Scars

"Oh, my God!" he said covering his face. "I didn't want to bring the wet towel into my bedroom, but I couldn't have been in the hallway more than two seconds."

"Anyway, I did look, and I did see you. All of you."

"Oh, wow. I am so sorry, Shandy," he told her. "I won't let that happen again. I promise."

"What?" she said. "Why would you apologize? It's your house. I'm the one who was in the wrong. I only mention it because once I saw you...like that...I felt so...unattractive and...old. But you? Oh, my gosh, Shane. You quite literally took my breath away and you are such a nice person on top of it."

"If you're so old and unattractive, then why have I thought about you every single second since you took off that silly ski mask in my truck?"

Shandy's heart fluttered.

"Um...because...you're desperate?" she said trying to play down what he'd just said.

"It has been quite a while since I even dated a beautiful woman, but trust me when I tell you that you're just freakin' gorgeous!"

"Thank you, but I don't have a 22-year old body anymore, Shane."

Shandy could only imagine how he'd react if he were to ever see her naked. She wouldn't be taking his breath away, that much was for sure. He might want to run or even vomit, but he wouldn't be talking like this if he knew what she really looked like.

"Once my makeup is off and...my clothes are off, you might not quite feel the same way. Not that you'd ever want to see me with my... I think I should stop talking now," she said feeling very foolish.

"Once again, you have no idea how I feel, Shandy, or what I might like to see."

He reached across the table for her hand and after looking at him for several seconds to be sure he was serious, she gave hers to him.

"I'm 37, Shane," she said in a voice that sounded like she was sure that would end things right then and there.

"Did you know the new president of France is is 39 and his wife is...64? And still very beautiful?" he said out of nowhere.

"What? Are you serious?" she said unable to believe what he'd just told her.

He pulled out his cell phone and a few seconds later showed her some pics and her age.

"Oh...my...goodness. She's so pretty!"

"That's a difference of 25 years, and they are very much in love. If my math skills serve me, you and I are only 15 years apart."

"Only," Shandy said with sadness in her voice. "But I doubt I'll look like her when I'm 64."

"Well, I probably won't look like him when I'm 39," Shane said.

She handed him back his phone then asked, "So what are you saying, Shane?"

He squeezed her hand then said, "Just that I've never met anyone like you, Shandy. I don't care how old you are, I only care about who you are. And from everything I've seen, I very much like who you are, and I would really like the opportunity to get to know you better."

He looked right at her and said, "Will you let me?"

Again, she looked into his eyes and within seconds she could feel his sincerity. She already knew how well he'd treated her and made her feel, and she knew he was very handsome with an even more amazing body. Deep down, all she'd ever wanted was to be loved and appreciated and here was this much-younger man who seemed to appreciate everything about her.

"Yes," she said quietly. "I...I'd like that. But there's something I need to discuss with you first," she said.

"Okay. Sure. Just let me know when," he said squeezing her tiny hand one more time.

They didn't have much to say on the way home, but Shandy reached over and took Shane's hand as soon as they got out onto the highway after leaving the restaurant. They stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few items, and the only thing Shane said was, "I think I could get used to this" as they walked around the store together.

"Yeah, me, too," were the only words Shandy spoke even as her self doubts reared their ugly head again reminding her of the scars she bore that made her think no man would ever really love her. In fact, she might never even make love with a man again once he found out her most deeply-held secret.

She helped him put things away when they got home, and at one point Shane turned around to find Shandy waiting patiently for him to move so she could put something on the shelf he was blocking her from being able to reach.

"Oh, sorry," she said stepping to the side.

Shane gently took the jar of peanut butter she was holding from her and set it on the counter then reached for Shandy's hands.

"Hi, there," she said very quietly but without looking at him.

"Hi," Shane said.

"Dinner was really nice. Thank you," she told him.

"Yes, it was. Especially the company," he said as he reached up and touched her face.

"You really are beautiful," he told her.

She thanked him before Shane said, "I'd very much like to start getting better acquainted with you."

She still hadn't looked up so Shane gently raised her chin until she looked at him.

"Do you mind?" he asked as he moved slightly closer.

"No," she said barely above a whisper just before he kissed her for the first time.

As they kissed, Shandy put her arms around his neck as he pulled her body close to his.

"I like getting better acquainted with you," she said sweetly. "But I...I really do need to tell you something first, okay?"

"Okay," he said.

The way she sounded was so serious it scared him as he wondered what this terribly important thing might be.

"Come on. Let's go sit down and talk," he said taking her hand and leading her to the living room.

"Okay. I'm listening," he told her with a nervous smile.

"The things you've said to me have been so sweet, Shane. And...and you've not only made me feel good about myself, you even managed to make me feel...pretty...again."

"But you are p..." Shane tried to say as Shandy asked to please let her finish.

It only took her another minute or so to say the words out loud she'd never said to anyone she didn't know very well, and after having said them, she felt even worse than she'd felt before.

She'd looked right at Shane while she told him about the lump, her genetic predisposition to breast cancer, and the decision she'd made. But now she couldn't bring herself to look into his eyes knowing the way he'd look at her.

"So...now that you know the truth, you don't have to pretend to want to get to know me better," she said quietly.

"You're right," Shane finally replied. "This does change how I think about you."

He saw a tear fall from Shandy's eyes, and he couldn't ever remember feeling worse since the day his mother passed away. He stood up then walked over to the couch and set beside her.

"Before you told me this, I thought of you as beautiful, funny, caring, kind, strong, and sincere."

"I...I don't blame you, Shane. What man could ever want to be with a woman like me?" she said as the tears continued to fall.

"But now," he continued. "Now I also know how incredibly brave you are."

"I...I don't understand," she said as she brushed away her tears.

"How courageous does someone have to be to do something so...frightening and life changing? How strong do they have to be to be willing to do what most people couldn't do even when they know it's something they have to do?" he asked.

He gently brushed her hair back behind her ear then said, "So, yes, my opinion of you has changed, Shandy. I've gone from liking you and respecting you to...admiring you and more than anything, I want the chance to get to know you. So let me ask you again. Will you let me?"

"You...you can't even imagine what I look like, Shane. The...the scars and...and the nothingness that's left. Sometimes I can't even stand to look myself. How could you ever even want to look at me knowing that?"

She turned to look at him, her face in anguish.

"May I answer that?" he asked as tenderly as he could as he touched her face.

Shandy nodded but couldn't continue looking at him.

Shane reached over and very gently turned her face back toward him.

"This is my answer," he said as he slowly leaned over and kissed her softly.

Shandy wasn't sure at first if the kiss was romantic or a gesture of sympathy. But when he put his hand behind her head and pressed against her, her need to believe this was real won out as she kissed him back for a very long time.

"Wow. That was very...convincing," she said barely able to speak.

Shane smiled then told her, "I'm willing to go as slow as you need, Shandy. I want you to be 100% certain about how I feel. So we can hold just sit here and hold hands or kiss for as long as you'd like. Just know that whenever you might be ready, there's nothing more that I'd like than to...be with you."

He smiled then added, "Except for you to be happy again and know that you really are cared for, that is."

He put his hand on her cheek and watched her eyes darting back and forth with his before adding, "And loved."

Shandy finally spoke and said, "Other than my father, which is very different, no man has ever made me feel cared for...or loved, Shane. My husband made me feel wanted—physically—but never loved."

"If you'll let me, I promise to do everything I can to make you feel that way."

Tears were still falling as Shandy tried to say, "I...I believe you, Shane," before falling apart.

Shane took her in her arms and held her as tightly as he could and let her cry until she couldn't cry anymore. Through it all she sobbed and shook and shuddered releasing years of pent-up emotions: self-loathing, not feeling good enough, not being pretty, feeling...hideous and unlovable and so terribly rejected by the man she'd tried so hard to love while getting nothing in return.

"It's okay," Shane told her several times. "It's over. You're safe now. No one is ever going to hurt you again."

Shandy held him back and each time he said something she nodded into the crook of his neck as she cried. As she did she felt safe for the first time in many years.

At some point the crying slowed and eventually stopped, and when it did, Shane held her even tighter. Shandy pulled her legs up onto the couch and curled up into a ball but never took her arms from around his neck and Shane never let go of her.

"I need to go wash my face, okay?" she finally said without looking up.

"And I need to kiss you," he said quietly.

"No. Not like this. I'm a mess."

"No, you're not," he said firmly. "You're beautiful."

Once again, he gently lifted her chin until she looked at him. Yes, there was mascara everywhere and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, but Shane had never seen anyone so beautiful in all his life and he told her that.

"Yeah, right. I'm a...beautiful mess," she said trying to smile.

"Nope. Just...beautiful," he assured her as he kissed her again.

Shandy was so hungry for his love and affection that she wanted him to take her straight to bed, and yet she was still so afraid of him seeing the way she really looked that she backed off and excused herself to go to the bathroom.

After cleaning herself up, Shandy stood there for nearly a minute just looking at herself in the mirror. She'd dreamed of finding someone to love who could love her just as she was for so long, and here she was face to face with someone who would. And yet he was fifteen years younger than her and as she thought about just that fact alone, the feelings of warmth and yes, love, she'd just been feeling, evaporated into a sea of newfound self doubt.

"What if he was 42 instead of 22?" she said quietly out loud to herself. "Or even...32?"

She looked for a while longer then asked, "What difference would it make in terms of the kind of man he is? Would he somehow be more caring? Would he become kinder by virtue of being older? Could he somehow love her more were he a certain age?"

The more she thought about the obvious answer, the more ridiculous the question became. He was everything she'd ever hoped for in a man and if he could really, truly love her for who she was inside and look beyond her visible scars, what difference did his age make? Yes, she'd only known him for the briefest of time, but that somehow didn't matter, either. All that mattered was the way he made her feel and how she felt about him.

She gently dried her face then went to her room for a few brief moments then went back to the bathroom and reapplied her mascara and lipstick. She took one last look at herself then went back to the living room.

"Please don't look, okay?" she said once he came into her field of view.

"Okay," he replied looking the other way anyway.

She walked around in front of him then stopped and said, "Okay. You can look."

She was wearing the nightie he brought back for her and while it wasn't exactly sheer, it was more than enough to let Shane know roughly what she really looked like.

"Does this change your opinion?" she asked calmly ready for his rejection when it came.

She saw him glance at her chest then quickly look away.

"No. Please. Look at me," she said in a way that let him know this was something she needed him to do.

Shane's eyes were looking into her hers when she said, "It's okay. I need you to look."

She watched his eyes make there way down to her mouth then her neck and then to the place where she once had two very soft, very beautiful C-cup breasts.

"This is the real me, Shane," she said her voice now steady.

As he continued looking, she reached up and removed one of the spaghetti straps and let it fall on her arm. Then she did the same with the other. She watched his eyes as she gently pulled on the silky garment as it fell to the floor exposing the aftermath of her own battle with disease.

"This is what you'll be signing up for. When you tell me I'm pretty, you mean my face, and although even that's hard to accept from someone so young and so handsome, I want to believe you. But this...this is not pretty. But it is me. So...does this change how you feel?" she asked certain he would tell her it did.

Shane stood up and looked into her eyes after having seen the worst she could show him.

"If we were to get serious and if you fell in love with me, and if I was in an accident or was badly burned, would you stop loving me?" he asked.

"No, of course not," she told him. "How shallow would I be if I did?"

He put his hand on her face and smiled then said, "I'm not shallow, either, Shandy. So, no, my opinion hasn't changed one bit except that I...I love you even more now than I did before."

She never once took her eyes off of his.

When he finished speaking she said, "You don't have to tell me you love me. You've already shown me that you do. But someday perhaps you will love me the way...the way that I already love you."

"My dad used to listen to a song called Someday Never Comes," Shane said. "Have you ever heard it?"

"It's by Creedence Clearwater Revival and I love that song. It's so incredibly sad it...it makes me cry," she said still staring into this eyes.

"I'll let you be the judge, but a few people have told me I'm not too bad a singer," he said with a smile before he offered his hand to slow dance. When she took it he began singing the lyrics of the song:

"First thing I remember was asking papa, why, for there were many things I didn't know. And daddy always smiled and took me by the hand, saying, someday you'll understand."

They never really moved but rather stood there swaying as Shane continued to sing. By the time he got to the final stanza, Shandy's eyes were again filled with tears.

"Think it was September, the year I went away, for there were many things I didn't know. And I still see him standing, tryin' to be a man, I said, someday, you'll understand. Well, I'm here to tell you now, each and every mother's son, that you better learn it fast, you better learn it young, 'cause someday never comes. Ooo someday—never...comes."

"I don't care how long I've known you, Shandy. Someday is now and...I love you, too" he said as a tear fell down her cheek. "I love you...just the way you are."

She managed a faint smile then told him as she did her best not to start crying again, "If you sing the Billy Joel song, I'll lose it."

"We don't want that now, do we?" Shane said with a tender smile.

"No, we don't," she said managing to smile brightly after so much painful emotion. "But I know what I do want."

"Oh? And what might that be?" Shane said with a bright smile of his own.

"That amazing, hard body I saw in the hallway when I shouldn't have been looking but couldn't stop from doing it anyway."

"Ah. I see," he replied. "I believe we're all alone here tonight so I would say that could be arranged."

"Mmmm. I like the sound of that," Shandy purred as she took his hand and led him to her room.

Shandy lay there in his arms amazed at the wonderful way he'd made her feel here, too. The sex itself had been amazing beyond words, but it was everything else she would remember the rest of her life. The way he looked at her and the way he made her feel so beautiful when she knew she wasn't. Or...was she?

For the first time since the surgery she told herself maybe she was. All that mattered was that Shane believed she was and that he made her believe it.

As they lay there beside one another she put his hand on her bare chest and held it there.

He not only didn't pull away or flinch he asked tenderly, "Does it hurt?"

"No. Not anymore," she told him.

"Shane?" she said not wanting to look at him.

"Yes?"

"Does it really not bother you?"

"Not one bit," he told her.

"No. Not the scars," she said.

She rolled over and looked into his eyes again and said, "The age difference. Is it really not a big deal to you?"

He twirled her soft, silky hair in his fingers and said, "Not one bit. You?"

"Not anymore," she said sweetly with a smile.

She ran her hand through his thick hair and said, "I truly believed I would never be happy again or...if I ever was, it wouldn't be because someone loved me."

"I hope that's changed," he told her.

"It has," she said with a smile. "Everything has changed."

Moments later they were making love again, and this time Shandy forgot for several moments that she believed she wasn't a 'real' woman anymore because this handsome younger man had been able to convince her that she was.

More than anything she wanted him to cum inside her; to share him in every way, but Shandy knew that was insanely foolish. Still, the fact that she could even feel that way about someone only made her love him more. She came again at the same time he did, their bodies exploding in a sea of passion and need.

A few minutes later, as she again lay in his arms, Shane said, "Why don't you quit your job?"

"What? I can't quit. I have bills and..."

"Come work for us," he said rolling over on top of her.

"Don't you need to check with your dad?" she asked.

"Well it is his business, so technically, yes. But I say we go in and just tell him he's hired you as of today."

"Oh, I can't wait to here his response to that!" Shandy said recalling some of the things he'd said at the hospital.

"It's all bluster," Shane assured her. "He's as smitten with you as I am."

Shandy's eyes opened wide and Shane laughed.

"Okay, maybe not as smitten as I am," before both of them laughed.

"Come here you gorgeous, gorgeous man," she said.

"Gladly," he said. "But before I do, I want you to know that I do love you, Shandy."

She saw it in his eyes and said, "I love you, too, Shane," before he slipped back inside her filling her completely.

"Oh, my God!" she cried as he filled her.

She smile happily then told him, "I forgot how much I love White Snake!"

"What are you talking about?" Shane said as he plunged in and out of her warm, wet pussy.

"I'll tell you later, Mr. Big Cock," she said sweetly. "Just shut up and fuck me, okay?"