Season of the Wolf Pt. 02

"And now you're trying to return the favor?" I ask. Whether I want it to or not, I find myself letting go of my hatred and rage. I don't know the version of my parents that Coyote does. I've never seen my mother bake a cookie or my father as a real person and not just an inscription on a headstone.

Coyote shrugs. "Nah, I just wanted to tell you a story." He pulls off his cowboy hat and sits it on my head. His hair sticks up at crazy angles and I reach out trying to smooth down the strands. For the first time ever I see Coyote. I mean, really see him and the truth of his age...of the lifetime he has experienced showing beneath the mask of his deceptively youthful looking face.

"When you live as long as we do, Grace. You're bound to have a fair share of secrets. Some are yours to tell and some aren't. You asked about your parents. They were good people, Grace. That's no secret. I loved them. I mourned Angela when I thought she died. I stood there, watching Josiah tear Nathaniel to shreds and then watching Han rip the man who was as much my father to me as my own dad to pieces. I don't hate Han. He's my best friend. I understood why he did the things he did and how much they cost him. I forgave. And if I can forgive him I know you have it in you to forgive Angela.

"Forgiveness costs nothing, but hatred, the price isn't one you want to pay. Hate is like a fire. Feed it and it'll destroy anything in its path. Without fuel, hate eventually burns out.

"Everything in this life is about choices, Grace. Love or hate, it's a choice. Han sent me to California to follow Nathaniel's leads. I did and they led me to you. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I spotted you and do you know what my first thought was?" I shake my head no. "You were standing on a street corner waiting at the crosswalk. Damn, you looked so much like your mother in that yellow sundress and wearing her smile on your face. You were so innocent, so clueless about the reality of your world, so human. My first thought was that I should walk away and leave you to have a completely normal, ordinary, and happy life. Do you know why I didn't?"

I nod. I do know. "Choice."

"Bingo, Grace. Despite what I wanted for you, I thought you deserved the right to make your own choices."

"Coyote, if you could choose to have anything in the world. What would it be?"

Coyote slides me a devilishly sinful grin. "A pretty girl that likes to bake cookies just like your mom used to make. A night under the stars, just her and I on a blanket making love sweet love, you know, so that we can start our own little family. Oh, and of course, the perfect batch of homebrew, the best I've ever tasted."

"I hope you get it, all of it."

"Me too," he confesses wistfully. The Coyote I know and love is back. In a way I hold a grudge against him for forcing me to look beyond my own hurt feelings. I do feel better and as usual he's right about everything. I need to get over myself and let go of all the things I have to let go of. Excess baggage only slows you down. I can't move forward if I'm constantly looking backwards. I smile and elbow him gently in the ribs. "Any prospects?"

This side of Coyote, the easy, relaxed side of him, makes hating him simply unthinkable. "Not yet. Lot's of eye candy and window dressing, but nothing...nobody special. I guess, shopping for a woman is a lot like shopping for a car. Sure, there are lots of makes and models, but when the right one comes along, you just know it." He snickers. "I guess I'll have to content myself with test drives for now."

I roll my eyes. "I can't believe you just compared finding the right girl to car shopping."

He shrugs. "I'm a guy," he says as if that explains everything. Considering its Coyote. It does. "You know with all these vampires running around I've had to change my style. Do you want to hear my new pick up line?"

"Not really, but in the essence of saving you a slap across the face. Go for it."

Coyote unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt and exposes his neck. He clears his throat and waggles his brows at me. "Hey pretty lady, wanna take a bite out of me?" I can't help but laugh. "No? How about, Artery busy tonight, babe? Or maybe, Carotid we dance?"

"Keep trying," I chuckle. "Maybe, if you want babies, vampire chicks aren't the way to go. I'm sure I could find you a nice wolf girl."

"Ugh, too much leg hair for my taste."

I swat Coyote on the arm. "Hey."

He swipes his hat back and plants it on his head. Adjusting the brim, he gives me a deep and intense look and his eyes travel down to my stomach. "Maybe, I haven't found my soul mate because she hasn't been born yet."

If it weren't for the longing in his eyes I'd smack him myself for saying that. I protectively cover my stomach and glare at him. Coyote has been waiting so long and the thought of him waiting another twenty or so years makes me so sad for him. But, I guess it's the mother to be in me that has the hairs of my ruff standing on end at the idea of any guy much less Coyote dating my daughter. "Oh no you don't."

"I'm just messing with you...but seriously, maybe...well, you never know." Coyote's eyes focus on the ground and won't lift to meet my stare. He picks up a leaf and twirls it by the stem between his fingertips. "Remember when I spoke of secrets? Those you could tell and those you could not?" Coyote clears his throat and his eyes travel from the twirling leaf up to meet mine. "I only told you half of the truth about that day. The day I first saw you. Grace, we're friends, in ways, best friends, but back then I didn't know you. Please, don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way. I'd never do anything to hurt Han or you, or to risk our friendship. But, the first time I laid eyes on you. For one second, though I knew you were destined to belong to another...to Han. I wished I were the one for you instead.

"I wanted to keep you away from our world for my own selfish reasons. Grace, you see. If you never knew anything about our world, if you never met Han, maybe, you could have loved me instead. I would have given up everything, for you. I could have given you one happy, completely normal, human lifetime. I would have taken you someplace far from L.A. and from here. We could have built a life for ourselves. You never would have known. None of this," he says, scanning the fall barren trees, "would be happening right now.

"My damned moral compass wouldn't let me do it, Grace. After you arrived here. I thought maybe...just maybe I still had a chance. Deep down inside though, I knew better. Fate had nothing to do with it. Your heart had already made its choice and it wasn't me. Sometimes, I wish I had lived up to my nickname and played the cruelest trick of all. But, happy as we might have been together, I would have spent the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and wondering when the truth was going to catch up with me."

Tears I have no right to cry spill over my eyelashes. I love Han, but Coyote has his own special place in my heart. I take his hand in mine and lace my fingers through his. I hurt for him. This version of Coyote doesn't need sexy smiles or cheesy pick up lines. I lean over and place a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Someday, you're going to make some lucky lady very, very happy, Coyote. If I have a daughter and if she chooses you, don't think I won't give you a ration of shit about it, but secretly, it's because I'm just a little jealous of her for stealing you away from me."

Coyote grins and lifts my knuckles to my lips. With soft brushes of his lips, he kisses my hand. "I am pretty hot, aren't I?" He hefts me up onto my feet and for a moment neither one of us can let go of the other one's hand. Maybe, in a way I am in love with Coyote, but it isn't a deep or strong enough love to begin to compare with what I feel for Han.

I smile and release Coyote's fingers from my grip. "As a house on fire, baby." We're both laughing as we make our way though the graveyard and climb the gate. Coyote gracefully climbs onto Ginger's back and extends a hand to help me up. He holds her steady as I scramble onto her back and have a seat on her broad rump. If she resents having two people aboard, she makes no protest. I hold onto his waist tighter than I need to and Coyote, instead of taking the shorter path that leads directly back to the house, chooses the winding trail that goes the long way home.

We're both quiet on the ride back. Both of us lost to worlds of what if's and alternate endings. It's a reprieve of fiction and the real world is waiting for us around the bend. Coyote pulls Ginger to a stop just shy of the pasture. He dismounts and extends his hand to help me down. I've seen a side of Coyote most people never have the honor of seeing. He has told me his darkest secret and I cherish his confession, locking it deeply into the recesses of my heart, in the special place reserved just for him.

He knows my secret as well and I know it's safe with him. The two of us, we let go of what might have been but can never be. The truth forms an invisible barrier between us. Friendship forms a bridge and is the only means we have of reaching each other.

Long after he lets go of me and I reluctantly leave the shelter of the pines, I still feel the warmth of his hand in mine. Han stands on the porch watching me walk across the pasture. Coyote takes off his cowboy hat and waves at Han, before riding, in true Wild West fashion, into the sunset. I smile at the image of him and lock it away with all of my other secrets. Coyote represents everything that might have been and Han is what has become instead. He is my future, my love, and my life, but Coyote is in so many ways more than that. He's the one who let me go and in return, got away and there is nothing more bittersweet than a love so deep.

Chapter 43

Coyote has done it again. Grace leaps into my arms and hugs me so tightly that she squeezes the breath out of my lungs. I truly don't know what magic combination of words he has said to her, but it has done the trick. I ignore Coyote's scent on Grace's skin. I have no right to be jealous. Especially, since I'm the one who asked him to talk to her in the first place. The two of them share a bond that Grace and I will never share. Most of the time I'm grateful for it. That she has someone to turn to. And that I can count on if the worst should happen and I'm no longer in this world.

I can't pretend something like that couldn't happen. Life is a fragile thing and I've lived much more than my share of it. I am master of this pack and my situation is precarious at best. Every minute that I'm alive, I'm living on borrowed time. I like to think my son will be the one to challenge me for the title and take my place. But, sometimes there are other forces at work turning the wheel of fate. And when that wheel stops turning is anyone's guess.

If...no, when I die...I take comfort in the fact that Coyote will help Grace pick up the pieces. Far too often when one mate dies the other one isn't too far behind. I've seen men and women waste way to nothing and grieve themselves to death over the loss of their mates. My own father met his end that way after my mother died bringing me into the world. I don't want that for Grace, if I go first. I know Coyote well. He'd never let that happen to her. As for me, if she goes first, I've already decided what I'll do. I've lived long enough and I'm more than happy to follow her. And no one, not even Coyote, will stand in my way.

Grace's expression is peaceful and a bit pensive. Whatever Coyote has said has gotten to her. I'm secure enough in my place with Grace to never question where her heart truly lies. But, I also am no idiot. I know Grace has a special place in her heart reserved for Coyote. Coyote loves Grace in a way that goes beyond simple friendship. But, his love for Grace and loyalty to me has forged a boundary not even he would dare to cross.

Fortunately, Grace's heart is big enough to love us both. I stand on the porch holding her in my arms. I'm thankful to whatever destiny brought us together. Perhaps, it was my love for her that was capable of stopping the wheel of fate so that it landed on me instead of Coyote.

"You ok?" I ask. She smiles up at me and I see stars in the velvet backdrop of her big dark eyes. I trace her full lips with the pad of my thumb. Grace is so much more than I deserve. I say a silent prayer of thankfulness that she doesn't see the bad in me but only the good.

"I'm great, Han." She breaks away from my embrace and I watch her expression shift from one of peace to one of sheer unbending determination. I can't help it. I pull her into my arms and kiss those soft lips. She is my heaven. The divine. And I've laid everything that I am as a sacrifice on the altar at her feet. "I'm going to go have a talk with my mother," she says.

I take a deep breath and silently thank Coyote once again. I could never play the heavy and push Grace into doing the things she doesn't want to do but needs to do. Coyote can. Grace doesn't have it in her heart to hate anybody. Whether she'd ever admit that or not, it's true. It's one of the reasons I love her as much as I do. On the verge of motherhood herself, perhaps she realizes the importance of what she's about to do. Forgiveness is a gift. It costs nothing, but it can change the world. Grace is a strong and brave woman. She doesn't show that side of herself to the world often enough, but I see it in her. In forgiving her mother Grace is giving the woman who gave her nothing so much. I press a kiss to her forehead and release her. "I'm here if you need me."

"I know." I'm not Coyote. I won't press Grace to talk about her feelings. When she's ready. She'll come to me. Grace squares her shoulders and wipes her palms on her jeans. "I love you."

I nod. "I know." I watch Grace walk into the house and disappear into the dim depths. I'd love to go into that study with her. But, it's not my battle to fight. She has to do this alone and on her own terms.

I walk over to the barn and pull a sugar cube out of my pocket. Horse is a son of a bitch, but he has a weakness for sweets that has no limits and is his only loyalty. His lips are soft and tickly against my palm as he takes the cube out of my hand. Horse doesn't like the noise of gunfire. It took all of my strength to keep him from bolting as I fired round after round to get him and myself used to the deafening sound.

The boom of rifle shot is a noise I thought I'd never hear again in these quiet, peaceful woods. I haven't worn a sidearm since Desert Storm and the weight of it on my hip is a very unwelcome reminder that we are on the brink of war.

I didn't invite Van on our little excursion into the outer perimeter of the pack's territory this morning. I wanted people at my back that I could trust and thoroughly seasoned in the grizzly art of warfare. Everything is as ready as it's going to be. Between the three of us, Bear, Coyote, and myself, we've left as little to chance as possible.

When I returned home and Coyote had Grace occupied in the woods. I took advantage of the opportunity to meet with my grandfather man to man. I suggested we go for a ride and kindly, offered him my mount. Believe it or not, I trust Horse. Though he'd rather kick my head in and stomps my toes every chance he gets with his big, heavy hooves. Horse is truly a better judge of a man's character than I am. Van, to my surprise, passed the test.

Riding out on Bear's fat mare named Sugar because of her white coat was almost boring after struggling to keep Horse on task. I still don't trust Van despite Horse's opinion. Van and I spoke of days long past, of the simplicity of life and the way it was back then. It took us both a few miles of hard riding to finally pull back on the reins and get to the point. How were we, two very different species, supposed to come to a truce?

I told him the past didn't matter but it was the future that was important to me. Van agreed. I get the sense he isn't telling me everything, but it wasn't like I divulged every one of my secrets either. Both sides were going to have to make compromises and sacrifices if this truce had a hope in hell of working.

Vampires can't survive without blood. A fact Van begrudgingly admitted. How much blood, he refused to say. Releasing prey went against their very nature. I got it, since the principle goes against my wolf's nature too. One thing was painfully apparent. The pack owns about two hundred or so acres of land. With the sudden addition of five dozen or so wolves. The wildlife won't sustain the burden of us all for very long.

Bear is working on a plan to handle the additional demand for hunting grounds. Many of the farms surrounding pack lands have sat fallow for decades. Our resources are such that we can buy the land and reseed it with trees. It'll take time and patience and careful regulation of hunting rights, but in a few decades. We'll have our woods back and most of the land we lost over two hundred years ago.

Nobody has a solution as to how to handle the vampires though. It's better to feed a beast than to starve it. Van suggests that the pack draw lots and take turns offering their wrists. It won't curb their hunting instincts, but it will keep their fangs out of humans and hopefully out of our necks.

Sometimes, during times when game has been scarce for whatever reason the pack has encountered the same problem, more or less. To keep us out of Farmer Brown's livestock pens and from snacking on some poor kid's stray pet poodle. We employ a rather unorthodox method of taming our wild side. Chickens.

When people think of chickens they think of stuffed, fuzzy, pastel feathered chicks, like the kind stores sell to put in kids' Easter baskets. Chickens are mean bastards and damn hard to catch. A lot of people don't know chickens can fly, sort of. That saying about running around like a chicken with its head cut off, absolutely true. If you're not careful a chicken can put an eye out with his pointy beak and a rooster will rip your face off with his spurs if you get too close. But, they're fun to chase and make a tasty snack to a hungry wolf on the prowl and the pack has pens full of them

Van scoffed at first. Then, I guess he remembered back to a time when he was human and like most people of that bygone era, raised chickens. He said, in that soft voice of his, that he'd take my suggestion under consideration. Some of his ranks, he confessed, would be surprised to learn that chickens didn't come from a grocery store and would have no idea what they were in for.

We rode in an almost companionable silence after our talk. If I could forget that he's a vampire and if he could forget that I'm a wolf and if the both of us were free to be what we truly are to the other, grandfather and grandson, out for a horseback ride on a crisp, sunny fall afternoon. We might have relaxed enough to enjoy ourselves. But, there was no forgetting and no discussing the elephant in the room. It was enough that we managed to come to a fragile, uneasy truce.

There has been too much time that has passed and too many people trying to manipulate and engineer the both of us. My mistrust of Van overrides any sense of family loyalty I have for him as my grandfather. He's a stranger with a somewhat vaguely familiar face. On the ride back to the barn we negotiated the terms of the truce. The pack has plenty to learn about vampires and tomorrow morning. The lessons will begin.

I offered to unsaddle Horse, but Van insisted on doing it himself. I worked a currycomb over Sugar's round hindquarters. Van spoke to Horse, coaxing the bit out of his mouth and setting himself to the task of rubbing the massive foul tempered bruit. There was an expression on Van's face and I recognized it all too well, because I've worn it myself. It's the expression of utter joy and peace when a man walks down a trail he hasn't walked in decades, but at one time was as well known and natural to him as breathing.