Season of the Wolf Pt. 03

The Wolf's Den

Chapter 1

Winter is my least favorite time of year. I'm a California girl to the very core of my existence. The relentless gray skies and blinding white of nothing but snow as far as the eye can see are certainly not as pretty in reality as they appeared in the glossy pages of the travel brochures I collected along the way.

I hate being cold. Hate. It. I learned to tolerate and sort of like Indiana. I enjoyed going to bed with the landscape looking one way, with the lush green of summertime, and then waking up the next day to see everything had changed overnight into a vibrant color scheme of oranges, browns, deep crimsons, and golden yellows. In Alaska, especially in winter, nothing changes except the shape of the snowflakes as they fall ceaselessly to the ground.

We're hidden in a wildlife preserve somewhere in Northeastern Alaska and isn't that the perfect place for us? The wolves holed up in the one of the last remaining wild places left on earth. I'm surprised that anything survives here in this place of snow and ice, but it does. The trees are dense and shrubby, but they're thick and plentiful. Even evergreens, windblown and coated with snow, dot the landscape and add a bit of color to the relentless white.

Our little den is a feat of engineering and creativity. A byproduct of the saying necessity is the mother of invention. Needless to say, I never thought I'd find myself living in a gold mine, but here I am. I've been assured that the ground gave up its last bit of gold sometime around the turn of the nineteenth century. So, there's no point in going on any treasure hunts. However, the idea of stumbling upon a hunk of pure gold entertains my mind.

The long since abandoned mine is a maze of tunnels leading deep into the side of the mountain. I don't know how things work, but all in all life below ground is pretty ordinary. I'm just happy that the place has running water, electricity and therefore, heat. The actual particulars as to how these miracles happen in such a damned inhospitable place really don't matter to me.

There's enough food to last us till the second coming of Christ. All of it neatly stored in containers and stacked on shelves. Technically, we have everything we need to call this hidey hole in the side of a mountain home for as long as it takes and I should be grateful for it. Don't get me wrong, I am. It's just that I'd rather not think of this place as home or dare to consider how long I could be living in it.

Coyote says Nathaniel always had a contingency plan. The plan is this place. Purchased during the Cold War, Nathaniel bought the mine and planned everything down to the last light bulb and can on the shelf with the just in case in mind. It was designed to outlast a war and to keep its occupants reasonably comfortable for the long haul. Well, at least the place is fulfilling its purpose. Short of NORAD, Coyote says that this is the safest place on earth and exactly where I want to be in the event of a war. Well, we are at war. A clandestine war that hopefully, no human will ever have a part of. And while I'm safe, this place is the last place on earth I want to be.

I've been cautioned not to wander off. Snow shifts a lot like sand and you can't count on the footprints you left behind to find your way back. I wouldn't trust my memory or sense of direction as a guide anyway. Outside, everything looks the same, barren, white, covered with snow and ice, and utterly indistinguishable. With the way I hate the cold and howling winds. Going on a nature hike isn't high on my list of priorities.

I've been told my wolf knows the way home. I think Coyote isn't as worried about my getting lost in the wilderness and freezing to death, as he is that my wolf might try to track her way home. I wonder where my wolf would take us. Where is home?

Though I'm a California native and right now a ninety-degree day drenched with sunshine would be heaven. I don't see L.A. as my home anymore. I miss the old Victorian manor house, the rolling flatlands of acres and acres of cornfields, and the majestic hillsides covered with dense woods. But, I'm not sure if I would call Indiana my home either. Home, I guess, really is where the heart is. And sometimes, the heart that I thought beat so sure and true is conflicted.

Coyote is my friend, my protector, and sometimes the only person capable of keeping my feet moving forward. He reminds me that I've got a life back home waiting for me. Han is fighting this war and it's our future he's fighting for.

Han is the love of my life and the father of my unborn child. Coyote never lets me forget that. But, sometimes, I think he reminds me for his own benefit more than mine. He tries to be altruistic, but I know his nature and I've seen it in his eye and felt it in his kiss.

Altruism is not is motive. It's me. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for me. Including keeping me safe and whole, or as whole as a person can be in a world at war. Even returning me to the arms of another man when this war is finally over isn't beyond him.

War truly is hell. The separation from Han grows more difficult day by day. I've seen war from a distance, in movies and on TV. I've never lived it up close and personal till now. Sometimes, it's still inconceivable. Werewolves, or shape shifters, I mean, that they exist at all, and I'm one of them.

Nature always has a balance and a price to pay. We should have guessed, but nobody saw them coming. Vampires are just as real as us. Our blood is the key the vampires need to unlock the gates to their kingdom of glittering sunlight. And that's just one of the things this little war is about.

We're pawns on a paranormal chessboard. Oh, there are good vampires and bad ones. But, in the end I wonder if there's really a difference. Vampires are vampires. I suppose though, if a vampire can truly be considered good. There are good vampires out there, on our side.

Personally, maybe living so long in L.A. as an ordinary human as jaded me, but I see very little decency in anybody outside of my trusted inner circle. I've been deceived one too many times. I trust very few people in this world of the clandestine and immortal that exists outside of the only world, the world of humanity and the finite, I thought there was.

I guess when you've got nothing but time on your side. It doesn't really matter how long a war lasts. Such as it is with Vampires. This whole thing started as a grudge match between two vampires. Van wanted revenge and he got it by dumping his fanged papa into the bottom of the Pacific. But, given enough time and corrosion, even the stoutest of prisons won't last forever. Especially, if whatever is inside wants to escape badly enough.

The pack was drawn into the war. We sure as hell didn't volunteer for it. But, Van has made pretty sure that the only way out of it for us is to fight. After all, we haven't chosen any side, except for our own. It's our lives and our blood that we're fighting for. And that is the reason I'm here, tucked away living like a hermit in the Alaskan wilds. I'm pregnant and this, staying as far away from the danger zone as possible for my baby's sake, ensuring he or she lives, is my fight.

It's up to Han to make sure we have a future and a home to return to. I have nightmares and most of them center around how long and what might happen during the endless string of days we're apart. I can't imagine what he's going through. How terrible it is for him trying so desperately to keep everyone Coyote and I left behind alive.

This war has to be invisible to the outside world that doesn't know a damn thing about us. We'll use the weapons God gave us and no other. It'll be bloody and horrific and if my nightmares are to be believed, long, very long.

Han didn't want our child born in the middle of a war zone. Though it has separated us by thousands of miles, how can I blame him for it? I'd like to think that this, being away from him, staying safe, and delivering a healthy baby into the world is my sacrifice. At least with me tucked away under Coyote's watchful eye. Han doesn't have to worry about us. We'll be fine and safe in our perpetual winter wonderland of ice and snow.

I've never worried much about the baby or myself. I worry more about Han and what kind of man he'll be afterward when the dust settles and there's nothing left to do but bury the dead and move forward.

Coyote and I don't discuss the war or how it will be fought. I saw Han's wolf tear a man, someone who was once a friend, apart with nothing but tooth and claw. Han is old and the things he has seen in his lifetime, both the wonders and the horrors, are things I beyond my imagination. He has lived through wars I've only read about in books. Killing is never easy, even if it is for a good cause. But, killing with a weapon such as a gun and ripping the enemy apart with your bare hands are two different things. It's different when you are the weapon and the taste of the enemy's blood runs thick on your tongue.

I hear it in Coyote's silence. In all the things he doesn't say. I see it in his expression when he thinks I'm not looking and his mask of perpetual joviality and hopefulness slips just a bit. This time, it's different. This war is different, because it's personal.

Coyote has been diligent in his efforts to make certain our trail can't be traced back to this place buried so deeply in the side of a mountain. It took us weeks to get here. We traveled by car, plane, train, on a boat across the Bearing Straight, and finally made the rest of the long journey on foot. He says we can't risk using the satellite phone or contacting anyone at home due to the chance that our call could lead the enemy to the only stronghold we've got.

I haven't spoken to Han since our last night together. The night before the dawn Coyote roused me out of bed and we ran for our lives. I'm trying to keep up the faith and the home fires burning on the hearth, but the frost is creeping in and I'm not certain how long I can withstand the cold.

Chapter 2

I've tried to keep a brave front for Grace's sake. I'm managing. Though it isn't always easy. She's made of stouter stuff than I've given her credit for. Deep down inside I've always suspected she was a strong woman. She's just never had the opportunity to show it before now. I know she hates the isolation and the endless snow, but she never complains.

Worry has a scent. It's pungent and sticky, like tree sap. And the smell of it surrounds her. Grace has plenty to worry about. Sometimes, I wonder if a person eventually reaches a limit and the brain simply shuts down. If anyone has a right to mentally check out of life's fun and games, it's Grace. She has been through so much in such a short time and here she is again, bracing herself against another one of life's many shit storms.

I'm not much, but she knows I'm here for her. Due to our situation and the remoteness of our location, unfortunately or fortunately, I'm the best she's got. A part of me doesn't mind being out here in the middle of God's country alone with Grace. I should be home fighting a war. I can't help but feel a little guilty that I'm not. But, I think the war followed me here and I fight it every time I look at Grace's beautiful face.

Han could have chosen anybody to bring Grace up here and play house with her until this war is over. He chose me. I suppose in a way, a very small way, I'm honored that he trusts me with such a task as guarding the lives of his mate and unborn child. It's the reason behind why he chose me instead of someone else that grates me to the very core.

Han is my best friend. That's true. And under normal circumstances I'd never do anything to betray him. But, circumstances are anything but normal. I'm here taking his place by her side for any number of reasons, but the primary one is because I love her enough to do whatever it takes to keep her safe. He knows I won't disappoint him

Anything encompasses a hell of a lot. Unfortunately, anything has no limits with me when it comes to Grace. There's a very real chance that Han won't make it out of this war alive. I know how he thinks. He'll see it as a noble sacrifice to die in a war defending his people. I don't see it that way. I'm here and he's there, on the front lines, because if the worst should happen he knows exactly what measures I'm willing to go to for Grace's sake. I'll betray him for her, if I have to.

I'm already condemned by the lengths I'll go to ensure Grace and the baby she carries get out of this alive and whole. Who knows? Maybe, she'll find some measure of happiness with me.

I'll live up to the very essence of my true nature and resort to nothing short of trickery to make Grace forget him. I don't have to work hard to accomplish that particular goal. The seeds have already been sewn. Grace has a big heart, too big for her own good. She cares for me. Perhaps, in a way, she already loves me. All I have to do is capitalize on her feelings and bend them to my will.

I'm careful about what I tell Grace and what I don't. Oh, I know better than to outright lie to her. It is possible someone could trace a call. But, I've tried to call home and there's nothing but static on the other end of the line. I don't know what's happening on the front lines. But, I'm not about to crush her hope to dust. I need her believing that there is something on the other side of her suffering.

Already, though it's been just a month or so, the spark of hope in her eyes is starting to die. I can't have her giving up. We have a job to do that's bigger than the two of us. I've found my reason for living and it's her. She isn't ready to let go of Han and I don't want her to. I need her happy and healthy till her reason for living is born into this world.

Stepping into Han's shoes is just one of my many contingency plans. I'm not ready to take Han's place in her heart. Not when there's still the faintest flicker of hope burning in her eyes. I think that it's selfish of me, to have a plan B in my hip pocket. But, as long as she believes there's still hope, a small part of me does too

I'm scared shitless that this war will drag on and on. We have months yet before Grace is due. I can't imagine being born into this world and my face being the first one Grace's baby sees. Nevertheless, if the time comes and we're still here, my ugly mug will be. Grace and I haven't talked about that possibility. Hell, these days, there are a lot of things we don't discuss. Primarily, how bad, how bloody, how long this war will last, and what will happen when we return.

I reassure myself that I've got time before Grace delivers. She's just now beginning to show. I can't bring myself to envy Han for holding the brass ring in his grasp, even if it was just for a little while. Who knows? Maybe, Grace and the baby are his hope. Maybe, they'll keep him alive when nothing else can.

Grace is adorably and endearingly pregnant. And I hate to go soft hearted and gushy on the subject, but she's got the cutest little baby bump I've ever seen. I tease her and rub her rounded stomach. She hates it when I call her Buda Belly, but seeing the flicker of mild irritation with me in her eyes beats seeing the darkness of despair overshadowing that tiny spark of hope I cling to.

Nathaniel was smart to choose this place. There are very few people who would consider living in such a harsh, uninviting place as this. Cold has a new definition up here at the top of the world. It's not just cold. It's cold, as in cold as hell, cold, and I love it. Somehow, the gray skies and white snow and the endless winter agree with me.

My wolf has gone out and hunted prey. He's marked our turf and made it truly a home. Now, all I need to do is convince Grace, that the two of us could truly make it out here on our own. Along with the bill of goods I'm trying to sell her and myself. I need her to believe that we can make this place a home for the baby.

Nathaniel planned for every possible outcome. We could live the rest of our natural lives here and be quite happy, or at least, I could. As for Grace, I don't think she agrees. Besides, I know this is no place for a young child. If the rest of the pack were here, maybe, but a child deserves better than growing up below ground in a mine.

Eventually, we'll have to leave. But, I entertain the idea that we don't. Eventually, we'll have to go out into the human world, not only for the child's sake, but for Grace's as well. She'll never truly let the past and the people in it go without seeing the truth for herself. I call that plan C. The provisions I've made for what happens after the dust settles and the dead are laid to rest.

Believe me, given who our paranormal neighbors are. I'd just as soon stay put in this remote world of ice and snow than to return to the real one. I like it here. Where my enemies are in my face and at least I have a fair fight against them. Out there, in the real world, an enemy looks too much like a friend and there isn't any way to tell the difference.

Here, the bear knows it isn't personal, if my wolf decides to eat him or give it a good try at the very least. Here, the ice and snow and the endless wintry chill is impartial. The northern winds don't care about politics or alliances, or how red the blood is that flows through your veins. Here, you live or you die and the wild really doesn't give a damn which of the two you do.

It's an eat or be eaten world. That is nature's perfect balance. A man's pedigree has little to do with it. I wasn't born an alpha. But, circumstance has forced me into it. And there isn't anything I won't do to protect my pack. Even if my pack consists of just one other person, Grace is mine to guard.

Grace should be glad she's got wily old Coyote in her corner. I earned my nickname honestly. I'm a trickster and one of the luckiest sons of bitches on the planet. There isn't any situation I've gotten into that I haven't managed to get out of. I've avoided all of life's traps except for one. Grace is a tender trap and I don't mind having my foot stuck in it. I don't even mind that Han used my feelings for her to his benefit. Fate has thrown us together for better or for worse. And I'm not above using everything in my bag of tricks to turn the tables to my favor.

Grace trusts me. She shouldn't. She might be too good for her own good, but I'm not. My attempt at being honorable lasted about one night. Grace suffers from horrible nightmares. I know she's dreaming of all the things she hides behind the brave front of her sad smile. I sleep close by instead of down the corridor where I should. I want to be near her. I want it to be me she turns to for comfort when the nights are too dark and too long for her to endure alone.

I was shocked the first time she climbed into my bed and snuggled down beneath the covers. It was a particularly bad night. Grace couldn't keep the demons she dreamed of at bay. She's growing weary with the cold and sleeping alone. Every time she falls asleep in my bed and my warmth comforts her. She slides just a little further away from Han. Yes, I'm a bastard and don't think I don't know it. Han gave me carte blanche to do whatever it takes. That's exactly what I'm going to do.

Han knows the kind of man I am. He was unwise to trust me. He knows that too. He didn't come out and say it, but we both know what he wants. I'm the only person he trusts with Grace and his unborn child. If he doesn't survive this war, he wants me to take his place. I don't think he ever considered that in my opinion. He doesn't have to die for me to give replacing him everything I've got.

I could kick myself in the ass for not walking away when I saw Grace for the first time. I'm the best tracker the pack has. I went to L.A. I found her. I should have left her there to live a completely normal and human life. But, it was too late. Grace was already hip deep in the paranormal and didn't even know it.