am happy for him! I'm very happy. I just got distracted by something else. I'm sorry. Your news is wonderful! Thank you, again, for what you're doing for him! I'm very grateful to you, doctor!" she hastened to assure him, suddenly realising that he might have seen the conflict that his invitation had caused her.

She extended her hand to shake his formally and when he took it she pulled him into a clinging bear hug. He held her closely, and rubbed her back comfortingly, burying his nose in her hair.

Catherine pulled away quickly before the tears that threatened, became a reality. She thanked him again briskly and turning abruptly, she strode away, missing entirely, the sudden tenting at the front of Dr. McDermott's pants.

The Family Fun Day turned out to be an extremely pleasant affair. There was a carnival-like atmosphere with food and music and silly games set out to be enjoyed by the patients who had earned the privilege during the quarter to attend, and their guests. Christopher McDermott and his staff were gracious hosts and everyone seemed to be having a good time. He did not spend a lot of time with her, but somehow he managed to make Catherine feel special in the few minutes that he could spend with her occasionally.

Virgil did not look nearly as fresh as Catherine had hoped he would, but she trusted the judgement of his doctors. She supposed that his drawn appearance had something to do with his withdrawal symptoms. He chatted with her shyly for a few minutes before he disappeared from her side. In a way, Catherine was relieved by his abandonment of her because she did not know what to say to him. She had inquired about his progress but beyond a few more dutiful questions she had very little to say to him.

"Ms. Carmichael, I have to speak with you privately," Christopher McDermott looked at her seriously.

Instinctively, she knew that something was wrong. She hadn't been fully conscious of it before, but since he wasn't smiling at he now she suddenly realised how much he had always reserved a friendly cheerfulness for her. She braced herself for the worst since she guessed that the second police car arriving on the premises had something to do with her brother.

"Y-yes, Doctor!" she said stepping away from the people with whom she was chatting.

She followed him into the building and into his office in which Virgil sat handcuffed in the presence of two uniformed policemen. There was also a man covered in a bloody sheet being taken away by two of the Clinic's attendants.

"Virgil?" Catherine exclaimed.

She reached for him but one of the policemen stepped in front of her to block her access to the sullen young man. She turned toward their host, a wild look in her eye.

"I'm very sorry Ms. Carmichael. Your brother attacked our security guard violently while we were all outside enjoying the party. I came in to get some extra drinks and found him sitting here with the drugs cabinets burst open and poor Peart here with his head split open. As it is, he is lucky that he didn't kill Mr. Peart! It would have been much worse for him then!"

"I know that it looks bad, but are you sure it was Virgil?" Catherine pleaded with him.

"I'm afraid so, the place has a security camera and the whole thing was recorded. I had no choice but to call the police."

"But you said that Virgil was improving!"

"I know. I believe that he was, but he started to explain his actions to me. I advised him to tell his attorney before he tells anyone else."

"Virgil and I can't afford an attorney!" Catherine exclaimed.

"I will pay for one for you."

"You're the person sending him to jail in the first place! Is that supposed to fix things?"

"He is sending himself there if it comes to that. He..."

"Shut up!" Catherine shrieked, pushing past her host roughly. "We don't need your charity! You said that he was getting better! You promised me!"

"Catherine! Please!" he called desperately after her.

Virgil was found guilty of aggravated assault and sentenced to five years in prison. It was a bitter blow to his sister. Christopher McDermott was there for them and even appeared in court to give medical evidence. His testimony did not overcome the videotape that he had provided of Virgil committing the crime, but it helped to keep the young man out of a maximum security facility, and get him into yet another drug rehab programme while in jail. It would be even tougher than the one at the Goleman Clinic, but it was yet another chance at recovery and redemption.

Throughout the brief trial, Catherine ignored the doctor, coldly. When their eyes met they were both quick to look away, ashamed. After the verdict he tried to speak to her, but she did not have anything to say to anyone at all. She left town immediately returning weeks later for the start of the school term.

She was upset to discover that Dr. McDermott had also returned for the new school year. He kept his distance for the most part after she snubbed him during their first two encounters. She couldn't ignore him though on the evening when she was forced to deliver some papers to his home. She had tried to get out of the errand, but her boss had begged her for the favour and given her family troubles, she didn't want to disappoint one of the few persons who were still kind to her.

She had hoped that he would not be in and that she could just leave the thick envelope with his housekeeper. She was not an especially lucky woman up to that point and so she was not surprised to find that he was at home and that he answered the door himself.

"Please speak to me, Ms. Carmichael. I feel horrible about how things have turned out. Please, come in and have a seat. Let me explain things."

"It is quite alright, Dr. McDermott. I can't blame you. Virgil was troubled and I owe you an apology. I have wanted to tell you this for a long time, but I was too embarrassed to face you. You have been very kind to us, giving V a chance like that. He was the one who messed up. I knew it at the time, but I couldn't admit it that we had failed yet again."

"I was the one who failed him!" he said gently ushering her into the chair opposite him.

"No, he and I have to grow up. You have been wonderful! You were strong where I was weak. Coddling him wasn't helping him at all. It's just that I promised my father that I was going to protect him and then he became too heavy for me to carry. I wanted him to just go away. I wanted him to be well so that I didn't have to deal with his problem. I just didn't know how to help him."

Looking out over the serene garden she paused, sadly.

"I wish that I could say that I did my best, but I can't. The truth is that I still don't understand why people take drugs. They know that it doesn't really help! It doesn't make their problems go away, they just increase! Virgil knows this! I can't understand why he began using in the first place! We had a decent life when my parents were alive. They left us comfortably off! We weren't rich, but we were okay. I was angry with him for spoiling everything."

"People don't think that addiction will happen to them. They just want a few minutes peace. They don't think beyond those few minutes."

"I suppose not," Catherine stood up gathering her things. "I'm sorry I really have to go now. I just came to deliver those papers and to tell you that I was sorry about how badly I've behaved toward you."

She extended her hand, offering to shake Christopher McDermott's as a peace offering and as her final parting from him.

"Do you really have to go or are you just avoiding me again?" Christopher McDermott asked, bitterly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me. You have been avoiding me for months! Am I so distasteful to you? There are times when I think not, but at others you can't seem to get out of the room from me quickly enough! Even now, despite all that you've said you haven't looked at me twice. Don't you realise that you're needed here now more than ever? Virgil needs your support!"

"Quite the contrary, I feel that it is Virgil and I who don't deserve to be in your presence," Catherine admitted shamefaced. "I keep expecting to see scorn or pity or something..."

"Why would you think so? Have I ever treated you disrespectfully? You, on the other hand have made me feel like an ass! I have wanted to kick myself for managing to disgust you so much. You have caused me to question my own ethics! You..." he paused fighting down more vitriol.

He was being as unfair to her as she had been to him. His feelings were his own. She had not caused them. He had chosen to be a victim to her effects on him just as her brother was to other drugs.

"I have wanted to ask you out for months, Catherine. But I refrained at first, because of my relationship with your brother; but by the time that was over it seemed that you had no interest in me at all; and you were always so formal with me even when things were good for us. I didn't dare think that a lovely young woman such as yourself could be interested in an old fart like me especially after I was involved in your brother's imprisonment, but I have liked you...No, I have LOVED you since the day we met! I took the job at your school pro bono in order to be able to see you on occasion. I missed you when Virgil started to get better and I didn't have to call you with the updates. I just wanted to hear your voice. It was why I was so precipitate in allowing Virgil to do a Fun Day. I'm sorry, he really wasn't ready and it was my fault that he was there. I have felt guilty and ashamed about that."

"He said that this all started when you gave him four thousand dollars to pay off a drugs bill! He told the police that and swore to it in court! You are the only person who we know with that kind of money!" she cut in, refusing to be persuaded by him; refusing to believe what he had just said about loving her. "You facilitated him!"

"He lied to you! Why don't you trust me for a change?" the man seemed genuinely exasperated with her.

"I gave him four thousand dollars to pay off some money that he owed his bookie," he confessed, heatedly. "I checked! It was a gambling debt! I would not have paid for someone's drug habit! I've spent my entire career trying to defeat that kind of lifestyle!"

He stepped in front of her to prevent her from leaving.

"Listen to me Catherine! I deserve even two minutes of your time!" he held on to her tightly. "Look, I did not lie when I told you that he doesn't owe me anything because I told him to pay it forward. The Clinic stay, the money afterwards, everything! I told him to pay it forward! You had shown up on my doorstep with your story of repaying me for money that I hadn't lent him. At first I thought that you might have been in something with him."

He saw the outrage on her face that told him that he had guessed right. Catherine had had nothing to do with Virgil's scheming at any point.

"People do things like that for family!" he continued quickly. "But watching you that first afternoon I knew that Virgil had got himself into serious trouble again, and I knew that you had nothing to do with it. I figured it was why he wanted to get back into rehab at my clinic; you know, disappear from the world, and the people looking for him, for a while."

She was breathing rapidly, still upset, but she had remained next to him. He forced himself to calm down even more. He reached for her hand and played with her pliant fingers tenderly. He stroked her empty ring finger gently.

"You seemed so defeated though that I didn't want to tell you outright that your brother was scamming you. I think we both guessed it, but I tried to make it sound like a childish prank. I guessed, correctly as it turns out, that what he wanted was to blackmail me if you told him that I had allowed you to strip for me that afternoon."

His brow knitted in disgust. Virgil had been his most difficult case, and one of his few failures, but if Catherine would only hear him out and forgive him and perhaps marry him in time it would have been time and effort well spent.

"I didn't want him to use you like that anymore, so I just gave him the money and warned him that if he ever placed you in any danger that I would kill him myself. I told him that he had no choice about remaining in the programme this time, because if he didn't I was going to the police and I was going to tell them that he had tried to blackmail me and pimp you."

He continued quickly having seen the wince on Catherine's face at the stark truth.

"I asked him to consider how long it would take him to end up a three-time loser in the justice system without either of us in his corner" he paused, breathing hard; "then I gave him a black eye."

Catherine laughed, despite herself. Regardless Virgil's embarrassing treatment of her, she saw no judgement in Christopher McDermott's face. It was true that he respected her in spite of everything. It amazed her that he had done so much for her and how he had tried to do so much for Virgil, without asking for anything in return! She wanted to offer him everything that she had; but given the way that her brother had treated her she didn't want to come off like his labelling of her as a prostitute had any credence and she had very little else to offer.

"It was for his own good really. He needed some tough love and I wasn't giving it to him. Thank you, Christopher," she said shyly. "You have been very kind to me, and strong for Virgil. I will consider staying on for his sake, but I really need to leave here for a while, just to think things through. Five years are a long time and I don't think that anyone can begrudge me a little time for myself," she said bitterly.

"I'll be back though, I promise," she said quietly after a while. "My parents didn't raise two weak children. I think I'll go somewhere quiet; up on the cliffs above Negril perhaps; I used to hike there as a student. It's been my favourite place, until recently."

She looked around again at the stunning scenery around her, at Christopher McDermott's lazy slice of river, at his retired horses enjoying the soft grass, at the romantic gazebo in the distance where they had had the dinner that they had cooked together that first night. She tried to memorise the way that this idyllic place looked because it would be something to which she would return many times in her mind. She sighed softly and had to fight the tears that threatened to overwhelm her. She would always feel safe here, but the realisation that she had nothing to offer this man except her abiding love for him saddened her. With the disparity in their lifestyles he might think that she was after his money and social status to save herself. He had been kind, but his actions in sending Virgil to jail even after being kind to him had suggested that he was not a man to be trifled with.

"Okay, I understand" he said quietly, coming to stand behind her. "Actually, I own a villa in Negril. You may stay there for as long as you like," he hesitated.

"Mrs. McDermott?" he whispered.

"Yes, Dr. McDermott?" she smiled and then opened her eyes wide when she realised what he had said and what she had responded unthinkingly.

Catherine froze when she heard no answering chuckle or teasing. She turned, startled, into Christopher McDermott's lowering kiss. She claimed his mouth with equal ferocity to his own demands of hers. He had offered love twice today, and she had accepted it at last and had not been rejected.