Secret Admirer Ch. 04

Sorry this chapter has taken so long, I've just had things happen in my private life and I've also been far too busy. This won't be the last chapter as I said in the beginning. I just wanted this one to be seperate. Enjoy!!

After that night when Andy and I had our date, my mind was in complete turmoil. I couldn't think properly and I was in two minds about what I wanted to do with my future.

On one hand, I had the option of staying with Laura and continue being unhappy with the way things were but keeping the kids in a stable family home, or I had the option of just packing my bags and leaving with Andy. Unfortunately these options were both unsuitable.

When I did return from my date I wasn't sure what I would say to Laura and my kids. I didn't know if they would be interested or not to find out whom it was. Luckily I managed to tell them it wasn't anything or anyone special and they kinda accepted that excuse.

Andy and I both said that we would speak to our wives and kids that weekend, which came all too soon for my liking, and I still hadn't come to a decision. I hadn't spoke to him since Monday when I found out he was my secret admirer. I was still in complete and utter shock about that. I mean this is the guy I'd known since we were kids, playing in mud and getting our knees scraped at the park. I honestly thought that things weren't that bad between him and Julie, yet all this time he was gay and in love with me. It was still a lot to take in and my head was in pieces, not to mention my heart.

As I led on my bed Friday night, my mind took on thoughts and feelings that had been locked up deep inside me. One thing that was going through my mind was that if only Andy had said something years ago things might have been different between us; we could've had a fantastic loving relationship. We were both in love make no mistake about that. But then again, we were teenagers and although many high school relationships do last, being gay and in a relationship just wasn't as accepted 20 years ago. I suppose breaking up was the best decision in the long term, but it did tear my heart to pieces and thinking back to that day when he ended it actually brought a tear to my eye. I'd refused to ever think about that day again. I remember not speaking to him for a whole 2 weeks, because I was so devastated. Both our families were bewildered, as it was completely unheard of for us to not speak. It was only after that time I realised that Andy was right and that I'd missed him so much, even just as a friend that I picked up the phone and plucked up the courage to speak to him. Turns out he was just as bad at home but wanted to give me space. From that day we haven't spoke of our physical relationship again and things went back to as ‘normal' as they could be.

Then I thought about Laura and our relationship. We started dating when I'd just turned 19. I still hadn't completely got over Andy and she was the first woman to really show any genuine interest. I suppose I fell in love with her and after 6 months I proposed. Maybe we just shouldn't have rushed straight into marriage as soon as we did though. We were both 20 years old when we actually wed. Thinking back on it now, was I really ‘in love' with her? I know that my feelings for her now are as loving close friends. Was I was only doing it to try and make Andy jealous? Maybe, maybe not. I know that I was hurt when he got married to Julie 2 years later.

My mind suddenly thought back to more recently when we kissed. Oh it was amazing, so passionate and hot, so new and fresh, yet so comforting, just as though things hadn't changed between us, as though 19 years hadn't happened. I just knew that I could do that forever. I'd never got so hard so fast in my life when we kissed and touched.

Just then, I wanted him... no, ached for him so badly that he was all I could think about. My cock continued to grow inside my jeans and I couldn't help but give it a tug, allowing myself to moan out loud. Taking my jeans off and putting my hand inside my boxer briefs I fondled myself thinking of that night, his kiss, his touch, his firm chest, tight butt, hard cock and soft lips, all there to please me, and fuck did it please me. The forcefulness and urgency that he had, grinding against my crotch, feeling his way around me again, pressing me up against the car. My underwear came off as I stroked myself nearer to climax. Hearing him groan against my mouth and ear as he literally fucked his cock along with mine. I pinched my nipples with my left hand and rubbed it over my chest, loving my body, as I wanted Andy to do right then. Pre-cum leaked its way from the tip and I used it to lube myself further, taking a lick now and then.

All through this I remembered Andy, beautiful face, eyes, and lips, so fucking kissable, so hot. His hard cock so needy and wanton. I felt myself closing in on my orgasm and my butt squeeze tight as I thought about when we came together, both shooting off inside our underwear. I suddenly came, shouting out Andy's name as the warm liquid fired out onto my chest and abdomen. Still moaning as the orgasm raked through my body, my nipples erect and my hole twitching, I waited until the orgasm died down. I attempted to get my breath back and smiled to myself.

Fuck! What that man does to me!

The more I thought about the feeling it gave me, how I longed for us to be intimate again, I let a small tear fall from my eye. Could it really be possible? I wasn't sure at that point but I knew I could give it a go, after speaking with the family. That thought soon reduced my semi erectness into its original floppy state.

********************

On the Saturday I mentioned to Laura that we needed to talk. I think she knew that something was on my mind as she had asked me about it all week. For some reason my brain became all muddled and it all came out in one long sentence.

"Okay here goes. You know my secret admirer?" She nodded. "Well it was Andy, you know my best friend Andy, well anyway it was him and we went out on that date on Monday and the thing is, is that he told me he loved me and has loved me all these years and I know it might seem strange but the thing is we had a relationship when we were thirteen." Her eyes nearly popped out but that didn't stop me from talking. "Yeah and it lasted ‘till we were seventeen and then we broke up, but anyway that doesn't matter now, so anyway, basically he finally came out and said he was gay and him and Julie are splitting up and says he's madly in love with me and wants to be with me and I've thought about it and feel the same and now think I want to restart our relationship again ‘cause I've realised that I do love him and have always been in love with him." I finally took a breath, and then said. "So what do you think?"

Well what could she say to that? I think she was silent for a good 5 minutes until she spoke again. "Okay, just please go back and start from the beginning."

So that is what I did. It took most of the afternoon to explain things about Andy and I. She already knew I was bi-sexual and admired other men from afar, which I don't think she really had a problem with. I just don't think she realised these feelings could lead to anything more. In fact neither did I, which is why I was surprised my love for Andy came back like it did, as if it we were 17 again. I think she eventually understood, although still obviously a little upset and hurt. I must admit that I was surprised she took it as well as she did.

We knew that the marriage had to end one way or another, we just hadn't expected it to end like this or so soon. We talked and cried, and cried some more, but we both agreed that we should separate and divorce. We had our own lives to lead now. She had started a relationship with another man.

I mentioned that our kids should know very soon and agreed that we'd talk to them the next day when our heads were clear.

The following day, on Sunday, we asked the kids to sit down, as we needed to talk to them. I think that Joe, my eldest boy, clicked first that something serious was about to happen. At 14, he was very mature for his age and acted more like an 18 year old. At first I just blabbered on about Laura and I not getting on that well, and we were having problems and before I knew it, Darren spoke up.

"You're getting a divorce, right?" He asked. Laura and I looked at each other and then I just nodded 'yes'.

"Thought so. It's okay dad, me, Darren and Hannah already talked about it and we agree you should." He explained.

I just stared at him at first, and then Laura spoke up.

"What do you mean, honey?" She asked.

"Oh come on, we're not stupid. We know you don't sleep together and you treat each other as friends more than husband and wife, although you try to in front of us and other people. We were talkin' about it and said if you weren't gonna say something we were."

Again silence. I spoke up. "Well it seems you kids know more than we thought." Joe smiled. "I suppose we just didn't want you missing out on living in a 'normal' family. But no, we aren't very happy and although we get along well and I love your mum, we're not in love with each other. Does that make sense?"

All three kids nodded and I explained that I would be moving out as soon as I find somewhere to live. Then I explained that they could visit whenever they wanted, as I won't be far away.

They all nodded again in agreement. Then Hannah spoke up.

"What about Uncle Andy, dad, will he be living with you as well?"

I think my face must have turned white, I know Laura's did. We stayed silent and both Darren and Joe nudged Hannah in the arm as if to mean 'shut up'.

"What do you mean, love?" I asked regaining my composure.

"No I won't stop it Joe. You want to know as bad as I do." She said looking at Joe. She then turned to me. "Well the thing is, Joe heard you and mum talking yesterday about the divorce, but we already knew that anyway so it didn't matter." I looked at Joe and he blushed, then his head bowed down as if he was ashamed of spying on our conversation. It didn't matter, as Hannah carried on speaking, obviously not realising that she'd stitched up her brother.

"So anyway, he heard you say something about loving uncle Andy and him loving you. Is it true dad, do you love uncle Andy like you loved mum?"

I think I nearly fainted at this point. I know that there was another bout of silence. I suddenly felt hot and sweaty and Joe rushed to get me a glass of water. I thanked him and took a long gulp, which helped calm me down. How could I explain that I was in love with another man? No matter how old your kids are, or how mature they are, surely they won't be able to understand something as complicated as that, or even accept it so well.

I felt tears falling down my face and I started to cry. It was so hard for me to tell them and so hard to admit that Andy was the person for me and that I wanted to be with him forever.

Another woman yes, but another man? What would that do to them, what sort of a reputation would they get at school and around the neighbourhood? They could get bullied and taunted by others and I just couldn't put them through that, no matter what I felt about it.

Joe came over and sat next to me. He lifted my head up and looked into my eyes. I couldn't believe how my 14-year-old boy, my joy and happiness, my first born, could take this news so easily, as well as Darren and Hannah. They were so young, especially Hannah. She probably didn't realise what all this actually meant for us as a family. He hugged me tight and started crying himself. It only made me feel worse. I pulled him off me.

"I'm sorry son, really I didn't mean for this to happen. I hope you can forgive me one day, all of you. But you know if you don't want me to be with Andy then I won't. I love you guys and you three mean more to me than anything in the world and your happiness is more important, so you have the last word."

Darren came over. "No it's okay, dad."

"But what about your friends at school, you're so young and people are gonna talk. I don't want you to get bullied over this." I said, trying to get them to think about this more clearly.

"Dad." Joe said with a serious tone. I stopped and turned to face him. "I don't care about that. You know I'm the most popular guy in my year. Nobody will say anything and if they do…"

"Hey, now that's enough! There will be no fighting, okay?" I interrupted, looking sharply at all three of them. " If any of you have difficulties at school, you will come straight to one of us. We have talked about this before, whether the problem is against you or against someone else. Fighting is not the answer. Do you hear me?" Of course they all agreed. They had no option not to.

By the time we had finished talking, which actually took most of that day, we came to some sort of arrangement and plan of action.

*******************************

Later on that evening, I phoned Andy. I was so excited, I felt like I did when I was 14. As soon as I heard his voice on the phone I smiled to myself I was so happy. I couldn't wait to find out what happened at his end, and then we could discuss our future together and hopefully start a new life with the man I loved.

He seemed quiet and subdued but still excited to hear from me. I explained that it had turned out well with Laura and my children, and explained how shocked I was that they took the news so easily. I was just telling him how good it felt to be open about our feelings and how Joe especially seemed happy for both of us, when he started crying.

I stopped talking and felt my heart start to break. Had he changed his mind? Had something happened? I asked him what was wrong.

" Oh Dan, it's all gone wrong. Julie and I sat both boys down and explained everything, from start to finish. They were upset about the divorce but Matty didn't really understand I don't think, but you know we tried our best to make it easier for him. He doesn't know what being gay means yet, so I told him, and he doesn't see what the problem is. He says he loves you as well." I smiled at that; I loved the little tiger just as much. I encouraged Andy to continue.

" He's only eight years old Dan, what's it gonna be like when he's older and hears people talking about his dad? Will he hate me for doing this to him? Then there is Jase. He hates me." I gasped, and then Andy burst into tears again. All I wanted to do was be with him, hold him in my arms and never let go, try to ease his pain. "He hates me for the divorce, and hates me for being gay. He said it's all my fault and now he wont speak to me. I've tried babe, really I have, but it doesn't seem to matter. I've heard him in his room crying and my heart is breaking ‘cause I've done that to him. How do I solve this Dan? What can I do to get my son back?"

I felt the tears falling down my face and wiped them away. "Oh babe, I don't know. Just keep trying though; I'm sure he will come around. It's a big shock that's all. I guess he, like everyone else, thought everything was good with you and Julie. I really don't think you being gay is the problem at all, I think it's the divorce, the separation and the fact that you wont be a ‘family' anymore. Maybe it's that he may have to choose who to live with. It could be all sorts of things. Let me have a word with Joe and Darren. They will talk some sense into him."

After that emotional discussion with Andy which lasted another hour or so, we agreed that nothing could possibly begin with our relationship until all children were okay with the idea. I was concerned about Jason. He and Hannah were the same age, though Jason would be 12 years old the following week. Then I thought that maybe that was the problem. His parents talking of splitting up the week before his birthday. I felt a little more relieved and discussed it with Laura, who agreed that maybe our boys should speak to him about it.

After I had spoke to my boys later that evening, they asked if they could stop over at Andy's house for a sleepover. Andy only lived about 6 houses down from us and at any one time we could have just one or all 5 of them charging in and out of our homes. We didn't mind at all and friends also came and went as they pleased. As they had no school the next day, or the next week, so we agreed to let them go. I knew what they were trying to do and I felt so proud of them for helping.

Apparently, after talking most of the night with Jason, Joe and Darren came home the next morning with smiles on their faces and said that all was better with the world. They wouldn't actually tell me what was said during the sleepover and I don't think it will ever be known, except between themselves, but I was so glad things were okay. Thinking about it though, I guess we were lucky anyway that there weren't more problems between both families. I knew of a guy at work who told his family he was gay, and his kids had disowned him. I would be completely devastated if that happened to me.

Andy and Jason made up (with a lot of crying and hugs, as I'm led to believe), and then it was time to make plans for Andy and I to start a fresh, new and wonderful life.

************************

I spent some time with Andy on Tuesday night. We took a long walk together out in the country, just holding hands and kissing every so often. It honestly felt as though I was 14 again, just when we really started getting serious. We talked and laughed, chased each other through the trees. I felt so alive, so free. It was the best night that I'd had in years.

At one point, he pulled me down on the rough ground and led on top of me. I suddenly felt breathless and aroused. It wasn't long before we made out like 14 years olds again. We didn't get naked or even almost naked. We both unconciously knew that we would make love in private, where everything was wonderful and special, not in some woods outside.

But still, it was magical just being with him like that. I went to bed that night contented and happy with the world.

****************

The house was almost empty as Laura had gone shopping with Darren and Hannah, and I was sitting comfortably, reading the newspaper on the couch the next day, when Joe came and sat next to me, with his hands fidgeting uncomfortably between his legs. He was nervous. I smiled to myself and heard him cough. I put the paper down and looked at him.

"Something on your mind?" I asked him. He shook his head, so I picked the paper back up and started reading again, not really concentrating on the words. I could see Joe still in the same predicament, but wanted him to speak first.

"Huh, umm, Dad?" I again put the paper down and turned to him, encouraging him to go ahead.

"Well, um, what it is I was wondering about, you see, um, geez this is embarrassing, but I was kinda wanting to know how you have sex." He then blushed really bad.

I suddenly raised my eyebrows. I had the ‘talk' with him when he was 11, so surely he hadn't forgot so soon. I told him this as a reply.

"No, dad, I mean, um, I mean how you and Uncle Andy do it." Again, my eyebrows raised and I think even I blushed a little with that comment.

I wondered why he wanted to know. Then I suddenly had a thought and I braced myself for the question I was about to ask. I took a deep breath.

"That's a little personal, Joe and I personally don't want to discuss my sex life with you. That is private between two people who care about each other." I paused for a second to gather my thoughts. I looked at him and spoke softly, not wanting him to be afraid. "Is there another reason why you want to know that, why you want to know how gay sex works, how two men can be intimate together?"

His face turned scarlet red and he forced his head down between his legs. At first I saw his shoulders start to shake, then I heard the little sniffles and then he rubbed his eyes with his right hand.