Screaming for Vengence

Hi Folks. After the the whacked our craziness of Savannah and last weeks exploration of swinging, I wanted to just do a straight ahead no gimmicks just people story. There will be no explosions or special effects this time. (I can't promise that next week. This is also another shorter one. Unfortunately I can't promise that next week either. So enjoy it. As usual I have to thank the incredible Mikothebaby who also named this story, she's more than just an editor, she's one of my very best friends and I couldn't do this without her.

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Life has a way of throwing a monkey wrench into your plans. That's probably why I don't plan anymore. Before my divorce I was all about the plan. At work I strategically planned out everything that could go wrong in my department in the event of any and all foreseeable emergencies. I had multiple contingency plans in case for some reason we couldn't do one of the normal emergency plans.

I'd gotten a call this morning that I needed to go and see my ex-wife. I hadn't seen her in a little over a year and didn't really care to. But considering that the request had come from my daughter, I knew I'd have to make the trip.

My daughter Samantha, Sammie as we called her, had been really insistent. So, I'd gotten into my car, a "Gotta have it Green," Mustang Shelby GT 500 and headed back into town. It took me almost an hour to navigate myself through the choked up freeways to make it to the hospital in the city that Sammie had taken her mother to.

I'd parked in the visitor's parking lot hoping that I wouldn't be there for long. When I went to information, I found out that my ex-wife Erica had actually been in the hospital for two days already. A really petty nurse who smiled at me had led me to her room and told me that I could go inside and wait but she was still asleep.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked.

"Your wife..." she began. I interrupted her by holding up my hand.

"Ex-wife," I said. "Very, very ex-wife," I smiled. The nurse smiled back at me. Then her face changed.

"Daddy, seriously, you aren't flirting with the nurse while mom is laid up in the hospital are you?" said my daughter over my shoulder.

"Of course not, Sammie," I said. "If I were flirting seriously, I have at least asked..." I looked at the nurse again.

"Bonnie," she supplied.

"Ooh that name fits. Doesn't it mean pretty or something like that to the Scots or the Irish. Like in, "she's a Bonnie Lass, that one?" I said the last part with my fake Scottish accent, which caused Bonnie's smile to grow even bigger.

"Were you saying that about me?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," I said. "Like I said, that name really fits you." My daughter picked that moment to break up our impromptu smile fest and separate us by pushing me into her mother's room.

There were four beds in the room. It was probably the most depressing room I'd ever been in, whether in a hospital or anywhere else.

"This room is awful, isn't it?" she asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

"How would I know?" I asked. "I have no frame of reference to compare it to."

"Daddy, it's a ward," spat Sammie. "They can put as many beds in here as they can physically squeeze in. It's noisy, sometimes it's smelly and Mom deserves better." I shrugged again.

"Daddy she's only in here because she doesn't have any health insurance. Darren can't get her on our plan. The only person we know who could get her on their health insurance is..." her voice trailed off. I looked around over both shoulders and held my hands out to the sides with the palms up.

"Who?" I asked. "I'm retired. I'm a consultant. I go in occasionally when they need advice on something. And since the company was generous enough to offer me a plan I took it."

"You could have included mom on your health care plan," she said quietly.

"Sammie, honey, I love you more than anyone else on this planet. I'd do almost anything for you. But you have to wrap your head around the fact that your mother and I are divorced. I complied with everything the judge specified. The day that we signed the papers, I took out a loan and wrote her a check. I did it that way so she'd have every cent coming to her," I said. My daughter looked at me like she was sure that I was hiding something.

"Honey, how many people do you know who are divorced who can actually say that they got every penny that was owed to them in a timely basis? You're always hearing that so and so was missing his alimony payments or child support or whatever, right. I never missed a thing. I gave your mother everything she had coming to her."

"But not everything she wanted," said Sammie quietly. We stood at the end of the bed and looked at the sleeping woman lying in front of us.

"You know she never wanted a divorce, don't you?" asked Sammie quietly. "She still loves you now even after all of this."

"You know Sammie that people in hell want ice water," I said coldly. "But they're down there frying because of shit they did while they were alive. Your mother and I are divorced because of shit she did while we were married."

"Daddy, I know what she did," said Sammie. "I was there when it all blew up, remember. And I know that she was wrong, but I can't help thinking that the two of you still belong together. Daddy, she loves you so much, look at her. She's just fallen apart in the last two years. She doesn't look like a fifty year old woman at all. Two years ago mom was forty eight and she could've passed for being in her thirties. Today she looks like she could be in her sixties."

"Some people just don't age well," I said coldly. "But you know, maybe she needs to get out and do something to take care of herself. If she just lets herself go, then what do you expect?"

"Daddy, she needs her husband back in her life," spat Sammie. "She needs to feel loved and cared for. That's why she's wasting away."

"Is that why you called me out of a warm bed?" I asked in mock shock. "You want me to find her husband? Who the hell is he?"

"Daddy, don't you have any compassion in your heart?" asked Samantha. "Is this what you wanted? Is this what your frail little male ego needs to see? Do you really need to see the woman you swore to love, honor and cherish reduced to a shadow of her former self just so you can know that you won?"

"Sammie, you don't know shit about compassion," I snapped right back at her. "Remember what you're talking about and whom you're talking about. I put up with her shit for years and stayed married to her. I gave her plenty of chances, but she just couldn't let go of it. You should also consider that your loyalty to her very damn nearly cost you your own marriage." Samantha closed her eyes and nodded her head then. I could see that she was thinking about it.

"At least three families nearly ruined, all ended up hanging by a thread because of the selfishness of two fucked up people." I said. "Maybe they belong together." I smiled a little as I said that and Sammie's eyes popped open.

"Daddy, you don't mean that?" she said. I shrugged my shoulders. I looked at her and smiled.

"You're getting older too, you know," she said. "Daddy, don't you want something more out of life than driving that car way too fast, traveling, and the bimbo of the week?" Again I gave her the palms up shoulder shrug.

"I love my car. I've always loved Mustangs," I said. "I like traveling too. And as for the bimbo of the week, I've been with Shelly for almost a year. I'm kind of partial to redheads. And besides that, you introduced me to her."

"But Daddy," she whined. "Don't you want someone to settle down with and enjoy life on a more permanent basis?"

"Been there, done that," I spat. "I actually thought I had that person. God damn I loved her. I loved her enough to put my pride aside and try to fix things even after I found out what she was doing. She just couldn't let it go."

"Daddy, some women are capable of loving two men at the same time," said Samantha.

"And some men are capable of putting up with that shit," I said. "The problem is that I'm simply not one of them. Why am I here anyway?"

"Daddy, I've been here ever since we brought her here," said Samantha. I needed a chance to go home and shower and change clothes. It might be nice to see my husband again too. Darren has been great. He sat with her for a couple of hours yesterday to give me a break but I couldn't ask him to do it again. You know that he really doesn't like mom."

"He used to get along with her fine until..." I let it drop. "But now, maybe it's not that he doesn't like her. Maybe he's just afraid that if you spend too much time around her, you'll become her, and he loves you Sammie. Except for me, I can't think of anyone else who loves you as much as he does."

"So you really love me daddy?" she asked.

"Always have, always will Angel," I said.

"Then why can't you be nicer to Mom, for me?" she asked. "Why can't you just find it in your heart to try to just be friendly with her?"

"First of all, because sometimes I can't find my heart," I snapped. "That bitch in the bed tore it out while it was still beating." Sammie's eyes opened in shock at the bitterness and anger in my voice.

"I loved her Sammie. I loved that woman for more years than you've been alive. When we were together everything I did was..." I forced myself to calm down. "No Sammie, I can't be friends with her. I can't let bygones be bygones. There can't be any burying the hatchet, unless I'm burying it in her forehead. I don't even know why I'm here now."

"Daddy, didn't you already get your revenge?" she asked. "You've already crushed her spirit. What more do you need?"

"Sammie, I didn't get any revenge against YOUR MOTHER," I said. "I let HER slide. I just walked away."

"I know Daddy," she said. "I still don't understand it. You've never been the walk away type. In the two years since the divorce there are so many things that don't add up. So many things I can't figure out."

"Like what?" I asked. "We split our assets fifty/fifty except for the house."

"It just didn't make sense," she said. "Mom didn't want any of that stuff. She just wanted you. And it just seemed like you guys should have had way more money than you actually did."

"Your mom's lawyer went over all of our finances," I shrugged.

"So Dad, then why are you driving a customized Mustang that my husband claims cost at least fifty thousand dollars, when mom can't even afford a car?" she asked.

"Maybe my credit is better," I said. "Anyway, I'll sit here and play games on my iPad while she sleeps for a few hours. I'll give you a break honey. Hopefully she won't wake up. If she does I'll call you immediately. What's wrong with her anyway?"

"Daddy, Mom has been diagnosed with severe depression symptoms. She's actually on medication for it. For some reason she took all of her pills at once. We had to have her stomach pumped. She also hasn't been eating the way she should and she's been drinking too much alcohol. She's exhausted and dehydrated and we still don't know whether she took all of the pills by accident or if she was trying something," said Sammie.

"So the chances are she probably won't even wake up, right?" I asked smiling.

"Right," said Sammie. "But Daddy if she does...please be nice to her, for me."

"Okay Sammie," I said. My daughter kissed me on the cheek and left the room. I sat down in the chair next to the bed and got out my iPad.

I started out opening the book I was reading but quickly lost track of the book as my thoughts wandered back to two years ago when this had all started.

We do the strangest things for our children. When Sammie was a little girl she always tried to cook and make these weird concoctions of different types of candy. I love my daughter more than anything so whatever she made, I ate it and told her it was the best things I'd ever tasted.

I remember that she'd called her mother and me to her house for dinner. We'd had a pleasant evening. Samantha still couldn't cook. The roast was as dry as the Sahara Desert. I had a feeling that Darren knew it too because he kept bringing me more to drink any time my glass got less than halfway full. It's a good thing that I'm not really into drinking alcohol because that roast would have turned me into a drunk.

It was a pleasant evening spent with family. It was the kind of evening that you can't have too many of or so I thought at first. I got to spend some time with my namesake, Samantha's two year old son John, whom she and Darren had decided to name after me. He was such a precocious little guy. He could do no wrong in his grandpa's eyes.

The capper on the evening came when Sam and Darren told us that she was pregnant again. "Darren, what are you doing to my daughter that makes this keep happening to her?" I asked jokingly.

We talked about the usual things that one discusses when their kids are having a baby. It just seemed like things were going well. We ended up talking about what to name the new baby. We all agreed on Elizabeth after Darren's mom if it was a girl. I suggested Peter if it was a boy after Darren's dad which he liked a lot and then the bottom dropped out.

"Well you've already gotten to have one named after you, Honey," said my wife Erica. "Why not let someone else name a grandchild."

"What did you have in mind honey?" I asked joking with her. "Let me guess. You want to name her Erica, if it's a girl and Eric if it's a boy, right?"

"Well actually I was thinking about Randall," she said. "We could call him Randy for short. Randall James Dylan sounds like a nice name."

It was as if all of the heat in the room suddenly vanished. Samantha turned and looked at me. "I don't know, if I like that," she said. "I kind of like daddy's suggestion don't you Darren?"

Darren hadn't looked at me yet. He was still smiling and thinking about how happy his dad would be to have a grandchild named after him. He just nodded.

Erica reached over to grab my hand as she usually did and I pulled away from her almost violently.

Samantha hadn't noticed my expression yet. "What do you think of that suggestion Daddy?" she asked.

In the coldest tone I'd ever used on my daughter, I spoke. "I think if you named him that...It would be as big a fucking mistake as the one your mother just made."

Have you ever seen one of those scenes in the movies or on TV where everyone is at a party having a good time? There are people dancing, music playing, people are eating and drinking and laughing everywhere, then someone does something really stupid and everything just stops and every head turns towards them. Usually the music stops and you hear a sound like the needle scratching on an old record at the same time. Well it was that kind of moment.

For what seemed like an hour but was probably no more than a few seconds, no one said anything. Then Darren broke the silence in a diplomatic way. He looked at his watch and said, "Wow, I really have to get to bed. I've got an early meeting tomorrow."

"Thanks for a great evening Darren," I said. "I love you Sammie." Then I got up and headed for the door. As I was opening the door Samantha called me.

"Daddy what is wrong with you?" she asked. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Well come on over here and hug me, Sammie," I said. "I have to get out of here. I can't even breathe."

"I was talking about mom," she smirked. "I thought you didn't drink. Darren just what have you been filling my father's glass with all night?"

"It's Pepsi sweetheart," I said. "Although right now I could use some liquor."

"What is wrong with you, John?" asked Erica, coming over to me. She reached out for me again and this time I moved away from her so obviously that everyone saw it.

"We're going to talk about this when we get home honey," she said.

"WE aren't doing anything," I snapped. "I'm going back to my house. I have no idea what YOU'RE are doing or where YOU'RE going, but it's not with me."

"Wait, wait a minute Daddy," said Samantha. "You're mad at Mom because she didn't like the name you came up with?" Erica's eyes widened then because she suddenly knew that I knew.

"No honey," I said. "I'm not mad or angry at all. I've just finally come to my senses. There are times when the people who love you do things to hurt you and you just let it go. There are times when you suffer in silence because you think that if you just get past this one little thing you can go on and things will be better in the end. But then something happens that lets you know that you've suffered and made allowances for nothing. Sometimes some things just can't be let go of." Everyone in the room was looking at me except Erica. She already knew what I was talking about.

"Daddy, you're not making any sense," said Samantha.

"Sammie, your mother wants you to name my grandson after the man she's been in love with for the past fifteen years or so. The guy she had an affair with. She found out a couple of days ago that he recently died. She's trying to let his fucking memory live on in my grandson."

Both Samantha and Darren looked at Erica who had fallen to the floor and was silently sobbing. "I'm so sorry John," she said. "It's over. It's been over for more than five years. I've been trying to be the best wife possible to you."

"Why did it end Erica?" I asked.

"Because I felt so guilty," she said. "I knew that what I was doing was wrong. So I ended it. Can't we talk about this? In the first place it wasn't an affair, we only got together once a year. And we didn't even always have sex. And after I came home you and I always had the best sex we've ever had. It's been over for a long time. I love you John. We need to talk about this. You don't understand this. It's not as bad as it seems."

"It's worse than you think it is Erica," I snapped. "Maybe when the divorce is over you'll tell someone the truth. But I'm sick of you lying."

"What do you mean?" she said. "I admitted it."

"Erica if it was up to your lying ass, you'd still be seeing him," I said.

"I told you I ended it," she snapped.

"And you're lying again," I said. "I ended it."

""You...what...?" she asked.

"I went to Boston and met him five years ago," I said. "I beat the fuck out of him. He was in the hospital before your pitiful cheating ass was off of the plane. I took his phone and I got all of your texts. I'll probably be using them as evidence. I also told him who I was and let him know that the next time he came anywhere near you would be his last day on the planet. I told him that I'd also let his wife know about the two of you. I told him that if he ever tried to contact you for any reason, even just plain friendship, I'd be back. So you didn't end anything Erica. I did."

"John, I'm sorry," she said. "I was wrong, I was confused. It was a mistake."

"I'm sorry too Erica," I said. "I was wrong too. I was confused too. I made a mistake too. I was wrong to try to save this fucked up marriage. I did it for Sammie though. I didn't want her to have to deal with us splitting up until she was out on her own. I was confused too. You see, I thought that maybe in time since I loved you so God damned much that we could get past this. I made a mistake. Instead of ending this sham then, I really tried to make it work. But at least you were right, Honey. You did end something. From the first second that you uttered his fucking name tonight, you ended our marriage."

I walked right out of the house, got into my car and drove away. I spent a long time that night just driving around. The roar of my Mustang's engine and the thrill of speeding through the darkness of the moonlit night took away some of my pain. I turned off my phone so I wouldn't be disturbed. I really wasn't as upset as it seemed.

I'd known about what she'd done for over five years. And for that whole time I'd been preparing for the divorce in more ways than one. Erica was probably more shocked by tonight than I was. First, because she had no idea that I knew about her affair and secondly, because she really only found out that night why it had ended.