Secret Smiles and Three Little Words Pt. 35

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Alex struggles with wedding plans, Livy with life.
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Part 35 of the 47 part series

Updated 06/07/2023
Created 03/27/2015
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CJT
CJT
665 Followers

Hello all! Yes I'm finally back at it! You can spank me later for my tardiness! LOL

So I left you with a question and I received many comments back, both here on Literotica and in my email, so thank you!

Now, to answer some questions. First off, how do I end this story? Well it was pretty lopsided with your desires so I will finish all three books here. So you will get the full monty so to speak. No, I was not trying a bait and switch. I, like you, hate that! I merely was saying if this had run its course for the Literotica crowd I was more than happy to come up with an ending and then fulfill what I wanted with a third book elsewhere. That, if you have read through the comments, is not the case!

Secondly, I made the comment about lack of sex in the upcoming chapters...perhaps that wasn't the best choice of words. There will still be sex, there will still be sessions, but instead of trying to find a way or making it a point to have some sex in each and every upload, I will let it in when it's suitable instead of trying to work it in without tilting the story, as I have been doing so far. Trying to balance the story with the erotica, I mean this is an erotica site for Pete's sake!

Next, if you go back to the very first chapter I made the comment that I was putting this story on here as a thank you for letting me work on my craft here and gaining the courage before I published some mainstream stuff. I also posted for those who read my earlier work (stuff from up to fifteen years ago) I wanted to show my growth. I believe it has been a lot, of course, I've grown during this story alone and that pleases me because it means I haven't scratched the surface of how good I can get. Thanks to those who have been giving me constructive feedback, this is the only way I'm going to get better!

In all honesty, I never expected this to last this long. What was supposed to be a short story has morphed into two full novels and a third to go without much effort. If you are still reading, know that after the next two updates you will have read over a thousand pages and over three hundred thousand words dealing with Gavin and Alex. So thank you!

I blame my better than I deserve wife for all of this! After reading "Fifty Shades" trying to ascertain what all the hoopla was about I was confused. Was it a good read? Eh. The most memorable part for me, was the "inner Goddess"! I loved to find out what she was doing! Was she pouting? Dancing? Sitting in the corner? I do make a couple references in my story, as tribute to the original.

In any case, my wife asked me what I thought, I honestly don't know what all the hoopla was about. Either there is a lot of unsatisfied housewives out there or the author of that series has one hell of an agent/publicist.

She then challenged me to do better. So I did some research on the BDSM lifestyle only to find that most in the community ripped Fifty Shades apart. I also find that Christian is no Dom but a wannabe that I describe here. Just my opinion. So I decided to write my story with the idea of staying true to the Lifestyle only to find, the Lifestyle cannot and will not be defined. The beauty of BDSM. So I tried to be informative, instructional in some cases.

For those of you not in the Lifestyle, know that this is my belief of the life. It is not the only belief. It is not absolute! Like religion, BDSM has many variations and the reason for that is so that you can find a variation that you like.

BDSM isn't always about whips and chains, it is what I write about and more. Whatever your desire, you can find it in the BDSM community. From the heavy and harsh to the frilly and soft.

I have tried to show the many different choices. Gavin and Alex. Royce and Elizabeth. The Federal Judge? The women at the party. Madelyn. I cannot create characters for all the possible choices, but I am writing varying types to show, BDSM is only limited by the people in it.

Next, after these next two updates that will end book two, then next week will start book three which will wrap up some loose ends and then finish our look into the lives of Gavin and Alex by the end of the third book, and bring our time together to a close.

No, I have no idea how long it will take, as each of the first two books are over five hundred pages, I assume the third will be roughly the same. I really don't know! Sometimes a story isn't so much what I create, but what creates me. I'm at the will of my imagination, I will go as long as my imagination dictates.

Now, I do know exactly how this series ends, the way my characters wind up. I'm the type of writer who comes up with an ending and then amble my way to it, describing the journey as I go. But like many philosophers have said, it's not the destination that's important, but the journey. So I will try to weave my way to my ending, but I truly, truly have no idea how long that will take. One more book? Two? If you know, please let me know because like I said earlier, this was never supposed to be this long! Thankfully it just turned out that way!

I may find myself halfway through book three and have an idea for book four. It's happened before, this being a prime example, I also have a series of novels for my mainstream that started off as one book and has morphed to three...so I have a history of it.

I will leave Secret Smiles and Three Little Words up on Literotica until I am ready to post it mainstream. I figure with the editing process, the cover art process and the formatting it will be up until at least fall of 2016 or winter of 2017. At which time I will remove it. By then all of you will have read it and know the outcome.

Finally, in closing, thank you all for your encouragement. This has been fun. Like I said, I really love to write! We have a long way to go now but don't worry I promise to do my best to keep you entertained!

CJT

P.S. Oh, you ask, where have I been? Well I took a short break a while back to get my next mainstream novel ready for the editor. I did so then went back to work on SS&3LW happy as a clam. Then, like an idiot, I re-read my next mainstream release. Big mistake...Huge! Now after going through and changing it...again...it might be ready for my friend to edit it which will lead to more rewriting after she attacks it vehemently with her red pen! LOL All of you fellow authors know what I'm talking about. Just leave it alone, don't pick at it! SMH

Now, back to Gavin and Alex and let me apologize in advance. This is going to be...well...bumpy. I expect angry emails for certain. If there is a sudden stop again, know that my beloved wife has done what you wanted and taken me out back and behind the woodshed. She hates it when I do what I am about to do. Muwhahaha! I know, I'm an a-hole, but lead with your best foot I was always told! Cheers!

Chapter 45

Livy opened the door of her apartment and the sunlight filled in along with Father Jack's outline.

"Hello, Father," Livy smiled, her heart catching in her throat. The images of her intimate embrace which she now knew wasn't intended that way, filled her head with embarrassment.

"I missed you and Nora at Mass yesterday," Jack pointed out.

"I'm so sorry!" Livy gasped as she let him into her apartment. "I totally forgot to tell you we were going to Chicago for Alex's engagement party!"

"Oh," Jack sighed, relieved of his torturous worry. His last meeting with Livy had him concerned with her feelings, her leaving so abruptly. Everything. "I was concerned, well...with the way you left last time."

"I'm sorry about that," Livy said softly. "I never intended to make you uncomfortable!"

"I wasn't uncomfortable," he assured her. It sounded like the truth he thought.

"I want you to know I truly treasure your friendship and your guidance, I never meant to imply that I was falling for you," Livy explained as she set two cups of coffee on the table.

"I'm thankful for that," he said with a frown/smile mix that she didn't miss. "So, Alex is getting married?"

"Yes," Livy nodded happily. "She has found the perfect man, he is smart, successful, and handsome! He also showers her with attention and love! It's really too bad he got stuck with my sister!" Livy teased.

"Well that's good," he nodded with a smile.

For the entire week he had been concerned about her. He couldn't decide if coming over to her apartment was a good idea or not, so he decided to just wait for her to come to Mass and talk to her then. When she didn't show up at Mass he grew downright despondent, he even cut his Mass short as he couldn't do anything but stumble through the sermon. He apologized to those who brought it up as they were leaving, telling them he was coming down with an illness. He had to speak with her, there was nothing more important than making sure she was ok.

"Is there something wrong?" Livy asked him as he seemed to be keeping his eyes from her.

"No," he said finally looking to her.

"Then why won't you look at me?" she asked him pointedly, when after a few seconds of his eyes on her he forced them away.

"I just...," Jack twisted his lips in a frown. "I was really worried about you."

"Why?"

"You left in such a rush, the last thing you said to me...everything!" Jack said wiping his face.

"Well don't worry," Livy said firmly. "I'm fine."

"And there is no feelings for me other than as your spiritual leader?" Jack asked carefully.

Livy looked to him for a few moments as she thought about their embrace. He was trying to comfort her, she knew that. But there was a warm feeling she hadn't had for a while, and she didn't know if that was because of the lack of intimacy she had been forced to endure while in a loveless marriage or if the hug meant more than a hug.

"Livy?" Jack asked when she said nothing.

"Do you want me to say I don't find you attractive?" Livy asked him staring at her coffee cup. "Do you want me to say I've never thought about what it would be like to see you in something other than that collar?"

"Livy, I am a man of God," Jack said softly, just as he had rehearsed.

"Hence the reason for the collar," she smiled. "Look Jack, I mean Father...I find you attractive. I find you very compassionate and loving. I love our conversations, I love our meals we make on poker night. So I won't lie...I have thought of you in more than a spiritual sense."

Jack looked to his coffee. He was afraid of that.

"But that is my problem, not yours," Livy told him putting her hand on his wrist.

"It's our problem," Jack disagreed.

"You have done nothing to lead me to believe that you are anything more than a spiritual leader," Livy assured him.

"But?"

"But I think about you, perhaps it's because you are the first man to show me compassion and care about me in a long time," Livy shrugged. "Perhaps I want it to be more because I am afraid to be alone."

Jack was silent as he listened to her, his mind whirling as he thought of solutions.

"Say something," Livy demanded.

"Livy," he began. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't understand," she said her face scrunching and backing up her words.

"I'm not going to say that I haven't had those same thoughts," he whispered causing her to suck in a breath. "But, would that make me no better than your ex-husband? Could you ever trust a man who can't fulfill his vows?"

He looked to Livy and saw the tears and the confusion in her eyes.

"That is all a man can do, fulfill his promises," Jack said shaking his head. "In the end, that's it. I've made a promise to God...if I can't stay with that vow, who do I fail? You? God? Me?"

"Jack," Livy's voice trembled as a tear fell. "You have failed no one!"

"If I keep the collar, I fail you," Jack told her. "If I lose the collar, I fail God. If I do nothing I fail me."

"Father," she said shaking her head. "You have nothing to decide. You are my spiritual leader...nothing more. The last thing I need is a relationship, what I need now is independence so there is no 'us' to ponder."

Jack lifted his eyes and nodded as he got up. Livy stared at a spot on the table and never moved her eyes as the priest began to walk away.

"Thanks Olivia," he said at the doorway to the kitchen. "And I'm sorry." Livy said nothing, Jack waited for a few moments but then realized she was waiting for him to leave.

When she heard the front door close she dropped her head down on the forearms and sobbed. She couldn't believe she had wrecked another relationship!

***

"Alex, these are great!" Maole smiled as he left them lined against the wall in his gallery. "I've never been to Africa, I've seen pictures of course, but nothing has made me feel like I have been there like these new paintings of yours!"

"Thanks!" Alex smiled. "If you ever get the chance, go! It was absolutely spectacular!"

"What of the atrocities there?" Maole asked.

"She is beautiful enough to make you forget," Alex told him. "Granted we were only in a few of the countries there, but I fell in love with it!"

"Going back?" He asked her.

"I'm trying to keep it in Gavin's mind," Alex said with a nod. "I'm hoping he will at least go back a couple weeks a year. I saw something in him I hadn't seen before while we were there."

"What was that?"

"Pride," Alex said with twisted lips.

"Gavin takes care of himself quite well," Maole said misunderstanding.

"No," Alex shook her head. "This was an inner pride. He felt good about what he was doing. He loves being a doctor, don't get me wrong, but there, he was a completely different doctor. He could tell he was doing some good."

"He doesn't think he is doing that here?"

"No," she said simply. She didn't elaborate and Maole didn't ask her to. If anyone knew Gavin, it was the woman standing there. She may even know him better that Madelyn and he thought that impossible.

"So which ones do you want?" Alex asked him.

"I want all of them," he shrugged. "I can dedicate a whole room to you, call it Dark Continent Beauty or something. People will devour them whole. I have three customers with a standing order any time you bring one in."

Alex shook her head in disbelief. She just didn't see herself as an artist who had people who were waiting on her to produce more art. She just couldn't wrap her mind around it. Now here was Maole dedicating an entire room to her work.

"You realize of course," he began slowly. "I have to have another showing gala."

"What?" Alex gasped.

"You are in demand! People keep calling!" He explained knowing she hated all the hullabaloo surrounding a showing. "It's better for you that way, more money."

"I don't care about the money," Alex frowned, she was thinking about how her stomach churned that night. Would this night be the same? Would this night still feel like she was under a microscope, being dissected like a bug?

"The other artists in this gallery care about you having a showing too!" he told her.

"Why?"

"Because while the customers come to look at your stuff," Maole said picking up the painting of an African sunset. "They see other people's work as well. I had three other artists sell more work in that one night than they had all year! You are the draw, but people see other stuff too, while they are here. So in essence, you are helping other artists make money."

"I didn't know that!" Alex told him the shock filling her eyes.

"So, I can do another show?" Maole asked with a grin.

"Do I have to be there?" Alex asked matching his grin knowing she had to be. He tilted his head at her. "Alright, fine!"

"Better," he said. "As for this one, it's going into my private collection...so normally I negotiate, but this one is all yours to come up with a price."

"How about nothing," Alex told him. "A gift for putting me in front of big spenders."

"No," Maole frowned.

"Then the deal is off, the whole deal, no show, and no art," Alex said with a sigh. "You are not the only gallery in town. I'm a hot commodity, or so you keep saying, so surely someone else will be more cooperative with my demands."

"Really?" Maole laughed shaking his head.

"Take it as a gift or else," Alex told him firmly, crossing her arms across her chest defiantly.

"Gavin warned me you had a bitch side," he laughed.

"I haven't broken out the bitch side yet," Alex said as she started to make her way out. "Get with me on a date and time?"

"Will do," Maole said looking at his new painting.

***

"How did the gallery go?" Gavin asked as he sat down.

"Good, Sir," Alex smiled. She got up to pour him some wine. He tried to suppress his frown but she bumped him with her hip to let him know he failed.

"Why is it such a big deal when I serve you?" Alex asked him. Gavin looked up to her as she stood there waiting.

"Will you sit down?" he asked her. The tone was not a request. It was a demand. So she he did as instructed with a frown.

"Early on," Gavin started, once she was sitting again. "I was learning how to be a Dom."

"Learning?"

"I didn't come out of the womb a Dom!" He chided with a laugh as he picked up his wine glass. "Madelyn helped a lot, but there were some questions that I needed other input. I met a guy, a well to do lawyer, he had multiple subs."

Alex nodded that she understood. She also knew he didn't like the idea of multiple subs so she wondered why he would seek advice from such a Dom.

"He had been in the life for over 20 years," Gavin continued as he sipped his wine. "We were having dinner and his subs were serving us." Alex waited, that wouldn't warrant his disproval of her serving him.

"He most definitely had a different opinion on how to treat his subs," Gavin frowned. "He treated his subs like slaves...like, honest to God slaves." Alex looked to him and he shrugged.

"They couldn't eat with him, they couldn't speak unless spoken to," Gavin explained with a shake of his head, his disgust filling his voice. "They served us in the nude...after dinner, we went into the living room for after dinner drinks. He used one of them for a foot stool, told another to make herself available as my foot stool!"

"What?" Alex asked her face going slack at the story. Gavin shrugged.

"It's not wrong," Gavin said to her with a disappointed shake of his head, telling her it was wrong to him. "Every Dom is different."

"A foot stool?" She clarified. Gavin shrugged at her question.

"It took me a week to process that," Gavin admitted. "I knew I wouldn't do something like that." Alex shifted her head back and forth as she thought about being used for a foot stool.

"So what did you come up with after a week?" Alex asked.

"I decided there were two types of Doms, on opposite ends of the spectrum," he sighed. "There are those Doms that are into servitude, they tend to want to be called Master. They tend to want slaves."

Alex thought back to when she finally submitted herself to him completely, she had called him Master and he quickly corrected her. She was not to address him in that manner he warned her.

"Now, you may think that abhorring, but there are women in our life that want that type of Dom. They want the degradation. They want that type of order and certainty, there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you are both on the same page," he explained.

"I'm more at the other end of the spectrum, I want a submissive," Gavin continued. "A sub in my opinion should be cherished. Not degraded. Her gift should be rewarded."

CJT
CJT
665 Followers